by Zane
“Don’t you see that this is fate?” Nancy was determined to make her point. “You’re the one who’s always preaching about how there’s always a reason. You said there was a reason why you and Aleck met and slept together in Jamaica; so that you could have A.J. You got married, cool, but that shit didn’t work out. Now God has given you another chance to—”
“To break up Aleck’s happy home?”
That shut her ass up…for all of three seconds.
“Did you sleep with him in Dallas, Kiss?”
The question hung in the air like a cloud of smoke.
Calibri tried to break the ice by snickering. “You all calm down. Nancy, you shouldn’t ask her that. I’ll admit that I asked her in the car, but that was before I realized Aleck was married. I’m sure Kiss wouldn’t sleep with a married man. She’s not that woman.”
I started flipping through television channels with the remote, looking for Martin.
“You’re not that woman. Right, Kiss?” Calibri asked.
I found the correct channel and even though I was tempted to turn the volume all the way up, I hit the mute button instead.
“Not that it is any of your business, but I will tell you…only because the two of you have been there for me and A.J. from the beginning.” I paused. “Yes, Aleck and I succumbed to a moment of weakness and engaged in intimacy in Dallas.”
I realized that I was making it sound more like a romance novel than straight, cold fucking.
“The next morning we both came to our senses and realized that we can never have a true relationship. He went his way and I went mine. I have no regrets about it, so I hope that you ladies will drop the subject. I don’t wish to discuss it further.”
They were quiet for a good two minutes while I turned the volume back up and the opening scene came on. Holding true to form, Nancy had to get in the last word.
“Kiss, okay, I am going to make one comment and then I swear that I will leave this alone.”
I glared at her. “What comment?”
She sighed. “You can sit here and try to pretend like what happened was no big deal. You can be nonchalant about it until the end of time, but you love that man and I don’t think that’s ever going to change.”
“Thanks for the revelation,” I stated sarcastically. I got up from the recliner. “I’m going to grab a wine cooler. Anyone else want one?”
As I headed toward the kitchen, they both said, “No thanks.”
I got my wine cooler and reached into the drawer to get a bottle opener. I struggled to get the cap off and finally gave up, after I could not get my hand-eye coordination together. It probably had something to do with the tears that were streaming down both my cheeks, blurring my vision.
ATLANTA, GEORGIA
AUGUST 2006
KISS
A.J. was starting college and I could not be more excited. He had gotten a full athletic scholarship to Morehouse College for football. All the years of driving him back and forth to practice has paid off financially and we sure could use the assistance. It has not been easy for me over the years. Going back and forth to New York from California had proven to be too much for me. While I did not mind the travel before I had A.J., he was the reason that I had given up performing in the circus. Yet, there I was still away from home constantly. I started guilt-tripping and feeling like an unfit parent, even though he had a nanny. I wanted to be the one there for him.
I gave up my property management job shortly after I ran into Aleck in Dallas and started selling life insurance. It was quite a career jump and it was not for me. People do not like discussing life insurance because that means discussing death. The only job more difficult than a life insurance agent is selling cemetery plots. People really aren’t trying to deal with that concept—being lowered into the ground. There is no way to make “final resting place” sound appealing.
After three years of selling life insurance, I was bored to death—no pun intended. I got into the whole cellular phone boom and sold a bunch of those bad boys until the fad became the norm and people were no longer looking for new service, just upgrading to the newer gadgets. Plus, I was still bored. Calibri opened a restaurant and wanted me to partner with her but that did not interest me. Nancy wanted me to go into this “virtual assistant” business with her. I was proud of my friends being entrepreneurs, but those were their dreams, not mine.
I searched to “find myself” and keep food on the table and clothes on our backs. Then I decided to do something drastic and moved to Atlanta in 2001, shortly after the terrorist attacks. If life was going to be that unpredictable, I was definitely going to begin treating every single day as a gift—something that I should have been doing all along.
There was something about Atlanta that had always appealed to me. The Dirty South, the way African Americans were doing so well there, the cleanliness of the downtown area. A.J. had mixed feelings about moving because he had only ever lived in California. Let’s face it; most people in the East are trying to get to Cali. I was trying to get the hell out of there.
It was a huge undertaking, leaving my friends and family like that. My parents were retired and chilling at their beach home. They offered to let us come stay with them, assuming that my move was totally financial instead of because of my needing a change. Of course, they wanted their grandchild near them. He was their only one and that made him the most precious thing on Earth to them. They would be able to visit often, I assured them. I also promised to send A.J. back west to see them several times a year, during his school breaks and the summer.
Things worked out well those first years in Atlanta. I decided to get over all my fear factors. I went skydiving; I rode a motorcycle; and I got me a monster truck with tires that came up to my shoulders. I had a sticker in my rear window that read “Not only boys have big toys” and people were shocked when they realized a woman was driving it.
A.J.’s friends at Benjamin E. Mays High School thought I was the coolest mother around and I agreed. I did not try to smother him and while it was hard not to be too overprotective once he started dating, going to parties and driving, I managed to find that perfect equilibrium. He was the captain of the football team at Mays and the girls adored him. He looked so much like Aleck that it was scary. I was always reminded of the man that I wanted to love up close but had to cherish from afar.
I had dated several men over the years, but nothing serious. I had sex with them to meet my basic needs but steered away from developing any real feelings. The men in Atlanta thought they were special and in high demand because women put them on a pedestal. As I grew older, I realized that a lot of women my age were willing to accept a bunch of nonsense from men just so they could lay claim to one; even if they were sharing him. None of that was for me, so I fucked a man from time to time and then sent his ass home or got up and returned to mine. I liked it that way, too. No one to demand food on the table when he got home from work. No one to try to be the head of the household. No one to shove his dick into me when I was least expecting it, or wanting it.
On the day that A.J. was moving into the dorm, everything changed for me. A.J. had told me that his new roommate had a similar nickname, M.J. Even though I had never acknowledged that A.J. was really a junior of a man he had never met—I told him that was his great-great-grandfather’s first name—I figured that M.J. was definitely a junior. What I was not prepared for was that his name was Michael, Jr. and that his father was the same Mike from Jamaica, Aleck’s best friend.
Mike was in the room when we showed up, helping to unpack his son’s belongings. It turned out that M.J. was the second youngest of Mike’s four sons. He had had two already when we met in Jamaica and his wife became pregnant shortly after he returned home. Mike took one look at A.J. and knew the truth. There was no point in trying to deny it when he followed me to my truck, asking questions faster than I could register them all.
I agreed to meet Mike for drinks later that night, begging him not to cause a
scene or tell A.J. anything about his father. We met in the Omni Hotel lobby and had a lengthy conversation, where he lambasted me for not being honest with Aleck. Aleck had told him about running into me in Dallas, and about the sex that had ensued. Mike also informed me that our indiscretion had ended Aleck’s marriage a few years later, when he came clean to his wife, Janice, about the affair. I was in shock and I was speechless.
I apologized to Mike but he said, “Kiss, I’m not the one you need to be apologizing to.”
“You’re right,” I said hesitantly. “Do you have a number where I can reach him?”
“I can do one better than that,” Mike said. “Aleck’s upstairs, in Room 932.”
My mouth fell open. “He’s here…in Atlanta?”
“Yes, he rode down here with M.J. and me to help me drive back. He didn’t come to the dorm earlier today because he had a stomachache.” Mike slid a pass key across the table to me. “I’m in a different room but he gave me one of his keys, so I could check on him later.”
Mike stood up. “I’m going to take M.J. and A.J. to the movies.” I gasped. “Don’t worry. I promise that I will not say a word to your son. This is not my mess.” He paused. “Kiss, as you know, I am anything but perfect. Far the fuck from it. There’s one thing that can never be denied, though. I love my kids; they’re everything to me. Aleck has always talked about having a son. Here it is that he has one, in college, and he doesn’t even know that he exists.”
I fought back tears. “I was wrong. I see that now.”
He caressed my shoulder. “Then make things right.”
I watched Mike walk off and then stared at the pass key while I finished off my rum and Coke. I sat there another thirty minutes or so, trying to find the guts to go upstairs. He was going to hate me, I was convinced. Why wouldn’t he hate me?
I called Nancy and asked her to get Calibri on three-way. I needed a serious pep talk. Nancy got onto the entire “I told you so” trip and I wanted to reach through the phone and strangle her ass. Calibri was more sympathetic and told Nancy that we cannot focus on the past but deal with the present. Calibri even offered to get on the first thing smoking from California so she could be there by the morning. There was nothing she could do so I told her thanks, but no thanks.
After I got off the phone with them, I went into the ladies’ room and sat on the toilet for another ten or fifteen minutes, with the lid down and my pants up, trying to practice what I was going to say to Aleck.
“Hey, Aleck. Long time, no see. By the way, we have a son in college.”
“Aleck, I have to tell you something. My son is your son. I lied. So what else is new?”
“Aleck, sorry to hear about your divorce. Want to go meet your son?”
No, none of that shit was going to fly. I sucked in my chest and got up off the toilet, flushed it to pretend like I was using it, and then put on a show of washing my hands. I played with my hair because it had become ruffled, put on some fresh lipstick and powdered my face. Then I went out to find the bank of elevators.
As the elevator ascended to the ninth floor, I could feel my heart leaping in my chest. There were butterflies in my stomach. I was sweating. Room 932 was in the middle of the hallway. I rapped lightly at first, then remembered the pass key and pondered on using it. I hesitated when he did not answer but then slid it into the lock. The green light came on and I pushed. The room was dark and the air was dry. Aleck had the heat up high, even though it was August in the South.
I could make out his form on the bed, his beautiful form. He was snoring loudly and it made me smile. I remembered his snoring, even though I had only heard it twice. He was a heavy sleeper. I was not sure whether to climb into bed with him or cut on the light. I wanted him badly. The thought of him lying there in that bed made my pussy wet. It was calling out his name: Aleck.
As much as I wanted to get butt naked and attack him, I had to be sensible so I walked over to the bed and cut on the light on the nightstand. Aleck stirred. I sat down beside him and rubbed his back.
“Aleck?”
“Kiss,” he replied in his sleep. He knew my voice.
“Aleck, we need to talk.”
One of his eyes popped open, then the other. “Am I dreaming?”
“No, you’re not. Mike gave me your room key. We ran into each other today.”
Aleck wiped the drool from the side of his mouth and sat up, adjusting his eyes to the light. There was a discomfort as we both tried to decide whether to hug, kiss, or do nothing at all. Instead, he ran his fingers through my hair.
“What are you doing here in Atlanta?” he asked.
“Long story.” I laughed. “Long-ass story.”
“Mike’s son is going to Morehouse. I rode down here with him to—”
“I know,” I said, cutting him off. “That’s where we first ran into each other. M.J. and A.J. are roommates. What are the odds of that?”
“A.J.” I could tell that it hit him. “Your son’s name is Aleck, right?”
“Yes.”
“But he’s not a junior. Why do you call him A.J.?”
I stared at him. “You’ve always been smarter than the average bear.”
“Maybe you need to explain this to me, Kiss. What I’m thinking could not possibly be.” He sat up even further. “You told me that he wasn’t mine.”
“I lied to you, Aleck. He is your son.” For a moment, Aleck stared me down and I could see the pain in his eyes. “I realize now that I was wrong, but I was trying to do the right thing.”
“Do the right thing?!” He got loud then. “How could not telling me that I have a son be doing the right thing?”
“It’s okay if you hate me, Aleck. I have hated myself on and off throughout the years. It was never an ideal situation. Raising a child alone, him never knowing his father, me lying because it was a one-night stand.”
“But what about when you saw me in Dallas?”
“You were married. Like I said then, I could not be responsible for breaking up another woman’s home.”
“Does he know that I’m his father?” Aleck asked.
“No, he hasn’t a clue and I’m not quite sure how I’m going to tell him.”
“Who does he think his father is?”
“I told him that you died in an automobile accident before he was born.”
“Damn, Kiss!”
Aleck got up from the bed and started putting on his clothes. He had on boxers and a wife beater but was quickly getting into some jeans, a T-shirt and a pair of sneakers.
“We have to go tell him, right this second.”
“Mike took the two of them to the movies. I’m not sure what time it started but they’ve got to still be there.”
Aleck stood in the middle of the floor. “Does he look like me?”
“He looks like you spit his ass out. I was merely the vessel.”
Aleck grinned. “What’s he like?”
“Smart. Athletic. He has a full scholarship…for football.”
“What do you think he’s going to say?”
“He’s going to be mad, that much I know for sure,” I said, then immediately broke out in tears. “He’s going to hate me…just like you do.”
I buried my head into a pillow. I felt Aleck sit down on the bed and then he caressed the small of my back. “I do not hate you, Kiss. I love you. I’ve always loved you.”
“But can you forgive me?” I asked, even though my voice was muffled.
“I have to forgive you. Love is forgiving.” He continued to console me and his fingertips sent electricity up my spine. “I’m divorced. I told Janice about my feelings for you and she ended the marriage.”
“You shouldn’t have told her,” I said, sitting up and looking at him. “It was a good marriage.”
“It was a matter of convenience, not love. I went back to her, after Dallas, and tried to resume a normal relationship. But she was just a substitute for you, Kiss. Every woman that I have been with since 1987 has
been a substitute for you.”
“God, I can’t believe that it’s been almost twenty years.”
“Twenty years of time wasted.” He leaned in and placed a soft kiss on my lips. “I don’t want to waste any more of it.”
Aleck and I made love for the rest of the night and made a promise that we would fornicate under the consent of the king for the rest of our lives. The next day I was a nervous wreck as we set out to tell A.J. the truth. Kids are interesting people. They take things better than we ever could. A.J. was confused and inquisitive at first, but never angry. He was happy to have a father in his life and neither of them could get over how much they resembled each other.
Aleck moved to Atlanta to be with us and we were married that New Year’s Eve. To this day, we make the most of every day and never look back. Every night, when Aleck settles down to sleep inside of me, because I love to feel his dick pulsating against my walls while I am in a deep slumber, I thank God for him…for us.
Let this serve as a lesson for those of you who have loved someone and had to let them go. Things never happen on our time… they happen on His time. If things do not work out the first time, or even the second time, there can always be another time and another place.
ABYSSINIA, ETHIOPIA
MAY 2008
A.J.
I was stunned. No…stunned did not describe it. It had to be some type of mistake, or a weird coincidence.
“What’s wrong, Honey?” my girlfriend Jasmine asked, taking my hand.
“Do you see this?” I asked, pointing with my other hand. She stared at the painting and I could feel her start to shiver. “Can you believe it?”
“It can’t be,” Jasmine whispered. “Impossible.”
“Yes, it’s impossible, but yet, there they are…in vivid color.”
Jasmine and I had been dating for a year. My parents insisted that they wanted me to take a historical vacation and decided to pay for the two of us to travel to Ethiopia. My dad had paid to have a genealogy test done—one of those mail order things where he swabbed the inside of his mouth and sent it off for the results. It came back that his genes traced back to Ethiopia, which was news to him. He was so excited that he suggested that we go see the culture there.
