by Lisa Olsen
“Until now.” He looked up at me with the beginnings of a smile. “Now, I feel like for the first time since I lost my sister – I mean really lost her when she was turned, not when I had to put her down – I feel like I’m not alone in the world. We’re kindred, you and me.” This time he was the one to squeeze my hand and I started to worry he’d taken our new partnership to mean more than it did to me.
“Carter, I’m your friend, but you and I, we’re not…”
He dropped the light hold on me, both hands coming up in a supplicating gesture. “Whoa, hey, I didn’t mean like that. I know the guys are lined up three deep before I could even step into line. We’re friends, that’s cool. I’m not looking for more,” he insisted, and I believed him, it didn’t sound like a line. “I’m not even sure I could ever be more to someone.” His face clouded with doubt.
“I think you might surprise yourself if the right person came along.”
“I’m pretty sure I’d send any girl who looked my way screaming for the hills once she got a glimpse into my life.” He shook his head and I patted his hand.
“You never know, forever is a long time.”
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. There is no forever, sunshine,” he winked. “There’s just today, and I’m glad to have seen you in it.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
I had to shower and change there, leaving behind my blood soaked clothes and borrowing from Bishop’s closet to find something semi-presentable. Leaving Carter to convalesce in peace, I hurried home, sure I’d get there last and have to face Rob’s disapproval. He was sure to notice I’d changed and hadn’t come home with Maggie and Gunnar, but as it turned out, I didn’t have to worry at all. Coming in through the back door to grab a blood bag or two, I easily avoided Gunnar, and Maggie had already gone up to bed. Rob was nowhere to be seen.
I’m not going to lie, I had mixed feelings about that. Part of me was relieved I wouldn’t have to get into it with Rob, guilt over what I’d done prompting me to take another shower before I changed into my pajamas. Then again, I couldn’t help but wonder why wasn’t Rob around? What could be taking up so much of his time?
I knew we’d transitioned away from the honeymoon phase of our relationship and that was totally fine. I didn’t expect him to be around at my beck and call all the time. In the short time I’d been with Bishop, I might’ve grumbled about his duty to the Order and how much it took him away from me, but it’d never felt the same as it did with Rob’s absences.
I couldn’t forget that clandestine deal in the parking garage. Never mind the fact that I’d been there in a secret meeting as well, I had altruistic motives at heart. The only reason I hadn’t told him about it was I didn’t want him to worry about me when he had so many other stressors in his life. Somehow I couldn’t come up with a scenario that started with Rob meeting with a known dealer and ended with his motives being as pure.
I just felt so excluded from his nights. And when he was there, he was so hot and cold, alternately attentive and irritable, I never knew which Rob I’d wake up to next.
The longer I sat around waiting for him to get home, the angrier I got that he hadn’t been there to catch me breaking my promise.
Or was that it? Did Rob somehow know what I’d done? Was that why he hadn’t come home yet? I lay there worrying about it until the first rays of dawn peeped through the high windows. I thought about getting up to close the shutters, but the light wasn’t anywhere near the bed. Soon it would be though, and still, I didn’t move to close them.
The sun drew nearer and if I propped one foot atop the other, I could touch it with the tip of my toe. And still I didn’t move. Instead I closed my eyes and waited.
The door slammed above, and I recognized Rob’s step on the stairs. Holding my breath, I knew the first, biggest test would be whether he joined me in our room or bedded down for the day in his old room. When the bedroom door opened, I nearly wept in relief. Next would be to see what kind of a mood I’d find him in. Would he be tired but loving and try to nudge me awake with his embrace, or would I find him in another one of his black moods?
I opened my mouth to say something in greeting when his muttered curses reached my ears. I lay perfectly still as he went to the windows and drew the shutters, grumbling about me not having a lick of sense. Black mood it was. Okay, so I knew I should’ve said something, but I chickened out, pretending to be asleep to keep from being yelled at.
Still, I fully expected him to strip down and climb into bed to gather me into his arms. Instead, he went right for the shower, the scent of blood lingering in the air long after he disappeared into the bathroom. Had he been wounded? Or had he encountered another bleeder? My thoughts all a jumble, I prepared myself to man up and ask him about it when he came back into the room.
“Is everything alright?” I whispered when he curled up into a ball facing away from me.
“It’s late,” was all he said, in more of a grunt than distinct words.
“Rob, I only want to know if everything’s okay.”
“Leave me be, woman, I said it’s late.”
Cripes, I didn’t know if he was so surly because he was mad at me or the world, but I knew we couldn’t leave it that way. What was it they said about not going to bed angry? Late or not, maybe it was time to bring things out into the open? “Look, about tonight…”
“What happened tonight is none of your bloody business, leave it alone.”
None of my business? Then he couldn’t be angry about what’d happened with Carter. What else did he have to be so aggravated about? “Rob, I just want to know…”
Rob’s fist smashed into the bedside table, obliterating the alarm clock. “Bloody fucking hell! Can’t a bloke get a moment’s peace?”
I froze at the violent outburst, my heart leaping into my throat. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…” I started to say, but he didn’t want to hear it.
“I don’t want to have a fucking heart to heart, alls I want is some peace and bloody quiet. Is that too much to fucking ask?” His face contorting with rage, he picked up the lamp and hurled it with impressive force at the bathroom door, where it smashed to smithereens.
“Rob,” I breathed, words failing me in the face of the second outburst in as many minutes. But he was gone in the next instant, stomping heavily into his old room to slam the door hard enough to rattle the pictures on the walls.
So much for not going to bed angry.
* * *
I didn’t care what kind of cartoony advice Disney was spouting everywhere, I was not about to let it go. The air hadn’t been completely clear between us for weeks now and I was done smothering my icky feelings about it. Either Rob would sit down with me and get things out in the open, or we’d have to… I didn’t actually have a clue. If he refused to talk to me, what would I do? I wasn’t about to demand he move out or anything. The more I thought about it, the more the thought of confronting him made me queasy. Instead, I did the next best thing.
I followed him.
Okay, so I’m not proud of it, but that’s exactly what I did the next night. I followed him when he left the house, giving Lee the slip without bothering to come up with an excuse. It helped that he didn’t appear to care if he was being followed and that he didn’t go very far. Instead of heading for the docks or shady parking garages as I feared, he went to see Laveda. Nothing wrong with that, right? So why did it feel off to me as the minutes ticked by? Especially when her bedroom light flicked on.
Nearly an hour later, Rob emerged, looking relaxed and chipper, no sign of the perma-scowl he’d been wearing at home. I was supposed to be following him, but I couldn’t move, dread locking my limbs in place. What was going on between him and his so-called cousin? He drove away and still I sat there, debating whether to go home or maybe go make an ass of myself.
The ass won.
Not having a clue what I was going to say, I strode up to Laveda’s apartment, rapping smartly on the door. The
scent of Rob’s brand of cigarettes wafted out at me as she pulled it open, her face a mask of surprise and dismay.
“Hi, Laveda, do you mind if I come in for a few minutes?” I smiled brightly. It was either that or cry.
“Oh, I was about to go out,” she dodged, but I wouldn’t drop it.
“I won’t take up much of your time.” Pushing the door open, I stepped past her into the small apartment. “I think we need to have a talk.”
“What about?”
“Was that Rob who was just here?”
She wouldn’t meet my gaze and my stomach hardened into a painful ball. Instead, she went to the couch and picked up a pack of cigarettes, tapping them against her hand. “Yeah, he popped ‘round for a cuppa, that’s all,” she said finally.
“Must’ve been a good cup of tea.” She squirmed in her seat, distinctly uncomfortable under my scrutiny and I sat beside her. “Laveda, what’s going on? Are you and he…”
“It ain’t what you’re thinking,” she interrupted, but she still wouldn’t look at me.
“But it is something, right? Otherwise you wouldn’t look like you’d rather be eaten by orcs than talk to me right now.”
“I can’t tell you.”
“You can’t tell me or you won’t?”
“I’ve given my word,” she said stonily. “He’s going through a rough patch at the moment is all. He’ll get it sorted in the end.”
“It’s drugs, isn’t it?” The look on her face told me I’d hit a nerve, though she remained silent. “I just don’t get why. Why would he suddenly start doing drugs? Or has he been on them all along and I never knew?”
“I can’t help you.” She set down the cigarettes and I noticed her hands were shaking.
“Are you alright?” For the first time I noticed the grayish circles under her eyes, freckles standing out starkly against her pale skin.
“I’ll be fine. Just need to get my breath under me,” she said with a wan smile. “Talk to him,” she nodded encouragingly. “That’d be the best thing for us all.”
“He won’t talk to me, I’ve tried.”
“You’re stronger than him, aintcha? Holy crap balls, woman, you’ve got power, use it! Make him talk,” she pleaded with me and I realized whatever Rob’s secret was, it was costing her something too. I did have a way of making Rob talk to me, I simply hated to even think about it. But maybe she was right, it’d be the best thing for us all.
“I’ll take care of it,” I promised, feeling like a bully for barging into her home.
“I can lend you my leather cuffs again, yeah?” Her faint smile tugged at my heart, but I couldn’t return it, a profound sadness having descended over me.
“No thanks, Laveda. I’ll handle it.”
She stopped me at the door with a hand to my arm. “Please try to remember, Rob really needs you right now.”
And that was the scariest thing of all. What if I failed him?
* * *
It was Lee who waited for me on the porch when I got home, not Rob. The muted glow of his cigarette was heavy with ash, as if he hadn’t moved in a while. His long legs stretched out before him, the casual repose at odds with the sharpness of his words.
“It’s kinda hard to do my job when you keep givin’ me the slip like that. I thought you had Rob with ya, or I woulda been calling your butt up on speed dial.”
“I’m sorry, I had to take care of some errands.” Not a lie… “I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal, and I’m home safe and sound, so no harm done.” Okay, so that one was a whopper. There was plenty of harm done by my errand, but hopefully it’d lead to a positive change. “So you haven’t heard from Rob tonight?” I asked as casually as I could manage.
“Tonight and most,” he sighed, crushing his cigarette out on the bottom of his boot. “I know it ain’t my place to say it…”
“You know you’re part of the family, Lee. You can speak freely.”
“I’ll speak my piece then and be done with it. That boy ain’t been right lately. There ain’t nothin’ but fear oozin’ outta his pores for weeks now.”
“Fear?” What would Rob have to be afraid of? I’d thought Lee was about to mention the drugs, but this caught me completely off guard. As far as I knew, Rob wasn’t afraid of anything.
“Whatever it is he’s got to be afeared of, it’s got him all twisted in knots. Can’t no good come from that. I thought you should know.”
“Thanks, Lee, I appreciate you saying so. I think Rob and I are long overdue for a talk. If I can find him, that is.”
“Hold onto that thought,” he said, his head tipping up as Rob’s dark sedan rolled in front of the house. He stepped out moments later, a bouquet of pink carnations in hand.
“Lee, would you mind taking a walk?” I asked, the tension already settling over me like a shroud.
“I think I’d better stay.”
I knew Rob would never open up if he thought he had an audience, and despite his outbursts the night before, I didn’t think I was in any physical danger. “No, Rob and I need some time to hash things out. Don’t worry, I can take care of myself.”
“Something amiss?” Rob asked, as he approached the front steps.
“I’m goin’ for a walk,” Lee smiled, hauling himself out of the chair with a groan. “Good luck, mija.” Leaning close, he dropped a bristly peck on my cheek and then nodded to Rob on his way down the walk.
Rob ignored his departure, his gaze focused on me with a contrite smile. “Hullo,” he rasped, holding the flowers between us as a shield. “I brung you these.”
Was that supposed to make up for the fit of temper he’d pitched the night before? “Why don’t you bring them inside,” I said, trusting him to follow me in. If our conversation started to get loud, I didn’t want the neighbors freaking out.
Chapter Twenty-Four
I led him straight into the kitchen, getting down a vase. Neither one of us spoke as I filled it with water.
“So, what have you been up to tonight?” I asked.
“Nothing much. Looks like we’ve got the whole house to ourselves then, yeah? How’s about we go downstairs and you let me make things right?”
“No, I’d rather talk about what happened last night.”
He came up behind me to wrap his hands around my waist. “Why talk when I can make it up to you?”
Oh, it was tempting to fall into that familiar rhythm, but this time I recognized the ploy for what it was. I turned around, wanting to see his eyes. “You can’t keep shutting me out and then trying to distract me with sex.”
“I ain’t distracting you, I thought I was making things right.”
“Sex doesn’t automatically fix everything. I can’t just forget about what happened last night, or how things are between us.”
Rob pushed away from the counter, his face drawing into a scowl. “There’s nothing wrong between us.”
“You don’t seriously believe that, do you?”
“So I lost my temper last night. I brung you flowers to apologize, that should be the end of it. You’re making a big fuss over nothing.”
“This space between us isn’t nothing, Rob. I miss what we used to have. When’s the last time we spent an evening sitting in front of the fire talking like we used to, or watching a movie together?”
“You’re always working and so am I, that’s to be expected.”
“No, people who care about each other make time to spend together.”
“We spend plenty of time together.”
“Yes, in bed,” I pointed out.
“That’s the best kind of time together, when I can show you what you mean to me.”
“I’m not saying it isn’t wonderful, but that can’t be all we’re about. Why can’t you tell me what’s going on in your life lately? Why can’t I be a part of it?”
His face darkened, jaw tightening. “I’ll come back when you’re in a better mood,” he ground out, but I put on a burst of speed to block him from leaving.
“Where did you go tonight when you left the house, Rob?”
“I went out for a bit, that’s all.”
“Where did you go?”
“I went to see Laveda. What’s with all the questions? Ain’t I allowed to see family?”
At least he hadn’t lied about it, but he hadn’t exactly opened up either. “Of course you are, I didn’t say you shouldn’t see her. I merely asked what you’d been up to tonight.”
“I ain’t your subject for you to order around,” he growled, growing more agitated by the second.
“I never said you were. Rob, whatever it is you’re dealing with, I want to help.” I didn’t make any accusations about drugs, I wanted him to be the one to bring it up first.
Instead, his brows drew together into a single dark line, the furrow above them deep. “Don’t need your bloody help. I’m four times your age. I can bloody well take care of myself without you sticking your smeller into it,” he bit out.
Refusing to be cowed, I stood up to him, not allowing him an inch. “You’re not taking care of yourself, that’s the whole point. I may be young but I’m not stupid. This isn’t you. It’s like you’re a different person lately.”
“Well, I am, ain’t I? The man I was is dead and gone thanks to you.”
His words were designed to hurt, and they did, but I wasn’t about to back down and let him blow me off. “I’m sorry for what you lost, but I don’t regret turning you. Not if it was the only way for you to live. I know it’ll take some time to adjust and I know you can handle it alone. You don’t have to though, I’m here for you. It doesn’t make you less of a man to accept my help.”
For a split second I thought I’d gotten through to him, but then his eyes hardened. “You don’t know a bloody thing about me. You think just because I’ve spun a few tales for you about my childhood that you know what I’m about?”
“Yes, I think I do. You can say whatever you want, but I know a part of you that you’ve kept hidden from almost everyone else in this world. And I know when you’re hurting. Just tell me, what’s bothering you? What’s got you so crazy that you let yourself get mixed up with drugs and God knows what else?”
