by Quinn Ward
A chair scraped across the granite tiles and we both turned to see Gwen rinsing out her mug. “I’m going to give you boys some time to talk. We could’ve avoided all of this drama as well as two tanks of gas if you’d done that sooner.”
“Yes, ma’am,” we responded in unison.
“Oh, and Trevor, if you’d prefer to move your Jeep into the garage and stay here tonight, I won’t tell anyone you’re here.”
And that was why Gwen would always be the cool mom. If my own mother saw my vehicle in the driveway, she’d drive herself crazy with worry until she tracked me down. At least I came by that trait honestly.
“Thanks, Aunt Gwen.”
She shook her head and pulled both of us into a group hug. “As strange as it’ll be, if you’re going to be in love with my son, it’d probably be easier for everyone involved if you called me Gwen.”
“I’ll try.”
Gabe checked on Seth, apologizing for bailing on him, while I tidied up the kitchen. I knew it wasn’t expected, but it was the least I could do after Gwen took care of me through my nuclear meltdown. I smiled the briefest of smiles when I heard Seth tell him to get the hell out of there and win back his man. I definitely needed to work harder at trying to get to know Seth. Not many friends would be up for a two-hour drive late at night and then be cool with getting left in a strange house with someone he hadn’t even met. Knowing Gwen, the latter detail would change as soon as we headed down the driveway to move the Jeep.
The short walk down the street was cold and bitter, and it wasn’t because it was the dead of winter and I was underdressed. There was so much that needed to be said, but I wasn’t sure if either of us were ready to talk.
20
(Gabe)
As soon as Trevor unlocked the Jeep, I took the keys from him and got into the driver’s seat. We were going to talk about this, but it sure as hell wasn’t going to be under the same roof as my mother. She was pissed about the news that I was even thinking about dropping out of school, and when you combined that with her wanting to know what was going on between Trevor and me, I’d almost guarantee she’d be somewhere around the corner listening in.
Trevor didn’t question me when I turned right out of the driveway. As I wound my way through town, I tried to think of something to say to him other than “What the fuck were you thinking?” because that was the question I really wanted the damn answer to. It stung that he overheard a snippet of a conversation and trusted that more than everything we’d been working on building together.
Trevor was the one to crack first. “Are you really leaving school?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “Maybe I’m just coming down from the high of something new, but college isn’t at all what I thought it was going to be. Every day, I’m struggling to get my ass out of bed and go to class. I can’t focus on my work. If that’s the way shit’s going to go, maybe it’s a sign I shouldn’t be there right now.”
“So, what? You’d drop out and work at a coffee shop for the rest of your life?”
“Don’t be stupid. No, I don’t plan on working at Port Java forever. I just… I need some time to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.”
“And you’re sure this doesn’t have anything to do with us?”
Now I was getting annoyed. The first time I tried figuring out a problem on my own and Trevor decided it must be because there was something wrong in our relationship. “No, you jackass. This is all on me. I mean, maybe part of my problem is that you do have your life all mapped out, but that doesn’t mean I’m trying to run away from what we have here.”
Not the way he had run at the first sign of trouble. If we had any hope of lasting, he needed to understand that shit wasn’t going to fly. He couldn’t bail on me without a word and expect me to sit around waiting for him to be done thinking.
I pulled into the back parking lot of the local park. This was where we used to run off to when we wanted to talk about the future. The first few times, I’d hoped for a make-out session like the rest of our classmates, but Trevor was always worried someone would see us and report back to his parents.
Worry. It was disheartening how often that word came up when I thought about Trevor. I loved him and wanted him to be happy but wondered if he ever would be when he was taking on the weight of the world.
Silence wrapped around us once again. I couldn’t remember a time when it’d been this difficult to talk to Trevor. We’d never held back, never kept secrets. Until we fell in love. Since then, it felt like we’d both started guarding ourselves more.
“I can’t believe you told my fucking mom that I was thinking about dropping out of school.” My temper finally boiled over, and the more I thought about it, how he handled the situation pissed me off. “You didn’t even try to figure out if you’d misheard. You just raced up here and tattled on me. I love you, Trev, but we’re not going to work if you won’t trust me to come to you.”
“I know.” He sounded remorseful, but was that enough? “It doesn’t excuse anything, but if you give me a chance, I’d like to explain why hearing the three of you talking about a job and a place to live scared me.”
I wanted to curl up next to Trevor, give him some physical reassurance that I would always try to listen to what worried him, even when it reached obsessive levels.
The fear I felt when I didn’t know what’d driven him away vanished the moment I heard his voice in my parents’ kitchen. The anger I’d felt when I realized he’d told my mom I was considering dropping out of school was nothing but a distant memory. Now, all I felt was remorse that I’d made him doubt us. If necessary, I’d spent every spare minute proving to him that he was my priority.
“Baby, that had nothing to do with us and everything to do with where my head’s at,” I clarified. “I applied to UNCW because I was expected to go to school and knew I didn’t have the grades to follow you to Duke. But now that I’m there, I have no clue what I’m supposed to do next.
“And yeah, I know a lot of students don’t have their lives mapped out before they start their freshman year, but it’s driving me crazy, because I don’t even have a general direction in mind.” Trevor reached over and began massaging my knee as I continued bleeding my anxiety to him. “I don’t want to waste my parents’ money or my time when I could be working, earning a living. And Levi made me a great offer, helping him run Port Java. He even said he’d work around my schedule if I decide to stay in school.”
“How would that work?” Trevor asked. He seemed a bit calmer now, which was a good thing. “If you’re barely keeping up in your classes with the hours you’re working now, how would you handle even more responsibility?”
“I’ll figure it out,” I promised him. He ignored the idea that I might withdraw from classes within the next week. Time was running out for me to make a decision. I didn’t remind him, hoping he’d understand this was something I felt like I needed to do.
“And the room at Jayden’s apartment? What was that about?”
Okay, so maybe I wasn’t going to ignore the elephant in the back seat. “If I drop out of school, I won’t have a choice but to move out of the dorms. He wanted me to have a place to land if that happens. But right now, that’s a huge if. I wouldn’t do something like that without talking to you about it first. And as tempted as I am sometimes to just throw in the damn towel, I know that might not be the best idea, either.”
Trevor stared through the windshield, his breathing slow and steady, his thoughts contained within his mind. As the silence dragged on, I wanted to shake him and ask him to say something, anything, to reassure me we’d be okay if I dropped out. I got my wish. Sort of.
“I think withdrawing would be a shitty idea,” he said frankly. “Knowing you, you think this will be a little time off while you figure out what you want to do with your life. What happens when you get so caught up in the real world that you never go back to school? Would you regret this decision a decade down the road when you know what you want to do but fee
l trapped by this single bad decision?
“I’m sorry I’ve been so obsessed with my own classes that I didn’t know you were having these thoughts,” he apologized, turning in his seat to face me. “I’m sorry I haven’t been there to help you when you were struggling.”
“It’s not your job to be my personal tutor.”
“No, but I’ve always helped you out. Not because I had to, but because I want to.” Trevor laced our fingers together and lifted them to his mouth, kissing each finger. “You have an amazing mind, but it’s never worked the same way a lot of people’s do. I’m sure you have dreams you’ve never told anyone about, not even me, because you don’t think they’ll make your parents proud of you. They’re going to love you no matter what, and they’ll respect you for carving your own path, whatever that looks like.”
I sat and thought a minute about what I’d do if I put all the sensible suggestions out of my mine. Theater. I loved anything to do with theater. But I’d always been told that was a hobby, not a career.
When I’d checked out UNCW, it was their drama department that drew me in. Last semester, I’d taken an introductory level class and I’d had a blast, even if the course content had been mundane at times. This semester, I’d followed through on the promise to myself to focus on my gen eds and I was miserable. Damn, if only I’d talked to Trevor about this sooner.
I practically launched myself across the seat. My mouth crashed against Trevor’s, my tongue pressed into his mouth when he gasped in surprise. His hands pushed beneath my hoodie and he began massaging my back. Moans filled the cabin of the Jeep as I pushed him against the door, devouring his mouth.
We were so caught up, neither of us noticed the beam of headlights entering the park. We jumped apart at the rap of knuckles against the window. Fuck. Nineteen years old and busted necking in the park. I rolled down the window to see one of the rookie cops glaring at us. He stared at me and his censure turned to amusement. “Gabe Brunner?”
I shielded my eyes from the glare of his flashlight. “Holy shit! Ethan?”
Maybe we’d be okay. Ethan Daniels graduated two years ahead of us and he wasn’t necessarily a friend, but we’d traveled in the same packs.
“Man, you should know better than to come up here this late at night,” he scolded me. So far, he hadn’t seemed to recognize Trevor. Panic radiated off my boyfriend. He wasn’t ready for anyone in town to figure out we were together. “Yeah, sorry. Needed to do some heavy-duty groveling. You know how it goes.”
“Oh, that I do.” Ethan chuckled. “Get out of here before Officer Pettit comes around. I’ll let you off with a warning, but he’s still the same hardass he always was.”
Good to know. I wasn’t aware the senior officers on the force worked anything other than weekday day shifts and I definitely didn’t want to get on his bad side. He’d earned the nickname Pissy Pettit because he was always in a foul mood and seemed to get off on writing tickets.
As soon as Ethan disappeared back to his squad, I burst out laughing. Trevor, unfortunately, didn’t think it was nearly as amusing as I had. He smacked my shoulder. Hard. “Let’s get the hell out of here before we get caught for real.”
I leaned over to steal one last kiss. Trevor muttered something under his breath about being the first teenager to die from a stroke after being caught with his boyfriend. I chuckled again as I started the Jeep and backed out.
The drive back to my house was just as quiet as the one to the park, but this time, it was the easy silence of two men who didn’t have to fill every second with idle chatter. Luckily, I’d had the forethought to grab the garage door opener before we left, so I was able to pull right in. My heart beat a little faster as we’d driven past Trevor’s parents’ house, because I knew he wasn’t ready to deal with them yet. We’d have to first thing in the morning, but first, we both needed some rest. It’d been an emotionally draining night.
Unfortunately, my luck for the night had run out. So far, despite the massive cliff I’d managed to avoid plunging over with Trevor, it’d been a good night. I felt better after talking to him. My only regret was not doing so sooner. But Mom, Dad, and Seth were all sitting around the kitchen table when we walked in through the door from the garage to the kitchen.
“You boys get lost on the long drive from DeeDee and Randy’s?” Dad asked, quirking an eyebrow to let us both know he knew the truth about us and had his own assumptions about where we’d gone.
“Sorry, we….” Shit. What could I say that wouldn’t blatantly out us?
Trevor leaned in close enough to whisper. “I’m sure your mom told him. I might’ve accidentally come out to her when I had my meltdown.”
I gaped at him. “Seriously? I thought we were going to decide together when the time was right to tell everyone.”
“It’s not like I planned it,” he responded defensively. “I wasn’t exactly thinking clearly and when Gwen got me to tell her why I was so upset and why you weren’t here with me, it sort of all came out.”
“And we’re not upset about it,” Dad told both of us. Dammit, I’d once again gotten so caught up in Trevor I’d forgotten we weren’t alone.
Seth excused himself, saying it’d been a long day and he needed to sleep. Mom patted him on the shoulder and wished him sweet dreams, the same as she always did to Trevor and me when we were home. I smiled, hoping that meant Seth had parental figures who wouldn’t damn and disown him if he ever decided to come out.
“Sit,” Dad said curtly once it was the four of us.
“Look, I know it’s probably a shock to you guys, but you have to know this isn’t some weird phase or anything. And I didn’t pressure Trevor into being with me, it just sort of happened.” I wanted to get that out there before Dad could say anything. He needed to know we were the real deal.
Trevor grabbed my hand beneath the table and held on tight. I was his lifeline and he was mine.
“We know that, son,” Dad assured me. “The only thing that upsets me is you felt the need to hide for so long. When you came out, we told you we’d love you no matter what. And no, it’s not ideal that you’re in love with Trevor, but we can’t really control who we fall in love with, can we?”
He glanced at my mom and she smiled. I wondered if there was a story they hadn’t told me about their own relationship. It didn’t matter right now, but eventually, I hoped they’d tell me.
“That’s all on me, Joel.” Dad stiffened at the informality of hearing Trevor call him by his first name. Our whole lives, he’d called my parents Uncle Joel and Aunt Gwen, and his parents were Aunt DeeDee and Uncle Randy. I waited for Dad to criticize him, but he simply nodded for Trevor to continue. “I don’t know what my mom is going to say when she finds out. You have all been her family for so long and she’s always said having Gabe around was like having another son. It’s not going to be easy for her.”
“You’re probably right about that, but you can’t live your entire life trying to please your parents,” Dad advised. Trevor looked over at me, quirking an eyebrow as if to say ‘Seems like I just gave you similar advice.’ Yeah, he had. I smirked, quickly schooling my features so Dad wouldn’t think it had anything to do with what he was saying.
“Dad actually knows,” Trevor admitted. “He’s known for a while now. It was a little awkward at first, but he’s been totally cool about it. I’m hoping, maybe, he’ll be able to get mom to see that the most important thing is that Gabe and I are happy.”
“And are you?” Mom asked. It was a fair question since so much had been up in the air when we’d last walked out of this house.
Trevor and I shared a smile before I answered. “Yeah, we are. I screw up a lot, but at least he’s used to that. And I swear, I’m going to be better about talking to him so I don’t cross a line I can’t come back from.”
I might have been talking to my parents, but the words were for Trevor’s benefit. Tonight could have broken us, but once again, he gave me a chance at redemption. Knowing I’d p
ushed him close enough that he’d run from me was scary as shit. I’d had a taste of what it would feel like if he left me, and I would do everything possible to never feel that way again.
“Good. Trevor, if you’d like to get ready for bed, I don’t think you need to be here for the next part of the conversation.” Dad had an evil grin on his face. Shit. Mom had told him about my moment of insanity and I was about to get the school lecture.
“If it’s okay with you, I’d like him to stay,” I told them, hoping Trevor would hang around for moral support if I needed his help.
Mom and Dad shared a look. “That’s fine, especially since Trevor’s the one who told your mother about the ridiculous plan you came up with for leaving school.”
“Actually,” Trevor interrupted, “It turns out I might’ve been a bit premature in worrying about that. I’m sorry if I got the two of you worked up for nothing, but it was a big misunderstanding.”
“So that means you’re not dropping out of school?” Mom asked hopefully.
“Not right now,” I told her. She grimaced and my Dad let out a disgusted huff. “Trevor had a theory about why I’ve been thinking about it, and I’d like to see if he’s right before I do anything I can’t take back.”
“Oh, and what’s that?” Dad leaned in, genuinely interested in what I had to say.
“He said I’m struggling because I’m trying to live up to your expectations. He suggested that I follow my own path and see how it goes.”
Mom reached for my hand. “Why would you think you had to choose a major that’d make us happy? All we wanted was for you to continue your education so you could eventually get more than an entry-level job.”
“I’m starting to understand that now.” I squeezed Trevor’s hand.
“What is it you think would upset us for you to pursue?” Dad still seemed upset.
“Theater,” I mumbled. Trevor kicked me for being so soft-spoken about something I wanted. I straightened in my seat and looked my dad in the eyes. “I’m not sure what I’ll specialize in, but I want to do something with theater. I took a class last semester and it was cool. I’d like to explore a bit more. It’s probably too late to switch classes around for this semester, but definitely in the fall.”
