by J. B. Havens
“What? I’m always nice!” Jeremiah joked. “Come here, give me some sugar.”
Not waiting for Willow to close the distance between them, he scooped her up in a hug that lifted her feet from the ground. Jealousy coursed through Nathan before he remembered the other man was gay—even if he was in the closet. If it was anyone else, Nathan would have a serious issue with another man putting his hands on her in such a familiar way. He paused, recalling when Willow had told him how she’d pulled a shotgun on her ex. Even though she didn’t need him to be her knight in shining armor—she was more than capable of taking care of herself—it still didn’t mean Nathan would let anyone hurt her or come between them.
“Put me down, you overgrown child,” Willow chided.
Jeremiah obeyed her with a grin, then turned his attention to Nathan and held out his hand. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, son. Your girl here has told me a lot about you. Let me just say thank you for your service, and I’m glad you came home in one piece.”
Nathan wasn’t offended, nor surprised, when the other man called him “son”. Even though there was only about a five- to seven-year difference in their ages, Jeremiah seemed like an old soul. He undoubtedly used the word with affection, and that’s how it was taken. Nathan shook the proffered hand. “Thank you. I appreciate that. Willow’s told me a lot about you too. Thank you for befriending her and helping her out with everything. Knowing she has a friend like you here eases my mind when I’m in Kansas.”
“It’s been my pleasure. She’s a breath of fresh air in this stuffy town.”
Nathan chuckled at that. “I’m sure she is. And don’t worry, hurting her is the last thing I’d ever do.”
“Glad to hear it.”
Willow shook her head at both of them. “I knew you’d get along with each other. Anyway, I’m actually glad we ran into you, Jeremiah, I was going to call you later. Would you mind taking a ride with us tomorrow to see the alpaca farm? I know there’s a pretty big difference between cattle and alpacas, but they’re still animals being raised on a ranch. I thought maybe you’d come up with some questions or observations I might totally miss.”
The man winked at her. “I’d love to help you out—you should know that by now. And that’s the great thing about having a foreman and a bunch of ranch hands—the boss gets to take off almost whenever he wants. What time do you want to leave?”
“I told the guy’s nephew we’d be there at ten, and it’s over in Redworth.”
“I know where that is. Better pick me up by eight—we’ll probably hit some traffic on the interstate.”
“Eight it is. I’ll bring the coffee. Thank you so much.”
“My pleasure.” He clapped his hands once. “Now that that’s settled, why don’t you two head on over to my place around five tonight? One of my ranch hands, Ethan, got engaged to his girlfriend the other night, and we’re having a small barbecue to celebrate.” His gaze darted to Nathan. “Willow’s already met all my workers, and like her, I’m sure you’ll fit right in.”
Nathan was liking Willow’s friend more and more, especially knowing the man had zero romantic or sexual interest in her, and honestly even if he did, Jeremiah still seemed like a hell of a guy. He shrugged and looked at Willow. “I’m game if you are, sweetheart.”
She nodded her assent before turning back to Jeremiah. “What can we bring?”
“If you have a specific beer you’d like, bring that. Food will be more than covered. Oh,” he said, snapping his fingers. “Camp chairs. We never have enough to go around.”
“Sure? I’d feel bad not bringing something more than that.”
“I’m sure, Willow-girl. However, the chance to grill your new man is going to be more than enough for me.”
“Bring it on. There’s nothing you can ask or say that’ll scare me off of this one.” Nathan pulled her closer to his side, kissing the top of her head.
“You two are so sweet you’re making my teeth ache. On that note, I’m gonna get going. I’ll see you later, kiddies!”
“Oh, you’re a riot, you know that, Jeremiah?” Willow shouted at his back as he walked away. “I can’t wait until you meet someone––I’m going to bust your balls so hard, dude!” The man just took his hat off, waved it in the air, and laughed as he strode to his truck.
Willow tugged on Nathan’s hand. “Well, come on. Looks like we have to go buy some beer and camp chairs after we run the other errands.”
“Lead the way, baby.” He really meant that. He’d follow this woman anywhere. How was he feeling so much for her in such a short time? He felt like he’d stepped onto the set of a Hallmark movie or some damn thing. He still didn’t understand how this amazing woman wanted to be with him, but he wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. He was one lucky bastard, that was for sure. Grinning to himself, he followed Willow toward the entrance to the feed & supply store, making no attempt to stop from watching her perfectly round ass wiggle as she walked in front of him.
Damn, he sure did love watching her walk.
Chapter Nineteen
When they got back to the house, they had several hours to kill, so Nathan suggested they go through a few of the remaining boxes filled with her father’s papers and other things. He really wanted her to find something positive about the man who’d never been part of her life until after his death.
Nathan followed as Willow led him down the short hallway to the overhead door to the attic. “When Jeremiah and his ranch hands helped me clean this place out, there was stuff everywhere. It was too much to go through all at once to see what was worth keeping and what wasn’t. They packed up all the papers, and anything that looked like it might be worth saving, into boxes and put them up here for me.” She pulled the string that released the stairs and stepped back as they unfolded. “I managed to get through most of them, but there are still a few left. Let’s carry them down and go through everything in the front room where we’ll have the most space.”
“Lead the way, my lady. Your pack horse awaits.” He teasingly slapped her ass and followed her up the steps before ducking his head to avoid the low beams. He was hoping they didn’t need to spend too much time in the cramped space-—he wasn’t looking forward to braining himself, which was bound to happen if he was up there too long.
“Pack horse. Ha ha. Soldier boy got jokes, huh?” She pointed to a stack of five large, plastic storage boxes that looked pristine compared to their dusty cardboard counterparts that’d been stored up there for what had to have been decades. “I think these are all of them. Eventually, I’ll go through the rest of this shit that was already up here when I moved in.” Waving her hand around to encompass the attic, which was overflowing with faded boxes held together with yellowed tape, broken pieces of furniture, and two mattress and box spring sets, she sighed.
“Soldier boy? Really? You know we don’t like that, right?” Gently elbowing her aside, he hefted one box up against his chest and carefully made his way to the ladder.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it.” The warmth of her palm running down his back soothed him even as it heated his blood.
“I know, baby, it’s okay.” His gaze shifted to something behind her. “Who’s that? He looks too old to be your father.”
She glanced over her shoulder to the large portrait of an older man. “Oh, that was hanging over the living room fireplace when I moved in. According to Jeremiah, that’s my father’s great-uncle, Simon Hillcrest. He owned the ranch when Jason came to live with him and left it to him when he died. Simon never married and didn’t have any kids. It’s a creepy picture—his eyes seem to follow you when you move—but I felt funny throwing it out, since he’s technically a relative, so I just stuck it up here.”
Nathan took several steps to his left and then to the right. “Holy shit—you’re right. His eyes do follow you. Ugh, that gives me the chills.” He shook his arms and shoulders in an exaggerated move before gesturing to the group of boxes. “All right. G
rab one of those and let’s get this done.”
Two trips later, they sat on the floor of the living room, dust floating around them as they began sorting papers.
“What are you looking for exactly?” Nathan asked, setting aside what appeared to be copies of property taxes from almost thirty years ago.
“I don’t really know—just anything that looks different. Not records or receipts. I mean, I get cattle operations need to keep logs of births and everything, but all the cattle are gone. I don’t need any of that. I’m hoping to find something more personal. Something that tells me more about who my father was.”
“Okay, I’ll just put aside anything I think you need to look at and throw out the stuff I know is junk.”
“Thanks.” Craning her neck to the left, she shouted, “Alexa, play eighties rock!”
“The station, eighties rock, on Amazon Music,” the electronic voice replied before the opening cords for “Welcome to the Jungle” filled the air.
“Just another thing I really like about you, Willow,” Nathan said as he put aside more papers for the trash after determining they were logs from the 1995 calving season. “You have excellent taste in music.”
“Hmm. What else do you like about me?” she asked, with a smirk on her lips and a twinkle in her eye.
“I’m not going to tell you—what fun would that be? I’d much rather show you.” Winking, he sifted through another stack of calving logs in the box in front of him, and his hand bumped against something hard near the bottom. “Hang on a second, I think I’ve got something.” Pulling the papers out, he found a small wooden chest beneath them. It was made from rich dark wood, mahogany perhaps, and inlaid with cherry blossoms. It was about an inch or two longer than the length of a legal-size envelope and maybe four inches thick. Lifting it from the cardboard box, he handed it over to Willow’s eager hands.
“What the?” she mumbled to herself, turning it over in her hands. Her eyes narrowed. “How does it open? I don’t see a latch.”
“Let me see it a sec.” She gave the chest back to him, and he examined each of the six sides from every angle. Something inside rattled and shifted, but it didn’t sound broken. He ran his fingertips across the inlaid flowers, noticing they weren’t perfectly smooth. “Hmm.”
“What?” Willow scooted closer to him—her thigh pressed tightly against his as she watched him fiddle with the box.
“I think . . . hang on.” He pushed down firmly on the largest of the flowers, surprised when a soft click sounded and the lid popped open. “It’s a puzzle box.” Not opening it any further, he passed it to Willow.
She studied it in awe. “That is so cool. What was so important to him that he had to keep it in a puzzle box?” Her fingers gripped the lid, but then she paused, as if almost afraid to look inside.
“Open it and see,” he encouraged her. “If I had secrets to keep, this looks like a good place to stash them.” He was nervous for her. She’d been searching for answers, and it looked like she might find them within the keepsake. Would they be everything she’d hoped for? He didn’t know, but he was willing to be by her side while she figured it out.
Willow stared at the gorgeous but mysterious box as her heart pounded and her hands shook. “I don’t know why I’m so afraid.”
Nathan set a reassuring hand on her trembling arm. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling.”
Nodding, she took a deep breath then lifted the lid the rest of the way. Inside she found a stack of letters tied together with a simple piece of baling twine. Trust a rancher to use whatever was practical. That more than anything told her these were left there by her father. A woman would never use baling twine to tie something important together like that. She pulled the packet of letters free and handed the box to Nathan without even looking at him. Her eyes were glued to the front of the top letter.
Cheryl Crawford.
No address, just her mother’s name, handwritten in black ink.
“Is that your mom?” Nathan wrapped his arm around her, pulling her fully against his side.
“Y-yeah.” She swallowed what felt like a lump the size of a boulder. Scraping her nail down the twine, she looked up at him. “Will you think it terrible of me if I said I wanted to look at these alone?”
“Of course not, baby. How about I go start some lunch for us? Come find me when you’re ready.” He kissed her softly and put the box beside her knee before rising and leaving the room.
Slipping the twine free, she selected the top envelope and put the rest of the stack back into the box. When she pulled out the letter, a photo fluttered out, landing softly on her lap. It was small and faded with age. A tall, young man stood behind her even younger looking mother, holding her flush against his body. A black Flyers ball cap shaded his face, but his grin was a mile wide and was matched by the bright smile on her mom’s face. Willow knew that cap—had even worn it several times since moving there and finding it in the hall closet.
Her mother couldn’t have been more than sixteen in the picture. Thinking back, Willow realized she’d never seen any pictures of her mom from when she’d been a pregnant teen. There’d only been photos of her mother when she’d been much younger or after Willow had been born. There certainly had never been pictures of her with this man—Jason.
After gently putting the picture with the other letters, she unfolded the pages in her hand. She took a deep breath, feeling as if she was balanced on a precipice. She knew, intrinsically, that everything she ever knew about her mother, and everything she didn’t know about her father, was about to change.
May 29
My Beloved Cherry,
As I write this, knowing that I will never send it, I question my sanity. Why am I torturing myself this way? Though I don’t suppose it makes much of a difference. The memory of you lives so strong within me, I know that for the rest of my days, you’ll be the only woman I’ll ever love. Yes. Woman. No matter what our families say, you are a woman. My woman. Just as I am your man. It will always be so, even as the miles between us stretch on forever, you’re in my heart and I can only pray that I’m in yours as well.
Leaving you behind today was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I will never get the image of your tear-stained face from my mind. Your sorrow slayed me and broke my heart into a million pieces. Even streaked with tears, with red, swollen eyes, you’re still the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.
I know your heart is shattered, just as mine is. I know you’ll probably blame me for not fighting harder for us. Love shouldn’t come with conditions. As pure as my feelings for you are, your family is right in some ways. I’m too old for you. You have your whole life ahead of you, and you don’t need a poor bastard like me hanging like a load-stone around your pretty neck. While part of me knows that, the other part is unwilling to let you go forever.
My parents insisted I go to my uncle’s ranch in Antelope Rock, Wyoming, where I can work for him. I’m on my way there now, since I have nowhere else to go. Can you imagine? A south Philly boy like me living in Wyoming? I’ve visited him there before. It’s been a few years though, but I mostly know what to expect. I don’t think it’ll be a bad life, other than living there without you. But, Cherry baby, you know if I tried to stay with you, I’d be in jail and you’d still be alone. I care nothing for myself, but I can’t let you live with that guilt.
They’re calling my bus. I have to go. I love you, Cherry, always and forever, until the stars burn out and the sky falls, my heart will beat for you.
Always yours,
J
Willow carefully re-folded the letter and returned it to its envelope. Her movements were precise and careful. She was positive if she moved too quickly, she’d splinter into minuscule pieces, never to be the same. Something wet splashed against the back of her hand, and she realized she was crying. Helpless under the onslaught of her emotions, she gave up fighting and allowed herself to feel every iota of injustice, rage,
and grief. Sobs tore painfully from her throat as she gasped for air.
“Willow!” Nathan shouted, and his heavy footfalls ran toward her.
Within seconds, she was gathered tightly in his embrace as her heart broke for the love her parents had and were denied. It all made sense now. Well, maybe not all, but a few things were clearer to her now. Others were still a mystery. Her father hadn’t mentioned the pregnancy—had he not known?
“Willow, baby?” The concern in Nathan’s voice just made her cry harder. It wasn’t fair! Her parents had been torn apart by their parents. Instead of letting Willow, her mother, and Jason be a family, they hadn’t given them any choice.
“J-just . . .” She hiccupped, then managed to get the rest of her plea out. “Don’t let me go.”
“Never, baby, that’s never going to happen.” He pulled her fully into his lap and rocked her gently while running his fingers through her hair and kissing her temple. “I’ve got you, shh. It’s okay.”
Clutching fistfuls of his shirt, she let herself cry in a way she hadn’t since she’d been a child. Her chest ached with the force of it, and her head was starting to pound, but still the tears flowed.
She didn’t know how much time passed as he held her, but neither moved until her gasping sobs slowed and finally stopped. Nathan’s shirt was soaked under her cheek, but she made no effort to leave his comforting embrace. “I’m sorry,” she whispered in a hoarse voice.
He ran a hand up and down her back in a soothing manner. “Nothing to be sorry for, Wannabe. Come on—up you go. I want you to drink a glass of water, take some Tylenol, and get into bed. When you wake up, you can tell me all about it.”
