by Vivien Dean
“If you want a kiss so bad, you’ll have to catch me for it!”
He dived beneath the water, angling toward the opposite shore in hopes Ronnie would miscalculate which direction he’d gone in and give him a good lead. His hopes dashed when a strong hand curled around his ankle and yanked.
The jolt in his momentum forced him to the surface. By the time they both gasped for air, Ronnie was pressed to his back, his arm around Jim’s waist.
“Haven’t we waited long enough?” Then his mouth was on Jim’s neck, sucking at the wet skin, and Jim lost the ability to think, let alone argue.
Kissing had always been one of Jim’s favorite things to do. Kissing Ronnie, anyway. He had this way of teasing Jim with all these little touches of his tongue that absolutely drove him out of his head, pushing him to dive deeper into Ronnie’s mouth, biting and tasting and devouring him until he couldn’t breathe anymore.
They’d been careful about hickeys, though. Hickeys needed to be explained, and in a world where everybody they knew would condemn them for their choices, neither teenaged boy had wanted that.
That meant Jim hadn’t known what he was missing until this very moment, as Ronnie found the most sensitive spot possible and ground into his body with a shuddering strength that left Jim wondering how they were managing to stay upright when all their focus was on each other.
His head fell to the side to give Ronnie more room. His lips parted, his breath coming in short gasps as each hard suck seemed to swallow the air straight from his lungs. He groaned, incapable of holding back how good it felt, and curled his arm back to cup Ronnie’s nape. He longed for hair to fist and pull him tight, but Ronnie wasn’t going anywhere, adding teeth to the mix as he raked across the skin.
When Ronnie broke free, his breathing was as ragged as Jim’s. “Was this what you had in mind?”
Though his voice wasn’t more than a whisper, Jim felt it all the way to his toes. The actual answer to his question was no, but that was because Jim hadn’t let his imagination run wild enough to envision Ronnie taking so much control. He should’ve anticipated it. From the conversation in the car, he’d discovered Ronnie had more experience, a switch he never would’ve thought of six years ago.
But just because he hadn’t thought of it, didn’t mean he didn’t like it.
“Let’s move to the shore,” he said.
Beneath the water, Ronnie ran his fingertips along Jim’s stomach, the back of his knuckles grazing against Jim’s now erect cock. “I need to say something first.”
He tried not to panic that it was something bad. “Sure.”
“Today was a good day. No denying that. But they’re not all great, and I know there’s going to come another day when I fly off the handle again and someone gets hurt.”
“Ronnie—”
“Hear me out.” The tone was firm, but a hint of pleading underscored what could’ve been an order. “I’m trying to realistic about all this, but when I look at you, it’s hard not to hope for the best.”
“Because you deserve the best,” Jim argued.
“But we don’t always get what we deserve,” Ronnie countered. “Sometimes we get put into shitty situations, and we have to make the best of them. I used to know that. It feels like I’m only starting to remember it again.”
His arousal was ebbing. All this talk was rousing terror that he was about to lose Ronnie and what they’d been building. Had Ronnie changed his mind about sticking around the farm? Was that what he meant about realistic? One last go, and then sayonara?
Jim stared ahead and braced for the worst. “What’re you trying to say?”
“That I want to do better. That I want us both to do better.”
He needed to see him. Twisting out of Ronnie’s arms, he swiveled in the water to stare at his shadowed face. “I thought we were doing fine. Better than fine. We’re here, aren’t we? We’re exactly where I wanted us to be.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is. I picked the river for tonight on purpose.”
Ronnie cocked his head. “Why?”
It was easier to admit under the cloak of night. “Because this was the first place we ever kissed. This is where I told you I loved you for the first time. Starting over again here sounded like the right thing to do.”
“Oh, Jim…” Ronnie reached out for him, and though Jim stiffened, he let Ronnie take his shoulder and drag him close. “See? It’s things like that that make me want better for us.”
Their proximity had their bodies touching, pricks nudging against each other. Jim wanted to stop talking and get back to the kissing, but the soft look he could now see on Ronnie’s face proved he needed to hear this out.
“Maybe this spot, right now, is perfect for us,” Ronnie said. “But Clearview? The farm? Come on, you have to admit, you never saw yourself on a tractor for the rest of your life.”
“That doesn’t matter. That’s where I am now.”
“What if I wasn’t there?”
The question was a slug to the chest. Damn it, he’d been right. Ronnie was walking away. “Where are you going?”
“Nowhere right now,” Ronnie said quickly, but it wasn’t quite quick enough to alleviate Jim’s anxiety. “But one of the benefits of actually surviving all this shit is I get to go to college if I want. That wasn’t a choice for me before, and I know you blame yourself for my enlisting, but that played a part in it, too. I didn’t want to be left behind, and there was no way my parents could ever afford to help me out with college. But when I came home, I didn’t think about school again, because, well, I thought it was pointless. I could barely get through the day, let alone consider the future. But you changed that. And I started thinking, what happens after my leg is completely better? Do I stay here, afraid of going into town because I don’t want to run into my father? No, I don’t have to do that.” He jabbed Jim in the chest. “You don’t have to do it, either.”
“I already went to college. You’ve seen how that worked out.”
“So you didn’t get to work for NASA. So what? Why let that spoil doing what you love? You can look at the stars anywhere. We do it every night anyway.” He tilted his chin upward, gazing up at the stars that were now making themselves visible. “Half the time, I fall asleep wondering what you see when you look at them.”
“I used to see hope.”
“What do you see now?”
“They’re just stars.”
“You wouldn’t stare at them every night if that was true. Look at them.”
Silently, Jim obeyed. He sighed as the tug of longing that had been a part of him since he was six years old and realized he wanted to know what it was like out there in the galaxy settled like a familiar weight in his stomach.
“I was daydreaming on the way home from Lincoln today,” Ronnie said, his voice hushed, almost reverent. “Imagining us living in some big city where I was going to school, and you were teaching science or math or working at an observatory, and we could be together without anyone giving us lectures about all the mistakes we’d made in our lives and all the ways we’d disappointed them. I dare you to tell me that doesn’t sound terrific.”
“It does.” And when he was gazing up at all those silvery pinpricks, reminders of worlds and experiences and creatures that had been long gone before he was even born, it actually seemed feasible. “I just don’t know if I can risk it all again.”
“You did it for me. When you came to visit.” He was smiling when Jim looked at him again. “Why not do it for your second love, too?”
Stated like that, it seemed so simple. Who knew? Maybe it actually was.
“I can’t make any promises. But I can tell you I’ll try.”
Ronnie’s smile became glorious. “That’s all I’d ever ask.” He grabbed onto Jim’s hand. “Come on.”
With their fingers laced, Ronnie led the way to the shore, their pace leisurely, the night blanketing them in solitude. As soon as the water lapped just above their ank
les, Jim tugged Ronnie to a stop.
“Here.” He sat in the river and pulled Ronnie down next to him. It was deep enough to hide most of their hips if someone happened to come by, but easy to entwine without having to fight the current to get to each other.
They moved together at the same time, mouths clinging in their first real kiss in six years. Ronnie tasted like the clean river and the sweet pudding they’d had for dessert tonight, his tongue nimble where it sought out the tip of Jim’s. Though Jim wanted to eat him up, starving as he was for this touch, he fought to keep it slow, lingering on mapping the curve of Ronnie’s lips, savoring the soft texture, learning the way he responded as if this was their first kiss and not the thousandth.
In some ways, it probably was. They were men now, not boys in horny lust. They recognized that love was both as simple and as difficult an emotion to fathom as the greatest mystery of the earth, something they had to work at sustaining while at the same time getting to appreciate how freely it was given. This was their first kiss in a world they didn’t really understand, one whose rules seemed to keep changing when they finally found their footing.
This was the first kiss of the rest of their lives. Jim realized in that moment that he might not be able to make Ronnie a promise, but he sure as hell would work his tail off to have that bright future Ronnie fantasized about.
Wet hands roamed over wet skin, touching in all those places that were forbidden out in the real world. He skimmed fingertips over the surprising definition of Ronnie’s chest, while Ronnie dug his nails into the fleshy part of the back of Jim’s thigh. Jim crooked a bent leg over Ronnie’s to make it easier for him to explore, then almost immediately gasped when Ronnie took it as an invitation to start playing with his balls.
“I can’t believe you remembered,” he said as he tried not to come on the spot. His lashes fluttered shut but not before he saw Ronnie grin.
“Like I could ever forget what you liked best.”
And he did. Short of touching his cock, having his balls manipulated was the next best thing. Once, when he’d been getting himself off at college, he’d imagined what it would be like if Ronnie sucked on them while jerking him off. He hadn’t lasted more than fifteen seconds with those kinds of images in his head.
Ronnie’s touch was firmer now, more sure, scoping out the weight against his palm as his finger curved around the rough skin. He squeezed once, hard enough to force a whimper from Jim’s throat, but soothed it over with a quick kiss that shut Jim up for good.
As tempting as it was to lay back and let the sensations wash over him, he craved as much of Ronnie as the other way around. Abandoning the new muscles he discovered, he went straight for Ronnie’s groin, tickling at the dark hair curling at the base of his cock. He circled the root with his thumb and middle finger, stretching the index along the shaft to stroke the velvety skin.
Ronnie’s cock was as long and sinewy as he was, a creation of beauty all on its own. Its smoothness always fascinated Jim. His own had two thick veins that became more prominent when he got hard, and no matter how many times he tried to pull it back toward the middle, it always veered right.
“That’s because that’s the hand you always jerk off with,” Ronnie had teased him the first time they got a good look at each other.
Jim had been fourteen and just gullible enough to spend the next six months using his left hand instead. But as far as he could tell, the damage was already done.
It jutted in that direction now, the tip bobbing against Ronnie’s hip with each caress he made along Jim’s balls. To distract himself, Jim began pulling at Ronnie’s length, using the water to keep it light and lazy. When he reached the head, he rubbed his palm over the slick slit, glad he wasn’t the only one dripping in anticipation.
“Wait, wait,” Ronnie said through his panting. He released Jim’s sac and pushed at his shoulders in an obvious attempt to get him to lay back. “I’ve been wanting to do this for years.”
Confused, Jim propped himself up on his elbows. Ronnie sprawled next to him at a right angle, grasped his cock at the base, and sucked the tip past his lips.
Jim cried out in surprise, his hips bucking upward as the electric sensations zipped through his body. When he settled back into the water, Ronnie was grinning up at him, still steadying Jim’s prick.
“Haven’t you ever thought about what it would be like?” Ronnie asked.
“Yeah, but…” He never would’ve asked for it. He’d always imagined he would be the one to get on his knees and finally discover what Ronnie tasted like there, too. “Scoot around. I want to do it, too.”
Ronnie didn’t argue. As far as Jim knew, that could’ve been his plan all along. But he did as Jim asked, until they laid head to toe, their mouths level with the other’s groins. They weren’t really in the water anymore, so if someone came by and saw them, there would be no mistaking what they were doing, but in that instant, Jim didn’t give a rat’s ass about anything except what they were about to do.
“Did you ever do this with that guy in your unit?” Jim asked.
“Nah, though he asked me to once.” His breath tickled over Jim’s wet skin as spoke. “He offered to do me first, but I didn’t have the nerve.”
“And you have it now?”
His hips jerked when Ronnie ran his lips along the shaft. “I don’t need nerve when it comes to you. You’ve always made me think I can do anything.”
Getting sentimental now was impossible with Ronnie’s mouth on his dick. His brain had short-circuited, his toes curling, his skin hot and tight. Taking a deep breath, he leaned in and dragged the flat of his tongue over Ronnie’s smooth tip, hesitating a moment when the pre-come hit his taste buds. It wasn’t the first time he’d ever tasted it, but it was the first time directly from the source. From the way Ronnie shuddered, he enjoyed it as much as Jim did.
They were careful at the start, holding each other with trembling fingers, licking up and down, around the head, then back again along the shaft. Jim kept getting lost in how good it felt, pausing in his attention until Ronnie would shift or do something that jerked him back to the moment. He beat Ronnie to the punch by sucking the head into his mouth first, at which point he wondered why in hell they’d waited so long to try this.
The weight of it against his tongue as he closed his lips behind the crown made him moan. Ronnie answered in kind, his hips jerking forward to slide a few more inches inside. When he nudged against the back of Jim’s throat, however, Jim knew right away that would be all he could manage. He slid back up, swirling his tongue along the skin to capture the salty tang. He might not be able to suck on more, but he sure would make the attention worth it.
Though he concentrated on Ronnie, he felt the exact moment Ronnie swallowed him in, too. The constriction was everything he’d ever been told sex would be like, tight and wet and massaging his cock like it was the best thing in the world. Instinct compelled him to chase it when Ronnie slid off to lick along the head again, the groans spilling constantly from his throat.
He wasn’t going to last. Already, his thighs quivered, his balls drawing harder into his body as his orgasm rushed to its natural conclusion. He tried not to lose his rhythm, but it was a losing battle. It had been from the start.
Ronnie kept his lips tight around his cock as Jim came. Stars danced not just in the sky but behind his eyes as well, his own personal universe where everything was perfect because he got to share it with the one person who’d always meant the most to him. As soon as awareness started to creep in again, though, he dived back onto Ronnie’s prick, lavishing all the same care and hunger on him that he’d given to Jim.
“Jim, Jim…”
But if Ronnie expected to warn him, he was too late. The first blast hit Jim’s tongue, the second the back of his throat. Jim compulsively swallowed to get it all, but he could feel it leaking out the corners of his mouth, Ronnie’s shaking frame making it next to impossible for him to stay on.
When Ronnie ro
lled away from him and into the water to stare up at the sky, Jim wiped his mouth off with the back of his hand before joining him. The stars seemed brighter than they had before. Of course, it was because the sun was completely set now, nothing more to distract from the brilliant illumination, but Jim liked the romanticism of believing it was because of them. Ronnie’s rough breathing slowly returned to a normal tempo, as did Jim’s, leaving behind the song of the crickets to fill the night until one of them spoke up to do it instead.
Jim thought about it. He could tell Ronnie he loved him, or that he wanted the future Ronnie dreamed about for his own, or any of a million other things. But deep down, he believed Ronnie already knew all that. Saying the words out loud would be redundant.
All he needed to do was reach out.
While they lay there in the cool, lapping water, their hands found each other at the same time, twisting together without prompting.
The stars smiled down at them.
They both smiled back.
THE END
ABOUT VIVIEN DEAN
A four time EPPIE/EPIC eBook Award winner, Vivien Dean is an avowed geek—books, theater, film, you name it—who found her geek soulmate in a British expat with a propensity to dream. She spent two years rediscovering the world with him before he whisked her away to the UK to start a family. That was just the beginning of what has turned out to be her grandest adventure yet.
Vivien is a firm believer that love doesn’t care about gender, so her titles include both het and GLBT, erotic and sweet, as well as a wide variety of genres. In 2006, she teamed up with fellow erotic romance writer, Pepper Espinoza, to write together as Jamie Craig for five years. Currently, she resides in Northern California with her husband and two children.
For more information, visit viviendean.com.
ABOUT JMS BOOKS LLC
JMS Books LLC is a small queer press with competitive royalty rates publishing LGBT romance, erotic romance, and young adult fiction. Visit jms-books.com for our latest releases and submission guidelines!
