“Nope,” Sadie and Justin confirmed.
Now that the shock of meeting the kids was wearing off, Merle didn’t feel shy at all. “So, I’ve been thinking about this,” he said. “The last thing I remember is Pearl and me getting lost in a cave.”
“I told you not to go in there,” Pearl reminded him.
“I know, I know, and I should have listened to you, Paul, Moses, and God, but here we are,” Merle said. “By the way, thanks for rescuing us,” he said to Michael. “Any idea how long we were in there?”
Michael shook his head.
“From the looks of things, the world’s a different place since we entered that cave.” Pearl gazed around the room.
“I know!” Merle exclaimed. “It’s wonderful! Who would imagine a bowl that never runs out of water no matter how much you drink?!” Merle motioned toward Michael’s bathroom. “I was parched when I woke up. Couldn’t get enough!”
“Ewww,” Sadie whispered to Justin. “I think he drank out of the toilet.”
“And so fresh!” Merle continued.
“Yeah, it’s probably not that fresh,” Justin said.
“We were all dried out and super salty . . . I’m thinking we could have kept for a good long time in that condition, like they do with fish!” Merle guessed.
“Fish are dead before that point,” Pearl pointed out.
“Maybe squirrels can go on kicking!” Merle stood up tall and stuck his chest out. “Squirrels are survivors! So when we got wet from the rain blowing in last night, we started back up again!”
“Whoa,” Michael said. It was better than any explanation he could think of, and maybe the only plausible one. “But . . . how can you . . . talk?”
Merle and Pearl looked at each other and shrugged. “We’ve always been able to,” Pearl said.
“To . . . people?” Sadie questioned.
“Among others,” Merle answered. “By the way, I’m Merle, and this is my lovely wife, Pearl.”
Pearl bowed with her paw over her heart. “Pleased to meet you.”
“Um, I’m Michael, and these are my friends Justin and Sadie.”
“Nice to meet you, Michael, Justin, and Sadie!” Merle said cheerfully. “Now, we’re starving. Anybody got any nuts?”
CHAPTER 8
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK! Someone was at Michael’s door. Michael looked from the squirrels to his friends in panic. What if it’s Mom? She would totally freak out! he thought. He grabbed a folded blanket from the foot of his bed and flung it over the squirrels.
“Hey!” complained Merle.
“Shhhhh!” Michael hushed. “Who is it?” he called out nervously.
“What are you guys doing?” asked Jane through the door.
Michael relaxed slightly and cracked open the door to pop his head out. “Nothing.”
Mr. Nemesis, still wearing the ridiculous baby bonnet Jane had dressed him in, took the opportunity to slip into the room.
“No!” Michael chased after the cat as it headed to his backpack on the floor. Mr. Nemesis was curious if the scent from the night before was still there.
Sniff, sniff. There was just a hint of the scent on the bag. Mr. Nemesis looked around the room suspiciously as Michael scooped him up and brought him back to the doorway.
“Please keep your cat out of my room.” Michael handed Mr. Nemesis to Jane and closed the door.
“The bonnet still looks great!” Sadie called out to Jane as the door clicked shut.
“Thank you!” Jane said cheerfully through the door.
“Meow,” Mr. Nemesis said grumpily.
Michael looked at his friends. “You guys, we can’t leave the squirrels here during the day. Jane only goes to preschool three days a week, and she’ll be home on Monday.”
“What else are you going to do with them?” Justin asked.
“I share a room with my sister,” Sadie said. “I can’t keep them.”
“Do we have any say in the matter?” Pearl called out from under the blanket.
“Oh! Sorry!” Michael took the blanket off the squirrels.
Merle brushed blanket lint from his fur. “Not a fan of confined, dark spaces after our latest adventure,” he said.
“Sorry, Merle,” Michael said. “But we can’t let Jane, or Mr. Nemesis, or anyone know about you.”
“Why not?” asked Merle.
“Um . . .” Michael thought about it. “I don’t know. I’m just sure it would mean trouble.”
“What are we gonna do, then?” Justin asked.
Michael shrugged. “All I know is that I can’t leave them here while I’m gone.”
“So where will they go when you’re in class?” asked Sadie.
Michael looked over at his backpack, then took a deep breath and said, “I guess I’m taking them to school.”
CHAPTER 9
“It’s so green here! Look at all the trees!” Pearl marveled, her head poking out of Michael’s backpack as she and Merle rode along on Michael and Justin’s walk to school. Sadie was riding the bus. Edgar never messed with her. “Is it always this green?”
“Not in the winter,” Michael replied.
“Squirrel!” Merle shouted, pointing at a neighborhood squirrel perched on a branch of a walnut tree. “Good morning, brother!” The tree squirrel did not answer, but he seemed to understand Merle. He waved his paw as if to say hello and swiped his tail at a large walnut sitting on the branch next to him. The walnut flew off the branch and into Merle’s paws. “Thank you, kind squirrel!” Merle said.
“I think I could really grow to like this place,” Pearl said as she and Merle dropped down into the backpack to enjoy the walnut. “It’s so pretty, and everyone is so nice!”
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the monkey bar brothers!” a familiar voice called out from the street. Michael and Justin looked up to see the school bus approaching them, with Edgar’s head sticking out of one of the windows. “I hope you had fun hanging out!”
Edgar’s two minions stuck their heads out of the window next to him, and they all laughed hysterically as the bus zipped by Michael and Justin and turned into the school parking lot. “HAHAHAHAHA! Fourth graders rule!!!!!”
“Not everyone is so nice,” Michael said to Pearl. He turned to Justin. “With keeping the squirrels hidden all weekend, I forgot about our plan.”
“Just drop it, Michael,” Justin said. “You’ve got more important things to worry about—like making sure Mr. P. doesn’t find the squirrels.” As the principal of Walnut Creek Elementary School, Mr. P. ran a tight ship, and he definitely didn’t allow kids to bring their pets to school. “Remember when Marlowe brought her ferret?”
“Oh yeah.” Michael smiled, remembering how Abbott the ferret had hidden Mr. P.’s car keys. “That was awesome.”
“Yeah, it was awesome, but Marlowe got a month of detention.”
“Don’t worry. Nobody’s gonna find the squirrels. Right, guys?” Michael called to Merle and Pearl, hidden snugly in his backpack.
“Nrppp,” Merle said, his mouth stuffed with walnut.
The boys arrived at school and headed to their classroom. “We’ll talk at lunch, Justin,” Michael said. We’ve got payback to plan!”
CHAPTER 10
When you’re a squirrel from the Middle East who’s been frozen in time for who knows how long, a fifth-grade classroom in modern-day middle Tennessee can be a fascinating place. Merle spent the morning peeking out of Michael’s backpack, oohing and ahhing at all the amazing gadgets around him, while Pearl tried her best to keep him from being seen. From pencil sharpeners to smart boards to the teacher’s laptop computer, Merle had no idea what all this stuff was and what it did, but he was very interested in finding out. After all, he was a squirrel who was good with his paws, and he’d enjoyed building things ever since he was a kit. He’d built the raft that had carried him and Pearl down the Jordan River to the Dead Sea. And while you could argue that the Dead Sea was not the best place in the world for two squirr
els to vacation, there was no denying that it had been a fine raft, a fact Merle constantly reminded Pearl of.
“Pearl!” Merle whispered. “Look at that contraption on the wall. The kids put a dull stick in, and it makes a kind of strange chewing noise. After a few seconds, it comes out a sharp stick!”
“I don’t see why a stick sharpener is necessary,” Pearl said.
“Are you kidding me? I could build tons of stuff with sharp sticks!” Merle exclaimed.
“Like what?”
“I don’t know specifically at the moment, but I could figure something out.”
“Shhhhh!” Pearl shushed her husband. “Keep your voice down.”
“I’m telling you, Pearl, this place is amazing!” Merle whispered. “If I hadn’t gotten us lost in that cave, we would have never found this place! You’re welcome.”
Pearl sniffed. “If it means spending every day in a backpack, I’m not ready to thank you, Merle.”
“True.” Merle poked his head out of the backpack. “Pssssst! Michael! When’s lunch?”
Michael looked around, terrified that someone might have heard or seen Merle. Thankfully, no one had. “Soon!” Michael whispered. “Now get down and be quiet!”
CHAPTER 11
“Okay, guys, what are we gonna do to Edgar?” Michael said as he plopped down his tray of chicken nuggets.
“We?” said Sadie. “Don’t bring me into this.”
“How did he get so big?” Justin wondered nervously as he looked across the lunchroom at Edgar, who was sitting next to his two cronies at the fourth-grade table. “I mean, he’d be huge even for an eighth grader.”
“If nobody else has any ideas, I thought of one that involves a tree, a bus, and a bucket of goo,” Michael said.
“Does it also involve getting destroyed by Edgar?” Justin asked.
Sadie nodded. “That would be a yes.”
“Be brave, Justin!” Michael said. “This is bigger than us. We’re doing this for fifth graders everywhere! Vengeance will be ours!”
“I really wish you would stop saying we,” Sadie said.
“Excuse me.” Merle popped out of Michael’s backpack, holding a half-eaten chicken nugget. “These are AMAZING!! What do you call these things?”
“Chicken nuggets,” Michael said.
“The next time I see any chickens, I will thank them for their nuggets.” Merle finished off his nugget and grabbed another.
“Do you two have any ideas for an epic prank?” Michael asked the squirrels.
“Prank?” Pearl questioned.
“Yeah, something we can do to really embarrass Edgar, this kid who’s always humiliating us,” Michael replied.
“Like revenge?” Merle asked.
“Yep!” Michael smiled. “I want to give Edgar a taste of his own medicine!”
Pearl frowned. “Revenge is never a good idea.”
“See? That’s exactly what I said!” Sadie tried to give Pearl a fist bump. Pearl, not familiar with the art of the fist bump, simply reached out and patted the top of Sadie’s hand.
“Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you,” Pearl said.
“Oh! Oh! Sre uh Garrreee!” Merle piped in, his mouth full of nugget.
“What?!” asked Pearl and the kids.
Merle gulped down his food and repeated, “Sea of Galilee. I remember that . . .”
CHAPTER 12
“A few years before we got lost in the cave,” Pearl said, “Merle and I were looking for walnuts around the Sea of Galilee.”
“That’s up north from the Dead Sea,” Merle added. “And nowhere near as salty.”
“We noticed a big crowd gathering on a hillside near the water, so we ran over to see what was going on. The people had come to listen to a teacher,” Pearl continued.
“Yep!” said Merle. “He was traveling around the area with his friends, and news got out about what a great teacher he was. There were tons of people. Fortunately for us, we’re squirrels, so we had a great treetop view!”
“Most of the people there were poor and had lived very hard lives,” Pearl said. “They had been bullied by a group of other people. The teacher told the crowd that God could bless them. He said, ‘God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.’”
“There were lots of blessings,” Merle said. “But I also remember him saying, ‘God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy.’ And ‘God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.’”
“Good memory, Merle!” Pearl complimented.
“God blesses with good memory those who eat a lot of walnuts . . . I made that one up,” Merle confessed.
“The teacher had a lot of other things to say, but one thing that I remember very well might help you with Edgar, Michael,” said Pearl.
“Was it an idea for an epic prank?” Michael asked.
“Uh, no. He didn’t say anything about pranks. He said, ‘Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.’”
“Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you . . . ,” Michael repeated. “Huh.”
CHAPTER 13
“So,” Michael said, “I should be nice to Edgar since I wish Edgar would be nice to me?”
“Exactly!” answered Pearl.
“And since I wouldn’t want Edgar to humiliate me, I shouldn’t humiliate him?”
“You’ve got it absolutely right!” replied Pearl. “I’m impressed!”
“Hmm.” Michael understood what Pearl was saying, but he didn’t like the sound of it. This would ruin his chance for payback.
“Wait. I’ve heard those words before,” Sadie said. She looked at the squirrels for a moment, then asked, “Exactly how long were you in that cave?”
Of course, Merle and Pearl had no way of knowing the answer to that question, but before they could say so, the bell rang and lunch ended.
As the kids were returning to class, Pearl managed to talk Michael into letting her and Merle stay in the lunchroom to “help clean up.” Pearl could not believe the amount of food left over from all the kids’ lunches, and her instincts told her to make sure to save it. Being a squirrel means never passing up a chance to grab whatever food you can to stash for later.
“Make sure nobody sees you!” Michael warned.
“We’ll be stealthy!” Pearl promised. She and Merle then spent the next 30 minutes grabbing every extra chicken nugget, corn cob, French fry, and pizza slice they could get their paws on. The cafeteria workers were pleased that the kids did such a good job finishing their food for once. Little did they know that two squirrels had stuffed nearly every leftover into a 50-gallon trash bag (which Merle swiped from a trash can) right over their heads.
When they were finally alone, high on a light fixture above the clean cafeteria, Pearl said to Merle, “I’m so happy! But how are we going to get this bag down?”
“Easy!” Merle replied as he put a shoulder to the bag and pushed off with his back legs. “Gravity!”
The bag of leftovers hit the shiny linoleum floor with a loud, wet thud.
Merle jumped down next to it. “The hard part will be getting it home.”
CHAPTER 14
Michael spent the entire afternoon devising his scheme. The thought of treating Edgar the way he himself would want to be treated seemed silly. Why would he do that? Edgar didn’t deserve it. What he deserved was a taste of his own medicine! When Michael should have been paying attention to Ms. McKay’s lesson in long division, he was drawing pulley diagrams and figuring out how much rope, how big of a bucket, and how high of a tree branch he would need to pull off his plan. A few times, Michael passed his drawings to Justin, who was trying his best to concentrate on the lesson. Then Ms. McKay noticed the boys passing notes to each other.
“What is this?” Ms. McKay snatched the paper from Justin’s desk.
“Ummm . . .” Justin stammered, terrified that a trip to Prin
cipal P.’s office was in his near future.
“Oh! Good work, boys!” Ms. McKay said cheerfully. “It’s nice to see you applying yourselves!” She handed the note back to Justin.
Michael shot Justin a “what just happened?” look. Justin handed Michael back the note. Luckily, Justin had used division to calculate how long it would take a bucket of goo to fall from a 10-foot tree branch onto Edgar’s head. Michael smiled and gave Justin a thumbs-up.
Next, when Michael should have been paying attention to the social studies lesson about the Pilgrims, he was trying to figure out what he could use for the goo. Goo, as you probably know, is a general term for something slimy and disgusting, but it’s not as easy as you might think to find a whole bucket full of it. It would take forever to collect that much worm slime. How much used kitty litter could he get from Mr. Nemesis on such short notice? Soon Michael had a list of crossed-out ideas, none of which had anything to do with the Pilgrims, taking up an entire page of notebook paper. The bell rang.
“Did you figure it all out?” asked Justin.
“Nope. Not yet,” Michael answered. “Come on. Let’s find Merle and Pearl.”
CHAPTER 15
Michael and Justin were very careful to avoid running into Edgar after school. The next time Michael wanted to see him was payback time, which would be just before school tomorrow morning. Michael and Justin slunk back to the cafeteria, hiding behind lockers and doorways to avoid being seen. Entering the cafeteria, they watched through the big glass windows at the front of the lunchroom as Edgar and his pals boarded the afternoon bus.
Boy Meets Squirrels Page 2
