He slid into the bed beside Rachel, face to face. Her legs intertwined with his so he could barely tell where she left off and he started. With her cheek and hand over his heart, could she feel it thumping in his chest? It beat just for her.
He sucked in a deep breath to keep his groin in check. She looked to him for comfort, for safety, nothing else, and he was not about to take advantage of her. He stroked her back, tracing a steady path, until she fell asleep again. Must be nice. No way would he be able to sleep with this soft woman sprawled on top of him and the incessant tightening in his groin.
WHY WAS SHE so hot? Had the radiator broken? And what was this heavy weight laying across her body, trapping her arms against her chest? Chloe didn’t normally lie across Rachel’s body, and she didn’t smell dog. She wiggled an arm free and felt along the covers until her hand brushed against something hairy.
Memories of last night flooded back as she felt Sawyer’s body behind hers, his chest against her back, a leg tucked intimately between hers.
She’d had a bad nightmare. Sawyer had shaken her awake as the scene had escalated. Just before Shane pulled the trigger.
Dammit, when would these nightmares go away? They seemed to be getting worse and not better. She’d had her second counseling session yesterday. They’d covered a lot of ground and she’d put a lot of negative feelings to rest, but clearly talking about Shane had triggered another bad dream. This one was so bad that she’d dragged Sawyer into it.
She shouldn’t have asked him to stay last night. He’d done so much for her and she kept asking for more. Although she would never go back to Shane, she had no business being attracted to Sawyer right now. The best thing for her to do would be to find a place of her own. It would be good for her. She’d never really lived by herself. She’d gone straight from living at home to an apartment with her best friend… and followed that up by moving in with Shane.
And then she’d landed directly in Sawyer’s house. Right now, Sawyer took care of her and protected her. His attention revived her teenage crush and her feelings had become so much more. He would never hurt her physically, like Shane had, but he could hurt her in a worse way by shattering her already fragile heart. Could she risk it?
Sawyer sighed and hugged her tighter. His leg slid between hers. Even in sleep, his embrace protected her. She’d never been a cuddler. Shane always hugged her like he owned her, like he was taking something from her. Not Sawyer. Each hug from him was a gift, because he didn’t give them often. Just this once, she was going to be selfish and take what he offered. Even if he didn’t return her feelings, she had to risk a broken heart for a chance at a future with him.
She wrapped her arm around his, intertwined their fingers, and tucked their joined hands between her breasts… and finally she closed her eyes and fell back asleep.
When she awoke again, sun streamed through the window, blinding her. She snapped her eyes closed and rolled over to hug Sawyer again, but his side of the bed was empty. She smoothed her hand along the sheets, the cold seeping through her. The depression in the pillow and the rumpled covers were the only evidence he’d been here.
She flopped onto the pillow, her arms spread out. What she wouldn’t give to have woken up together. To gaze sleepily into his eyes. Being Sawyer’s best friend’s little sister was no longer good enough for her. Not after she’d felt the warmth and safety of his arms and his gentle kisses on her lips. At times she spied something more in his eyes, but the expression would disappear as quickly as it appeared. She’d spent too long holding back because of Shane. The new Rachel was going to embrace her emotions, all of them, starting with her budding feelings for Sawyer.
She pulled on some clothes and followed her nose to the kitchen.
Sawyer stood at the stove, his back to her, wearing his freshly starched uniform. His sculpted arm muscles stretched the cuffs of his short-sleeved shirt, and the hint of a tattoo peeked out from beneath. The rest of the image stayed hidden under his sleeve. The tattoo was yet another facet of Sawyer she wanted to explore. There was so much to learn about this man.
She crossed the room and wrapped her arms around his waist from behind. He sank into her. “Good morning. Did you sleep well?”
“Very well, thanks to you.”
He dropped the spatula and enveloped her in a hug. To him, hugging her may have been meant for comfort after a nightmare, but to her, this simple hug was more. His arms surrounded her in strength and warmth. She fisted her hands in his shirt and sucked in a breath of his freshly-showered smell. But a simple hug wasn’t enough. The old Rachel sat back and waited for life to happen, but not the new one. “Thank you for staying with me last night. That’s the best I’ve slept in a long time.”
He pulled back, his eyes searching hers.
She lifted her toes and brushed her lips over his.
It started as a kiss of thanks, but after a moment, his arms tightened around her waist and she snaked hers around his neck. He kissed her back, teasing across her lips until she opened to him. Angling his head, he deepened the kiss, his tongue darting out to touch the tip of hers. The flavor of coffee exploded on her tongue. And vanilla, that ridiculous creamer he used every morning. But together, the flavors were uniquely Sawyer.
He swept his tongue along hers, slowly, deliberately, like he didn’t have a care in the world. His mouth captured her moan as he nipped and pecked at her lips. He placed a gentle kiss on the corner of her mouth, then brushed his lips across hers before soothing the other corner. Gentle yet tentative, testing the waters. Her skin tingled and her entire body relaxed into his embrace.
Her fingers tangled into his thick hair, soft, satiny strands that hung long on his collar. Such a simple thing, running her hands through a man’s hair. She’d missed these little things, the touches, the private glances, that two people in love shared.
Sawyer broke the kiss and rested his forehead on hers. His eyes fluttered closed, a slight smile on his face, while he struggled to catch his breath. His racing heart beneath her hand betrayed exactly how that kiss affected him.
He opened his eyes, a sea of emotion swirling in the deep brown color. “Good morning.”
“Yes, it is.” She laughed, and after a moment, he did, too. Until the smell of smoke reached her nose.
“Shit!” He yanked the pan off the burner.
She covered a laugh with her hand. “Oops. I’m sorry.”
A huge smile crossed his face. “I’m not sorry. I’ll take that kind of distraction any day.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” She stretched up and popped a quick kiss on his lips, moving out of his reach before he could slide his arm around her waist again. “But I confess. I’m hungry, so what’s for breakfast?”
“No worries. This is salvageable.”
He could say that again… both about breakfast and her life. Because Sawyer gave her a glimpse of a future she’d dared not dream of before now.
AS SOON AS he rescued breakfast and choked down a few bites of eggs, Sawyer left for work. If he hadn’t, he may have carried Rachel up the stairs and made love to her. A simple kiss was one thing, but that was no simple kiss.
This had to stop. Sure, he was attracted to her. She was beautiful, and the spark had returned to her eyes. But she was young and had her entire life ahead of her. She should be finding a place of her own, going back to college, dating campus co-eds instead of a man older than his years. Instead she was living in his house and they were growing closer.
It was much safer for him to stick to his role as protector. That he could do. He’d watch over Rachel, give her a secure home base, until she was ready to be independent again. Then she could find someone who could love her the way she deserved to be loved. One day she’d look at another man the way she’d looked at him this morning, and his heart ached as he acknowledged it. That was why he had to shut this down before it had gone too far. If it hadn’t already.
Damn, at times like this, he could use a buddy. But he couldn�
��t very well talk to Joey about having feelings for his little sister. Nope, he was on his own in this.
First things first. No more kissing. No more holding hands. And as soon as she was a little stronger and Shane was safely behind bars, he’d help her start her new life.
Now that he had a plan firmly in place, he pulled his cruiser up to the curb and headed into the station.
Chapter Fourteen
“HAVE YOU GIVEN any more thought to Sunday dinner?” Sawyer was sprawled in an armchair in the living room. Rachel’s brows had furrowed when he hadn’t joined her on the couch, but he only had so much self-control. Sitting over here was much safer.
Rachel picked at her fingers for a minute, shook her hands out, then shoved them under her jean-clad thighs. His eyes traveled up her body where a light blue T-shirt hugged her torso and showed off her breasts. Stop it, Sawyer. He could not keep this up. If she could resolve her family issues, she could relocate to her parent’s house until she found her own apartment. Any place was better than here. He couldn’t escape his growing feelings for her as long as she was under his roof.
Not that he wanted her gone—but if she didn’t go, he might not let her leave, and then he’d be no better than Shane.
“Some. I just don’t know if I’m ready yet.”
“Tell me what’s running through your head.”
She blew a breath between her lips. Lips he’d kissed a couple of days ago. Being around Rachel tortured him. His arms craved her, his lips begged to kiss her.
“They kept things from me.”
“Who, your parents?”
“Yes. Information that affected everything I thought I knew about my childhood.”
What in the hell was in that folder she had tucked upstairs? The key to the secrets she kept, obviously. “Do you want to tell me about it? Maybe I can help you sort through everything objectively.”
She threw a forced smile his way. Someday soon, her smile would come more easily. “That’s sweet but I don’t know. Give me a little more time to think about that. Right now, I’m still sorting through everything in my mind. Not just about that… but about what comes next, what I want to do with my life. My plans derailed when I started dating Shane, and I need to get my head on straight.”
That was exactly what she should be doing. Not spending her time cooped up here.
She stood. “But the one thing I’m completely clear about…” She climbed on his chair and slid her knees on either side of his legs. His hands grabbed onto his thighs so he wouldn’t touch her. How in the hell was he supposed to resist her like this? “Is you. Us.”
She wrapped her hands around his neck and kissed him. He resisted at first, digging his fingers into his legs while she peppered his mouth with kisses. But he only had so much strength, and before long, she wore him down. He wrapped his arms around her waist, and her tongue darted out and traced the seam of his lips.
He moaned, and she took advantage of his weakness and slid her tongue into his mouth. He squeezed her waist and tangled his tongue with hers, tasting the sweet flavor of iced tea. Dammit, every time he asked about her parents, or any serious topic, she turned the tables and distracted him. She never discussed anything important when he asked. He couldn’t keep this up.
He unwound his arms from her waist and nudged her to her feet. “I just remembered, I, uh, need to run to the store. We ran out of bread and I’m gonna make French toast tomorrow.”
Her eyes glistened. Ah, hell. She was going to cry. But it was the right thing to do … for both of them. She deserved someone better than an emotionally-broken man when she had her entire life ahead of her. “I’ll be back in a little bit. Make sure you lock up behind me.”
He grabbed his keys and hurried out the door before she could stop him.
“I THINK I want to go to dinner today.” Rachel stood in the doorway of the living room. Since their last conversation when Sawyer had bolted before doing something he regretted, she hadn’t mentioned her parents or the Sunday dinner again.
He set the newspaper on the coffee table.
Despite his feeble efforts to resist her, she found every opportunity to grab his hand, or stroke his arm. She’d snuggled against him on the couch in front of a movie, a bowl of popcorn between them. Each touch, each look had weakened his resolve and dug deeper into the thin protection around his heart. Much more of this and he’d be a goner.
But he couldn’t let her distract him. Shane was still out there. No one had heard from him and he hadn’t been seen around town, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t watching them. Until this case was resolved and Shane was behind bars for good, Sawyer couldn’t let his guard down. No matter how much Rachel tempted him.
Just as soon as everything was out in the open with her parents and Shane was behind bars, he’d help her find a place of her own. Far enough away that her perfume didn’t surround him when he walked into a room, where he wouldn’t trip over her shoes in the middle of the floor, and where she could fall in love with someone she deserved.
If she didn’t move out soon, she would eventually break through his weak defenses. They hadn’t been together intimately, not for Rachel’s lack of trying. He’d seduced women before, sure, but the women knew it was just sex and nothing else. At least he thought they understood the score. Inevitably, things got more serious, and he’d bolt. Or his partner would leave. The women always pushed for more than he was willing, or was capable, of giving. Rachel would, too, and he refused to be the cause of the light in her eyes dimming. Which is why he needed to keep her at arm’s length.
But none of that mattered when she looked to him for support. So if she wanted to go to dinner, they’d go to dinner. “Okay.”
She snuggled onto the couch and slid his legs across her lap. Before long, her fingers stroked his leg, and her thumb kneaded the ball of his foot. He’d dreamed of days like this, coming home from work, spending the evening on the couch with the woman he loved. Sharing each other’s highs and lows.
This was not smart. But that didn’t stop him from responding. “That feels good.”
She didn’t speak, but the telltale biting of her lip meant she had something to say. Was she warming him up to some bad news?
“I’m scared.”
What did he say now? Give him a villain to stare down, and he was your man. But the emotional stuff he stumbled over. But that was what Rachel needed, so he’d try. For her. “Of what?”
“Everything.” She spit out on a laugh. “Seeing my parents. My brothers.”
He shifted on the couch and leaned in, placing his nose right in front of hers. “They love you. I know that as sure as I know anything in my life.”
“I guess.” She picked at a piece of lint on her jeans and bit her lip. “There’s so much I haven’t told you.”
“I wish you would. Then I can help.”
“Maybe… I don’t know… not yet. I should talk to them first.”
“I’ll be right there beside you.”
“I know I can count on you and I love you for that.”
His heart seized, but logic won out. She said she loved something about him, not that she loved him. He refused to make any more out of her statement. Today’s focus was on dinner with her parents. This step was important for her long-term healing.
She stood, putting some distance between them. “Can we leave around noon?”
“Absolutely. I’ll be ready. And Rachel”—he slid his hand under her chin and raised it—“everything’s going to be okay.”
She darted out of the room and up the stairs. His gaze stayed fixed on the doorway long after her footsteps quieted. Today would be rough, no matter what she had to say to her parents. But he’d be by her side, doing what he did best, showing support. Holding her hand would have to be enough because he wasn’t sure he had anything else to offer.
A FEW HOURS later, Rachel shuffled into the kitchen, clutching that elusive folder to her chest. Sawyer scratched his cheek. This had to be the key to
what had bothered her enough to spurn her family and fall for Shane’s conning and lying ways. Abusive men always picked on the vulnerable.
Her gaze bobbed everywhere but at him. She kept tucking and re-tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
“C’mere.” He may not know what she held so close, but he could comfort her.
She shuffled to him, not looking him in the eye.
When he drew her to him, her sleek body and sweet scent melted against his shirt. His lips brushed the top of her shiny brown hair. “It’ll be all right. I promise.”
“You can’t promise that.” Her soft words heated his chest where her mouth rested.
“Maybe I can’t, but I can promise no matter what, I’ll be here for you.” He spoke in a hushed tone, keeping his lips against the top of her head. “If the conversation doesn’t go well, we can come back here, break out a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, and put in your favorite movie. How does that sound?”
She picked at his T-shirt. “The Notebook?”
More heat from her mouth skimmed his chest. “Yes, The Notebook.” The things he did for her. But if watching a chick flick put a smile back on her face, so be it.
“Okay.”
Good. First crisis averted.
RACHEL’S HAIR BLEW around the Mercedes as she stared out the window. He could have taken the cruiser, but he’d warned Robert he wasn’t on call today. Besides, the ’Benz wasn’t a constant reminder of the campaign he’d ignored since he’d agreed to run for sheriff. Today was about Rachel and nothing else.
As he parked at the curb of the house he’d visited regularly since the age of four, the sun broke through the clouds. Was that a good omen? Regardless, this time was different because of his relationship with Rachel. He didn’t know how to define what they shared, since he wouldn’t have indulged in such slow, sensual kisses with a simple roommate. What did she plan to tell her family about them? She probably didn’t know herself, and they hadn’t talked about what to say. That would land firmly in he doesn’t talk about feelings territory.
One Last Chance: A Small-Town Romance (Oak Grove series Book 3) Page 13
