by Quinn Ward
Gabe’s hands dipped inside my pajama pants, massaging my ass as we rutted against one another. Unlike the first times we fooled around, tonight there was no anxiety, only anticipation for what was to come. I hadn’t planned on our first time going all the way to be make-up sex, but it seemed fitting. A commitment to one another that, no matter what life threw our way, we could come together at the end of the day and still love each other.
Reluctantly, I pulled away from Gabe and rolled over. I fumbled to open the top drawer of the dresser beside the bed and pulled out the bottle of lube and a condom. We’d talked about going without rubbers, but going bare was something I couldn’t bring myself to do with anyone, even though I knew neither of us had been with anyone. Gabe, as typical for him, assured me he was fine, that the presence or absence of a piece of latex didn’t diminish what we felt for one another. I handed the supplies to Gabe, laughing at his astonishment.
“Trev, we don’t have to rush this,” he told me, the same as he did every time. It had been sweet at first, but now it was annoying.
“I’m pretty sure what we’ve done is the opposite of rushing anything,” I told him, as I brazenly reached over and tugged at the waistband of his shorts. “We’ve known one another for our entire lives. We dated in secret for a year. We’ve been in college for a few months now. When you think about it, our relationship has been moving at a glacial pace.”
“Well, when you put it that way….” Gabe rolled, flipping me onto my back so he could straddle my thighs. “Do you have any clue how hard it’s been for me to resist bending you over to claim you?”
“Claim me? Are we in some Regency romance right now?” I teased. I’d never thought laughing would be a part of sex, but it turned out it was my favorite part—okay, one of my favorite parts. The orgasms were damn amazing.
“I’m going to ignore the fact that my boyfriend knows what a Regency romance is.” His hands roamed my chest as he bent down to kiss me again. He ground our dicks together. This was familiar. I wanted new and exciting.
I felt around on the bed and handed him the bottle of lube. “Please, Gabe… want more tonight.”
“Tell me,” Gabe pleaded, already moving off my legs. He stripped quickly before returning to pull down my pajama pants and briefs. Even though I knew he couldn’t see much in the darkness, I felt exposed to him in a way I never had before. Not when he saw me at my worst and took care of me through sicknesses. Not the first time we’d been intimate. Not through shared showers. Tonight felt different. Raw. And I couldn’t wait for what came next.
“You’re not saying anything, Trev.” He straddled me again, lifting his body to limit the contact against my skin. He was trying to drive me out of my mind, and it was working. “Tell me exactly what you want me to do to you.”
My cheeks burned hotly enough I wouldn’t have been surprised if they were glowing. Gabe was the master of dirty talk, not me. I’d always tried so hard to stay respectful and proper, I wasn’t sure I could even utter the words to express my fantasies.
“Tell me, babe, or I’m not doing anything.” I pressed my hands against his back and tried to pull him down against me. If I could feel the heat of his body against mine, it’d bolster my confidence, make me forget my embarrassment. But Gabe had always been stronger than me, and he held firm.
I mumbled something, hoping it’d be enough to spur him into action. Instead, it only fueled him to taunt me more. He bent down, nipping my earlobe. “I can’t hear you. What was that?”
“Want you inside me,” I repeated.
“I don’t think that’s good enough, babe.” He took my dick in his hand, stroking slowly. Lightly. It wasn’t enough. I cried out as he dragged his thumb over my slit. “You like that?”
“Yes,” I hissed out, arching into his touch. “More. Need more, Gabe.”
“I’ll give you what you need.”
Every stroke drew me closer to the pinnacle, closer to losing control. Right before I blew, he stopped and instructed me to roll over. Now we were getting somewhere.
Gabe continued his ministrations, squeezing my butt in his hands. Cool air teased me as he parted my cheeks and my hole clenched.
“God, I never would’ve thought an ass could be this sexy.” His thumbs grazed against my hole and I had to stop myself from pressing back against him. “You never fail to amaze me, Trevor. Every time I see you like this, it makes me feel ten feet tall. Seeing how you need me, knowing you want me as much as I want you. It’s addictive.”
The talk was nice, great even, but tonight I wanted my man of action. The next time his fingers neared my entrance, I pushed back against them.
Gabe chuckled and pressed a kiss to the small of my back. His lips traveled lower and I flinched when I felt him kissing his way down my crack. Rimming was something I’d read about and seen but didn’t think I’d enjoy. It was too… strange to think of anyone burying their face there. But as Gabe’s mouth continued its journey, I found myself desperate for his tongue against my hole.
I rocked back, pressing my ass to his face, begging him to keep going. Pleading with him to give me his tongue. He dug his fingers into my hips to still me. “I’ve got you. There’s no need to hurry, and I want to take my time. Want to remember everything about tonight with you.”
My heart melted. He wasn’t always the best with words, but the past few months had proven to me he’d been holding back. When compelled, he knew how to find the exact words in any situation.
“Do something,” I begged. “Need to feel you. Want you inside me.”
Gabe groaned. “You’re killing me. I’m trying to be sweet and take my time with you.”
“Don’t need sweet. Need your dick.” I wasn’t sure who was more taken aback by my brazen demand, but I couldn’t bring myself to be ashamed. I did want him. He wanted me to tell him what I wanted. Him turning me on to the point I lost my inhibitions was a blessing.
The snick of the lube bottle cap opening seemed to echo off the walls. Cold, slick-covered fingers slid from my balls to my ass. I writhed, impatient for what I knew came next.
The anxiety that’d eluded me so far returned. I needed him to enjoy this. I wasn’t sure yet about topping him but also worried allowing him to penetrate me would be painful or unpleasant.
“You’re thinking again,” he pointed out, still rubbing gently against my entrance. He pressed harder, almost penetrating me, but not quite. “I can feel it here. You’re tensing up on me. I need you to trust me if we’re going to do this.”
“I do,” I promised him. “Implicitly.”
“Then let me get you ready. I want to make sure I don’t hurt you.”
In that moment, I knew he never would. Not if there was any way he could help it. My shoulders dropped to the bed as I arched my ass higher into the air. “You won’t, but if you don’t do something the blue balls are going to be the death of me.”
“So dramatic,” Gabe teased. I flinched when slick fingers met my hole. I closed my eyes, breathing as I tried to stay relaxed for him. I threw my head back when he breached me. “That’s it, baby. Let me in.”
He continued praising me as he worked my body, first with a single finger, then working his way up to three. More than once, I had to bury my head in the pillow. It wasn’t exactly pleasant but I knew the reward would be worth it. It seemed to take forever before Gabe declared I was ready.
“How do you want to do this?” he asked as he rolled to my side. I would have complained about him stalling, dragging out the sweet torture, but when I opened my eyes, I noticed his furrowed brow. For as confident as he always came across, Gabe was nervous.
I rolled to my side, scooting close enough I could drape a leg over his. If I reminded him both of us needed to be ready for what I wanted to happen tonight, he’d back off, assuming I was the one having second thoughts. Instead, I tried for quiet reassurance. “Positions aren’t important. All that matters is you and me. It’s going to be fine, Gabe.”
“I
know, but–” I cut him off with a tender kiss. His mouth dropped open and I closed my eyes, silently reminding myself I could do this. If he wasn’t going to take charge, I could. Just because I would be the one getting penetrated didn’t mean he had to be in control.
I rolled again, straddling his hips. “Just like this. Let me do it, that way I can take a break if it’s too much.” I curled my hand around the base of Gabe’s dick, giving him a few strokes to bring him back from half-mast. He seriously needed to quit worrying so much.
“I just don’t want to hurt you,” he admitted. It was sweet, and I already figured that was his issue. Unfortunately, I was pretty sure it was going to hurt since I’d never had anything more than a couple of fingers up there, and even that wasn’t the most pleasant experience in the world. I kept that to myself along with all the other things I wasn’t telling him.
Gabe was a fantastic boyfriend, just a bit too careful with me sometimes. His body vibrated with need. His hands fisted the sheets as he tried to hold back even though I knew the anticipation was killing him. As I lowered myself closer to the head of his dick, I rocked my hips slowly, giving him a preview of what was to come. I felt ridiculous and sexy all at the same time.
Both of us gasped when the tip pressed against my hole. I took a few steadying breaths, silently reminding myself that I could do this, that I just needed to relax. And then–
Oh fuck, that hurt. I swallowed the cry of pain that wanted to escape. I’d researched enough to know this discomfort was totally normal. I just had to…
“Easy, baby. There’s no hurry.” Gabe ran his hands up and down my thighs. “You feel so good. Tight…” I lowered myself a bit more. Beads of sweat popped up on my forehead. “That’s it, Trev. Take your time. Does it feel good for you?”
I nodded, unable to speak. Good might have been a bit of a stretch but it wasn’t as painful as it had been at first. When I’d finally taken his entire length, I fell over him, needing a minute to adjust. Gabe wrapped his arms tightly around my back, kissing the side of my head as he continued praising me.
And then… he moved, slowly rocking his hips back and forth. The short, quick thrusts of his dick inside of me seemed to hit every single nerve ending. Whatever pain lingered quickly faded, until there was only mind-blowing pleasure. When I sat up, we began moving in concert with one another.
Gabe’s fingers dug into my thighs. “Please tell me this feels as good to you as it does to me?”
“Maybe even better.” This time, it wasn’t a lie. Without even touching my dick, I was ready to shoot all over him. As soon as that thought entered my mind, it was the only thing I could think of. I wanted to mark him, claim him. It was stupid because it wasn’t like anyone would know, but this primal need filled me. I curled my fingers around my shaft and started jerking off as he fucked me. “Faster. You don’t need to be gentle with me.”
I didn’t want gentle. I wanted him to lose his damned mind and fuck me. I wanted all of that pent up energy and frustration released into my ass.
I braced myself with a hand on Gabe’s chest when he relented and started bucking his hips off the bed. Both of us were gasping for air. It was… everything I never imagined it would be like. It was better. It was stupid because I knew anal sex wasn’t any sort of benchmark to making a relationship real, but in that moment, I felt closer to Gabe than I ever had before.
It was all over too fast. I couldn’t stave off my orgasm, and within seconds, Gabe was crying out, cursing me for getting him off too fast. As I came down from the high of my release, every muscle in my body seemed to give out at once. I collapsed onto Gabe’s chest, not even bothered by the sticky mess I knew I was rubbing into both of us. I winced when Gabe pulled out of me. That wasn’t the most pleasant feeling in the world.
He slid out from beneath me, pulling the covers over my legs. At some point later, I was vaguely aware of a damp washcloth running over my stomach but I couldn’t be bothered to open my eyes. Strong arms wrapped around me before Gabe scooted me to the opposite side of my bed. When I shifted, I became aware of the tenderness in my ass, but the discomfort was worth it for the way I felt falling asleep in his arms after he made love to me.
10
Gabe
Life was so much less stressful once I wasn’t sitting in our room obsessing about how much time Trevor and I were spending apart. Now that I was seeking out people with common interests to mine, it was like the pressure had been released. I hadn’t realized it at the time, but I was the one crushing the possibility for our relationship to succeed because I staked all my happiness on whether or not Trevor was around.
Thanksgiving hadn’t been easy. Sitting across the table from him, unable to tell the family what I was truly thankful for this year sucked. Saying goodnight to him before he went home with his parents was nearly unbearable. We texted every night until the responses came slower and we said goodnight. In the morning, I reached for my phone, wishing we were together. I wanted to wake up to the sight of him reading in the bed next to me, his fingers absently carding through my hair. But we’d made it through, and Sunday night, we’d detoured off the interstate in the middle of nowhere to make out. I smiled at the memory, telling myself that had been practice for the upcoming winter break. There was no way we’d get through almost a month with only supervised contact, but I knew we’d have to find a way because Trevor wouldn’t do anything to raise suspicion with his family.
“Do you have any clue how expressive your face is?” Seth’s observation pulled me out of my thoughts. We were at Port Java, waiting for the rest of the LGBTQ Alliance to show up. With finals starting in a few days, this would be the last time we’d all be together until January, and the last time we’d likely see a couple of graduating seniors. As much as I’d resisted getting out of the dorm, these people were now my friends. I was going to miss them, too, when we were home.
“And what’s my face telling you right now?” I quipped.
“First, that you were thinking about something special. I’d put money on it having to do with Trevor. But then it was like you were punched in the gut. You literally looked like you were in physical pain.”
I kind of was, which was weird. My chest ached every time I considered what the upcoming distance was going to do to our relationship. The toll that would be taken by not being able to be honest with our families. The hiding. The lies. Pretending like life was peachy when it was bittersweet. “If you’d like to talk about it, my door is always open.”
“Thanks for that, man, but I was thinking about break and how much it’s gonna suck not being with Trevor for almost a month.”
“I thought you guys were from the same town?” I’d been purposely vague when sharing details of my relationship with Trevor. My friends knew we went to school together and lived in the same town, but I’d downplayed the connection between our families. That was getting dangerously close to the truth, and I’d promised Trevor certain details would stay between us until he was ready.
“Yeah, but it won’t be the same,” I said, wishing I could explain the torture I was about to experience.
“I take it your parents aren’t cool with you being gay, either?”
“No, that’s not it. My parents have known about me for a while,” I admitted.
“Then why can’t you come clean, tell them you’re seeing Trevor?” He suggested. If only it were that simple. “They’ll probably take it better if they see you’re happy, and anyone who sees the two of you together has to admit you’re totally in love with one another.”
“Believe me, that’s not how it would go down.” There would be tears, but they wouldn’t be happy ones. The moms would try to dissect where they’d gone wrong, if they shouldn’t have encouraged us to orbit around one another for nearly two decades.
“Remember what we were talking about last month in the group. Most of the time, the buildup in your mind is light-years worse than reality.”
“You telling me you’ve realized it�
�ll be easy for you to come out?” I quirked an eyebrow expectantly. It was dirty pool to turn the conversation around on him like that when I knew there was no way he could tell his family he was gay until he had a plan in place. Unlike my parents, whose acceptance of me made it possible they’d eventually be okay with who I loved, his family was very outspoken on their beliefs. They had no problem telling anyone who would listen that homosexuals were ruining the sanctity of the nuclear family. That’d made for a pleasant conversation the week they’d come down to visit Seth for his birthday.
“Eventually, I’ll have to,” he said somberly. I was a complete dick. I knew he struggled with wanting to keep his family and being true to himself. He’d blossomed over the course of the semester and it was cool to see the person he was growing into.
“Hey, guys, what’s so heavy over here?” Jayden, one of the graduating seniors, flipped a chair around and sat at our table. One of the baristas came over to see if Jayden needed anything to drink. The two of them had grown closer over the past month since we’d started hanging out here. Maybe close was the wrong word, but there was definitely a spark of something there.
“Talking about the theory of coming out versus the reality,” Seth stated, as if discussing possible thesis topics. It wasn’t much of a stretch to imagine him choosing something along those lines for a term paper at some point. The more comfortable he became with his sexuality, the more determined he was to do something good for kids like him.
“And what have you decided?” Jayden asked. The barista stopped back with his coffee, and they exchanged a few quiet words before he turned his attention back to us. “Sorry about that.”
“No worries.” I sipped my coffee, wondering if they were dating. I wouldn’t trade what I had with Trevor for anything, but occasionally, I couldn’t help but wonder what it was like to feel the butterflies when you met someone you felt a connection to. I wouldn’t say Trevor and I were a foregone conclusion, not by a long shot, but more of a natural progression. Best friends to pre-pubescent crushes (even if we never admitted it to one another), high school sweethearts no one knew about, and now college lovers. There wasn’t a time when he was someone new to me.
