“Yes, actually,” I said. “Can you send Silvia in for me? I want to thank her for the tea she made for me last night.”
~ * ~
Silvia came in about an hour later, curtsied, and reported as requested. She was a pretty girl and probably even younger than me. Her black hair was tied up in a bun that was wrapped with a cotton cloth. Her gray-blue eyes were bright.
“Hello, Silvia. Thank you for coming,” I said. “I would like your help with something.”
“What can I do for you, my lady?”
I gestured the seat next to me, and she sat without question. We sat there for a few moments as I planned on what I wanted to do. I would see another doctor. Someone who didn’t have the ears of the entire palace. Someone who could help me find out what’s happening to me.
“I noticed when I was in Mightrun that I didn’t really see anyone sickly. Do you know why that is? Surely not everyone comes to the palace when they’re in need of medicine or treatment,” I waved my hand.
She shook her head. “Oh no, ma’am. Those who can afford it go to Dr. Manley’s clinic. He’s a retired doctor from the military. He spends his time helping the poorer folk get medicine. Such a good man, he is.”
Perfect.
“Dr. Manley, you say? Where is he located?” I asked.
She described his location outside of Mightrun, in an old infirmary that was about a two-hour carriage ride from the palace itself. She mentioned that the building was rebuilt due to a fire about ten years ago.
He isn’t even that far.
“I would very much like to meet this man. He reminds me of a woman I knew back home.” It wasn’t a complete lie.
He was a man who helped the poorer folk get treatment. Marion would’ve like to know that she wasn’t the only one who held her beliefs in helping those in need. If there was even a small chance that this man could help me, I had to try.
“Ma’am, we have a doctor here at the palace. He would gladly see to His Majesty’s guest if—”
“I would like to meet Dr. Manley. Today. How long before we can depart?’
I didn’t like the taste of the order in my mouth. I’d sounded like a spoiled child demanding a new toy. But I had no other choice if I wanted to keep my privacy on the matter. If the other lords discovered I was ill, they may use it against Jared claiming he held some deadly disease in his own walls or Jonas would be punished because they would believe he injured me that caused all of it. I don’t want others to suffer because of me.
“I can have a carriage ready within the hour, ma’am. Mia would want to know where—”
“I would much prefer it if we just went ourselves. You see, I’ve been learning much about your kingdom and have been wanting to meet more of its people. If I’m to stay here, I want to see how I can help. Perhaps I could help the retired doctor with supplies or maybe, I could tell him about some of the herbal medicines my friend back home taught me. Mia would not be pleased to hear that I am out of bed, but I don’t believe this can wait. He is a doctor after all so if anything should happen to me, we’ll be at the ideal place. And if it proves to be a futile effort, we can simply return and I’ll request the doctor here. I will be perfectly safe either way.”
“Y-yes ma’am.” She hung her head, looking down at her feet. “I will return when the carriage is ready.”
“Very good. Thank you, Silvia.”
She curtsied and left the room.
She would follow my orders even if she didn’t believe me. Even if the order was out of the question given my condition. I felt bad for demanding this of her. The idea of making others do my bidding didn’t appeal to me. I didn’t feel like it was my place to.
I’ll make it up to you Silvia. This won’t be for naught. Thank you.
~ * ~
The carriage was ready in less than an hour. Silvia did exactly as I told her to. She even managed to convince the guards that she was leaving with another servant to get some supplies for the doctor here at the palace. I knew she was taking a risk helping me—lying would be punished. But, even if this went horribly, I would take the blame. This was my decision, and I would face the consequences that come with it.
The ride was smooth until we hit a road covered in holes. A road that was often washed out, according to Silvia. It was used by merchants and travelers. Others used it to send emergency supplies to Dr. Manley if a disaster in Mightrun or Baymere should occur, but for the most part, the road didn’t have much traffic. This was a useful path to go to avoid unwanted attention. Who would question two servant girls delivering supplies?
Upon arriving at the clinic, I observed the old structure. It was larger than I first imagined. It looked like it was capable of holding almost an entire town. Its dark gray stone was similar to a tombstone.
A young woman and an older man were walking up the steps. The man had difficulty moving his legs forward and his cane appeared homemade out of a larger stick that was carved to suit his needs. He had long white hair while his companion had bright red hair.
A daughter carrying her father to the clinic for treatment. It painfully reminded me of a future I’d never have with my own father. While it would’ve been hard for me to see him like that, it would’ve also meant that I would’ve had more time with him.
Giving my basket to Silvia, I went over to the pair and offered to help. I took the other man’s arm and supported him until we reached the top of the steps. The daughter thanked me and ran off to find help. The old man looked at me and smiled, patting my hand. I led him to a nearby seat where he insisted he would be fine until his daughter comes back.
I nod and returned down the steps to Silvia who gave me an odd look.
“What?”
She shook her head and handed me the basket.
She lead me through the main doors. The main entrance was empty except for a pair of women talking about patients who needed refills.
Silvia asked for Dr. Manley and the one blond haired girl said she would inform him of our arrival. Silvia had taken the liberty of providing us with an excuse to come here—each of us carrying supplies of linen wraps and bandages for wounds.
Dr. Manley arrived about ten minutes later to greet us.
“You ladies came at a good time. I was about to file a requisition order. Thank you for coming.” His voice was fruity. Despite the white tuffs of hair around his ears and receding hairline, the man spoke as if he were my age. Full of life and . . . slightly like a girl my age.
“Hello, Doctor. We brought your usual order of bandages and wraps, but if you’re out of other things, you can give me the requisition order and I’ll bring you whatever you need later this week,” Silvia said.
The doctor gave her a toothy grin. We handed the baskets to the pair of women who left with them immediately. We stood there for a moment in silence. He put his hands behind his back. Silvia looked down and then at me, obviously expecting me to speak.
“Dr. Manley, I . . . I need your help with something I have,” I forced a cough, “that I have been struggling with for the past few days. Could you—”
“Come with me, my dear. Silvia, we’ll be back momentarily.” He waved his hand beckoning me to come.
He led me through one of the patient rooms. There were about twenty beds on either side of the wall. A few bodies filled them. Some of the patients were being fed their medicine or resting, dead to the world.
He opened a door on the far end of the room and then another. I coughed and tasted blood this time. My pulse raced. How was I going to explain what I thought was happening to me? Moreover, what was he going to diagnosis me with?
He opened the door for me and offered the table for me to sit on. I did as he commanded and tried to ease my breathing.
“Dr. Manley, I must tell you why we truly came here. My name is Ellyn Cromwell, I’m a guest of the king, and I need your help,” I explained.
He opened a box, unfolding the side layers and pulled ou
t a single bottle with clear liquid. I coughed into my handkerchief and stained it with blood.
He took my hand to look at it. “When did this start?
I told him, along with my other symptoms.
“My dear, I’m afraid there is nothing I can do for you,” he said, his voice low and grave.
“I don’t understand.”
He returned to his seat and held his head low for a moment.
“I have seen your case only twice in my entire life. In both instances the patients died. I tried for weeks to help them, but all I managed to do in the end was ease their pain. You don’t have internal bleeding. Otherwise, I would be able to perform surgery to repair the damage. You have what we call expulitussim. We’re not sure how it is spread, but what we do know is that it can’t be cured.”
Time seemed to stand still. I heard what he was telling me, but I didn’t want to accept that my condition was as bad as I feared. It was the same condition that slowly drained my brother’s life. It was something no mortal could hide from or defeat. A force that decided to consume me, after taking my father and brother.
“How long do I have, Doctor?”
“Not long, my dear. At this rate, I’d say you have a month. Two at best. It sounds that something has accelerated your condition. Have you been under a lot of stress? A family loss or drastic change in your life?”
Both.
“My brother. I had to bury him not too long ago and I was brought here by the king because I saved his life when he was injured . . . during a hunting incident.” For whatever reason, Jared didn’t want anyone to know what had really happened in those woods, it was best to keep to his wishes.
“I am sorry. I wish there was something more I could do for you, but I’m afraid our medicine isn’t advanced enough to find a cure. Everything I have tried has failed, but I can give you this.” He handed me the bottle. “It will help ease your discomfort, but it’s no cure.”
I looked at the bottle, tempted to offer myself a lie that its contents would solve everything, but I couldn’t do it.
“Thank you, Doctor.”
He patted my hand.
“It’s in times like these that we’re reminded of regrets and painful memories. Some things don’t seem to matter so much anymore, and yet, others become of the greatest importance to us. Take this time to make peace with it. Make amends where you feel is needed, but most importantly remember this: it is in our darkest hour when we see the light to show us the way.”
I nodded, thanking him again. He led me out of the office, offering me a new handkerchief so I could throw away the other. Time was no longer at a standstill, but in a slow movement. Passing the patients who lay there waiting for death to claim them so their pain will leave their broken bodies.
I wouldn’t have to live with my own pain for long. Or my regrets for the things I’d done and the mistakes I could never fix. The people I loved who were taken from me. For one moment, I imagined seeing them again. Their faces smiling at me. Albert. My father.
But then I pictured my mother. Jared. Jonas. Mia. The people who were still here. The people who were part of my life now. The emptiness in my heart grew. I would leave them all behind.
A month. All I had was a month.
CHAPTER 18
I joined Jared for lunch the following day. I couldn’t find the words to tell him about my condition, but fingered the rose pendant he’d given me instead. After all he’d done for me, how would he react? I knew he cared for me, and we called each other friends now. I’d imagined it would hurt him dearly. With all he deals with, how could I break this news to him now?
Over the course of our meal, he’d told me about some of the “suggestions” his counsel has told him. He was pushed to find a bride to produce heirs. He’d said that he didn’t necessarily dislike the idea of marriage, but he didn’t feel ready for little children running around. Proving himself as king took priority over that.
Guilt burned into my gut. I should tell him the truth, but the words abandoned me before I could open my mouth. Instead, my sore throat caused me to cough again. The medicine Dr. Manley had given me did help, to a degree—I wasn’t in as much pain and the blood had decreased immensely.
As long as I was careful, no one would notice the blood-stained handkerchief.
“Are you feeling any better?” he inquired, sipping his wine.
Mia was giving him daily updates on my condition. I was right to assume that she’d run straight to Jared about my illness. Silvia had helped me beyond my expectations. She’d even given me a change of clothes so I could return to my room without suspicion. Everything went according to plan.
“I’m feeling better actually,” I said. “I think I just need some more time. I should be back to normal soon.” Another lie that passed through my lips too smoothly, though it tasted bitter in my mouth.
He said nothing but gave a single nod, and left the table, to return a few moments later with a long, wooden box.
“What is this?” I asked.
“I heard about your training with my guardsman Rojohn,” he said.
I tensed, expecting a lecture on the pointless nature of a woman learning sword fighting, and I forced myself not to roll my eyes. Before I could speak, though, he opened the box to reveal two twin daggers. Each was made of polished steel with a red stone at its heart. I picked one up, and it was unbelievably light. When I gripped it, it fit perfectly in my small hand. He had these made specially for me.
“They’re beautiful Jared.”
“They’re for you. I’ve seen some of your training, and I think you would find these much easier to manage than a sword,” he explained.
The thought of Jared watching me practice made me blush. I knew I wasn’t that good. Jonas was a decent teacher, but due to my . . . condition, it was hard for me to focus and keep my strength up. Had he noticed my weakness? The daggers implied that he thought the weight of the sword that troubled me.
“Thank you, but you really didn’t have to give me these. I—”
“I had these made for you. I want you to have some way to defend yourself in close combat. A bow and arrow will get you far, but in close proximity, you would be at a disadvantage. This way, you will have something to protect yourself with.”
I nodded, agreeing with him.
He smiled and stood, grabbing a pair of wooden daggers I didn’t see behind his seat.
“Let me show you some techniques.”
~ * ~
Jared and I trained for several hours before he had to leave to attend a meeting. His schedule seemed to be full of them, which explained why he could only meet with me for a short amount of time.
It didn’t bother me, though. While I enjoyed his company, I needed to be alone to figure out what to do with my time left. I had a month to show the people I care about that they will always be in my heart. To make up for the mistakes I’ve made and to tell them the truth of what’s happening to me.
And to say goodbye.
My first stop would be my mother. She and I had never seen eye-to-eye, but I had to start making peace with her. I held a lot of resentment towards her over the years for making me take over the role as caretaker for our family. It had taken me years to learn to forgive her for it. It wasn’t until I was older was when I understood what had happened to her when Father died.
Mother couldn’t handle his loss. Maybe she blamed herself, but it was a desperate thief who took Father away from both of us. Perhaps if they didn’t go to the market that day . . .
No, it was pointless to wish for something different. What was done was done. The only thing we had was each other.
I knocked on her door, unsure if she would actually be there. There was no sound from the other side for a few moments. With a sigh, I began to walk away when the door opened.
My mother appeared on the other side, her smile bright and welcoming.
“Ellyn!” she said, hugging me. “Come
in, come in.”
When I walked in, I noticed her room was a mirror image of my own, except the chair across the room held an unfinished quilt. Loose pieces of fabric were scattered all over the floor.
There were two handmade dresses laying on the bed. They were plain brown and tan shades, a sister dress to the one mother wore herself. It reminded me of a time where I would be my mother’s doll as she pinned the fabric together to measure it against me. She loved me in pretty shades of blue and red.
Mother gestured to the chair beside her, then moved the quilt onto the bed and gathered up some of the fabric pieces so I wouldn’t step on them. She always got furious with me when I stood on her fabrics and messed up her patterns. The scolding had never been welcome, but now I almost wished she would chastise me. It would give me a sense of normalcy.
“Mother,” I said. “How are you . . . adjusting here?”
I wasn’t sure how to start this conversation. We’d spoken very little since Albert’s funeral. There wasn’t much left to say after she’d told me to move on for his sake. Part of me was still upset with her over that. As if I could forget my brother’s death like it had never happened. After speaking with Mia, I knew what she’d been trying to say. She didn’t want me to live in the mourning. She wanted me to enjoy life what life had given me. Even if it was without Albert.
“Oh Ellyn, isn’t it beautiful here? You know, this was always a dream of mine when I was a little girl. Though I suppose every girl dreams of living in a castle. This is more than either of us could’ve hoped for our future,” she said, her voice dropping to a small whisper I could barely hear.
She looked through the window. “Your father . . . he would’ve loved this place.”
She didn’t speak much of Father much, and usually only in fits of anger or happiness. On their anniversary, she would tell me the story of how they met. Other occasions, she would tell me it was his fault we were in this predicament.
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