Sawyer’s heart beat a steady rhythm beneath her ear. He didn’t say a word. He didn’t have to. Just being here with her was enough. His arms were warm around her body, sharing his strength. How could she still have tears to cry? Eventually, the last of her tears dried up. She would not waste another tear on Shane. From now on, she was in control of her own life. No one, especially Shane Buckley, would tell her what she could and couldn’t do. She would leave this place a different woman than the one that had walked in… and would never look back.
She sat back and wiped her eyes. “How many times am I going to have to say ‘thank you’?”
“It’s okay to break down, you know. You’ve earned it.”
Maybe she had, but enough was enough. She wouldn’t mourn what Shane had taken from her and would celebrate what she had… what she could have. “He’s not going to have any power over me. Not anymore. Not again.”
“Good for you.” Sawyer stood and extended his hand. “Ready to grab some things and get out of here?”
“You bet.” The old Rachel, the one she’d been before Shane, marched into the bedroom and grabbed a duffel bag from the closet. She would collect a few things, some clothes to tide her over and some childhood mementos. Most importantly, the piece of paper that had changed her life.
She yanked open drawer after drawer and shoved clothes into the bag. She reached the last drawer and still hadn’t found the file folder. Where had she put the darn thing? She jerked open each drawer again and dumped the contents on the floor. “Where is it? Where is it?”
Sawyer poked his head in the room. “What are you looking for? Can I help?”
“It’s a piece of paper, in a file. I know I put it in here.”
Her life depended on this paper. She dug into the pile of clothes she’d dumped on the floor, shoving her hands in the pockets, checking every arm and leg. Shirts and pants were tossed aside as they came up empty, each one shooting her heartrate higher. How stupid could she be? She lost the only proof she had of the fraud that her life had become.
She stuck her hands under the thin mattress but came up empty. She sank to her knees. “Argh!”
Sawyer bent and placed his hands over hers. “It’s okay. We’ll find it. Where is the last place you remember seeing it?”
“I put it in one of these drawers. Shane must have moved it.” She smacked and kicked the mattress. Damn, that felt good, but not good enough. She wrapped her hands around the mattress and shoved.
“That asshole. He knew how important that piece of paper was to me and he hid it on purpose. Oh God, what if he threw it away?”
“What are we looking for?”
Could she tell Sawyer? No, not yet. Carrying this secret alone killed her, but she didn’t dare tell anyone else what she’d learned about herself. Maybe part of the truth would be enough. “My birth certificate.”
He nudged her onto the mattress that now lay askew against the wall. “Take a deep breath, okay? We can get another one from the state.”
She shoved her hair behind her ears. “You don’t understand.” Of course he didn’t, because no one understood… except maybe her parents. “I can’t get another copy of this one.”
“What do you mean ‘this one’?”
“I can’t explain right now. But I will… someday.”
He studied her for a moment, his head tilted, then he nodded. “Okay. I’ll start digging through the cabinets in the kitchen. You keep looking in here.”
He left the room and she flopped against the mattress. Again, he’d calmed her with just a few words. How had he done that? That was more than just his military or department training. No, there was something more, such as his melted-butter touch and whiskey-smooth tone. Even the musky scent of his aftershave surrounded her, lingering long after he’d left. The shivers from his touch still rippled along her spine.
The sound of banging cabinets carried into the room from the kitchen. She’d better get to work, too. She ripped open the rest of the drawers, crawled under the bed, and dug through the trash. After plowing through the piles of shoes and garbage piled on the floor in the closet, she stood on her toes and ran her fingers along the tiny shelf. Why’d she have to be so daggone short? No wonder her mother kept a stool handy, but there wasn’t one in the trailer. Rachel stretched again and something sharp nicked her finger.
“Sawyer!”
He rushed into the room. “What? What’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. Nothing’s wrong. There’s something on the shelf, but I can’t reach it.”
He pressed his hand to his chest. “I swear, you took five years off my life.” He reached up and retrieved the object.
She grabbed for the bright pink folder. “Oh, thank God. That’s it.”
After shoving the folder in her bag, she surveyed the disaster that had become her life. The heaps of clothes on the floor would stay there. Served Shane right, if he ever came back here. Just as she reached for the duffel, Sawyer lifted the bag and slung the strap across his shoulder. Typical Sawyer, always chivalrous. “Got everything you need now?”
“Yep.” She was finished, once and for all, with this trailer… and Shane Buckley.
Sawyer motioned for her to leave. “After you.”
She took a step. Wait, she couldn’t forget the locket. The one thing that kept her grounded when everything else spun out of control. A photo of her mother was tucked on one side and the other, her father… She snatched the jewelry from the dresser and headed to the door.
This trailer had been her home for the past year. Leaving behind what had been her normal for so long was harder than she expected. Could she do this? She’d loved Shane but he’d twisted what they’d had into a nightmare. She would never go back to him, no matter how bad things got. But who was she without him? He’d made her into someone who only existed in relation to him. She had to find herself again. Right now she hung in limbo between her past and her future, barely ready to take the first step.
“We can always come back again if you forgot something.”
“I’m never coming back here. Ever again.” While she was leaving the trailer behind, leaving the remnants of her life behind would take much longer. She had to start somewhere, though, and right now, as she climbed down the rickety stairs, she drew the first breath of fresh air, her first taste of freedom.
Chapter Eight
RACHEL DIDN’T SPEAK on the drive back to his house. But the gentle smile on her face said everything. She’d been really strong this morning. Hell, a lot stronger than many victims. More than once, he’d escorted an abuse victim to her house only to have her rationalize why she should stay. Why she had to stay. How her abuser wasn’t really that bad.
Not Rachel. After breaking down on the couch, a stronger Rachel had emerged. One who marched into the bedroom, packed up what was left of her life, and marched back out with her head held high. The Rachel he’d known growing up was still in there. He just needed to coax her out… gently. If he pushed too hard, she’d retreat into herself.
He hated to disturb her fragile peace but a little nudge might help her more than she realized. “Do you think you’ll call Dr. James? She’s really good.”
“You know her?”
How much should he tell her about his time in Afghanistan? About how screwed up he’d been when he’d arrived home? Robert was the only one who recognized the demons that haunted Sawyer. Who else could he tell? He couldn’t lean on someone else, because they wouldn’t, no, couldn’t, be there for him. Everyone he loved had died, so there was no way he was letting someone else in, just to lose them, too. His parents had been gone before he’d even known them. His grandmother had passed away while he was overseas. His buddy Kyle had been killed by a roadside bomb before Sawyer had reached his side on the dusty road. After all of that loss, Sawyer had squashed his emotions and refused to let anyone else in. Except for Robert… and Dr. James.
And here he was now, alone. By his own doing. The
one woman who had snuck past his defenses was now sitting beside him, free of an abusive relationship, but not really free. Could he consider letting her into his life? Maybe he’d float a little information and see where it led. “When I came back from Afghanistan, I, uh, I had a rough time for a while. She helped.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” He didn’t share any more. She had enough to deal with without his insecurities creeping in.
“What are you thinking over there? Your eyebrows are all scrunchy.”
He relaxed his forehead. “Nothing.”
“You can talk to me if you want. You’re helping me so much, getting me out of the trailer, offering me a place to live. I feel like I need to give you something in return.”
He snuck a quick look at her before focusing back to the road. “You have enough to worry about right now. You don’t need me to pile on. I definitely think you should call Dr. James, though.”
She nibbled at her lower lip, a cute habit when she was thinking. “I’ll consider it.”
He nodded. “Good enough.”
Something else niggled at him. What about her birth certificate didn’t she want him to see? But she’d had enough for today. He’d save that conversation for tomorrow… or the next day.
“Did you need to do anything else? Anything you wanted to do?”
She shook her head. “I want to chill. I feel like I’ve been tense for the longest time. I can’t remember the last time I could sit back and… just be.”
He chuckled. “Okay. We can just be. Maybe with pizza and movies?”
“Sounds good.”
AFTER THE PIZZA box had been spread open on the coffee table and soda had been poured, Sawyer pressed the button to start the DVD player. Nothing like a movie to give him a chance to snuggle up close to Rachel on the couch.
Rachel laughed as the opening credits rolled by. “Eat, Pray, Love? Really?”
“I know how you like Julia Roberts movies.” That wasn’t the only thing he remembered about Rachel. Some of those memories were tarnished, but there were a lot of good ones, too. He’d choose to remember those and forget the rest. Today was about letting go of the past. Soon, Rachel would be stronger and she’d move on to the life she was always meant to have.
She placed her hand over his. “Today was a good day because of you, despite everything I had to go through. Thank you.”
The warmth of her hand heated his skin. Heck, she’d started a three-alarm fire just by touching him. This could not be happening. This was why she should be staying somewhere else. “You don’t have to keep thanking me. That’s what friends do, right?”
Rachel’s brow furrowed and her lips pursed. Did he say something wrong? She had praised him this morning for being such a good friend. But did her touch mean she wanted more? That was stupid. She couldn’t want anything romantic with anybody right now. Maybe he read her completely wrong. Yeah, he was reading way too much into her touch, her words, everything.
Now if his body would just get the message. A single touch, a smile thrown his way, and his body snapped to attention.
Rachel grabbed a piece of pizza, the cheese dripping as she brought it to her mouth. “Do you remember Friday nights after football games, when Mom and Dad would shove a movie in the DVD player? By the end of the night we’d be cleaning up popcorn off the floor from flinging it at each other.”
“I remember that you always insisted on a sappy movie, like that one with Drew Barrymore and Scarlett Johansen and… who was it?”
She placed her hand over her heart. “Ben Affleck and Bradley Cooper. Who could blame me? But you’ve rewritten history a bit. The way I remember, you, Joey, and Lucas would say that majority ruled and I was forced to watch Iron Man.”
She was right, of course. Joey and Lucas had had his vote because picking Rachel’s movie would have looked suspicious. He’d have watched her choice in a minute if it had meant spending time with her. Making her happy. In those days, he’d laid on the floor like he was expected to instead of sitting on the couch beside her, where he’d rather have been. But their three year age difference felt like a decade when they were both teenagers.
Even on the floor, he’d always kept her in his line of sight. He’d never touched her, not around her overprotective brothers, but he’d watched her. From time to time, she would smile at him, the same gentle, sweet smile she shared right now.
But now he was sitting beside her on the couch, a bowl of popcorn between them. Every once in a while, their hands collided in the bowl. Her soft fingers slid over his as she grabbed a few pieces. Her eyes met his just before she snatched her hand back. Heat rose on his cheeks and he looked away.
Before long, Rachel’s head dropped to her chest and her eyes closed. She’d been through a lot in the past few days, and for months before that. He slid over and eased her head onto his shoulder. She’d be much more comfortable that way. Yeah, that was what he kept telling himself when really he just wanted to touch her, to feel her body against his.
The clean scent of her shampoo wrapped around him, torturing him. His groin twitched. This could not happen. How could he ensure he didn’t get too close to her or disclose his real feelings? When she was cuddled up to him, when everything about her had his head spinning and his body responding, it seemed next to impossible.
The movie had long since ended but she still slept. He propped his elbow on the couch and his head on his hand and closed his eyes. He’d just rest for a few minutes until she woke.
A loud sound jolted him awake. Chloe barked and jumped up from her bed in the corner. Her nails clicked on the floor as she rushed to the door, his own personal welcome wagon.
Somehow, he’d stretched out the length of the couch behind Rachel, his arms encircling her waist and her head nuzzled in the crook of his neck. Dark shadows filled the room. His watch said he’d been sleeping for over an hour. He must have been tired.
Bang! Bang! Bang! Someone was at the door. Chloe barked again. He wasn’t expecting anyone and he’d taken the day off, but that didn’t mean anything. In a small town, law enforcement officers rarely got free time. Shoot, he’d have no free time at all if he became sheriff like Robert suggested. Sawyer hadn’t had a moment to even consider that situation since Robert had brought it up.
When Sawyer eased himself from behind Rachel, she groaned. So much for not waking her up.
“What happened?” She yawned.
“We fell asleep.”
The pounding sounded again.
“Is someone here?”
“I don’t know. The knocking woke me up. I was just going to see.”
Sawyer pulled the door open, rubbing his eyes with his hand, to find Joey and Brittany on the other side. After studying Sawyer for a moment, Joey barged in, Brittany on his heels. While Brittany smiled and held a dish, fire danced in Joey’s grey eyes.
Sawyer brushed his hands down his jeans and straightened his T-shirt where it had gotten twisted while he slept… on the couch… with Rachel. He ran his hands through his hair. Joey had gotten the wrong message. Sawyer would have to explain. Whether or not Joey would listen was another story.
While Chloe bounced on her paws, begging for attention from their newest guests, Rachel eased up behind Sawyer, resting her hand on his arm, as if sending Joey a message and reassuring Sawyer all at once.
Rachel might not understand, but her brothers looking out for her was how they showed their love. Regardless, Sawyer had better talk to Joey.
Sawyer gestured. “Come on in.”
Chloe bounded around everyone.
“Down, girl.”
Joey spared Chloe a pat on the head before Brittany shoved the casserole into Joey’s hands. “Here, put this in the fridge…” She leaned forward and whispered, but not quiet enough that Sawyer didn’t hear. “… And be nice.”
She and Rachel returned to the living room, Chloe on their heels, leaving him and Joey standing in the foyer. Sawyer motioned toward the back of the house. �
�The deck?”
Joey nodded and followed Sawyer through the kitchen. After stashing the casserole in the fridge and grabbing a beer, he joined Sawyer on the deck. Sawyer leaned against the rail, staring out at the yard. This was Joey’s problem and he could speak first
Joey paced to the end of the deck and stopped, his back to Sawyer.
Sawyer had learned to read a person’s face in the academy, but none of that mattered if Joey wouldn’t turn around. Tension rolled off him in waves. After a moment, he stalked back and halted in front of Sawyer’s nose. “You wanna explain… I mean, what in the… dammit, I promised Brittany I’d be nice. That I’d give you a chance to explain before…”
“Do you think getting angry is the answer here? Especially after all Rachel has been through.”
“That, my friend, and I use that term loosely, is the reason why I’m trying to be calm right now.”
Sawyer chuckled. Was that threat supposed to upset him after what he’d faced in his life? Between his army and law enforcement training, he’d make mincemeat out of Joey, which of course would upset Rachel. Not to mention he had zero desire to punch his friend. So it was up to Sawyer to keep his emotionally-charged buddy in line.
Joey plopped into one of the chairs. “You aren’t helping your case here.”
Sawyer sank into the other. Man to man and side by side. There was no sense towering over Joey. Besides, Joey wasn’t really mad at Sawyer. This entire situation had everyone on edge.
Joey raked his hands through his hair. Sawyer’s laid-back friend only got this upset about his loved ones. When it came to his family, Joey was dead serious. “Now that we’re alone, I want the real story.”
“She’s good. Surprisingly so. We went by the trailer and picked up her things.” And something mysterious, but he wouldn’t mention that to Joey. “She released some of her anger . She’ll never go back there again. I’m sure of it.”
One Last Chance: A Small-Town Romance (Oak Grove series Book 3) Page 7
