'Yours would too if you had to go through what I've gone through', Maddy screams at her mirror self, before unleashing several wild thumps into the softened plaster of the wall, achieving little else, but bruising to the delicate edges of her hands. Eventually she gives up, and collapses on the floor in a huddle, crying to herself.
'Are you alright in there Maddy?' River says, from the room next door, before tapping softly on the bathroom door. 'Are you trying to break out through a solid wall?'
'Stop calling me Maddy', Maddy screams from her huddled spot on the dirty lino, so close to a dead cockroach, that if she knew it, she'd probably be able to summon the strength needed to get through that wall.
'Alright', River says. 'Jeez. Are you alright in there Madeleine?' he says, genuinely worried about her.
'No', Maddy says. 'I'm not fucking alright. I've got a Lego man haircut and I look like a corpse. I look like I'm dead, and everyone hates me.'
'Nobody hates you Maddy', River says.
'Everyone hates me', she barks back. 'I've just spent the last hour watching it. People I work with are glad I've been taken. My own family won't say anything to the police to try and get me back. I've just watched it all.'
'Ok look', River says, 'Your family sound no better than mine, forget about them, because it aint worth the heartache. With everyone else, I don't know, maybe you just rub people up the wrong way. Hate is a strong word. I don't hate you.'
'No? You took me hostage, you tell me my name sounds like I've been widowed, and you tell me I dress like I'm going to a funeral. I'm sick of being bullied and made fun of.'
'Oh Maddy, Madeleine, I mean', River says, quickly correcting himself. 'You know what I really think? I think you're a beautiful girl and you just need to relax a little bit more and enjoy your life while you can. You need to let your hair down, for want of a better expression, and be a bit more flexible. You can wear what you like, that's your choice, I just think that what you're doing is hiding yourself away because you're scared of showing off what you've got. If you make your decisions based on positivity that's a fantastic thing and it really shines through, but if you make them based on negativity or fear, that's the wrong way to go about it. Besides which, if it isn't working, there's no reason not to see what it's like if you change it. We've got to adapt as human beings to survive, and adapting and trying new things is where life gets fun and interesting. You still with me Madeleine?'
'Yes', Maddy says, sniffling a little.
'Now come on', River says. 'Get yourself showered, and we can go out and have some dinner. I'm buying.'
Maddy unzips her dress and lets it fall to the floor. She's always been conscious of her body, and has never believed she's got anything worth showing off at all. She takes off her bra, and rolls down her panties, for the first time in her adult life not bothering to fold them neatly into a pile, and steps into the stained yellow, enamel bath tub. The curtain is mouldy at the bottom from several years of overuse, and should have been changed a decade ago, but Maddy either fails to notice it, or doesn't care anyway.
The water that falls across her shoulders feels like a gift from heaven itself. It's warm, but not too hot, and comes at her in large monsoon size droplets, that she watches slide off her skin and erupt majestically on the cracked enamel by her feet. It's so perfect that Maddy could be underneath a natural waterfall in the Amazon rainforest, heated by subterranean volcanic activity, and still not be as happy. In this moment, she is more thankful for something so simple, than she can ever remember being at any point in the rest of her mostly miserable life.
When she steps back out, squeaky clean and smelling like roses, wrapped in a rough cotton towel, worn through the side, so the soft peachy skin of her thigh is inadvertently revealed, like a sexy dress might do, River barely recognises her. When he smiles, it is the first time he sees her smile back.
'Feel better?' he says.
'Yes', Maddy affirms, nodding for emphasis.
'You know, I know you don't like it, but when I call you Maddy, I do so because it's less of a mouthful than Madeleine, and besides which, it's kind of cute. If you don't like it, I respect that, and I'll try not to call you it again.' River says.
Maddy approaches the bed. 'Are these the clothes you bought?' she says, ignoring his question for now.
'Help yourself', River says. 'I hope I managed to find the right size for you.'
Maddy takes each bag in turn, tipping them out onto the bed. There are several pairs of jeans, and several tops in a variety of different styles and colours.
Maddy looks at him. 'It's a little different from what I'm used to', she confesses.
'When you wave me across the border, you can go back to wearing what you like. For now, I'm going to have to ask you to change', River says.
Maddy sorts through the clothes and picks out the least garish of the items he has bought, a pair of tight, figure hugging blue jeans, and a light yellow T-shirt top that has a faded California beach print on it.
'Beautiful', River says. 'That'll go really well with the blonde wig.'
'It's going to make me look like a teenager', Maddy says, and takes the clothes, in several size options, along with the blonde wig that River holds out for her, back into the bathroom. While she's getting changed, River clears the rest of the clothes off the bed, and empties out the money bag.
He's halfway through counting the bundles of notes, when Maddy comes back out again, this time dressed, and completely transformed.
'What the hell have you done with Maddy?' River says, and this time Maddy doesn't even bother to correct him. Instead, she allows herself a little smile. The wig fits perfectly, and the clothes show off the contours of her body in a way not even Maddy would have guessed possible. The outfit, and the hair, make her look like the kind of girl that hangs out all day at the beach and then sips cocktails in the evening at trendy members only bars while hordes of men surround her, desperate to just be near her, satisfied if she glances in their direction, even if it's only ever just once.
'They fit', Maddy says, 'and the wigs not itchy. I kind of like the hair, although I'd have it in black. It makes my face look nice.'
'Nice? You look beautiful Madeleine', River says, remembering this time to address her properly. 'Really beautiful.'
'I need shoes', Maddy says, looking down at her bare feet. 'The ones I already have won't go.'
The ones she already has are featureless black pumps, with a slightly wedged heel, and an expensive sole that is supposed to be designed to make her walk with a straighter back, even though what they really do is pinch the sides of her feet and make doing anything but standing still in them much more uncomfortable than it really should be.
'Alright', River says, 'I'm sure we can see to that after we eat. You reckon you can cope with the ones you've got up until then?
'As long as you don't mind them not matching, I don't mind wearing them.' Maddy says.
River offers Maddy her handbag. 'I didn't steal anything from it', he says. 'Although I'm going to look after your mobile phone, just to be sure.'
Maddy takes the bag and slings it around her shoulder. When it doesn't look right, she hands it back to him. 'Look after the rest too', she says. 'It doesn't go with my new style.'
River gathers up the bundles of notes, makes sure he's got enough in his pockets, puts the rest back in the bag, and then hides the bag underneath the mattress.
'You don't think they'll find it there?' Maddy says.
'I don't think they've cleaned this room since 1945', River says. 'It'll be fine, I bet you.'
'I don't have anything to bet you with, you've got it all already.'
'Yeah well, I may be looking after it for now, but it'll soon start the cycle again. I learnt from a very young age that money doesn't have an owner Maddy, it's more like the other way round. The sooner you realise that the better.'
Maddy steps into her black pumps, most of which are hidden by her new jeans, and accompanies her captor to their waiting car
. This time she sits in the front, and as they drive into town, she tries to make sense of the way her day is turning out, and how she really feels about the mysterious smoking cowboy, with boyish good looks and sad blue eyes, only an arms length away.
From the underground parking lot, a breakdown truck leaves with the wreckage of a lime green Oldsmobile, the steering wheel covered in dusting powder, from where a multitude of fingerprints have been taken by carefully trained officers, hoping that one of them will identify the as yet unidentified robber, and ease the pain on Frank Giamatti's recently troublesome ulcer.
Chapter 10
Maddy stares at the menu without reading it. She turns it over, stares at the other-side, puts it down and looks around the room. A young child smiles, her two front teeth missing, while she holds a burger in her greasy hands, the same size as her angelic face. Maddy looks around to see if the child is directing the smile at someone else, and then looks back at the girl, when it's clear she's not. Maddy forces a smile, which looks exactly like it's being forced, and then quickly looks away.
'She's got the same hair as you', River says.
'This isn't my hair', Maddy reminds him.
'It is for today', River says. 'Maybe tomorrow too.'
Maddy gives him a look, but before she can say anything, a waitress comes over to the table. She's a young girl, not yet worn down by the tedious, thankless nature of her job.
'Have we decided yet then folks?' she asks the two of them in a chirpy, nothing can get me down kind of way.
'The table is sticky', Maddy says, pressing her finger down into a patch of spilt fizzy drink that hasn't been cleaned up properly.
'Whoops', the waitress says, 'let me just take care of that for you now.'
She runs her cloth over it, and Maddy tests the surface again when she's done. It's still sticky but marginally less so. When Maddy looks up, she sees River looking at her with a face that says, 'what the hell are you doing?'
'Hey I like your hair', the waitress says. 'I wish mine was that colour.'
'It's not real', Maddy says.
'Oh', the waitress says, as though Maddy has caught her doing something she shouldn't. Unperturbed, she continues, 'well it sure does look like it to me. It suits you.'
'That's what I've been telling her', River says. 'She's a pretty girl isn't she?'
Maddy runs her fingers through her hair, conscious of being the centre of attention.
'So', the waitress says, without answering the question. 'What'll it all be?'
'Maddy, have you chosen?' River asks her.
'No', Maddy says.
'I can give you folks a little bit more time if you'd like?'
'Do you have anything that isn't a burger?' Maddy asks, already knowing what the answer is likely to be.
'Erm, not really, no', the bubble-gum chewing waitress says. 'It's kind of our speciality.'
'Just bring two specials, both of those doubled up', River says, putting the menu back down on the table. 'With dirty fries, onion rings, salsa and guacamole.'
'What is that?' Maddy asks, catching him up. 'I can't eat that. Take that off.'
The waitress is about to scratch the order off, but hesitates, her pencil hovering over the paper.
'Shall I take it off?' she asks River.
'Just bring it', River says to the waitress.
'Ok great', the waitress says. 'Anything to drink.'
'Two very cold beers', River says.
'Wait, water for me. And salad, have you got any salad?' Maddy says, as though it's a matter of life or death.
'The burgers come with the salads already inside', the waitress says, the answer to the question so obvious she wonders whether Maddy is having her on. 'So, two specials, both of those doubled up, dirty fries, onion rings, salsa and guacamole.'
'That's right', River says.
'Do you want blue cheese or cheddar on the dirty fries?'
'Put on both.'
'And jalapeños?'
'And jalapeños. I want you to stack everything into it you can.'
'Ok coming right up', the waitress says, smiles and turns on her heels to rush the order to the kitchen, in case Maddy changes her mind and complicates it.
'I don't drink beer', Maddy says, 'and I don't eat this kind of food.'
'What do you mean you don't drink beer and you don't eat this kind of food?' River says.
'Fast food', Maddy says. 'Unhealthy food.'
'This is The Burger Joint', River says, as though that phrase is universally understood. 'Don't tell me you've never been in a The Burger Joint before?' He emphasises the 'The' part of the title to give it more gravitas.
Maddy shakes her head.
'This is like the Ferrari of burger restaurants', he says. 'This is about as far away from fast food as America is from China.'
'The Ferrari of burger restaurants', Maddy repeats. 'Do you even know how ridiculous that sounds? A burger is processed bread and even more processed meat.'
'You wait until it comes', River says, confidently.
'I told you, I can't eat it.'
'Well then you're going to go hungry.'
'Why couldn't we go elsewhere?' Maddy says. 'Why couldn't we have gone to somewhere we both want to eat.'
'Because I'm in charge, I want a doubled up special burger, with a plate of dirty fries, and I think you should experience new things. Besides which, I think it'll do you good not being in control for a while. I think you've got a problem with that.'
'A problem with what?' Maddy says.
'A problem with being in control', River says.
'I really haven't', Maddy says, feeling offended again.
'If you were starving, you'd eat whatever was put in front of you. Sometimes you need to be a bit more flexible. And anyway, have you seen how full this place is? Have you seen the smiles on the people inside here. This isn't just bread and meat, this is heaven on a god damn plate, and as soon as you dare yourself to take that first juicy bite, you'll understand exactly what you've been missing out on.'
Maddy isn't convinced, but she is starving. Just watching the other people salivating over their food is making her stomach grumble. The waitress comes back with two beers, and a glass of water for Maddy. The glass has thumb prints on it, and before Maddy has time to complain, the waitress has buzzed off again to another table.
'Just drink the beer Madeleine', River says. 'What have you got to do tomorrow anyway?'
'I'm supposed to be working', Maddy says.
'Yeah well think of it as an unexpected holiday. Isn't that nice?'
'Is that what you think of it as?' Maddy says.
'It is what it is. I'm the one who has to figure out what we do next, not you. You can relax and take it easy, I know I would if I was you. A free beer and a free meal.'
'Paid with by my company's money', Maddy says.
'Paid with by money from America. You'll get it back through insurance', River says.
'You think the insurance company is going to look favourably on the fact that I'm sat here having dinner with you? The man that's holding me hostage. The man that took the money in the first place.
'I've coerced you, remember', River says.
'I could scream', Maddy says. 'I could get up and walk out and you wouldn't be able to stop me.'
'Well, why don't you then?' River says.
'Maybe I will', Maddy says.
'I don't think you will Madeleine', River says.
'Oh, and why's that?'
'Where are you going to go if you do?'
'Home', Maddy says.
'And what is that? What does that mean to you? I think it's precisely that that's keeping you sat in that seat, with someone else's hair on your head, clothes on that you'd never buy in a million years, and a beer going warm in front of you. I reckon this is the most excitement you've had in years.'
'You know you'd almost be tolerable if you weren't so cocky', Maddy says. 'Sat there with that smirk on your face like you rule the wor
ld.'
'I'm just telling it like it is', River says, easing back into his chair. 'Tell me I'm not right.'
'I thought I was going to die this morning. I've been handcuffed to a radiator, I've taken a four hour ride in the trunk of a car and had a gun constantly pointed at me. I've been pushed around, insulted and ridiculed, and you think that's exciting for me? You're disillusional.'
'Disillusioned', River says, correcting her.
Maddy's mouth drops open in shock.
'And anyway, I'm not', River goes on, before Maddy has a chance to explode. 'I'm thirsty and my beer is getting warm. That's all.'
'So drink it', Maddy barks at him. 'I'm not stopping you.'
'I don't like to drink alone', River says.
'And you think I'm difficult?' Maddy says, leaning back in her chair now.
'I'm being sociable and well mannered. I want to share this experience with you', River says. 'It's good to share things.'
'Like someone else's money?'
'I've already told you how I feel about that', River says.
'So why did you take it in the first place? You don't think that's hypocritical?'
'I'm not going to bear a grudge if someone takes it from me, but I'm not going to give it to them either. Just because I reckon money doesn't have an owner, it doesn't mean I'm going to toss it away like a pile of trash. Think of it like a cat, you don't own a cat, a cat owns itself, but that doesn't mean you don't feed it, look after it and take pleasure from it. And if you do all those things, why the hell would you throw it away?'
'And what happens if someone steals it?' Maddy says.
'Then maybe I'd try and steal it back.'
'You're full of bullshit', Maddy says. 'Money is nothing like a cat at all. I reckon if you'd worked hard all of your life and saved money and then someone came in and stole it all from you, you'd be pretty pissed off.'
'What would they be stealing though? My money, or the work I'd done to get it?' River says, philosophically.
'Both', Maddy says.
'So what does that tell you?' River says.
'It tells me that you'd deserve it', Maddy says, without thinking.
Holding On To You Page 9
