Almost.
‘How did she die?’
‘A car accident.’ He took a large slug of wine. ‘A truck driver fell asleep at the wheel; he walked away with a bloody nose. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you that morning, and for that I’m sorry. I don’t often get worked up about it, but it was all a bit too close to the bone. You’re about the same age, and when I heard that you’d fallen asleep…’
‘I didn’t fall asleep.’
Flynn shrugged. ‘It’s not important now.’
‘I was crying.’ She was speaking almost to herself, and Flynn looked up, startled at her words. But Meg just sat there, that morning’s events slowly coming back to her, terrified to look up, to move, in case the images evaporated.
‘I was crying because a child had died. Jess had tried to talk to me and I’d pushed her away, told her I wasn’t upset. But I was. I pretended I was tired.’ It was all coming back now, flashing into her mind with painful clarity. ‘I’d cut my hand on an ampoule.’ Looking down, she saw the thin white scar. ‘Look.’ He took her hand, running his finger along the pale raised flesh. ‘I can remember changing gear. It hurt, and I started crying. The next thing I knew I’d missed the bend and a tree was coming towards me.’
‘And then?’ He was holding her hand, kneeling on the floor beside her.
‘You were there.’ Meg laughed through her tears. ‘Actually, I think it might have been Ken Holmes, the paramedic.’
Flynn gave a dry laugh. ‘Don’t ruin the picture.’ Then his voice changed, urgency taking over. ‘Meg, you can’t let it get to you like that.’
His statement surprised her. She had been expecting a lecture, to be told in no uncertain terms how she should have opened up to Jess. Not this. ‘Doesn’t it get to you?’ she asked, bewildered.
Flynn shook his head. ‘I don’t let it.’
‘But it must.’ She stared at him, genuinely astounded.
‘It’s a job Meg. A labour of love, maybe, and painful and heartbreaking sometimes, but at the end of the day it’s a job. You do your work to the best of your ability and then you go home. That’s how you survive it.’
‘I can’t just walk away and switch off,’ Meg argued. ‘It’s just not that easy.’
‘You have to.’ He took a deep breath. ‘Meg, you smashed your car. You could have been killed—you nearly were,’ he added darkly. ‘Do you know how many emergency doctors and nurses go home and uncork a bottle, or down a couple of pills so they can get to sleep?’
‘I’m not that bad!’ Meg protested.
‘No, but hell, Meg, you nearly died!’
‘I know.’ She was on her feet now. ‘But it was an accident, Flynn. Don’t make it more than that.’
‘You can’t let it get to you like that.’
Meg nodded. ‘Lesson well and truly learnt. Look, Flynn, I’ve been having a hard time recently. I left my old job because everyone—and I mean everyone—seemed to be discussing my personal life. I had an affair with a married man.’
‘Vince?’
Meg nodded. ‘I didn’t know he was married at the time. When his wife found out so did everyone else, my mother and work colleagues included. It’s just been a rough few months; that’s probably why I’m not coping as well as I usually do.’ She flushed, suddenly embarrassed. ‘Here’s me banging on about myself. It must be ten times worse for you. How do you cope, seeing accidents and everything? It must be agony.’
But Flynn shook his head, refusing to be drawn. ‘I just try not to compare.’ He was swirling the wine around in his glass. ‘I’m over Lucy. I’ve dealt with it.’
But something in his voice warned Meg he was trying to convince himself more than her. ‘What was she like?’
‘Lucy?’ His face brightened up. ‘Funny, happy-go-lucky, smart—take your pick. She was into adventure, always planning the next holiday—bungee-jumping one summer, white water rafting the next. Actually, you remind me a bit of her.’
Meg gave a shaky laugh. ‘I hate to shatter your illusion here, Flynn, and I’m touched—thrilled, actually,’ she half joked, ‘that anyone could ever consider me adventurous. But the most adventurous thing I’ve ever done is go on the big wheel at the fair. And I only agreed to that because otherwise Kathy wouldn’t have been allowed to go on.’
Flynn grinned at her grimace. ‘What happened?’
‘I screamed so loudly they had to stop it, and then I promptly threw up. Dad had to give me a fireman’s lift home. And as for happy-go-lucky.’ Meg took a deep breath. ‘I’m the least happy-go-lucky person I’ve ever come across. It’s only fair to warn you in advance that this conversation will be analysed, scrutinised and distorted beyond repair. So you see, there’s really no comparison.’
Flynn pulled her down beside him; putting down his wine glass, he took her hands. ‘I meant funny, smart and beautiful…’ He swallowed then, his face achingly close, his full lips so near, so kissable. ‘And just a little bit crazy’
‘So where to now?’ Her voice was trembling. His hand was still wrapped around hers, and when he didn’t immediately answer, Meg continued tentatively. ‘Now we know each other’s dastardly pasts.’ She flushed then. ‘I didn’t mean you and Lucy…’
‘I know.’ His face was moving nearer, his voice low and seductive, his lips just a whisper away. It only took the tiniest motion to move forward, but Meg knew as she did it would have monumental consequences.
His lips were cool—that was her first conscious thought—and they tasted of wine—that was her second and last as she lost herself in his touch, moved herself closer, felt his arms wrap around her, tasted the passion as his tongue met hers.
‘Where to now?’ He repeated her words as she broke away, her lips tingling, burning from the weight of his touch.
‘Home,’ Meg said softly. ‘I think we both need some time.’
‘What are you scared of, Meg?’
‘You,’ she said honestly, but without a trace of malice. ‘Myself, even. Take your pick.’
‘Just because I loved Lucy it doesn’t mean there isn’t room for someone else.’
‘I know that,’ Meg admitted. ‘But…’
‘Why does there have to be a but?’
Meg swallowed. ‘We’ve both been hurt.’
‘Maybe it’s our turn to be happy.’
Oh, she wanted to believe him, wanted to believe it was all that simple. But how could it be? She needed a clear head, needed clarity before she dived into the sea again only to be bitten. She’d been up against sharks before.
‘Please, Flynn, it’s better this way.’
He closed his eyes and Meg held her breath. She wanted him, wanted him so badly it hurt, and she knew how much he wanted her. But not tonight. Tonight was precious and sweet; tonight they had bridged the gap—found out so much about each other. The last thing she needed was to sense regret in the morning, for either of them.
‘I know you’re right,’ he grumbled. ‘But don’t ask me to smile as well.’
‘I won’t. Just call me a cab.’
He didn’t, of course. They drove back to her house in amicable silence, his hand resting gently on her leg between gear changes, and when they approached her street he indicated without prompting.
‘Just pull in behind the red car there.’
‘Which one’s yours?’
Meg pointed to the top floor of a small apartment block. ‘You see the balcony with all the Buddhas, statues and wind chimes?’
He gave her a slightly startled look before nodding.
‘Well, mine’s the one next to it.’
Flynn laughed. ‘Thank heavens for that. I don’t think I could stretch to the lotus position.’
It was a joke, a tiny insignificant joke, but in Meg’s present state of mind even the surf report on the radio seemed to have massive sexual connotations.
‘Do you want to come in for a coffee?’ Her steely resolve was melting like molten lava now.
‘I do,’ he said slowly. ‘But I
’d better not.’
It was what she had wanted him to say, and yet opening the car door and peeling herself out of the seat beside him took an unimaginable effort.
‘Meg?’
She turned and lowered her head into the car through the open door, the streetlight illuminating her fluffy curls, her eyes shadowed so he couldn’t read her expression.
‘Shall I pick you up on Saturday? We could go together.’
‘I’d like that, but…’
In the darkness he couldn’t see her features, but Flynn just knew that she was nervously chewing her lip. The endearing image brought a smile to his face. ‘But what?’
‘If we arrive together…’ Meg hesitated. How could she explain this without sounding as if she was fishing? How could she ever expect him to understand the strange unwritten rules of her family? ‘If we arrive together, my mum will expect…she’ll think…’ Meg was practically stammering now, and Flynn put her out of her misery and finished her sentence for her.
‘She’ll think we’re an item?’
Her blush was so deep that even if he couldn’t see it Meg was sure he must at least be able to feel the heat radiating from her. ‘Something like that,’ she mumbled. ‘Mum doesn’t know the meaning of the words ‘‘casual date’’.’
‘Would it help make up your mind if I told you that there’s nothing casual about the way I’m feeling?’
Nervous but pleased, Meg nodded as Flynn continued. ‘Would you believe me if I told you that nothing your mum’s going to be thinking hasn’t already crossed my mind?’
She did believe him. After all, the last few weeks all she had thought about was Flynn. However reluctant, however suppressed, her mind had been only on him, and now he was telling her he had felt it too.
‘So.’ He cleared his throat. ‘Am I coming to get you or not?’
Suddenly, her reasons for holding on to her heart seemed woefully inadequate; so she might live to regret it, might rue the day she succumbed to his charms, but nothing would ever compare to the regret she would feel if she turned and walked away now. ‘Yes, please.’ She hesitated for a moment, longing to ask him again to join her, but knowing if she did this time he would say yes. ‘I’d best get inside.’
He nodded as she closed the car door, then sat and watched as she walked up the driveway. Only when he saw the light on the top floor flick on did Flynn start the engine and drive slowly home.
The house, always silent, always empty, now had a slightly different feel—the lingering scent of Meg’s perfume, the two glasses side by side on the coffee table. It was the first time in two years Flynn actually felt he’d come home.
CHAPTER SIX
‘WHAT did Mum say?’ Meg asked nervously as Kathy breezed in.
‘Oh, she thinks you’re covering for me and I’m off for a midnight rendezvous with Jake. The fact she caught me swiping a bottle of cream liqueur didn’t help much.’ Producing a bottle from under her flimsy cardigan, she grinned. ‘I thought it might loosen your tongue a bit. I’m warning you, Meg. I want all the details. Don’t leave a single thing out.’
‘You’re here to fill me in, Kathy, not the other way around.’ Meg grinned.
‘We’ve got all night. Now, come on, Sis, I need food.’
They had to make do with toast, but there was something strangely therapeutic about a pile of warm buttered toast and a glass of ice-cold liqueur.
‘Why didn’t you tell me he was widowed?’ Meg started.
‘I did. I’ve often spoken about Jake’s friend. You probably weren’t listening, as usual.’
She had a point. The minute Jake appeared in a conversation Meg had more often than not changed the subject or simply switched off.
‘Though I haven’t brought him up recently,’ Kathy admitted.
‘Why?’
‘You said you didn’t want baggage, remember? And, as much as Flynn might deny it, he comes with a pretty big load.’
‘Lucy?’
Kathy nodded.
‘Did you ever meet her?’
‘No, she died a couple of months before I met Jake. It’s actually how we first became close. He was having a tough time with his friend, and I guess I provided a pretty good sounding board. I’d just had my last operation so my physio sessions were pretty long. Sometimes Jake would be tired, or a bit flat, and you know how nosey I am—I just sort of dragged it out of him.’
‘Like what? Was Flynn really upset?’
To Meg’s utter revulsion Kathy dunked her toast in her drink. Normally Meg would have scolded her, but not this time. She wanted to hear what Kathy was about to say next. ‘The opposite. Flynn just accepted it there and then. Told Jake how lucky he was to have had her for so long, how the last thing Lucy would want was for him to mourn her.’
‘So why was Jake worried?’
‘Come on, Meg, they’d been so close, so happy. No one deals with death that easily. Anyway, next thing he threw in his job in Emergency—said he was going to make Lucy’s death count and go into research to find out more about the ‘‘Golden Hour’’. What is that, by the way?’
‘The hour after an accident,’ Meg answered automatically, but her mind was on Flynn. ‘Depending upon the treatment the patient receives then, it dramatically affects their chance of survival.’
‘Well, whatever it is, Jake was really worried about him. For the first six months we went out I think Jake spent more time with Flynn than me, sure that each night was going to be the night that Flynn would actually crack, show a bit of emotion.’
‘But he didn’t?’
Kathy shook her head. ‘That’s just the problem— he never has.’
‘But he seems so together, so laid-back,’ Meg mused. ‘Maybe he just deals with things privately. Not everyone wears their heart on their sleeve. And as to Flynn going into research—well, I can understand that, see why he might want to do something pro-active; his wife died in an accident, which is his speciality after all.’
Kathy didn’t answer for a moment. ‘It’s worse than that, Meg. Flynn was on the Mobile Accident Unit that went out to her.’
‘No!’ Unimaginable scenes flashed through Meg’s mind; her attempts to justify Flynn’s laid-back attitude were dashed in that instant. Every fatal accident she’d been out to had left its mark, but to have actually known one of the victims, to have loved them? The pain Flynn must have experienced, the sheer hell he must have been through was impossible to fathom.
‘Apparently he recognised the car as soon as they pulled up at the accident, but Flynn didn’t tell the paramedics it was Lucy involved. I guess he knew they’d make him stay back.’
‘Was she…’ Meg swallowed. ‘Was she already dead?’
Kathy shook her head and her eyes filled with tears. ‘No. But her injuries were so appalling that they knew within moments of freeing her she’d be dead. Flynn sat there with her in the car, held her hand and talked to her…’ Kathy stopped as Meg noisily blew her nose.
‘He told her he loved her, how happy she’d made him, that sort of thing.’
‘Did Flynn tell Jake that?’
Again Kathy shook her head. ‘Flynn never spoke about it. Jake got it all from Ken, one of the paramedics.’
‘How does he do it?’ Meg asked. ‘How did he go through all that and still manage to come back to Emergency?’
‘I honestly don’t know. The job at Bayside Hospital came up and apparently Flynn jumped at it. Jake was worried what might happen if there was a fatal car accident, he even confronted him about it, but Flynn was his usual laid-back self. ‘‘Come on, Jake, stop worrying. I’ll be fine. And anyway, it might be months till I’m called out.’’’
‘And look what happened,’ Meg said slowly. ‘Half an hour into his first shift and I go and wrap my car around a tree.’
‘Go gently, Meg.’ Kathy’s voice had an ominous note to it. ‘For all Flynn’s easygoing, fun-loving attitude, you’re the first person he’s asked out since Lucy. I know you’ve been hurt,
but if it’s a temporary fix you’re after then steer clear.’
‘I thought you were on my side, here,’ Meg interrupted.
‘I am,’ Kathy said. ‘I’m just warning you to think twice before you jump in. There’s a lot of pain there. I know you think you’re over Vince…’
‘I am over him.’
‘Good.’
But Kathy’s lack of conviction rattled Meg. ‘He’s married, Kathy—as if I could even think of going out with him again.’
‘I know. Look, Meg, Flynn’s one of the nicest guys I know. He’s been to hell and back and has somehow managed to come out intact. He’s kind, funny—a bit opinionated, mind,’ Kathy added, rolling her eyes. ‘There’s nothing I’d like more than to see the two of you together…’
‘But? Come on, Kathy, I assume there is one.’
‘But there’s nothing I’d hate more than being around if it ended. And before you jump in and tell me you’re not going to hurt him that’s not all I’m worried about, Meg. I’m worried that Flynn might not be as over Lucy as he lets on.’ Looking at Meg’s pale face, Kathy moved over on the sofa and gave her sister a hug. ‘I’m probably just being over-dramatic— you know me, anything for a bit of scandal.’ She was trying to lighten the mood, but her words had only echoed the nagging voice that Meg had been trying to ignore.
‘Now, we’ve spoken about you long enough—it must be my turn now.’ Rummaging in her bag Kathy pulled out a bridal magazine, happily ignoring Meg’s groan of dismay. ‘I need help with the cake…’
* * *
Proud was the best way Meg could describe her feeling as she walked into the party with Flynn on her arm. Proud of her sister, who looked flushed and radiant in a red, crushed velvet dress sweeping the floor, with her blonde hair framing her elfin face. Proud that Kathy had defied all the odds and had made it in the world. And proud of herself too. How could she be otherwise with Flynn on her arm, recalling the tender kiss they had shared when he had picked her up, a teasing taste of what was to come?
And when Jake stood up and spoke to the assembled guests, told everyone how honoured he felt to be betrothed to Kathy, Meg felt her eyes fill with tears. She watched the sheer love in his eyes when he spoke about his fiancée.
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