by Liv Brywood
She snuggled deeper into his embrace and sighed. The temptation to forgive him weighed heavily on her heart. She wanted to do it, but at what cost? Would he walk away the moment she’d freed him of his guilt? What would it take to make him stay?
She didn’t want to give in to delusional fantasies. Dreaming of rebuilding their relationship was just that—a dream. They could never be anything more because she didn’t know how to trust him.
As his lips lowered to meet hers, she knew she should push him away. But the prospect of kissing him overrode all logic. She wanted to deny the need burning deep in her soul, but she couldn’t. She needed him. She’d been waiting for him for fifteen years. Now that he was here, she wasn’t about to let him leave again.
8
Dusty held back a moan as her lips met his. He never imagined he’d have Laurie back in his arms again, and now that he had her, he never wanted to let her go. He had no idea what their future would hold, but he didn’t care. He could figure it all out later.
As his lips melted against hers, his bear clawed at his ribs. Desperate to reclaim their mate, his bear wanted to rush everything. But Dusty didn’t want to hurry. He wanted to savor every moment of the kiss. Touching her awakened a part of him that he’d thought was dead. It wasn’t. For the first time in fifteen years, his heart beat in time with his mate’s. He had to find a way to fix things between them. But how?
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. A soft sigh escaped her lips. He deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue between her lips.
An electric shock of recognition danced across his tongue. He was kissing his mate. There was no denying it.
As their tongues glided across each other, the need to touch her blossomed. He gently tugged her shirt out of her jeans. His fingers trailed across the soft flesh on the small of her back before meandering up.
When the pads of his fingers met rough flesh, he froze. The scars weren’t just on her face and neck. They were everywhere.
He pulled back in shock. She scrambled out of his lap and stood with her arms wrapped across her chest. She wouldn’t meet his questioning gaze.
“I’m sorry, I—”
“You should go.”
“I didn’t mean to—”
“It’s okay. You’re not the first man to react like that.”
The thought of any other man putting his hands on her had his bear in an instant rage.
“Were there other men?” he asked, even while knowing that he had no right to ask it.
“Just one. Goodnight.”
She walked into the house and closed the door behind her.
He stood on the porch for several minutes while he tried to figure out what to do. Should he apologize? Should he leave?
He kicked himself for reacting to her scars. He shouldn’t have done it. It didn’t matter that her skin wasn’t smooth. He wasn’t turned off at all by it. The desire he’d always felt for her still burned hot. If only he hadn’t ruined everything by being an ass.
A few minutes after she’d closed the door, the lights inside the house went dark. He sighed. Tonight could have been the first step toward rebuilding their relationship, but he’d messed up. Again. Because that’s what he did. He was a fuck up who couldn’t get his shit together. She deserved better. She deserved someone who had his life together. What did he have to offer her? Nothing.
He kicked a rock from the porch into the overgrown grass in her front yard. He frowned. She shouldn’t have to worry about mowing the damn lawn. She should have someone who could help her with it. Not that she couldn’t do it herself, but if he was still her boyfriend, she’d never have to worry about doing chores around the house.
He laughed sharply. Why even contemplate it when he knew they would never end up together? So much for pipe dreams. And why was he dreaming of being with her anyway? He was only back in town because he needed to figure out what to do with his nephew and his sister’s house. He wasn’t here to rekindle long-dead relationships.
As he walked back to town, his bear growled low in his throat. The beast was furious that Dusty had ruined the kiss. Trying to keep his bear inside became increasingly challenging.
“Not tonight, bear,” Duty growled.
You ruined our relationship with our mate, his bear rumbled.
“I know I fucked up. You don’t have to remind me.”
Someone needs to do it. She’s our mate. You have to stop denying it and claim her.
“It’s not that easy.”
Why not?
“Humans are complicated.”
Don’t you love her?
“Of course.”
Then fix things. We need her. You need her.
“I know.”
His bear went silent long enough for Dusty to make it across town to the entrance to the local bar. As he stood outside, the din of country music and laughter slipped out into the night. If he took one step inside, fifteen years of sobriety would be over. It wasn’t worth it, but he couldn’t deny the temptation.
Shift, his bear snapped.
Letting the beast take over had saved him on more than one occasion. He didn’t argue. He jogged toward the woods. As soon as he was out of sight, he let his bear take over.
A ripping, searing pain sliced through his guts. His spine snapped and twisted, forming his bear’s backbone. Dusty wished his was as strong. The beast knew exactly want it wanted and never deviated. His bear wanted their mate, and damned if Dusty didn’t want her too.
He couldn’t go back tonight. He’d already ruined whatever spark they’d been slowly rekindling. No, not tonight. But soon. He had to find a way to show her how much he still cared for her. Maybe it wasn’t the right thing to do because he wasn’t considering staying, but what if he did? Could he move back to Yellowstone Mountain and endure the whispers and stares if it meant being with his mate? Was he strong enough?
He didn’t have any of the answers he needed, but he did have one thing—time. He didn’t need to rush anything. His sister’s house hadn’t been cleaned out yet. He needed to sell all the furniture and find a place to store any of his sister’s belongings that Mason might want later. There was still a lot to do, so he had time.
After racing through the woods for an hour, he slowed to a lumbering pace. He stopped to sniff the scent of other shifters. Several other bears and wolves left intersecting scent trails through the forest. He couldn’t help but fixate on one thing Laurie had mentioned. She’d let some other man touch her. Of course, she’s had every right to do it. After all, Dusty had left her with no indication that he would ever be back. And until his sister passed away, he’d had zero intention of ever returning. So why would she wait for him?
Still, it bothered him. He didn’t want any other man touching his mate. She was his. His bear was right. Dusty had been a complete fool when he’d left her fifteen years ago. He’d left her to pick up the pieces of her life after the accident. What kind of man did that?
A coward.
He plopped down onto his butt. The single most important question in the world repeated over and over in his brain: Could he handle moving back to Yellowstone Mountain?
Until he could answer that, he wouldn’t be able to move forward with his life or with his relationship with Laurie. And that was assuming she’d even want to try to rebuild their relationship.
But would she have kissed him if she wasn’t interested? He doubted it. She’d always been a strong woman, but she seemed even stronger since she’d had to endure the aftermath of the accident alone. She’d told him there was nothing to forgive, but guilt slithered through his heart. He’d left her to deal with everything alone. How could she possibly be free of resentment? Maybe she was just being nice? But then why did she kiss him?
He clawed at the earth in frustration. Confused and uncertain of his future, he ambled back to his house. After shifting, he walked into the kitchen to make himself a cup of chamomile tea. He’d discovered it during one of his AA meetings. It
had a way of soothing him without the added complications that came from drinking until he blacked out.
As he sipped tea deep into the night, the frantic energy in his body subsided. His heart slowed to a steady rhythm because he knew one thing for sure. He wasn’t ready to give up on the love they’d once shared. His bear was right. She was their mate. So, he needed to man up and become the guy she deserved. Moping around wasn’t going to change anything. Action would.
He spent the rest of the night creating a plan to win her back. He wasn’t leaving Yellowstone Mountain, not without his mate.
* * *
The following morning, Dusty woke to the constant buzzing sound of his cellphone, which was spinning around in circles on his nightstand.
Sitting, he immediately thought of Laurie.
Pick it up. Now, his bear urged.
He grabbed the phone and pressed it against his ear.
“Laurie?”
“I’m afraid not,” a man laughed from the other end of the line. It took Dusty a second to recognize his voice. Mason’s friend’s father, Don.
“Sorry about that. How can I help you?” Dusty asked.
“I was about to drive Mason home, but I was talking to him and I had an idea. The wife and I are taking Jack on a mini-vacation to our cabin in the mountains. I thought that maybe Mason could join us.”
“What about school?”
“No classes next week. It’s a Teachers-in-Conference week.”
“Oh, I see.” Dusty flushed. He should have known about the week-long school closure. A responsible person would have known. He shook his head. Until he could find someone to take care of Mason, Dusty would have to pay more attention to his nephew’s schedule. “Can I talk with Mason?”
“Sure.”
After a few seconds, Mason greeted him from the other side of the line. After assuring Dusty that he’d be on his best behavior, Dusty gave him permission to go on the trip. After placing the phone back on his nightstand, Dusty sighed heavily and considered going back to bed.
No, his bear growled, call Laurie.
The beast had been restless since last night, and Dusty was having a hard time calming it down. It seemed that shifting last night had only helped momentarily. Now his bear was back to bitching about how Dusty should be pursuing their mate.
“I can’t call her. Not right now.”
Swinging his legs off the bed, he raked one hand over his face and stifled a yawn. He’d spent the night tossing and turning, trying to think of a way to win Laurie back, but the mission he’d chosen didn’t seem like an easy one. He had no idea how to win her heart.
You have to fix this, his bear insisted with a heavy stomp. She’s our mate.
“I know that, all right?”
Shaking his head, he put on a pair of jeans and a dark shirt, and then scanned the floor for his boots. After locating them stuffed under the bed, he pulled them on. He left the room and made a beeline for the front door, grabbing his helmet before he headed out. It wasn’t the same as roaming through the woods like a bear, but a ride on his Harley always helped him clear his head.
He kept his speed under control. He didn’t want to give the townspeople one more reason to hate him. His bear ached for the adrenaline, but Dusty wasn’t willing to risk another accident just to make the beast happy.
He tried not to think about anything, but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t realize he’d driven into Laurie’s neighborhood until he drove past her house. He stopped one house down from hers. He considered knocking on her door but wasn’t sure if he should.
While he debated it, he glared at the overgrown grass on her front lawn. He didn’t know exactly why, but her lawn irked him. Someone should be helping her mow. Not some other guy, of course, but someone. Maybe he should do it.
Turning his bike around, he revved up the engine and drove straight toward the hardware store at the edge of town. He went in and grabbed one of the electric grass trimmers. His gut clenched as he made his way toward the counter. He hoped the checker wasn’t someone he knew from back in the day.—
The pretty, young clerk didn’t remember Dusty. She was too young to have known about the accident. She accepted his money with a smile and a ‘thank you’. His gut relaxed. Too bad the rest of the town wasn’t as polite. He hated to have to walk around while constantly on guard against the hateful stares. Just one more reason to leave this place.
With the trimmer strapped to his bike, he returned to Laurie’s house. He parked out front. He thought of knocking first to let her know he’d be trimming her lawn but decided against it. She might not even be home. Truth be told, he wasn’t doing it to score easy points with her. He just wanted to help. Not that trimming the lawn would make up for all the years he’d been away, but it was a start. It’s wasn’t much, but it was all he had to offer.
“Well, here we go,” he muttered under his breath. He grabbed the trimmer and stepped onto the lawn. He was about to get started when Laurie’s front door swung open.
“What are you doing?” Laurie stood on the porch with her hands on her hips.
“Trimming the lawn.” He gave her a sheepish grin and shrugged.
“I can see that. But why are you trimming my lawn?”
“It’s the least I can do.”
“You don’t owe me anything.” She looked as if she was about to say something else, but an elderly couple slowed as they walked past her house.
Dusty could tell they were listening to every word of his conversation with Laurie. He glared until they looked away.
“Listen, Laurie, I—”
“Just come inside,” she said.
He hesitated for a split second then slung the trimmer over one shoulder and marched toward her front door. Wiping his boots on the mat, he smiled as she stepped back to allow him in.
“Look,” she said as she closed the door behind them. “You have to let go of the past. What’s done is done.”
“I just wish I could do something to help you.”
“Something like cutting my lawn?” She arched a brow. An amused smile spread across her face.
“I know it’s not much, but it beats not knowing what to do.”
“What you need to do is forgive yourself. It’s in the past, Dusty. We were young and dumb. It could’ve happened to anyone. I don’t blame you. I never blamed you. It was an accident.”
She took a hesitant step forward. Their gazes locked. His heart kicked as she moved closer.
When she rose onto her tiptoes and brushed her lips against his, he groaned. Her lips were sweeter than honey and just as addictive. Part of him wonder why the hell he’d ever left. He should have stayed.
“Stop thinking and kiss me,” she whispered against his mouth.
Hell yeah, his bear roared.
9
Laurie let out a nervous laugh as she pulled away from Dusty. His eyebrows knitted together, and his lips parted, as if he wasn’t sure how to react to her sudden withdrawal.
Dragging her teeth across her bottom lip, she averted his gaze. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. Maybe kissing him hadn’t been the smartest thing to do. Things were already complicated between them. She’d just made a mess of things. Still, she didn’t regret it. In fact, she was more than ready to repeat the experience and taste his lips once more.
“Laurie, I—”
“Don’t ruin this.” She managed to offer him a nervous smile. “I don’t want to hear your apologies. I’m sick of dwelling on the past. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder at what could have been. I just want to move on. I want to focus on the future. We can’t change the past, but we can make a better future.”
“I want a better future.” He rested his hands on her waist. “Let’s start today. Let me take you out.”
“I’d love that,” she smiled softly.
Returning her smile, he closed the distance between them. He leaned in to brush a kiss across her lips. She sighed and tangl
ed her fingers into his hair. He groaned. He wanted to devour her, but she was giving him a chance to fix things. He didn’t want to screw it up by moving too fast.
When he finally broke the kiss, her flushed cheeks and parted lips sent a shot of pure desire straight to her groin. He needed her so much. No other woman in the world could make him feel like this. No other woman could twist his heart into one giant knot.
“I’ll pick you up at seven,” he whispered.
“I’ll be waiting.”
* * *
You got this, Laurie’s bear told her. The beast gently pushed its muzzle against her pounding heart. Laurie didn’t feel as confident as her bear, but she appreciated the encouragement all the same.
Standing in front of the full-length mirror in her bedroom, she did a little twirl. She would have worn a dress or something a bit more revealing, but the accident had taken that away from her. Dresses were reserved for people whose bodies weren’t covered with scars.
Instead of a dress, she’d settled on a tight pair of jeans and a turtleneck that hugged her curves. It wasn’t the sexiest outfit in the world, but she looked good. She’d even whipped out an old curling iron she’d found stuffed in the back of a drawer. After thirty nerve-wracking minutes, she’d managed to tame her hair. It tumbled in soft waves over her shoulders.
“Not bad,” she murmured.
Girl, you look hot. Her bear nodded with approval.
She glanced at her watch. It was almost time for their date. Her heart kicked into overdrive. She had to take a few calming breaths so it wouldn’t beat right out of her chest. Even though she wasn’t a teenager anymore, she still felt like one. She’d never been this excited about a date, and it worried her a bit. What if things didn’t go well?
Her bear was just as restless as she was. It bounced around in her chest until she couldn’t take it anymore.
“Calm down, bear.”
I’m just excited about our mate, the beast pouted.
