by A Lonergan
As I went up the stairs with all of the clothes, my soreness forgotten, I wondered about Keenan and how he would have handled the situation. I wondered where he was and if he was all right.
I peeled my clothes off of my body and dropped them to the hard wood floor next to the washer and dryer. I examined my hand next and felt sickness over turn my stomach. I had killed my cousin. My own cousin, my flesh and blood.
I killed Gemma. I killed Gemma. I had Gemma. I murdered Gemma.
Murdered.
I walked up the stairs with shaking legs and reluctantly fell into the shower. I scrubbed at my hand until it was redder than the blood that had been there, then scrubbed some more. My breathing was getting harder and harder and my vision blurred.
My throat burned like I had vomited but I didn’t remember doing so. The water went cold and I couldn’t remember how long I had been sitting under the spray. All I could think about was getting the blood off of me.
Brown, flaky dried blood was under my fingernails and I tried desperately to clean them.
I dragged my trembling body from the shower to the vanity in the corner and dug in the drawers but couldn’t find any fingernail clippers. My movements were jerky and I found myself fumbling with a glass canister. It slipped from my grasp and burst onto the floor. Little shards of shining glass flew around my feet but didn’t touch me.
On shaking legs, I stepped around the mess I had made and entered the room right next to mine – Keenan’s room. I opened the door slowly and was overcome by the smell of him. It was like pine.
There were two doors on the left side of the room and I figured one had to be the bathroom. His room was immaculate and his four-poster bed was made up nicely against the large window that took up the entire back wall, just like in my room. He had invested in curtains, though.
I thought my bedroom was clean, but his bathroom was even cleaner. I wondered if the man even lived here until I saw the toilet seat up. I couldn’t keep myself from rolling my eyes, of course.
I pulled the top-drawer open and wondered if he would consider this a violation of privacy. The thought was gone just as quickly as it came when I noticed the blood under my nails again.
I found some clippers and immediately went to work on them. I clipped and clipped until it hurt and the only blood on my fingers was from cutting myself with the damn things.
I was still shaking but felt numb. How was I supposed to feel after I had killed someone? Guilty? Miserable? Depressed? My mind was ina fit trying to find the right way to cope with what I had done.
I had literally ripped her heart out with my bare hand and I hadn’t thought twice about it. I didn’t know how it was possible. I couldn’t stop replaying it in my head. I couldn’t shake the feeling of bone crunching under my fingers and skin tearing away from my hand. Vengeance had fueled me but it hadn’t taken away the pain of losing Crawley. I hoped that Apollo learned his lesson, though. The gods rarely did.
Exhaustion pulled at my body and my eyelids started to droop. I looked around me in anguish and dragged myself toward Keenan’s bed. I deposited myself on the edge of the mattress and let myself fall backwards.
“Jessa?” The sound of the soft voice made me sit straight up. The room was dark but I could have sworn I heard my name. I was getting pretty tired of all the visions and memories. It was getting harder and harder to determine what was real and what wasn’t.
“Jessa, are you okay?” Keenan’s voice was so close. I blinked again, trying to get my eyes to adjust to the darkness.
“Keenan? I thought you were gone... I thought Gemma kidnapped you.” My voice sounded confused and groggy. I rubbed at my sore, swollen eyes with my fist.
A rough hand reached out and brushed the wayward strands of hair from my forehead. I cringed away from the hand trying to comfort me. I had been tricked and manipulated too much. How did I know I could trust this person?
I didn’t.
I scooted back away from the being that was proclaiming to be Keenan. My back hit the headboard. I started to tremble again. Fear coursed through me but I knew I could do what it took to protect myself. I had proved that.
“I don’t know how I lost you. One minute I was paying for your clothes and the next I was in the dark and couldn’t see anything. It was like I didn’t exist. When the spell was gone, I was in the valley; it was the strangest thing.”
“How can I believe you?” My voice was a lot stronger than I felt.
“The day you showed up, you found me crying on the floor in my daughter’s room. I felt desperate, lost, and alone, and there you were.” I didn’t know if that was a memory that could have been intercepted but I believed him.
“I’m not sure of what to say.” By this point, my eyes were adjusting to the darkness and I could just make out the outline of his long hair pulled back into thick Viking braids. I lifted my hand up and ran my palm down the length of them. “I killed someone.” My voice sounded calm and collected like I had accepted what I’d done, even though I hadn’t. I didn’t know how to.
Keenan didn’t say anything and scooted onto the bed next to me. He pulled me into his arms and rested his chin on the top of my wild hair. I drifted back to sleep, listening to his heart thumping in his chest and my thoughts spinning around in my head.
I pulled myself out of Keenan’s arms and pushed the blankets off of me. I patted my body down to make sure I was still dressed and snuck away from the bed and the room. Right before I closed the door behind me, I peeked over my shoulder. Keenan was still lying on his back and his thick braids were starting to come undone around his face.
I couldn’t help but smile at how peaceful he looked. Then his brow furrowed and changed his whole expression. He went from peaceful to warrior in just a few seconds. He was cute, but then he was sexy. It was a strange sight.
I didn’t know how I had found myself wrapped up in a world I didn’t even know existed a couple of months ago. I went to my bedroom and looked over the clothes sitting in a pile in the corner of the room and started grabbing the warmest ones.
I shoved them into my duffle bag and counted my cash. The couple thousand would be good for a few more weeks. I shoved it in a sock and then shoved the sock into the bottom of the duffle bag. There wasn’t much room left but I managed to fit the two pairs of boots that Keenan had bought me into each side pocket.
There were still so many clothes left over. I didn’t know what to do with them and didn’t want to leave them thrown about the room. I picked each piece of clothing up and admired them before I hung them up in the small closet next to the bathroom. I pulled a pack of ponytails out of the bathroom and stuck them in the front pocket on my bag.
I checked the clock before I made my way out of the bedroom.
2 AM.
I had more than enough time. I checked the pantry on my way out and grabbed as many non-perishable items as I could before I grabbed a pen and paper.
Keenan,
I can’t continue to put you in danger. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you too. Your mother needs at least one of her sons and I can’t be the one to take them both away from her. My heart breaks to leave like this, but I knew that you wouldn’t let me go. I’ve proved to myself that I can do this on my own.
I left the note on the counter and went through the back door. I squeezed my eyes closed and tried to think of the perfect place to hide, the perfect place to keep quiet for a few more weeks. Nothing came to mind, all I could think about was the snow and the mountains and being close to Shaskia again. I shook my head to clear my rambling thoughts and decided that it didn’t matter where I ended up.
Maybe not knowing would have done me some good. Maybe it would make it harder for Apollo to find me if I didn’t even know myself. I needed to hurry before I chickened out.
My heart almost stopped when I went through the door. The world spun around me and I was dumped right back into the snow. I spit out a chunk of the white fluff and tried to catch my breath. I did
n’t think I’d ever get used to that. I pulled my large bag to my side and started walking. There were no mountains in sight, so I imagined I was probably somewhere in the Great Plains. Maybe Kansas? Oklahoma? It was all just flat with snow covering everything. The wind was probably the worst part about it. It stung my cheeks and took the breath right out of me.
Chapter 23
After walking for a few hours and getting nowhere, I threw myself down in the snow and chewed on my raw lips. The wind had done some work on them. I was surprised they weren’t bleeding. I was almost certain the snow I was sitting in was warmer than the air around me.
I yanked a granola bar out of my pocket, devoured it, then started to chew on a stick of beef jerky. I didn’t know how long I had been sitting there before I heard a voice nearby.
“It’s funny how I just keep happening upon you like this.” Apollo’s voice was light and musical. I didn’t know if it was worth it to even acknowledge him.
He found me. He had won. He was a god; he must have had some type of advantage. “Hello, Apollo.” My voice was flat. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that I was hurting or that he had an effect on me.
Even the sound of his clapping was musical. “You have honestly surprised me.” His words made me turn toward him. His blonde hair was brushed back away from his face. He was wearing a tailored coat and slacks and had a thick scarf wrapped around his neck; it brought out the blue in his eyes. “I don’t like to get my hands dirty, as you have probably noticed. You don’t have to fear me... not yet at least.”
“Then what do you want, Apollo?” I kept all emotion from my voice. I didn’t trust him at all. The gods only cared about their own agenda.
“Do you know that you are my niece?” I nodded slowly. He smiled before he continued, “I’m glad you’ve done a little homework. That is probably why you’re still alive, to be honest. All of your ancestors were, well, how do I put it? Stupid.” He let out an exasperated breath. “You have been a breath of fresh air. I almost like to draw this cat and mouse out even longer. I wonder how long it will last, how far I can take it. So far you have proved me wrong, but I do hate to be wrong. You have given me enough reasons to keep you alive, for now. You have passed most of my tests.”
He took a step closer to me and I scrambled to stand up. I tried to back up but I tripped over the damned bag and fell to my back. He peered down at me and smiled with all of his teeth. I gulped hard. I could hear tires crunching on the snow in the distance and almost thanked the heavens.
Apollo narrowed his light eyes at me and then was gone. I trembled as I pushed myself to my feet and looked around for the car.
It was a rundown looking Ford. The paint was starting to peel away from the hood and there were some rust spots showing all over the body. The truck slowed to a crawl and pulled up next to me. I felt a sense of déjà vu, but instead of Crawley being behind the wheel, it was an old man who looked to be in his sixties.
“Well, young lady, how the hell did you get all the way out here?”
“Trust me, sir, Hades had nothing to do with it.”
The man let out a laugh and pointed to the passenger seat. “Come on, get in, my wife has supper cooking and I hate to leave you out her looking like this.” He shook his head in disapproval. “I’m Herman.”
“Jessa.” I gave him a timid smile. I considered it for a moment and decided that I could handle an old man. I had just killed someone with my bare hands. I was still having a hard time processing it, but I knew I could handle a mortal or demi-god, if I needed to.
“Where ya from, Jessa?”
I didn’t want to lie to the man but I knew I couldn’t tell him the truth. I had no doubt my mother and I were on a missing person’s report in the small town we had been living in, so he could probably find out who I was with just a little bit of searching. I laughed softly and said, “Way north of here!”
Herman’s eyes got big and he let out a wheezing cough. “Canada?”
I smiled and nodded because there was no way I was going to recover from that lie. I didn’t realize just how north I had landed.
“You sure don’t sound like you’re Canadian, but to each their own!”
We rode the rest of the way in silence. I didn’t mind, I had my own thoughts to keep me company. We drove for a few hours until we reached a small town, but just when I thought we were going to stop, we kept driving and drove straight through the little town and into another one.
We went all the way to the other side of it before Herman started to slow down. He had been a long way from home. I thought about asking why for a moment but decided staying silent was better.
Herman pulled up to a small house that looked fairly new and I could see a short white- haired woman cleaning through the front window. She smiled when we walked up the drive and wrung her hands nervously. When he pulled the door open the woman met us there. She gave me a nervous smile and her eyes jumped to Herman.
“I wish you would have called. If I had known we were having a guest, I would have tidied up more or prepared dinner. Herman usually eats on the way back from selling cattle.” Her voice was small but strong and her dark eyes were distrustful. I thought it was odd that Herman had told me she would be cooking dinner.
Herman took off his ball cap and scratched his balding head. He tilted his head to the side and patted his cap on his leg nervously. He was at a loss for words just like I was. Something was off and I was starting to feel it was time to leave.
I took a step forward. “I didn’t mean to intrude. The person I was riding with told me to get out of the car. It was snowing pretty hard and I’m not familiar with this area. I just really need somewhere to stay for the night, but I saw a small motel up the road and I’m sure it’ll be fine.” I turned to leave as Herman gave his wife a wide-eyed look like he couldn’t believe she hadn’t opened the door to their home with welcoming arms. “Thank you so much for the ride.” I took a few bills out of my pocket and shoved them into his pocket before he could object.
I knew my legs were faster than his and took advantage of it. I was down their driveway in seconds. I could hear Herman stammering to keep up but it didn’t matter. I didn’t need to put their lives or in danger.
I glanced out the corner of my eye as I waved goodbye and saw that the old man had stopped at the end of his gravel driveway. I didn’t trust his wife anyway; he didn’t have a cattle trailer and his beat up little truck wouldn’t be able to pull one. They had plenty of land behind their home, but none of it was adding up.
Apollo was always up to something and I wouldn’t put it past him to conjure all of this up too.
Chapter 24
The sun started to set and I knew I was going to need to find shelter soon. I didn’t need to be stuck overnight in the cold. The sky was getting ready to drop another load of snow. I couldn’t afford to get sick either; hospitals were a no-go. I stopped at a small gas station a few miles down the road when my stomach started to growl. I wasn’t about to dig more granola bars out of my bag. I couldn’t stand the thought of eating another one.
I exited the small convenience store with a bag full of Gatorade, water bottles, a few bags of chips, and a Danish sticking out of my mouth. I was juggling the plastic bag and my luggage while trying to scarf down the soft pastry. I was concentrating on the snow-covered asphalt when I heard a shuffle behind me. It had been a while since I had been in civilization alone, and I didn’t know if it could be a stray animal or not. I decided that staying on high alert was best; there are always creepers no matter where you go. I picked up my pace and made a beeline to the dingy motel I had noticed on the way to Herman’s house.
I felt my feet slide a little on the road and knew I was on black ice. I tried to find a way around it but my feet find a grip. I inched across the ice until my feet found traction again and picked up my pace. The sun had gone down and there were no streetlights in the town aside from a few signs advertising businesses, and they weren’t ve
ry helpful.
I finally saw the little motel up the road and started to walk faster; I was almost jogging. The neon lighting on the sign was blinking in and out. It reminded me of a bad horror movie. I wondered how often the motel was actually used and figured it was probably just there so teenagers could rent a place to hook up and people would have a place to cheat on their significant others. In a town, this small you didn’t need a motel for anything but that.
I rounded the dumpster at the front of the building and heard another shuffle. I dropped my bags and paused. My instincts were telling me something wasn’t right.
Darkness and wind were the only things present around me. I could feel adrenaline pumping through my veins, and I was starting to get nervous again. I didn’t know what it was and I couldn’t explain it, but something just wasn’t right. I couldn’t stop looking behind me. I glanced over my shoulder again when a shadow passed by – a very human shadow. I turned around and started to run but something grabbed me instead.
“I wish you would have just stayed for dinner; why couldn’t you have made things easier on us?” Herman had me in a strong grip and was giving me a grim expression. “I’d say I’m sorry but I’m really not.” I tried to pull my arms free from his grip but it was no use. He was a lot stronger than he looked and was probably a lot younger too.
I needed to distract him so that I could escape. “Where are you taking me?”
“Who said I was taking you anywhere? What if I just killed you right here, right now?” He gave me a very toothy grin and I knew I was in trouble. Every single one of his teeth was sharpened to a point. I swallowed hard. I had been worried about Gemma biting me, but I had clearly been afraid of the wrong teeth.
I assessed my situation and decided it was now or never. I went to kick him but he was ready for it, like I knew he would be. Instead of connecting with his shin, I reached up and punched him in the throat. A good fake out was always nice and useful.
