“Maegan,” she said in her typical cheerful voice. Her red curls bounced as she crossed the room to shake my hand. “I didn’t expect to see you for a few more months. Is everything okay?”
“You tell me,” I said wryly. “By now you probably already have my blood test results.”
Dr. Lovett sat down at the computer and wiggled the mouse to wake it up. “Let’s see what we have back,” she said while typing quickly. “In the meantime, tell me what prompted your visit.”
“It’s mostly fatigue and lack of energy,” I told her. “I’m sleeping eight to nine hours each night and waking up feeling as tired as when I went to bed. I’m taking naps on days off when before I never needed to, and it just feels like I’m chasing my tail.”
“Changes to your diet?” she asked while searching the screen.
“Nothing drastic.”
“Your sodium levels are a bit high, potassium looks to be a little low, but other than that everything looks really good. Your blood counts look wonderful, so I’m confident you don’t have so much as an infection right now. Are you in any physical pain?”
“Pain? No. My breasts feel achy and tender though.”
“Like you’re ovulating?”
It felt like she’d stabbed me in the heart. “It’s been so long I can’t remember, but I don’t recall breast pain or tenderness. Besides,” I said, releasing a shaky breath, “that’s not really a concern I would have now.”
“Says who?”
“The doctors who told my parents I’d never have children,” I said slowly.
She got a screwed-up look on her face as she clicked the mouse, typed, and looked at the information on her screen.
“My chemo drugs threw me into menopause when I was seventeen,” I told her. “The doctors told my mom it meant my ovaries were no longer functioning.”
Dr. Lovett sighed. “Thank goodness we’ve come a long way in the past thirteen years. Maegan, while I don’t doubt the chemotherapy threw you into menopause, it is not uncommon for ovaries to start working again years later. There are a lot of factors to consider when telling a young lady she might never have children. The first thing is knowing which chemo drugs cause permanent infertility and which ones lessen or delay your ability to have kids. The second thing is the age and overall health of the patient prior to treatment. You were a healthy, vital, seventeen-year-old young lady. The drugs you took back then were newer, and the long-term data wasn’t available. I think it’s quite possible your ovaries are at least partially functioning.”
“What?” I asked in shock. “You mean… I could be pregnant? I haven’t taken birth control all these years. I mean, until Elijah, I never had unprotected sex, but… Oh my God. Is that really a possibility?”
“Well, it very well could be, so I’m going to hand you a little cup in a minute to see if that’s the case. If not, I’m going to run additional tests on the blood we withdrew to see if there’s estrogen in your blood. If so, I’m going to recommend you see your gynecologist. There are many places you could fall on the spectrum between fertile and infertile, and I don’t want to give you bad advice. Okay?” I nodded. “I won’t have the estrogen results today, but I will have them back by tomorrow evening. I’ll call you.” I nodded again because speaking was beyond my capability. “Time to pee in a cup.” Dr. Lovett reached into a drawer and pulled out the plastic cup and sanitizing wipes.
My hand shook so bad when I accepted it from her, and I nearly dropped the cup in the toilet when I sat down to give the sample. I managed to pull myself together while waiting for the results.
“Well, I don’t know if this is good or bad news, but you are not pregnant at this moment.”
“A bit of both,” I said honestly. “I want very much to have a baby, but I want to plan and prepare for the pregnancy.”
“Maegan, if you don’t want an unplanned pregnancy, I would err on the side of caution and use condoms until we know exactly what’s going on with your body.”
“Yes, that makes sense.” Elijah wasn’t going to like it, but he’d do what was best for me. Then it dawned on me I’d need to confess about my doctor visit, and he would be upset I kept my fears a secret from him. That was much worse than a thin layer of latex between us. He’d see my silence as lack of trust and wouldn’t appreciate my attempt to save him from worrying needlessly. If the situation were reversed, I’d feel the same way. “I look forward to hearing from you tomorrow.”
I can’t remember much about the drive back to Blissville besides stopping at a pharmacy two towns over to buy magnum condoms. My fog evaporated when I got back into town because I couldn’t allow myself to get my hopes up and daydream about things that might never happen, especially since Books and Brew was hosting my favorite event of the year.
I arrived in plenty of time to avoid suspicion about my afternoon activities. I put on my favorite friendly witch costume and made sure everything was set up in the three distinct areas for our Halloween celebration.
“Hello,” Milo said in his Mrs. Doubtfire voice. I turned around and sure enough, he’d chosen to dress as the lovable movie character for his part in the festivities. “Are we ready, my dear?” Even though he was missing his usual night to perform as Peach, he still got to dress up and have fun.
Our Books, Brew, and Boo Bash kept growing in popularity to the point we needed to think about renting a bigger space in the future. It started out with about five kids, and we were now pushing seventy-five precocious kids ranging in age from two to thirteen. They dressed in costume, and we broke them up into categories by age so we could make sure we provided age-appropriate snacks and games. Each age group was given a Halloween-themed book that Milo or I read to them while they enjoyed their snack. Moms and dads who also attended in costume received a free beverage and a pastry. It was a fun night for everyone.
I looked up as Elijah’s boss came through the door with his five kids. At least, I thought it was Gabe under the Captain America costume. I knew damn well Josh picked that out for him because he must call Gabe a dozen or more nicknames, all of them starting with the word captain. “Hey, guys,” he said, looking a little frazzled.
“Where’s your husband, Gabe?” I asked. “He left you to wrestle five kids into their costumes all by yourself?”
“Of course not,” Josh said, entering the store with flare. Josh, continuing with the superhero theme had dressed as The Flash. “There’s no way I’d miss Darius, Mateo, and Rochelle’s first Halloween party as members of our family.” Darius was dressed as T’Challa from Black Panther, Mateo was dressed as Superman, sweet Rochelle was rocking a Wonder Woman costume, and Dylan and Destiny were dressed as the Wonder Twins. It was clear the family didn’t have an allegiance to either DC Comics or Marvel, which I found endearing. They liked what they liked. Josh looped his arm around my neck and hugged me. “Thank you so much for altering our reservation from two kids to five. I had no idea we’d be expanding our family this quickly when we decided to adopt again.”
“It’s my pleasure,” I said sincerely. “Besides, no one messes with The Hairfather.”
Josh threw his head back and laughed. “I’m going to put that on my business cards.”
“Are things going well?” I asked, noting the tired look in his eyes.
“As well as can be expected,” he replied. “Three kids basically have been thrust into a home full of strangers. Rochelle doesn’t want to be separated from Darius for any reason, so school mornings are interesting to say the least. Then there’s the nightmares—” He broke off and swallowed hard. “I hate humanity sometimes, Mae.” Darius looked up and smiled at something Gabe said to the five of them. “But then that happens, and I know those kids are exactly where they are wanted and needed.”
“Yes, they are.”
More kids and their parents were arriving, so we started to divide them into age groups. I glanced up when Elijah walked through the door wearing a thunderous expression while he searched the room for me. Had he some
how found out about my doctor appointment? No, it wasn’t possible, so something else must’ve upset him.
“Um, let me take over here, and you see what’s wrong with Elijah,” Memphis said.
“Okay.” I tilted my head toward the entrance to Curious Things knowing Elijah would follow me to the office. The store was closed, so we’d have all the privacy we needed. I expected him to say something right away, but he just paced from one end of the small room to the other.
He finally stopped and pinned me with dark, hurt eyes. “There has to be an explanation. This is my Freckles for crying out loud.”
“I’m sure there is, and if you tell me what’s bothering you, I might help you find it.”
“I wanted to surprise you with some flowers. I knew how tired you’ve been lately and thought you might like to see something pretty and festive when you got inside your SUV after your event tonight.” He must’ve seen the bag with the box of condoms inside. Knowing his history with Brandy, his mind must’ve started jumping to all kinds of terrible conclusions.
“Elijah, there is an explanation,” I said reaching for his hands. “It’s possibly the best kind of explanation. A miracle really,” I said. So much for not getting my hopes up. “I didn’t buy those condoms to have sex with someone else. I bought them because I’m going to need you to start wearing them until I get some test results back.”
“Maegan, this is no way sounds like the best possible situation,” he said wryly.
“You’re not going to catch anything from having unprotected sex from me,” I said, reaching up to tweak his nipple.
“That wasn’t what I meant, Freckles. I resent anything coming between us, including a thin layer of latex.”
“Okay, but you’ll need to explain to my father if you accidentally get me pregnant.”
Silence. Blinking. Pulse pounding at his temple.
“What’s that now?”
“Elijah, I know you haven’t missed how fatigued I’ve been these past few months. I’ve seen the worry in your eyes when I wake up after a nap. I moved up my appointment with my oncologist from January to today so she could run some blood tests.”
“You did this without telling me?” The dark scowl from earlier returned. “You thought your cancer had returned and kept it from me?”
“Elijah,” I said, reaching for him. He stepped back out of reach and turned his back on me to face my office door. “I didn’t think my cancer had necessarily come back, but I knew something was going on with me. Dr. Lovett runs extremely thorough blood panels, and I knew she’d find any abnormalities. I needed to know what I was dealing with before I told you.”
He spun back around, looking crushed and lost. “And?”
“She didn’t find any abnormalities, but after talking to her about my symptoms, she said it sounded like I was ovulating.” I began shaking all over just thinking about the possibility. “She’s running additional tests to see if estrogen is present in my blood. If so, she’s referred me to my gyn—” The rest of my words died because Elijah squeezed me in the tightest hug. I patted his shoulders frantically, so he’d loosen his grip.
“How, Freckles? I thought the doctors said you would never have your own babies.”
I repeated the conversation I had with Dr. Lovett word for word. “Please don’t get your hopes up, Elijah. Dr. Lovett explained there are many places I could land on the spectrum between infertile and fertile. I can only tell you for certain I am not pregnant right now.”
“Freckles, I’m afraid to be happy about the possibility. I don’t want you to think I’ve been lying to you all along about my desire to adopt children with you, nor do I want you to think I’ll be upset if your original diagnosis is confirmed. I want you just as you are, and the kids will just be a bonus, regardless if we created them or adopted them. Do you believe me?”
There was a light knock on the door then Milo poked his head around. He narrowed his eyes when he saw my tears, so I flashed him a happy smile. “I’ll be right there, Milo.”
“Okay,” he said hesitantly and shut the door.
“Can we talk about this more when we get home? I have a bunch of kids waiting for me.”
“Absolutely,” Elijah said. “Not until after you have a relaxing bath.” He looked at his feet for a second and the solemn expression in his eyes when they returned to mine gutted me. “I’m so sorry I even thought for a second you would—” I cut him off by kissing his lips.
“You wouldn’t have jumped to those conclusions if I’d been honest with you and told you about my appointment. I want you to know I deeply regretted my decision while I was waiting for Dr. Lovett to come in. I realized wanting you there to hold my hand doesn’t make me weak, it makes me strong because I can admit when I need someone to help shoulder life’s worries. We’ll both chalk this up to a lesson learned and not speak of it again.”
Elijah nodded then kissed me like he hadn’t seen me in years instead of hours. “How long does this little party last?”
“Two hours. Why don’t you hang around with Gabe and get a glimpse of what your future will look like?”
“Sounds like a good idea. Do I get a free beverage and snack?”
“Did you wear a costume?”
“I dressed as a police detective who’s packing a big gun.”
“Maegan,” Milo yelled through the door. “We’re minutes away from total anarchy.”
“I’ll see you and your big gun later,” I said, planting a quick kiss on him and darting out the door. I was grateful to have the conversation started but wished it had come about under better circumstances.
“Are you okay?” Milo asked when I caught up to him.
“Better than I’ve ever been in my life,” I said, throwing my arms around his neck and hugging him tight. “I can’t take you seriously when you look like Mrs. Doubtfire though, so we’ll talk later.”
We walked into the bookstore together, and the kids started clapping excitedly. No matter how many times I told myself not to get my hopes up, I would cling to the bud of hope blossoming in my heart until I no longer had a reason to believe.
“GOOD MORNING, PARTNER,” ADRIAN SAID when I arrived at work. “It’s a rare occurrence that I arrive before you do.”
“I overslept,” I said sheepishly.
Adrian cocked a brow. “You never oversleep.”
“I’m not late, Chicken Whisperer,” I said, earning an eye roll. “I’m just not as early as usual.” Maegan felt even friskier than normal that morning, and I would’ve been a horrible person had I not taken care of my woman before sending her off to work. Of course, I wasn’t telling him that part. It was my own damn fault for thinking I could just rest my eyes for a few minutes before getting in the shower. I woke up thirty minutes later.
“Captain is looking for you.”
“Already?”
“He doesn’t look happy either.”
“Why does this feel like I’m getting called into the principal’s office?” I joked while racking my brain for the reasons I could be in trouble.
“Markham,” Gabe called out firmly. I jerked my head toward the captain’s office and found him standing in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest and wearing the surliest expression I’d ever seen on him. “My office, please.” He turned and went back inside his office.
“Fuck,” I whispered. “You weren’t kidding, Adrian.”
“What’d you do, partner? Did you forget to update us about the psychopathic biker gang leader with a vendetta, or is there a new asshole coming out of the woodwork?”
“No. I have no idea what this about, Adrian,” I said, shaking my head. I looked up to see Gabe had returned to the doorway, and his expression was even more thunderous. “Shit. I got to go.” The captain walked back in his office when he saw I was finally doing what he’d asked—demanded—the first time. “My apologies, sir,” I said once I walked into his office. I saw the faintest tilt at the corner of his mouth.
“I know all a
bout Adrian’s penchant for ribbing his partners and gossiping.” He nodded to the door behind me. “Close it, please.”
“Uh, sure.” I closed the door and took a seat across from him. “What’s going on, Captain? You sound…pissed.”
“I’m fucking furious, Detective. I can’t recall the last time I was this angry.”
“At me?” I asked. “I can’t think of anything I’ve done to cause you to be so angry.”
“Damn it. I’m fucking this up all to hell.” The captain took a few calming breaths then started over. “I’m furious on your behalf, Elijah. I am not furious at you.”
“On my behalf?” I asked, sounding as confused as I felt.
“How well do you know and like your former police captain?”
“Well, it was a much bigger department than the one we have here, so we weren’t as friendly. The captain didn’t attempt to know any of us outside our jobs, and we returned his attitude.”
“Did you think he was a competent leader?” I opened my mouth to respond, but Gabe cut me off with a wave of his hand. “I think he’s a fucking idiot who doesn’t value the lives of the men and women working under him—past or present.”
Uh oh. That didn’t sound so good for me. “What’s happened?”
“So, the man didn’t call and speak to you directly?”
“No, sir.”
“Good,” Gabe replied, nodding his head sharply. “I asked him to allow me the courtesy to have this discussion with you first.”
“He honored your request, sir.”
“Captain Barker called my cell phone last night while I was attending the Books, Brew, and Boo Bash with my husband and children. I wasn’t going to answer it because I fear Josh more than anything, but I worried your life was in imminent danger.”
I relaxed a little in my seat. “Can I assume by the delayed conversation the phone call wasn’t to warn you Axel was spotted heading south down I-71?”
“Do I detect a tone, Detective?”
“Not intentionally, sir.”
The Lady Stole My Heart (The Lady is Mine, #2) Page 20
