I think back to today. After Chase and I went at it in the bathroom which led to the shower. We ate breakfast and watched old movies in bed before round two. And then we ate again and hung out some more. I never once felt discarded.
“I have a lot more self-worth than I used to, Ty, but I do like sex. I’m grown, and I believe it’s okay to hookup for that purpose if I want to.”
His shoulders lift as I watch him bounce back, letting the smile I know so well spread across his face, making him even better-looking. Some people are meant to smile. And that’s Ty. Broody and broken is hot, but when he smiles, he’s on fire. “I guess guys have been doing that shit for a while now.”
I laugh at that. “God knows you have.”
“Just be careful. Think about me.” I look at him, my mouth dropping a little with shock. “If I have to kill him and go to prison, that would really fucking suck.”
Oh. I actually laugh again, and it feels good. “You want to come in? I can make dinner if you haven’t eaten.”
He smiles, nodding his head after taking a deep breath and releasing it. “Yeah. That would be great. I miss your macaroni and cheese dinners.”
I unlock my door with more laughter. “Fuck you, I’ve actually taken a couple of cooking classes since the last time I made you dinner.”
“No shit?”
“No shit.”
“Well damn, Morgan. You just keep surprising me.”
I let him into my house and flip on the kitchen light.
The feeling is definitely mutual. He continues to surprise me too, but I just wish those surprises were all good and didn’t lead to a stabbing feeling of pain and rejection.
Still, I don’t want to lose Ty.
If I can hold onto him, I’m going to.
Morgan’s fucking Chase. It shouldn’t bother me. I shouldn’t be obsessing about it, but here I am. Trying my best to continue my life. Trying to go on like nothing’s wrong.
This has been my life for a while now.
The real kicker is I haven’t thought about Evie for weeks now. Now, my obsessive mind is fixated on Morgan. Morgan and Chase.
What the hell is wrong with me?
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Huh?” I look over at Jay, who’s sitting next to me at the bar.
His large shoulders lift with laughter as he nudges my arm with his elbow. “You’re on a totally different planet tonight. I thought we were coming here to have some fun.”
Have some fun and get laid. That’s the actual plan. But looking around the room and seeing the numerous women in the bar when we got here, the only conclusion I came to was that not one of them compares to Morgan.
I’m in a shitload of trouble.
Why the fuck did she have to offer me her body? Now I can’t fucking think about anything else, and it’s ripping me apart.
“Nothing’s wrong.”
He wraps an arm around my shoulder, ordering two more beers. “You have to get over Evie. Is she the last chick you fucked?”
Jesus, Jay. “No.”
“You sure about that? We were incommunicado there for a bit.”
I smile, shaking my head as if I could forget that. “Yeah, I remember. And there was one other chick. No one special.”
Nothing like your sister.
Fuck!
Thoughts like that are going to get me killed. But I can’t stop thinking about what having sex with Morgan would be like. It’s a fantasy I never allowed myself to have until she put the opportunity on the table.
He drops his heavy arm, spinning around on the bar stool and gesturing around the crowded Friday night crowd. “Well, look around. I’m sure you can find someone special here.”
I turn my stool and look around the room and shrug. “I don’t think so.”
“You have got to unlock your cock and just go for it, man. This is getting fucking ridiculous, and I’m close to breaking up with you again.”
I chuckle, turning back toward the bar and taking a drink of the cold beer. “Please, you were starting to ache from missing me.”
He spins back around, taking his own drink. “What was it about her, man? What has you so twisted?”
“The fact that I really tried with her.”
He nods his head. “So, the whole better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all, is bullshit huh?”
“In my opinion, yes.”
He nods. “Damn, man. Shit falling apart with her really wasn’t your fault. You have to let that shit go.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
I’ve spent months and months thinking about everything that went wrong and why I’m so fucked up about it. “I never planned to fall in love. I watched my parents. They got married young, but they were never in love, not really. So, I told myself I wouldn’t do that, get married because it’s better than being alone.”
“I get that.” And I know Jay does understand.
“But then Evie came out of nowhere, and I fell for her. Hard. And I was a fucking fool because it wasn’t love for her.”
He tips the beer back, thinking it over. “I think it was.”
“It wasn’t. She was in love with that asshole, and I’m just a fucking chump.”
“You gotta let it go, man.”
“The crazy thing is, I have.” He raises an eyebrow in question. “I have. I mean, I’m still pissed.” And I am. “But it just made me realize we weren’t right for each other because I’m not meant to be with anyone.”
“And yet, . . . you don’t want to fuck any of these chicks?”
That’s the part I don’t get. I’m past the point of pining for Evie, but it’s like I don’t trust the opposite sex.
“It’s not because I’m still in love with Evie.”
“Well you need to figure it out, man. Get your mojo back because this is fucking depressing.”
I laugh and take a drink, accepting that tonight is definitely not the night. “Agreed.”
It’s damn good to have his friendship back.
“Seriously, move your hand.”
Chase offers a slick smile as he moves his hand from my thigh and sits back against the sofa in his hotel suite. We’re in Charlotte for a race this weekend and I’ve been trying to get him to go over the offer Levi sent for him and take it seriously.
The last thing Chase wants to do is take anything seriously.
“Maybe we should fuck now so I can focus . . .” His eyes glide over my body in a way that makes me feel naked even though I’m fully clothed.
“Chase, I told you it’s not happening again.”
“Oh, come on, I don’t get it.”
“Yeah, I can tell. Do you need me to speak slower? I know you’re from the south and all.”
He chuckles, letting it roll off him easily. “Damn, Morgan.”
I place the papers on the glass coffee table in front of us and turn to face him, pulling one leg up and placing my foot under my thigh. “Look, it was a good time, I’m not denying that. But I work for you.”
“I don’t see the problem. Did you feel like you had to sleep with me to keep your job?”
“No.” And that’s the truth. He didn’t coerce me.
“Okay, I’d only fire you if you weren’t doing your job. And then you could still sue the shit out of me.” He places a hand over his chest. “It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”
“You are such an asshole.”
“This I know.” He’s way too relaxed about all of this. “I just don’t get it. If I was lame in the sack, sure, but we both know I’m not.”
Also true. “It’s just not a good idea.”
“Says who?”
Why does he have to be so good looking? So fucking enticing? He’s been a nice distraction, I admit. “Me. I need to remain professional.”
He laughs, an easy, light laugh. “I think we’re way past that.” He leans forward, his hands on my shoulders as his breath tickles my bare neck. “I think w
e passed that when my tongue entered your mouth.” The way he says “entered” is erotic and sends a shiver through my entire body. And of course, he doesn’t stop there. “When my cock slid inside your—”
I stand up abruptly, wanting to fight the magnetic attraction to this man. “Stop.”
“Seriously, Morgan.” He stays seated, but scoots to the edge of the couch. “I don’t get it. You’re clearly attracted to me. You’re a strong woman. What’s the hold-up?”
I shrug, trying not to think about Ty’s face when he found out I slept with Chase, but I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to get rid of that image. I hear Chase approaching me, standing before me.
“What is it Morgan? You’re single, right?”
I open my eyes, looking into his handsome, amber eyes. “Yes.”
“But there’s someone else? Someone you want?”
“Stop trying to analyze me. You’re a racecar driver, not a therapist.”
He chuckles, his hands smoothing over my shoulders in a more comforting and less creeper way. “I am pretty good at reading people. It’s the only thing that makes sense because otherwise, us fucking to relieve a little stress would sound like an amazing plan.”
“How so?”
His lips turn into a smirk, telling me he’s thought this out. “We definitely have chemistry.” His hands remain on my shoulders as I fold my arms but don’t object to his reasoning. “I’m not looking for anything serious, and I’m assuming you aren’t either.”
“Definitely not.”
“See, perfect. I don’t care what or who you do when we aren’t together. I’m not going to get crazy possessive. I know, without a doubt, I can keep our professional relationship separate from anything we do in the bedroom.”
Jesus, his argument is compelling. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a steady fuck. “Look, can we just go over the contract please? I have a thing later that I don’t want to be late to.”
He studies me, probably shocked my panties didn’t drop instantly, but he releases me and casually plops back down on the couch. “No problem. I’m glad they finally came around to my way of thinking.”
I roll my eyes as I take a seat next to him. The company snatched up his counteroffer right away, and all that’s left is to go over the contract once more before meeting with the lawyers and for Levi to sign it tomorrow.
But as we go over the contract, I can’t stop thinking about his offer.
Sure, he only wants me physically and the one guy I truly want doesn’t. I see the irony. Maybe I should let Chase distract me from the painful truth.
Distractions are what I’m good at.
I shouldn’t be nervous. It’s just Morgan. We’re just hanging out at my place, catching up.
It’s no big deal.
I hear the back gate open and close and then heels clicking on the sidewalk before I see Morgan approaching me. Her long, blond hair is down and wild. She’s wearing a skintight miniskirt with some kind of crazy black and white print and a slinky, black top, cut way too fucking low for me to focus.
“Tell me you have booze.”
I nod, holding up the whiskey bottle and two cups.
She smiles as she climbs the steps of my deck, taking a seat in the chair next to mine. “Thank God.”
How are we back here? I was afraid we couldn’t go back to us after that kiss, the kiss I’ve been obsessed with, but she seems totally fine.
Like her. The girl I’ve known for years. My best friend.
“Long day?” I pour some of the whiskey into her cup and hand it to her before pouring my own and placing the lid back on the bottle.
“Not too bad, but I’m happy to be here.”
I smile as I take a drink and look up at the night sky. It’s a scene so familiar in our friendship, but everything feels different to me.
“I’m happy you’re here.”
She takes a drink, and we look up at the sky together. But then I realize it’s not like old times, not at all. It’s quiet and awkward. There was rarely silence between us before. Morgan is usually a big talker, but she stays silent now.
The lack of noise leaves a void between us I can’t stand.
“Are you still fucking Chase?”
Wow. That was the worst way to fill the absence of discussion I could have come up with, but the question on my mind escaped my mouth. Morgan turns to me, her mouth dropped, looking as shocked as anyone would be, I guess.
Sex used to be a subject we discussed freely, but the question came out jealously.
“I haven’t since the first day.” She takes a drink as her shoulder kicks up slightly and a subtle smile plays on her lips. “Although, he has made quite a compelling argument to do it again.”
I fight the growl in my throat. I don’t own her. “He’s your boss.”
“I know that. But I don’t know, Ty.” Her pretty eyes meet mine as she turns to face me. “If there was ever anyone who could separate sex from a professional relationship, it’s Chase.”
“Can you?”
I want to believe I’m just a concerned friend, but there’s an aching feeling in my gut when I think about him touching her, about anyone other than me touching her. “Yes. Ty, I’m not some fragile, little girl. I’ve told you before, I’m not a princess looking for her prince to come and rescue her.”
“But you can’t say for sure you won’t fall for him.”
She laughs at that, her hand tossing back slightly as she places a hand on my arm. “Trust me. I’m not falling for Chase Castle. He’s everything I don’t want.”
“But he’s good enough to fuck.”
The knowledge of her sleeping with him is eating at me, making me bitter. Turning me into someone I don’t recognize.
“Yeah. He’s definitely good for that.”
I have to turn away, look at anything but her face as she reminisces about being fucked by some other guy. “You really think it’s a good idea to fuck your boss?”
She doesn’t look away from me, and I can feel her gaze on my profile. “He’s single. I’m single. I know he knows what he’s doing. He won’t get attached, and neither will I. I don’t see the issue, honestly.”
I turn to face her again, turning my whole body this time. “You don’t?”
“No. I don’t.” She’s so fucking stubborn. And strong. And sexy.
“I don’t believe you won’t fall for him.”
Her eyes narrow in my direction, and I know she sees right through me. “Or is it that you’re afraid I will?”
I swallow, caught in my bullshit and not liking it at all. “I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
She places her cup down on the table and stands up, walking to the railing of the deck. “Bullshit, Ty.”
I stand up, placing my own cup next to her and walking to stand near her. “Why would I want you to get hurt?”
We’re standing toe to toe, and it’s way too close. “You don’t, but what you’re really afraid of,” her eyes captivate me as I hang on every word, “is letting someone else fuck me when you want to do it yourself.”
Every instinct tells me to run away, get out of the situation, but my feet stay firmly planted. “That’s ridiculous.”
She shakes her head from side to side, her hair blowing in the summer air. “Just admit it already. You can’t stand the thought of me fucking someone else. Of his hands on me.” She’s taunting me now with a sly smile across her sultry face. “And his lips.” Her hands loosely grip my biceps as she leans into me, her lips against my ear. “His tongue.”
I stop her, taking a large step back and away from her. “Stop.”
“It kills you.”
“Why the hell are you trying to tempt me?”
“Why the hell are you denying me?”
“You know why.”
She throws her hands up in frustration and grabs the wooden railing with both hands. “Jay.”
“No.” I walk closer to her, knowing damn well I shouldn’t. I stop a foot behind he
r. “It’s not Jay. Not really. It’s you. You’re my friend, Morgan.”
She groans, not releasing the rail, shaking her head, and she stares up at the sky. “Then why are you acting like a jealous boyfriend?”
I know better, but I use one hand to sweep her hair away from her neck, moving it over her shoulder, leaning down to her ear. “Because I want to be the one fucking you.”
I can feel her body tense, and she sucks in air. “Then do it.”
I don’t move. We both stay frozen. “I can’t, Morgan. I tried the relationship thing.”
She turns around, her body in between me and the deck railing. “I don’t need a relationship.”
“I can’t use you.”
She leans in, her hands on my chest allowing me to inhale her perfume. “What if I said I need you to.” She stands tall as I tip my chin down, her lips nearing mine. “I crave you.”
I swallow, feeling a lump in my throat that won’t go away. “I can’t hear that.”
“No one has to know about it.”
“I don’t give a fuck about anyone knowing, Morgan. I went head to head with Chris when I was ready to commit to Evie because that’s what it was. I wasn’t just fucking her. It was a commitment. One that crashed and burned, but I could look him in the eye and tell him that I loved his sister.”
Morgan’s shoulders slouch slightly, her eyes lowering. “And you don’t love me. I get it.”
I use my hand to lift her chin back up. “I do love you. I love you more than anyone on the planet, but I don’t ever want a relationship again.”
Her tongue peeks out, licking her lips before her teeth gnaw on her bottom lip as she thinks it over. “I don’t need a relationship.” Her right eyebrow lifts in a challenge. “Really, it’s either you, or Chase. I’m a busy woman, tired of boys. I want a man who knows what he’s doing.”
“It would be too weird.”
Right?
Her hand grasps the back of my head as her body presses against me and her lips brush against mine. She doesn’t say a word. She let her tongue and her lips do all her talking, and I don’t fight it. I lean in, resting my hands on her hips as she nips my bottom lip. We kiss with a reckless sense of freedom, getting lost in the moment until her hands push back on my chest and we part. “Was that weird?”
Retreat Page 9
