by J. E Hanson
Christian stares at my Papa with frustration. “She can talk to everyone else about it, but she refuses to talk to me about it! I am the father of our baby. She is not the only one, who lost a baby. I am equally upset, to find out that she had, to lose our baby in order for her to survive. I could never be here, if I would have let her die. I guess I am greedy like that. I just want to have one word with her—please! I am still madly in love with her, and she needs to know that. I was the biggest asshole that evening, and I should have told her yes. We would be home right now, planning the arrival of our baby. I caused her to lose our baby, and I take all the blame for the death of our baby. I will carry that guilt with me forever. If I only would have told her differently, and if only I would have just told her that I love her. I would have gladly given her any baby she ever wanted. I crushed her dreams. I need her to say that it is really over between us. Until then, I am not willing to let her go. I will not leave without her staring me in the eyes, to tell me that it is over. When you see her, or when she wakes up, will you please tell her that I love her? I am sorry for hurting her a million times over.”
I know he’s telling the truth, but it hurts too badly. I can’t bring myself, to go back there again. I casually return to my bedroom, and slam the door behind me. The tears don’t hesitate. I make it to my bed, and wrap my arms around my pillow, crying myself to sleep.
The weather starts to heat up. The last few days it is been over a hundred degrees. That’s what, to expect out of August weather. I swim in the pool, until a surprise guest appears. I stop and hold on to the side of the pool. I stare at my hands, while he speaks, “I know you are avoiding me, but we need to talk.”
I still want him, and he can feel it, but I want to slip back into the water. My ex-boyfriend squats in front of me. He’s purposely not wearing a shirt today. His platinum-blonde hair is back in a ponytail. He is clean-shaven, and I notice he’s wearing a pair of charcoal basketball shorts. I try not to pay any attention to him. I desperately want, to swim away from him, but he hands me a towel.
I pull myself out of the water and wrap myself in the towel. “There’s nothing left for us to talk about, but out of respect, what do you want?”
Christian shifts his eyes up and down, and he makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable. He motions for me, to sit down in front of him. I quickly take the offered seat. Christian pulls my chair extremely close to him. I can smell his musky cologne, and I notice every muscle bulging from his arms and chest. He knew this would tempt me.
Christian pulls my chin to his. “I am going to ask you one simple question. I want you to look me in the eyes, and give me my answer.”
He removes his shades, and places them on his head. I want him so badly, but I have to show some restraint. He moves within inches of my face. He seems to know what this will exactly do to me. I keep my eyes inside his.
He keeps entrancing me with his ultramarine eyes. I found myself, once again, lost in his. “What do you want to ask me?”
I feel like he’s trying to hypnotize me with his sex appeal. He places his hands on my arms rubbing them.
He has a look of worry on his face. “I want you, to look me in my eyes, and tell me that it’s over. Tell me that it’s really over between us. I want you, to tell me that you are no longer in love with me. I deserve to know my answer. I will tell you this first. I am still madly in love with you, and that has never changed—or wavered. I do not want anyone else but you. If I could do it all over again—I would. You need to be adult enough, to tell me that you truly no longer want me anymore. Then we will go our separate ways.”
My breath remains steady, and I stare at him straight in his eyes. I want to say, how much I hate him. I want, to scream at him, and I even want to hit him. The truth is that when I stare into his perfect eyes, I still see her eyes. I just couldn’t do it. I try to stop thinking about her, but every time I look at him, she's still there. I attempt to tell him again, but my lips curl. He knows what’s coming next. The anger and tears start. I try to look away from him, because he makes me so angry and upset, and I start to wail at him.
I pound my fists on his hard chest. “Why did you tell me that? Why would you say that? She would still be here with us! Do you have any idea, what you did to me that night? You ripped my heart out and stomped on it! I’m so angry with you, and I want to hit you for that! Why would you dismiss her? You have her in every fucking painting! She’s above your mantle! You want me, to tell you exactly how I feel! I’m so angry with you! She’s gone, because of you! I want to hate you for it, but I can’t!” I scream at him in agony, but he’s crying with me. “But… I can’t stop loving you! I refuse to look you in the fucking eyes, and lie to you like that! I won’t and I want to so fucking bad! She has your beautiful eyes! I can’t say that to you, because if I do that, then I would have, to hate her too! I can’t hate someone so beautiful! I won’t hate you, and I’ve honestly tried! I love you, so fucking much that it hurts!”
I cause his gorgeous ultramarine eyes to cry tears of blood. My lips cover his feverishly, and my arms wrap tightly around his neck. I also cry tears of blood, because I’m becoming more of a vampire. He pulls me to his lap, and cradles me in his arms. We are talking about her now. We finally had our breakthrough. The truth is that I will always need him.
Christian pulls back. “I am so sorry baby, and I am so lost without you! Will you please come home?”
I’m not ready, to return yet. “I love you enough, to say no. I’m not ready, to go back. I want us, to work things out together. I believe that we rushed into things too fast, because we lived together. I want to stay apart, and work on our issues slowly. I don’t want us, to have sex, just to fix our problems. If we are truly going, to work things out then I want us, to start over again. I can’t be that fool again! If you really want me back, you have to prove it to me, and you have to want kids. I need to have kids. If you’re unable to do that then we won’t be together. There are no exceptions to that. I want a piece of you with me always, and that’s a child. I’m serious, Christian!”
He thought long and hard about us. “I love you, and I want to give you my baby. We moved a little too fast. I want to set up grief counseling and therapy for us. Apparently, other vampires are seeking therapists these days. I will agree to your terms, but I have a couple of requests I want in return.”
“What’s that?”
“I want you, to wear those sexy dresses again. I also want us, to go out as a couple once a week. I believe that we rushed into things too fast. I want to get to know you again. Your requests are not that impractical. You have a deal. But, I also want to kiss those beautiful lips again.”
I kiss his lips, and he tries to cop a feel on me. I wouldn’t let him get away with it this time. He apologizes to me, but we kiss feverishly. I love rubbing his muscular chest with my hands. I love feeling his hard body, but I’m not emotionally ready, to have sex with him again. I stand up and my towel drops to the ground. He slides his tongue in my mouth. We fondle each other only, to leave the other hanging.
I step back. “We need to cool our heels for now. I want to make love to you again, but this may take a while.”
Christian kisses me one last time. “I understand. I am willing to wait as long as it takes, before you offer me your bed again. I heard you enrolled for the fall quarter—am I correct?”
“I registered for the fall quarter at Meropis University. I don’t know if I’ve been accepted yet.”
Christian stretches his arms above his head to tease me. “I told you that you really do not need a degree, but I understand why you are doing this. You have my full support.”
“I was supposed to be working for you, but I haven’t lately, since your assistant returned from vacation. I need something, to occupy my time. What better way, than to earn a couple of degrees?”
“What degrees do you want? What are you planning to major in?”
We return to our chairs. “I want to major in business, but
I also want to major in fashion design.”
I thought he would laugh at the second one, but instead, he nods with approval.
“I knew you worked with Sean over designs. You are extremely creative and you have my full support. Even though, I believe that degrees are just wastes of paper. All degrees do, is give you necessities. They do not offer to start your own business, or put money in it for you.”
I politely disagree with him, “That might be true in business, but it isn’t true for surgeons, doctors, lawyers, and nurses. They have, to attend college for their degrees. If a doctor doesn’t have a degree, I don’t think you want someone, to perform brain surgery on you. That would be, like you handing me a gun, during my first day of training, and telling me, to go kill a rogue.”
“I never thought of it that way. Now, that I think of it, Alexander and I went to college for over eight years, to do the same things. Alexander chose where he is today. He loves helping people out, and he has more of an interest than I do, with solving human illnesses and diseases.”
We spoke for the first time, and we actually communicated, instead of running to the bedroom. “How’s Alexander doing, since he took that nasty silver bomb?” I curiously ask.
Christian rubs his chin. “The silver poisoning is over, and he is back to work. I am extremely grateful that you pulled out those shards of silver. Thanks for saving my brother, but I have no idea how to reward you.”
“I did it for you. I knew that you two have been together for a very long time. I wasn’t about to let his existence end on a technicality. Let someone take him out in one-on-one combat, and not by a stupid silver bomb. I knew you would be lost, if he died. You have already done enough for me. I’m glad to pay some of it back.”
Christian rubs my back. “You can return the rest, by coming home to me, but I understand why you are here. I love you Jeannie, and I am willing to wait as long as it takes, to get you home.”
“I know you love me, and I love you too, but I’m not ready. I miss you all the time.”
I escort him to the front door. He kisses my lips passionately. I hate that he’s leaving me. I watch him drive off in his Lamborghini.
Big Momma snuck up behind, and she startles me, “I love watching that fine specimen of a man. He’s so fine. He can walk into my bed anytime mm-mm..., mm-mm..., mm-mm! They don't make men like that anymore!”
I have to laugh at her comments, about my boyfriend.
Big Momma keeps teasing me, “Honey… if I were a hundred pounds still, you and I would be fighting over that man. He’s the true definition of a Greek god. I have their calendar hanging in my bedroom. He makes August hotter than it already is.”
I agree that we would have been fighting over my man. I would normally feel jealousy, but I know where his soul lies with. I return to my bedroom, to clean it, and wash my own laundry.
Even though Big Momma is our housekeeper, she refuses to do laundry, or clean rooms, unless it’s the kitchen. She will chase me out of it. The kitchen is her castle. I don’t have Sophia, who folds all the clothes, and makes all the beds. She made sure every room, and every bed is clean.
~~~***~~~
There’s a knock on my bedroom door, and I open it to see Ian, Zane, Sam, and Tommy. I stare at them. “What can I do for you guys?”
Ian plops down on the edge of my dresser. “We miss you immensely, chick. Tommy and Sam have something important; they want to say to you.”
Tommy steps inside, and stands next to Ian. “Please reconsider coming home. Christian hasn’t been himself, since you left. That can make him a terrible leader. We’re not saying it will, but he’s unable, to make snap decisions based on emotions. That can be dangerous for all of us. We just feel that you need to know that. We also plan, to keep you protected at all times.”
“I want you guys, to know that my leaving has nothing to do with any of you. I had to leave, because I lost his baby. Every single day there’s a constant reminder of what’s gone. I need to breathe, so I came here, to clear my head. I still love Chris, and I will continue to love only him. He already knows this now. We need to work through the loss of our baby first, and then maybe, I will move back. Until then, I’m just not ready.”
Zane scratches his head. “I’m not trying to be insensitive, but you lost the baby in the first trimester. That’s normal, especially for first time pregnant women. There was probably something wrong with the fetus to start with. You’re acting as if you lost a small child… you didn’t! You lost a clump of cells.”
Ian pops him in the back of the head. “That was really fucking rude, and extremely insensitive! It doesn’t matter what you think, dude! She fucking wanted her baby, and you just told her it was a clump of cells! Dude, she wasn’t expecting to be pregnant! That was a shock for her alone! On top of that, the shock that she lost her baby! What the fuck is wrong with some of you dudes? You are messed up! You want her, to get over it, and move on. But, she wanted that baby! I can’t believe that you said that shit to her man!” Ian shouts at Zane.
“It isn’t as if she’s unable to have other children! She can still have another baby! You’re mourning something that wasn’t a baby! I see nothing wrong with saying that!” Zane yells back.
Tommy picks up Zane by his neck, and tosses him outside. “I apologize for his insensitive remarks. There are half, who see it as a baby; however; there are others, who are just like him. They think you should get over it. It really aggravates me, when he said it’s just a clump of cells. I find that way of thinking completely irrational. When you lose a child or a baby at any stage, it’s still a baby. We are truly sorry for your loss. We know that you’re still in the grieving process.”
“For the record, Zane is entitled to his opinion, and I would never take it from him. I don’t care what anyone thinks—or believes. That was our baby. No matter how many kids I have later on—or in the future. I will always want THAT baby, and maybe it’s my grief talking, but I doubt it. I will always want my baby.”
Sam leans down. “I’m sorry for the pain you endured, and I wish I arrived sooner. I wish there’s a way, I can make it up to you, Jean.”
“You already have. You saved both Ian's existence and my life. I’m very grateful for you. You could have let us both die, but you didn’t.”
I nod goodbye to the Enforcers, and they left with defeat on their faces.
The calendar flips to the end of August. Christian and I sought out a therapist for our issues. This is the latest rage for all vampires now. The therapy sessions happens on neutral territory. We even met at the therapist's office. Christian mentions his dead wife's name, Victoria. He still has issues dealing with her death, when he was a mortal. We sift through our issues. I have issues with abandonment, and I’m dealing with my sister’s betrayal. We kiss a few times, but I always return home alone.
~~~***~~~~
I wake up in time for enrollment day. I can’t decide which clothes to wear. I don’t want to wear anything too flashy. I chose a pair of blue jean shorts, a shirt, and tennis shoes. My hair remains down. I take all the information from my scholarship, transcripts, and test scores from high school in a folder. I found all my documents, and I’m ready to hand them over to admissions. Papa isn’t home, but Big Momma wishes me luck. My tiara rests on my head.
My car radio has a video phone in the centerpiece. I notice someone is patching in from Hunter Castle. I yawn for a minute, and then push the button. The gates automatically swing open as soon as I drove, to the edge of Papa’s driveway.
“There’s my love! How are you doing, Princess?”
I hear his sweet voice, and it puts me at ease. I keep staring at the road. “Good morning, Charlie. I’m on my way to Meropis University right now.”
“I can read your bloody speed here. Why are you driving at eighty? Don’t you realize that your speed is bloody dangerous?” Charlie lectures me.
“Thanks for the lecture, Charlie. What are you doing, monitoring me anyway?”
&
nbsp; “This is Chris's order. The bloke wants to make sure you drive safely without bodily injury. The others and I want to make sure you arrive at the college in one piece. Khan is regrouping as we speak.”
“Thanks for watching me. Tell Christian that I will see him later on today. Where is he anyway?”
“Chris is in another meeting, and it should be over in a few hours.”
“Okay… I may stop by and see him, after enrollment. That’s a huge maybe though.”
“I understand and good luck, darling! Make sure you drive safely.”
I arrive at the college in mint condition, and I park in the first spot. A gold Harley with angel wings pulls up beside me. I glance over, to see who it is. He jumps off in a tight pair of blue jeans, a pale blue tank, biker boots, a pair of shades, and a jet-black leather jacket with the initials AOM on the back. I want to laugh, but I know who he is. The long blonde hair is a dead giveaway, along with his AOM jacket. I step out of my car, and hit the alarm. “Good morning, Gabriel. Thanks for telling them where I was that day. What are you doing here?”
Gabriel struts over, and he hugs me. “I’m enrolling in college. I need a few more degrees, to add to my long ass list. How is Chris doing?”
Gabriel and Joey are both millionaires. They are also Christian and Alexander's best friends in the supernatural world.
“Chris is in another business meeting.”
“Stomping out more files… aye?”
I nod my head yes. “How did your babysitting charge go?”
“I’m so glad I did it. Ember is now my wife. She chose to be on my side and I’m extremely grateful.”
“That was fast! Congratulations on your marriage, and I can’t wait to meet your wife.”
