by A Lonergan
No. I shook my head.
My beast whipped her around so quickly, I knew I had disoriented her. I pulled her body flush against my wide chest and continued to climb. Her gyrating hips were enough to send us both off the side of the cliff, so I desperately needed to distract her. She relaxed against me and I knew we were safe – for now. But I wasn't going to push my luck.
Thanks to my bear strength, we made it up the side of the cliff rather quickly. I looked down and zeroed in on a few faces.
My mother’s first; she had her left hand shielding her eyes from the sun and the other against her mouth. Tears were shining in her eyes. Saying goodbye was always hard on us. She never knew if I would come back to her alive or not. Shaskia was next; I had never seen anyone look so worried and I knew why.
Jessa's mother had gone into the heat, and when she had fallen pregnant, the Goddess blessed her with a few years of protection to ensure that she could train and raise her daughter. At least, that was the theory Shaskia had come up with. It was the only thing that made sense.
Except her. Except Shaskia.
She had Jessa's mother and found hiding just in time but the valley had almost killed Leila and they had to leave again. It was a cycle, but she was still alive and Jessa’s mother was nowhere to be found.
I set Jessa down roughly and shifted, dressing quickly in the darkness of the cave. I could feel Jessa’s eyes searching for me in the dark, but I said nothing. I knew I would have to carry her if we were going to get out quick enough. I didn't need to shift again because there wouldn't be any climbing and I could easily carry her on my back.
She didn't complain or say anything the whole trip through mountain. When we got to the hidden opening, I muttered the incantation. In a few seconds, we were standing in two feet of snow. I held Jessa on my back, knowing that if I put her down, she'd be lost in it. The white fluff covering the ground would definitely swallow her small frame. She still said nothing while I trudged down the mountainside. I was beginning to grow nervous when I inhaled deeply.
Nothing. She wasn't nervous. She wasn't afraid. She wasn't horny. She was nothing.
If I hadn't been able to feel her breathing against my back, I would have worried I had lost her.
"So what do we do now?" Jessa's voice held no emotion.
"There’s a safe house somewhere nearby; we'll probably have to steal a car or I can continue to carry you.”
She shook her head, “No, stealing a car will be no problem for you; let’s just do that.” I almost reminded her that carrying her would be no problem either, but she sounded indifferent. There was no use wasting my breath trying to convince her. She just didn't care and I didn't understand why. I wished I could read her thoughts.
Chapter 16
Jessa
I wrapped my arms tightly around Crawley’s shoulders and held on while he walked through the snow. I tried to feel something but I just felt numb. I hadn't wanted to leave but I knew it would be the best thing for Shaskia and her people. She had to protect them and so did I. I left a part of my heart in that clearing with all of those people. The other part of my heart was out there somewhere with my mother now that I understood what she had gone through for me.
She hadn't been absent to hurt me or because she didn't love me. She just didn't have a choice. She had always been protecting me in the best way she knew how. I knew I would have done the same thing.
I tried to hold onto Crawly but my arms went slack as I was forced into another memory.
“Boyfriends are a no, Jessa.” My mother had a spoon in her hand and kept her eyes on the sauce boiling on the stove.
I leaned forward and cocked my head at her. “And why not?” My voice held a very rude tone but Mother chose to ignore it this time.
“For starters, you’re way too young.” I could feel my eyes twitching as I tried to keep myself from rolling them. “And because babies aren’t wanted.” Confusion filled me as my mother finally looked at me. “Artemis will protect you for a short while after you have a baby, but that’s all she can offer to you and a newborn. At least, that’s how it went with me. We’ve been extremely fortunate.”
“Does she do that for everyone? Why would it just be us?”
“The same reason why you’ve trained so hard but no longer have to. Hopefully, we won’t have to worry about this for much longer.” Mother winked at me and began to stir her sauce again.
I blinked and found myself in Crawley’s arms; he was cradling me as he trudged through the snow. I didn’t know why the conversation with my mother had started that way but I knew that I had been way too young for it. I felt anger toward her once more. I couldn’t believe she had told me that at such a young age and then had the memory locked up as if it never happened.
I wondered for a brief moment if she knew that she was going to erase my memories and didn’t think it would matter. I wondered if she knew all along that it didn’t matter what she was told me because the odds of me remembering it were slim.
As I started feeling the changes in my body, I knew what I needed to do. I had to stop feeling; I had to stop wanting. I knew that it affected Crawley, but he acted indifferent, almost like he was ignoring me. It bothered me but I knew it was for the best. A baby wouldn't help us, even if it would offer protection for a short while. There was no way I could bring a baby into this mess like my mother had done to me. Though I doubted she had gotten pregnant on purpose. She probably had no idea what was happening to her.
I wondered just how close she had been to Shaskia and how much Shaskia had known. I wondered if my mother had even known that Shaskia wasn’t her real mother.
I laid my head down in between Crawley's shoulder blades and closed my eyes. I tried not to breathe because he overwhelmed me when I did.
When we finally reached a road down the slope of the mountain, I didn't know if I was relieved or not. The road was empty. We would have to walk miles to find any abandoned cars – if we found any at all. Our chances were extremely slim.
Crawley let go of my legs and let me slide down into the snow. I was surprised that it didn’t devour me; I was so little compared to him. I tried to shake off the snow settling against my thighs. My teeth were starting to chatter and where I hadn’t felt the winter’s cold, I was now feeling it tenfold.
"What are you doing?" My voice sounded irritated. Hell, I was irritated. I didn’t know where I was, I didn’t know when I was going to be warm again, and Crawley still hadn’t explained the situation at hand. Not to mention, I was hungry as hell too. I had so many questions, but I held them in. They could wait.
Crawley was crouched low on the asphalt, breathing deeply with his eyes closed. He uncovered his leather-clad hand and touched the black top. "Stay low."
“’Cause I can totally get lower.” I looked at the snow surrounding me and rolled my eyes.
I was almost buried. I tapped my foot in the fluff around me and folded my arms across my chest. A low rumble was coming from the other side of the slope. Crawley stood up and moved to the middle of the street.
"Crawley–" The look he gave me chilled my bones even more than they already were. I pressed my lips together and watched the idiot in front of me.
Soon headlights were shining on him as a truck barreled through the ice and snow on the road. I wanted to shout at him to move but I knew it wouldn't matter what I said. He had a way he did things and I just wasn't caught up to speed yet. If I hadn't been so worried about him, I probably would have rolled my eyes.
The truck blared its horn at Crawley but he didn’t budge. He was a man with a mission and I doubted an 18-wheeler would be the thing to take him out. The big truck came to a stop in front of Crawley. He waved and walked around to the driver’s side; ice and snow crunched under his boots. I strained to listen but he didn’t speak. I heard the body hit the snow before Crawley bent down and threw him over his shoulder. He pushed him back into the large cab. I figured he wasn’t dead; if he were Crawley wouldn’t have let h
im ride with us. At least I hoped not. Crawley gave me a bored look as he swung himself into the driver’s seat.
I guessed that was my cue. It was hard to tell if there was ice on the asphalt or not and because of this, I walked as slow as possible, afraid of complicating the trip even more. Broken bones wouldn’t help.
I pulled myself up into the large cab and looked around. The driver was hopefully asleep in the back seat and Crawley was scowling at me.
“What’s that look for?” I asked.
“I don’t think you could have walked any slower. Seriously?”
“I was afraid of slipping and hurting myself!” It was Crawley’s turn to roll his eyes. If I had been attracted to him earlier, I sure as hell wasn’t now! I let out a huff and folded my arms over my chest.
“Are you going to tell me where we’re going or am I just going to follow you blindly for the rest of my life?”
A grin stretched across his face from ear to ear. “I won’t mind if you don’t.”
I refused to even acknowledge what he was saying. I kicked the bag in front of me but it didn’t make me feel any less cramped. My feet were squashed, and I wondered if it would be a good idea to toss it in the back. I thought better of it and pulled it onto my lap. It helped keep my legs warm anyway.
As if Crawley read my thoughts, he cranked up the heater and put the truck into gear. The big machine hesitated before lurching forward and I was almost thankful for the seat belt that was biting into my neck. I wondered again if he could read my mind and almost asked him, but I bit my tongue and pressed my head against the cold, foggy window.
My eyes flew open at the sound of the screeching tires and grinding metal.
Not again, please.
My heart lurched into my throat when I saw my surroundings, and I vowed to never let sleep overtake me during the day again. My seat belt was holding me in place and the front end of the truck was caught in a sinkhole. If I hadn’t been wearing my seatbelt, I would have fallen through the busted windshield. I contemplated finding a way out of the falling truck but didn’t trust my luck. I needed a minute to think it through but I didn’t have one.
Crawley’s body was hanging at an odd angle from his seatbelt, and blood was pouring from a cut on his head. There was blood on the driver’s side window and the air bags were deployed. I wondered how long the truck would stay suspended in the air and figured it wouldn’t be long.
I pushed my body against the leather seat and tried to wiggle my way free of the seatbelt. My stomach dropped as soon as I was free. I held onto the belt, rested my feet on the dash, and reached for Crawley.
The truck groaned and inched farther into the hole on the road. I pulled myself back to my seat and closed my eyes. Sweat was coating my palms and making it extremely difficult to hold onto anything.
“Crawley, please tell me that you’re okay.” Desperation filled my voice. “Crawley! I need you to wake up right now! I’m not strong enough to get you out. Please...” My hands started slipping down the belt as the truck slid some more. Moisture was rolling down the sides of my face and back. I didn’t know how much longer I could hold on while balancing on the broken dash.
The seat belt slipped from my fingers as I made my way across the dash to the steering wheel. I reached out and brushed Crawley’s curling hair from his eyes, then I smacked him one good time.
His bright green eyes flew open and he gave me a confused and shocked look.
“Good morning, sunshine.”
Crawley growled at my sarcasm but I didn’t care. I had been genuinely afraid that he was dead, and we were suspended on the edge of what looked to be a very deep hole. Nothing but darkness was visible under the front of the truck. Fear took hold of my heart.
Crawley squeezed his eyes closed then looked at me. “You’ll have to go through the back window.”
“You too, right?”
“Yes, but I won’t be able to make it out until after you do. I don’t think the truck can handle my weight shifting like that.”
I shook my head. There was no way he was going to stay while I got out. I needed him to go first. I needed him to be the brave one because I didn’t know how to be brave right now. I felt a tear slide down my cheek and knew that it was going to be risky getting him out, especially with the way the truck was starting to slide. The odds were against us.
They had always been against us, or rather, against me. Crawley looked at me with his big shining eyes and I decided that I was always the brave one. I had always done everything on my own. Why did that need to change now? When did I start needing someone else?
I pulled the duffle bag out from under the dash and slung the strap over my shoulder. I was surprised it had actually made it through this. I then grabbed the back of the headrest on the passenger seat and pulled myself up onto it.
“Now what?” My voice sounded small and frightened.
“Break the glass and get yourself out.” His voice was rough, stern, and southern. All the things I loved about it. I pulled a large metal flashlight out of the front pocket on the bag and swung it at the glass. It bounced off twice and the truck slid a few more inches before the glass finally shattered and rained down on my face. I closed my eyes before any of it could made contact and tried to ignore the way it stung. I wrapped a t-shirt around my hand and gripped the bottom of the window. The truck slid some more.
The cold wind bit at my face as I jumped from the back window of the cab. I scurried across the trailer still and hit the cold black asphalt hard. I scrambled to stand and cupped my hands around my mouth. “Crawley! I’m out!”
The 18-wheeler groaned as it moved farther across the pavement. Fear bit into me again and tears pricked my eyes. “Crawley! COME ON! PLEASE!” Crawley’s head peaked out from the back window but the truck was sliding too quickly.
“Win the Games, Jessa. You’re stronger than you think. You’re stronger than all of them.”
I put my hands out in the hopes that it would do something, as if I could pull him from the wrecked truck and save him.
“No, no, no!” Tears spilled freely down my cheeks as I fell to my knees. I never heard the sound of the truck hitting the bottom of the sinkhole, and I didn’t know if that would haunt me more than the look of sadness in his eyes as the truck fell.
I don’t know how long I knelt there as the snow had fell around me and my tears froze to my face. I couldn’t tell you what it was like to feel my heart rip out of my chest. I wondered if it was even worth it to keep going. It didn’t feel like it. If it meant losing everyone I loved, it wasn’t worth it.
I hadn’t known Crawley very well, but behind my sarcasm, I had wanted to know him. I wanted to hear more of his witty remarks and see him smile again. I wanted to know if he liked pizza, or if he hated olives as much as I did.
I brushed at the wetness on my face and pushed myself to my feet. I tried to keep the tears in as I walked toward the huge hole in the earth. I tried to keep the coldness around me from seeping into my heart but there was no use. I pulled the strap on the duffle bag higher on my shoulder and made my way around the disaster that had taken Crawley out of my life.
Who knew death was so quick? I thought of Crawley’s mother and let out a cry of anguish. I threw my head back and sobbed. How was I supposed to break this news to her? How was I supposed to break this kind of news to anyone?
I threw my head back and screamed to the heavens, “Is this what you wanted? Are these the stupid Games you gods like to play? You like to ruin lives and cause torment! Well, get ready, Apollo! Get ready! Let the Games begin. I’ll make you pay.”
Chapter 17
Jessa
Shivers wracked my body but I kept going. I didn’t know where I was headed but I couldn’t stop. I didn’t know what had escaped the valley with us and I didn’t know how much time I had before the monster caught up with me.
I wracked my brain and memories for some type of lesson on monsters. Anything that would help me fight something hell be
nt on killing me. But I was coming up short.
I had read about griffins, mermaids, hydrae, and Cerberus but I couldn’t think of many more. My mind was drawing a blank and I hated myself for it. Crawley would have known; the thought sent me into a depression. I was angry at myself for not asking the necessary questions, for just sitting by while everything happened and being content with Crawley taking charge. My body was numb but I kept going. I had to.
I slowed my pace and stopped to dig a granola bar from the duffle bag but something else caught my attention.
Stillness.
Where there had been normal sounds of the forest, it was now quiet. Silence met my ears. I held my breath in fear and panic. Those two emotions had been consuming me lately. I crouched low and ignored the cold snow melting into the knees of my jeans. I was sure it was probably colder in the underworld. I had always imagined it as a dark, cold prison.
I made a move to stand but a twig snapped in the distance. I didn’t trust it to be another deer; my luck wasn’t that good. I hoped whatever it was couldn’t hear my heart beating out of my chest or my rapid breathing. Adrenaline coursed through my body like never before.
“Little girl, little girl.” The whisper washed over me and made me want to retch. I shivered but decided that I couldn’t stay perched in one spot if I wanted to live.
Apollo wasn’t an idiot, he was a God but not an idiot, and he would have sent someone well worth the effort. I pushed the duffle bag higher on my back and pressed my hands into the snow. The cold bit into my skin, but survival was more important than comfort. I crept across the snow as soundlessly and slowly as possible.
“Apollo isn’t going to let both of us live.” The whisper caressed me again and I knew I wouldn’t last long crawling around like a dummy. I pushed myself off the ground and started to sprint across the snow. I didn’t care if I made a noise; I needed to find the safe house Shaskia and Crawley had mentioned. Distress gripped me tightly, but I ran as fast as I could. I didn’t know how ready I was to fight, but I knew that I needed some rest or I was going to die.
