“Yesterday when you told me you were going to make a hard decision that was going to drive a wedge between our family, I held my breath thinking you were going to tell me that you wanted a divorce. So hearing this news is music to my ears.”
Ted ran his finger along the side of Victoria’s face. “Why would I want to leave the only woman I’ve ever loved? Not one day has gone by, even during that bad time we had in the past, that I’ve ever thought about leaving you. When I said I do, I meant it. I don’t want to ever be without you, and the only thing that’s going to separate us is death. I love you, V.”
Victoria moved in close and sank into Ted’s embrace. “I’m going to call your doctor and make an appointment for you when we get back home. You need a complete physical anyway. Once we know what’s going on physically, we can work on this together.
“Together has a nice ring to it.”
They shared a long, passionate kiss and then lay in Victoria’s favorite position, with Ted spooning her from behind. This was the first time they’d lain in bed this way in months, and although she missed feeling the hard rise of his manhood against her behind, the love and warmth of his embrace gave her all she needed.
Victoria felt like a new woman when she awoke and found herself still wrapped inside Ted’s arms. He was spooning her in a gentle hold, and she wished they could stay that way the rest of the weekend.
“Sleeping Beauty is up,” he said.
She yawned. “I am. What time is it?”
“Almost eight.”
She could feel Ted’s warm breath on the back of her neck and it made her want him. She moved closer into him, pressing her body against his. She was hoping to feel hardness against her skin, but when she didn’t, she knew it was okay. She was simply grateful for the closeness and the intimacy they were sharing, which was just as meaningful as their physical lovemaking had always been.
Ted kissed her neck. “We had a full day yesterday, and we were up pretty late last night.”
“That’s true.”
“You must’ve been tired because you snored,” Ted teased in a playful voice. “And you were loud, too.”
“Was I?” Victoria let out a soft laugh. “Did I keep you up?”
“I was up most of the night, but it wasn’t because of your snoring. I was thinking about us.”
Victoria turned to face him. “What were you thinking?”
“That I should’ve opened up to you a long time ago. I’m sorry that my actions made you think I didn’t want you anymore. That’s the farthest thing from how I feel. I wanted to tell you two months ago when you first asked me what was wrong, but I didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t want to disappoint you, although I think I already have.”
“The only disappointment I feel is what you said—that you didn’t tell me before now. We’ve been together so long, I thought you knew you could talk to me about any and everything.”
“But this is about my manhood, V.”
Victoria pulled away from him and lowered the left strap of her gown, revealing her bare chest and a scar that stretched across it. “This was about my womanhood, and we faced it together. I thought you knew that after we beat this, there was nothing we couldn’t conquer.”
“Yes, I hear you,” Ted said with a sigh. “But you’re still beautiful, and you can still please me.”
“And you’re still handsome, and you can still please me, too.”
Victoria could see that Ted was looking at her with doubt. Of all the hurdles she knew they might face in their marriage—from being an interracial couple, to raising mixed-raced children, to discovering they weren’t so interracially mixed after all, to awakening family secrets, surviving near infidelity, and finally, battling a life-threatening illness—she’d never thought that Ted’s virility would be one of the challenges they’d face.
She knew they would both slow down with age, and she’d anticipated that their sex life would surely change over time, but thinking about it and actually living it were two very different things.
She knew she wasn’t alone, and that a few of her girlfriends were experiencing a drought in their sex lives as well. Ever since Debbie and Rob divorced ten years ago, Debbie had been searching for someone who could make her feel excited, let alone help her achieve an orgasm. And Victoria’s devoted office manager, confidante, and friend, Denise, had all but given up on sex with her husband.
“Girlfriend, I’ve had my fill,” Denise had told her a few months ago when Victoria had confided in her about her diminishing sex life with Ted. “After more than forty years of marriage, all these old bones of mine want is a nice dinner and a movie, and I’m good.”
The only girlfriend she knew who was still happily satisfied was Samantha, who didn’t mind sharing. “Tyler gives it to me good and on the regular. As a matter of fact, that’s how we got the day started,” she’d told Victoria yesterday.
Victoria knew she wasn’t in her prime, but she wasn’t ancient either, and she still desired physical pleasure.
But looking into Ted’s eyes, which were filled with unconditional love, she knew that having the type of intimacy, openness, and honesty they’d shared last night was enough for her. They’d been through too much and had loved too strong for too long to let things fall apart over something that could be fixed, either by a holistic approach or with prescription drugs. And even if neither worked, she knew that if this was as bad as it got, she was fine with that outcome, because what they had together could reach the sky.
“Ted, I know you know this, but I think I need to remind you that your manhood isn’t attached to what’s in between your legs. It’s what’s here,” she said, placing her hand on his chest. “You’re a wonderful husband and father. You’re strong and true, and you’re the best man I know.”
“I appreciate you saying that, V. But I still want to please you as a man. I felt you move up against me when you woke up.” He paused and let out a deep breath. “I know what you wanted, and it kills me that I’m not able to give it to you.”
“Yes, I would’ve loved to make love to you. But what you’ve given me is just as good, and maybe even better. I can’t remember the last time you held me through the night, and I woke up in your arms. That’s a feeling that a lot of women would give anything to experience. I’m lying next to a handsome man who loves me just the way I am. A man who’s honest and respectful. A man who loves and protects his family. A man who I know without a doubt I can count on. Baby, you’ve given me all I need, and more.”
Ted pulled Victoria into his chest and kissed her slowly and gently. She moaned with pleasure when she felt him reach under her silk nightgown and run his strong hands along the contours of her body. They cuddled, and caressed, and stroked, and nibbled, and kissed, and laughed, and loved on each other as they lay in bed, knowing that their love was strong enough to see them through anything that came their way.
Chapter 35
Allene
Allene sat in her rocking chair enjoying the hot summer night that blanketed Nedine. The stars were sparkling in the sky like Christmas lights, the crickets were chirping like an orchestra playing a tune, and the vibrant flowers in the front yard provided a sweet fragrance akin to perfume. “This is my kinda night,” Allene said as she rocked back and forth, satisfied and happy.
The last of the celebrations had been held this afternoon, and now all of Allene’s family who’d traveled to Nedine this weekend were safely back home, resting in their own beds. She smiled as she thought about everything that had happened this weekend and all that she’d witnessed since the sunrise today.
Sunday had always been a holy day of praise, celebration, and fellowship in the Small family. Allene had happy memories of times spent at Rising Star A.M.E. Zion Church, and hearty meals shared with her family after Sunday service. Today, her family’s plans were much the same.
Victoria had planned to prepare a big breakfast for everyone, and she’d asked one of the deacons from Rising Star to come
over to the house and bless their food before they fellowshipped together, under the roof Isaiah built. Afterwards, they would all travel to Butler’s Cemetery and lay flowers on the headstones of their loved ones.
Living two lifetimes had taught Allene that plans can always change, and as soon as Alexandria awoke this morning, that’s exactly what happened.
Alexandria had risen early, said her prayers, and then quietly tiptoed down the stairs, making her way to Maxx’s room. She didn’t knock on his door because it was already open. She walked in slowly, knowing he was expecting her.
“Hey there, Alex,” Maxx said in a voice that was barely above a whisper.
Alexandria walked over to his bed, sat down beside him, and held his hand in a warm embrace.
“You came to be with me before I leave for good.”
“Yes, Uncle Maxx. You came into this world loved, with someone holding on to you, and that’s how you’re going to leave today.”
Maxx gave her a gentle smile. “I lived a good life.”
She smiled back and nodded. “Yes, you did.”
“You and your mama been good to me, and I love both of you.”
“We love and adore you, Uncle Maxx.”
Maxx paused for a minute, gathering his strength one last time. “I want y’all to go ’head and enjoy that big breakfast your mama said she was gonna cook, and have a few drinks for me. I don’t want nobody cryin’ and moanin’ today. Celebrate my life ’cause I’m happy. I’m at peace. And I’m ready.”
Alexandria gave his hand a soft squeeze. “You go ahead and rest now, Uncle Maxx.”
Maxx smiled, and then let out one last breath before he joined John; Elizabeth; his mother, Grace; his father, Milford; and so many others who’d already taken their journey to the other side.
Alexandria looked out the window near Maxx’s bed and smiled as the sun slowly rose, flooding the room with radiant light. She leaned over, kissed Maxx on his forehead, and then walked outside to the front porch where Allene was sitting in her rocking chair.
“It’s real fittin’ that Maxx left just as the sun was risin’,” Allene said. “He was a mornin’ person and he loved to see the sunrise.”
“Yes, it is. Isn’t that a sign of something?” Alexandria asked with curiosity.
“I’ve heard tell that when a person passes away at sunrise, it means the angels came for ’em to take them on to heaven.”
“Then that’s where Uncle Maxx is headed.”
Allene smiled. “He was a good-natured man, and I’m glad he went peacefully, back here in the town he loved. That’s what he wanted, and I’m always happy when people get what they want.”
“I was glad I was with him when he went.”
“Everything happens exactly the way it should. You bein’ there with your uncle Maxx represents the cycle of life,” Allene said with a smile.
Alexandria nodded. “Yes, as one life ends, another begins.”
“I’m happy for you and PJ, baby girl.”
Alexandria smiled and ran her hand across her flat stomach, knowing that in nine months she and PJ would be welcoming a baby to give Gary company. Last night at the gala, when she’d felt a sharp sensation in the pit of her stomach, it wasn’t just the overwhelming love she’d felt for her family that had caused the intensely surreal feeling; it was the seed that PJ had planted earlier that afternoon that was already growing inside her.
Allene knew that Alexandria had been tempted to look into the future and find out whether she was carrying a girl or a boy, but she’d decided against it. She knew that because of her ability, many things in life wouldn’t be a surprise to her, whether she wanted to know or not. But she knew that this baby was a gift, and surprise gifts were the best.
After everyone awoke and gathered in the kitchen, Alexandria delivered the news about Maxx. Victoria’s eyes had teared up as Ted rubbed her shoulder.
“He told me that he didn’t want any moaning or crying today,” Alexandria told them. “He wants us to celebrate his life and have some drinks in his honor.”
Victoria shook her head and smiled. “That’s ol’ Uncle Maxx, all right.”
Although they didn’t have a big breakfast as planned, the deacon from Rising Star came by and said a prayer for the family before he headed off to morning worship service.
After Maxx’s body was taken to the morgue and the Sparrow’s Mortuary was called, the family gathered around to toast Maxx’s life.
“This is just the way Maxx wanted it,” Allene said to Alexandria, who was sipping sparkling apple cider.
An hour later, Allene watched as the family once again piled into their vehicles. This time they were on their way to Butler’s Cemetery to lay flowers on the headstones of their dearly departed loved ones. She was a little saddened by the fact that even in today’s modern world, Butler’s was still considered the Negro cemetery. The Flower Festival was in its fiftieth year, but the town itself would be celebrating its two hundred and fiftieth anniversary next year. Black folks and white folks ate together, drank together, and even worshipped together, but each time a black resident of Nedine passed away, Butler’s was where they were laid to rest. “So much for two hundred and fifty years of progress,” she said to herself.
The walk to the section where the Small family members were buried was situated toward the back side of the expansive land. They all walked slowly, and with purpose. Victoria and Alexandria each carried beautiful flowers in their hands while everyone followed behind them. Finally, they reached their destination.
“Here they are,” Victoria said as she looked at her parents’ headstones, which were side by side. A mixture of joy and sadness filled her voice. “I love and miss you, Mom and Daddy, and this morning, Uncle Maxx came to join you. I’ll be here with you all, one day . . . one day.”
Allene watched as Victoria placed beautiful flowers on each of her parents’ headstones. Ted walked up beside her and held her hand as they stood in silence.
Now it was Alexandria’s turn. She took a step over to the left and stood in front of Allene’s final resting place on earth.
“Devoted wife, mother, sister, aunt, and friend to all who knew her,” Alexandria said as she read part of the inscription on Allene’s headstone.
Allene could feel that Alexandria wanted to reach out and take hold of her, but she knew she couldn’t. She knelt before Allene’s headstone and bowed her head. “I thank God for you. You loved me before I was who I am today, accepting me in every imperfect way. You loved the very idea of me, and for that, I’m eternally grateful. You’ve guided me, protected me, cared for me, encouraged me, and supported me. You comforted me when I was down and you waited right there by my side until I was able to pick myself up. Whether I stumble to my knees or soar to the clouds, you’re always there for me. I love you to life, Grandma Allene. You are my blessing and my greatest gift.”
“And you’re my heart,” Allene said as she hugged her own side, wishing she could embrace her great-great-granddaughter.
Alexandria placed her flowers at the foot of the headstone and smiled. Slowly, she brought her fingers to her lips and then gently placed them on the engraved inscription of Allene’s name.
Allene gasped with a rush of air when she felt a warm sensation upon her lips. “Could it be?” She smiled as she watched Alexandria nod her head.
Yes, Grandma. That was a kiss from me to you.
Allene was compassionate, loving, and sentimental, but she’d never been one for shedding tears. Growing up a black woman in the segregated, rural South, there had been no room for such emotion. The last time she’d cried she had been ninety years old, on that late long-ago summer night when Susan Jessup had come to visit her for the last time. Now, standing under the bright sun with her family gathered together in love and purpose, Allene cried again.
“These tears you see,” she said through sniffles as she looked at Alexandria. “They’re the happiest I ever have shed.”
Everyone standing nea
r could see that something “special” was happening, so they remained silent and let Alexandria have her moment with Allene.
Alexandria rose from her knees as PJ held her hand, helping her stand up. “This is a day of loss but also of celebration and love, and I thank God for all of you.” She looked directly at Christian as she continued. “We’re blessed because we’re standing on the shoulders of people who made this day possible. No matter what state we were in when we arrived here this weekend, all of us have changed in some way over these last three days. For me, I’ve embraced every bit of who I am and I’m walking away with a special gift I’ll share with you all very soon.” PJ squeezed her hand and smiled as Alexandria continued. “Thank you all for coming, sharing, and loving. Family is the glue that holds us together. It’s not determined by blood,” she said, looking at Tyler, Samantha, and Chase. “It’s defined by love. And I love you all.”
As Allene continued to rock back and forth in her chair she smiled again when she thought about her family. They’d made her proud and had filled her with joy. As she gazed at the brilliant night sky, she was excited that she had so many things to look forward to. Her great-great-great-grandchild would be born next year, and Victoria and Ted would be moving to Nedine once Ted retired.
Slowly, Allene rose from her chair and headed inside. She smiled again as she thought about the very reason why her family had come to town, which was to find their way. “You can never go wrong doin’ right.”
Chapter 37
Alexandria
Alexandria was so excited she could barely contain herself. She’d waited patiently for this day and now it was finally here. Her wedding day.
“Are you ready, sweetheart?” Victoria asked as she fluffed her daughter’s tulle veil.
“I was ready last week.” She smiled. “This is without a doubt the happiest day of my life.”
“That’s exactly how you’re supposed to feel on your wedding day, and it means you’ve made the right choice.”
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