by Amo Jones
“What, Hella? Spit it out, ‘cause I ain’t got time.” I knew he had something to say. He wouldn’t be Hella if he didn’t come with his smart fucking mouth.
“That’s my sister you’re holding.”
“Yeah?” I question, my eyes blaring right through him. This fucker better watch it. I ain’t in no biker club. I fall under no one, answer to no one, and don’t need anyone to handle my shit. I’d take out their whole club and chop their bodies into itty bitty pieces before feeding them to my dogs. They like meat. “This? Her? She’s my fucking girl, so I’m pretty sure I outfuck you.” Then I spin around, dodging the warzone of bodies and making my way out the front door. I kissed Millie’s head, her heart still beating in her chest, but the blood coming through faster, heavier. “I got you, baby. I won’t let you go, not now, not ever.”
“Raze?” Amy snaps her fingers, pulling my attention back to the present.
“Yeah, what?” I respond absently, my head still half in and half out of my flashback.
Her eyebrows knit in worry. “I asked how she’s holding up.”
“She’s stable, but still in a coma. We’ve got her at home.” My tone is clipped, and it’s not because I’m not exactly pleased about her carrying Miles’ baby. I’m just an asshole, more so than usual as of late. I wish I could say I gave a fuck about her carrying Miles’ baby, though, but I don’t.
“Okay.” Amy smiles. “Well….” Her voice dies out as the deep orchestrated depressing music comes out the speakers.
I shake my head. “Miles would be turning in his fucking grave if he knew this was the kinda wake he was getting.”
Amy laughs nervously, turning back around to face me. Her blue eyes twinkle, and her natural blonde hair is up in some sort of twist. “Raze? I’m having a boy, and I obviously want to call him Miles.” She pauses, but I don’t flinch. Don’t fucking take this the way I think you’re taking this. “But I’d also love for him to have your name too, if that’s okay?” She scans my eyes and I shuffle uncomfortably. “If not, it’s fine. I don’t have to. It’s just I know how much you meant to Miles, and I—”
“Amy?”
“Yeah?” She looks terrified.
“Not now.”
She sighs. “Okay, Raze.”
I know Amy doesn’t have any family. She’ll be doing all this on her own, and I give her props for keeping the baby, even though things between her and Miles were shaky. I’m not against abortion; everyone’s situation is different and some parents feel like they don’t have another choice. Hell, some actually don’t, so I give Amy kudos for keeping it, regardless. But I’m still not comfortable with this whole thing. I mean… a fucking kid? Fuck no. I couldn’t think of anything worse. But she’s a good girl. She deserves to be happy, but it ain’t on my dick to make sure of that.
Fucking Miles.
Her face falls, and I can see sadness washing over her features.
Fucking Miles.
“Where are you staying?” I ask, sliding my phone unlocked and tapping on a new message.
“I’m at my place. It’s a shithole, but it’ll do.”
I nod, not really giving a shit, but figuring I should take her number just in case. “What’s your number and I’ll text you.”
She starts rambling off her number, and I send her a quick message so she’d have mine. “Thanks, Raze, but it’s really not needed. I got this.”
Got what?
She adds a soft smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. I have to bite down any asshole snarks, which admittedly, without Millie around, has been harder for me. Just as Amy stands from her stool, the front doors of the bar burst open and a gust of wind flows in behind it. A loud smash sounds out from the doors hitting the walls, and I whip my attention to the entryway, ready to kill whoever the fuck thinks they can interfere with this wake. When my eyes raise to the door, I draw in a deep breath.
“What the fuck is this god-awful sound, and this… this was not a part of the fucking plan!”
“Baby?” I grin.
“THE BULLET SKIMMED OVER HER neck. You’re lucky it didn’t penetrate through. It’s a surface wound, so that’s why the blood has been consistent but her pulse hasn’t died out. She’s still not awake though. That needs to be kept an eye on. I’ve set up a drip with enough fluids to get her through, as well as a catheter, so all we need now is for her to wake up.”
Everything else had died out. A surface wound? Why the fuck was she not waking up? I felt my chest grow heavier, my breathing thickening.
“Raze?” Bella warned. “Don’t you go losing your shit on me now. I’m sure she will be fine. She’s a strong girl, Raze. I mean, the spilt second I had her—”
Shaking my head, I ask, “Why the fuck isn’t she waking up?” I’m not equipped to feel anything, let alone whatever the fuck it was that Millie being hurt was doing to me.
Bella sat down beside me on Millie’s bed. I figured, if she woke up and lost her shit at me, at least she could have her own space to do it in. The last thing I wanted was for her to run, and I knew if I had put her into my room, there would’ve been a higher possibility of her running. “Look, there’s no straightforward answers when it comes to the medical world. As much as we’d like to pretend everything is as it seems, it’s not. I can’t give you an answer to that, but there is a very high possibility that she’s going to suffer from PTSD—posttraumatic stress disorder. When, or if, that happens”—she looked toward me, but I kept my eyes on the ground—“there could be different outcomes. It’s not worth stressing about right now.”
I laughed, leaning back into my chair. “Yeah, easier said than done, doc. That girl there, she was already fucked in the head. This shit, she won’t come back from. Losing Miles?” I whispered hoarsely, looking deep into Bella’s eyes. “She will never come back from that.”
“Millie!” I stand abruptly, the stool falling to the ground behind me.
Her head snaps toward me, her eyes zeroing in before she slides them to Amy and then slowly dropping to her swollen belly. Millie’s head tilts.
Jesus fuck. She’s still wearing the robe Bella put on her, and blood is trickling down her arms from the IV links being yanked out.
“Miles,” she says, her eyes glued on Amy’s belly. “That’s Miles’ baby.” Her eyes snap back up to Amy, who is understandably terrified. I step in front of Amy and toward Millie, whose eyes flick to mine in annoyance, obviously thinking I’m standing in front of the pregnant woman to protect her and her baby bump. “Oh step the fuck off, Raze. I’m not crazy.”
My eyes narrow. “You sure about that, baby?” I question, not even bothering to correct her paranoia.
“Don’t,” she states, her eyes closing as pain flashes across her beautiful features.
“Don’t what?”
“Just… shut up, Raze.” Her eyes open and go back to Amy.
“I’m not crazy. I’m just a girl who was very, very close to that baby’s dad.” Amy looks between us, before Millie sighs slightly. “I’ll be right back,” Millie murmurs, cursing under her breath about poor music choices and walking toward the jukebox. She spends five minutes there, scowling at the playlist.
“Raze!” Millie yells out, her eyes not moving off the playlist.
“Yeah, babe?”
“We’re taking this back to your place.”
“Our place,” I confirm.
She walks toward me, her shoulders pulled back in defiance but her eyes softening at my glare. “That’s still up for discussion.” Then, she looks to Amy. “Do you want to come?”
Amy bobs her head reluctantly. “Okay.”
I spin around and watch everyone. I notice Blake isn’t here. I’ll kill him, or Millie will. Can’t tell you which one of us would get to him first. Probably her, because she’s such a fucking snake. Standing on the stool, I press my fingers into my mouth and whistle loudly to everyone. The 6 are here, but The Devil’s Own aren’t. They came to the burial to show their respect, which I appreciated,
but we wanted to keep this part small. Melissa had been around the house every single day for the few days Millie had been in a coma too, driving me fucking crazy.
“My house.” I nudge my head in the direction of the door, and The 6 get up from their table in the corner, walking toward me. They all pause when they see Millie.
She storms out the door. “It’s rude to stare!”
Joker whistles. “She’s a little moody, boss.”
Yeah, fucking tell me about it.
Climbing out of the Range Rover, I run around the truck quickly, reaching out for her arm. I can’t believe she dodged the guards and caught a fucking taxi to the bar. What kind of dumbass taxi driver would pick up a crazy-looking chick wearing a robe with blood coming down her arm? She looks like she just escaped a fucking insane asylum. “Hold the fuck up, babe. You’re gonna need to calm down.”
She pauses, turning around to face me. “Raze, I’m fine, okay? I have a bit of a headache, but that’s it.”
“What do you remember?” I ask, my eyes not leaving hers.
“Can we talk about this later? I need to put on some clothes, because I look like I just broke out of a white padded room.” She yanks her hand out of mine and walks up to the front door.
Yeah, she’s not fine.
PAIN.
I PUSH OPEN THE DOOR and lead Amy in. “Go around the back. Everyone will be out there.”
“Okay.” She walks off just as cars begin pulling up. Rufus, one of my new guards, walks up to me.
“Boss? You want us to lead everyone out back?”
I nod. “Thanks.” Looking back to Millie, who’s walking up the stairs, I mutter, “I’ll be back in a sec.”
Taking the steps two at a time, I follow her into her room, seeing the mattress is messy and the IV links hanging off their hooks on the side of her bed. “Millie!” I walk in behind her, kicking the door closed behind me. “What? You think you’re the only person this has affected? Huh? Miles was my brother.”
She turns toward me. “Yes, Raze. And I said I don’t want to talk about it yet.” She walks into the closet, pulling out some of the clothes I left in there. Slipping into the bathroom, she turns the shower on.
I follow her, the running water fills the silence between us as she moves into the stall and closes herself in. “Millie, talk to me, baby.”
“Raze. I can’t.” She chokes back a sob and I move forward, swinging the shower door open until it slams against the wall.
It’s then I see she’s been crying the whole time. “Fuck,” I mutter, stepping inside the shower with her, clothes and all. “Come here.” I pull her into my chest and kiss the top of her head.
“I can’t, Raze. I can’t be here… around this place. I just can’t.”
I freeze. “Can’t what exactly?”
“I can’t be here with you right now. Everything is reminding me of Miles. I just think I need a bit of time.”
I push her backward, my hand tightening around her upper arm. Wiping her hair off her face, I search her eyes. “I’m not letting you go.” Aside from Millie being mine, I have a whole bunch of shit that needs sorting. Ikea, the leader of the organization who runs The Army, is calling me on Monday about the next moves, and I still haven’t sat down with The Devil’s Own about all the bullshit brewing between us.
Fuck, Melissa.
“We can talk about this later, but right now, you need to call your sister to let her know you’re awake. I’ll call Bella. She’ll want to run a quick check on you.”
She swipes the water from her face and looks up at me through red eyes. “How long have I been out?”
“Almost a week.”
“Shit.” She turns toward the shower and twists it off, pulling the towel down and wrapping it around her body. “A week? Really?” She looks up at me and then squeezes the towel. “I just need time, Raze.”
I narrow my eyes, walking forward until her back slams against the wall and my chest is flush against hers. Bringing my hands to either side of her head, I cage her in. “You can have all the time you need for anything—except us. I won’t let you go through this shit on your own.”
She stops, her eyes searching over the floor. “I feel selfish that I feel this hurt, when you knew him for longer and were brothers, but….”
“But you loved him too?” I confirm through gritted teeth, pushing off the wall. I’ve known for a while now how Millie felt about Miles. I knew she loved him, but I didn’t know the extent of that love. Shit, we haven’t even used that word between us.
She nods. “I did.” She looks up at me, a sad look flashing across her face. “But I love you too, Raze.” My world stops for a second. A split second. “But I still can’t do this, not right now.” Then it starts spinning in full force again. She brushes what she just said off as if she was talking about the morning news, and moves away from me.
“You can’t love me, Millie,” I scoff, looking at her.
She stops, huffs, and turns to face me. “Shut up, Raze. I do love you.” She steps up to me, her hands gripping my face and her eyes searching mine. Fucking hate when she looks at me like this. Like I’m filled with a hundred unanswered questions and she knows every single fucking answer. “I love you, and I’m not fucking afraid to say it. I won’t leave. I’ll stand by you, because I want to be with you. I do, and God knows I’m going to be here for you when you finally realize Miles is gone. Raze—gone, but I can’t do a relationship with you, not yet.”
She just said some deep shit like that, and then ended it with a “but I can’t be with you.” My hands fly out to her arms, and I push her until her back slams up against the wall again.
Her psycho little grin makes a brief appearance. “You haven’t forgotten how I like it.”
I chuckle. “Naw, babe. I haven’t.” I press into her, my cock digging into her stomach. “‘Cause I fucking taught you.” Then I grip around the back of her thighs and lift her off the ground, guiding her legs to wrap around my waist. Her lips drop down onto mine and I take them. I lick and suck them like they’re a fucking popsicle on a hot fucking day, because she’s fucking mine, and there’s no way she’s pulling that “but I can’t be with you right now” bullshit card on me. I’ll fucking kill her myself before I let her walk out of my arms again.
She smiles, tilting her head back to give me better access to her neck, and her mouth opens, ready to say something else. My hand slams onto her mouth, forcing it closed. I narrow my eyes. “Shut the fuck up, Millie. Right now, the only thing I want coming out of this mouth is my fucking cock before I force it back in.”
Her grin presses against the palm of my hand and she rotates her hips against me, rubbing herself over my dick. I groan, my eyes shutting briefly before they fly open again. A wet slickness slips across the palm of my hand that’s covering her mouth, and heat rushes straight to my fucking balls.
Fuck.
The chick I broke, fucking annihilated, could now probably match me. That’s the thing about breaking girls; they learn how to live with it and then come out on top, because they observed, felt, and lived through being broken. They weren’t born broken. They thought with a rational side of their brain once. Millie is no exception. The girl is not only the sexiest woman I’ve ever laid eyes on, but she has the kinda crazy that is rarely found now. I say rarely, because no doubt it’s a dying breed—because their husbands probably eighty-sixed their fucking asses.
Gotta admit, having my hands wrapped around Millie always gets my dick hard, and don’t get me started on the sight of blood smeared over her soft skin. Loosening the grip I have around her mouth, my thumb brushes over her bottom lip before I step backward, placing her feet on the ground.
“Get changed.” I walk out of the bathroom, taking a seat on her bed. Running my hands over my face, I rest my elbow on my knee, my hand covering my mouth. I can’t figure out if she wants to talk about losing Miles, but I wasn’t touching that subject with her right now, because where she’s hurting, I’m ang
ry.
Millie steps out of the bathroom, fully dressed and her still slightly wet hair swooped to one side. My eyelids get heavy as I look over her body. She’s lost too much weight since being in a coma, but because it’s Millie, all I want to do is wrap her legs around my neck and let my tongue slow dance with her clit. She recognizes my stare and pauses.
“Raze?” she whispers warningly.
“What?” I ask innocently, dragging my eyes up her long legs before resting on her face.
“We have guests. It’d be rude.”
I chuckle, leaning back on my elbows. “Good thing I’m not fucking polite. Bring that ass over here.”
The door bursts open, smashing against the wall. I leap off the bed and step in front of Millie, shielding her, until I see it’s Melissa, so I drop my guard.
“Millie!” Melissa runs toward her sister, pulling her into a hug. I step aside and make my way to Hella, who’s leaning against the doorframe and nudging his head at me.
“How is she?”
“Not sure,” I reply honestly, copping a quick look over my shoulder. “Still crazy as fuck, just don’t know the extent of it yet, or if it’s worse than before.” Hella watches me closely, his arms crossed over his chest. I cock my eyebrow. “Got something to voice, fucker?”
Hella snorts. “Nah, bro. But Millie is smart. She was the smarter one of the two. Just don’t tell Melissa that.” He smirks, and I narrow my eyes. I remember Millie talking about her and Hella having a thing a while ago, and him using her to get Melissa jealous. I tilt my head as I study him, wondering how mad Beast would be if I had to end his right-hand man.
His face turns serious. “Rein it in, brother. I see the crazy that lurks in your eyes. That ain’t what I was saying.”
