Rachel’s father drew a long drink off his beer. “I guess I thought if I left the girlie stuff to her mother, everything would be okay. I didn’t know Rachel wanted to feel included. I can see it now. And that… and that drove her away from our family… to that monster.”
Mr. Bennett’s gripped his bottle. At least they had something in common. Many a night Sawyer’d gone to the gym and pounded the bag to keep from marching into that trailer, punching Shane, and dragging Rachel away from the abusive coward. “That’s all in the past. She’s doing better. There are a lot of days Shane doesn’t even come up.” But the bullying jerk was always in the back of Sawyer’s mind and would be until the day they locked the bastard up for good.
“We have you to thank for that, son.”
Pain speared Sawyer’s chest and his heart hurt. Other than Robert, no one had called Sawyer “son” in years. He could really use his father’s advice right about now. Would Dad have been as closed off as Sawyer had become? Or was Sawyer the way he was because he’d lost his parents? No way to know, but as with Rachel, it was in the past, and he was doing better. He hoped. “Can I ask you something, sir?”
“None of this sir. Matthew or Dad, like the rest of my kids call me. You grew up with us and you were a part of the family. Unless my signals are crossed, you’re even more now. At least to Rachel.”
After so many years of “Mr. Bennett”, Matthew just didn’t roll off Sawyer’s tongue, and no way would he call Mr. Bennett by the other name. Not yet. Maybe in a year or two, Sawyer could finally utter the “dad” word. “That’s what I wanted to talk about. I grew up with Rachel. I also sat by while Shane abused her. She’s strong now… and happy. I just don’t know, I mean, how do you… shoot, I’m not saying this right.”
Matthew laid his hand on Sawyer’s shoulder. “How do you know if you’re in love? If they love you? Is that what you’re asking?”
“I guess, yeah.” Sawyer stared off at a spot behind Matthew’s head. When would he be able to look someone in the eye when talking about those kinds of feelings?
“Some women are complicated creatures, I won’t deny that. They expect you to read between the lines and know what they want without them saying a word. Then when you don’t, they get upset. Us men, on the other hand, we’re simple and straightforward. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you love her.”
Was Sawyer being that obvious that Matthew could read him? Did the others know? If so, then Rachel had to know already, which meant he didn’t have to say the words. But she deserved more than someone who couldn’t express how he really felt.
“If you want to know how she feels, ask her. She’ll tell you. My Rachel was never one to hold back, well, except, you know. But if you look closely, I doubt you even need to ask. I see how she looks at you, son, and I see how you look at her.” Matthew squeezed Sawyer’s shoulder. “And I couldn’t be happier. She’s happy and healthy, and that’s because of you. You’ve brought our old Rachel back, and you’ve helped her heal her relationship with her mother.”
Matthew motioned to the house where Rachel and Mrs. Bennett laughed at the kitchen table.
The women turned their heads. When Rachel’s gaze landed on Sawyer, her eyes sparkled and her smile grew.
“That’s what love looks like. Right there, on Rachel’s face, and” —Matthew motioned to Sawyer— “in that silly grin on yours. It does my heart good to see her so happy. One day, when you have your own kids, you’ll know how it feels to truly give your heart away. Because I gave away a little piece of mine to each of my children, and that includes Rachel. When my kids hurt, I hurt. When they’re happy, I am, too.”
Mr. Bennett had hit the nail on the head. If Rachel experienced pain, Sawyer’s heart ached, too. If she was happy, his insides glowed. As for her dreadful fear of Shane, Sawyer itched to cart the bastard to jail by his hair and toss away the key. Maybe then Rachel would finally have peace and the prickles on the back of Sawyer’s neck would vanish, but as long as Shane was on the loose, he’d always be on alert.
Smoke filled the air. Crap, the steaks. Sawyer raised the lid on the grill and slid the ribeyes onto a plate. A little charred, but they’d do.
Matthew laughed. “I guess dinner’s ready.”
Matthew opened the door and motioned Sawyer into the kitchen. The four of them hurried to grab plates and silverware and get dinner on the table. Over the meal, the conversation steered clear of Rachel’s paternity and her history with Shane. Nor did they discuss Sawyer and Rachel’s relationship. Instead, they talked about Joey, Lucas, and eventually Michael.
“I wish he’d move back home. I can’t stand how tired he looks, and he’s lost so much weight. That job is not good for him,” Mrs. Bennet said.
Rachel shook her head almost imperceptibly at Sawyer. She must not have mentioned to her mom what she’d asked Michael to do. “I saw him at the picnic. He did seem a bit tired. I think he’s been pushing hard to make partner. Maybe things will slow down after that.”
Mrs. Bennett sighed and cut another bite of steak. “I hope so. He works too hard.”
Matthew stirred sour cream into his potato. “I heard Old Man Taylor was thinking about retiring. That would leave us a lawyer short in town. I know Michael specializes in criminal law, but what we could really use around here is a general attorney. We should talk to him. That could be the enticement to get him to move home.”
As much as everyone would love to have Michael in Oak Grove, his work was his life, a big part of his self-image. Sawyer knew that. Michael wouldn’t settle in Oak Grove. He’d worked hard to build his career in Philly. No doubt he was still paying off his student loans, too. Law school wasn’t cheap.
“I don’t know, Dad. He’s always had his eyes on the horizon. He loves living in the city, and he comes home for the weekend when he can. He probably wouldn’t be happy living in Oak Grove full time.”
“Philadelphia isn’t that far,” Mrs. Bennett said, “but I want him closer. I think I’ll mention Mr. Taylor’s retirement and plant the seed the next time Michael comes home.”
Rachel giggled. “Mom, you schemer.”
Sawyer’s chest tightened. He placed more steak in his mouth in hopes of remaining invisible. This was a family conversation and he wasn’t family. Sawyer shuffled his baked potato around his plate as Rachel kept talking to her parents, Matthew’s words not far from his mind. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you love her.
Chloe leapt from her bed in the corner and barked as she dashed to the door. What was up with his dog? He rose and checked the back yard. The shadows had lengthened as the sun sank behind the trees and bushes at the rear of his property. The boxwood that ringed his yard rustled and Chloe barked again. “Silly girl. It’s probably a deer or a raccoon.”
Chloe leapt in the air and nipped at the door handle.
Sawyer checked the latch. Yep, the door was secure. She’d managed to open the handle more than once on her own. “Oh, no, you don’t. I’m not letting you out there to chase an innocent animal. Do I need to remind you of what happened the last time?”
“What happened the last time?” Rachel asked from the table.
“She caught a raccoon rifling through the trash can. She presented the poor animal to me, in her jaw, like a trophy. She was completely proud of herself… and I spent the next two hours chasing a raccoon through the house.”
Chloe let out another bark and everyone laughed.
Rachel stepped up beside Sawyer and stroked Chloe’s back. “I bet she was pretty proud of herself.”
He laughed, too. It was kinda funny. “I think she was.”
Chloe yanked away from him and threw herself at the door. It flew open and she darted into the yard.
“Daggone it. Chloe, stop.” He darted out the door after his errant dog.
Rachel yelled to her parents. “I’ll help find her. Mom and Dad, we’ll be back in a minute.”
“How about we clear the table and serve some dessert? When you come back in, w
e can enjoy lemon pie and coffee. Unless fresh raccoon is on the menu,” her mother said.
Not likely, but it was funny. Her parents laughed while he and Rachel rushed outside before a raccoon appeared at their door.
When they finally caught up with Chloe at the edge of the yard, her back legs were sticking out from beneath one of the rustling bushes. The hedge gave him privacy from neighbors and served as a barrier between the house and the woods, but he couldn’t see what was happening on the other side. At times like this, he’d considered trimming it. For all he knew, Shane could be hiding behind the bushes.
Rachel hurried to Chloe’s side. “Chloe, sweetie, leave the poor animal alone.”
Chloe growled.
“Stay back, Rachel. I don’t know what she found. You could get sprayed by a skunk.”
Sawyer stretched into the bushes for Chloe’s collar. She hunched over, her body stiff and tense, a snarl emanating from deep inside. This was not normal. Chloe didn’t growl, even when she chased animals. She yelped and growled as she thrashed her head back and forth, like she had something caught—.
“Rachel, go back in the house.” His gut churned and his skin prickled. She shouldn’t be out here until he figured out what had Chloe on edge.
“I want to help.”
He shook his head. “I’ve got her. Go in the house.”
“What is it?”
“Go in the house!”
Rachel gasped.
“I’m sorry, honey. I didn’t mean to yell. Please go in the house until I figure out what’s going on. I have a bad feeling about this.”
Rachel’s face lost all color and she froze in place.
“Honey…”
She stared at him for a moment and then ran toward the house. As soon as the door slammed, Sawyer turned back to Chloe. As he did, she snarled again. The sound of crunching leaves, snapping branches and running footsteps emanated from the woods behind the tall hedge. Whatever Chloe chased had fled.
Her prey gone, Chloe backed out of the hedge and turned to Sawyer. Branches and leaves matted her fur and dirt streaked her face.
“What do you have, Chloe?” He tugged at the ripped blue fabric in her mouth. His blood ran cold and pulsed in his ears. That was no animal she’d just scared off his property.
Chapter Twenty-Six
“ARE YOU OKAY?” Rachel rubbed moisturizer on her face as she stepped out of Sawyer’s bathroom. He’d been quiet recently, even quieter than normal, and she didn’t know what to make of it.
He kept staring at the papers in his lap.
She slid into bed and nestled against him. “I thought I’d start back to school next quarter.”
“Uh huh.” He nibbled on the pencil lodged between his teeth, scribbling on one of the papers from time to time.
“I slept with the neighbor.”
“That’s nice, honey.” He scrawled some more.
What had him so preoccupied? Was this what life would become if he became sheriff? If so, they were going to discuss some ground rules. No work in the bedroom, ever.
This should get his attention. “I’m pregnant.”
“In a minute, honey. Wait. What?” His eyebrows shot up and the pencil flew from his mouth.
Rachel laughed and shoved him in the shoulder. “Do you have any idea what I just said?”
“No, I’m sorry. I guess I zoned out for a bit.”
She chuckled. “I think so.”
He gathered his papers, stacked them neatly on the nightstand, and laid the pencils in a line on top. Everything about him was neat, organized, and in place. Did her messiness bother him? Maybe they did need to discuss ground rules and compromises. She could make an effort to keep her shoes out of the floor if he would just tell her what he was thinking, let her know that she was bugging him.
He folded his hands and focused on her. His gaze was intense. “Did you want to talk about something?”
She tucked her head onto his shoulder and rubbed her hand over his soft T-shirt. “I left school last year because Shane said we couldn’t afford the tuition. I was thinking about starting again.”
“What’s holding you back?”
“I wanted to know what you think.”
Sawyer sat up and looked her straight in the eye. “Are you asking because you think you need my permission?”
Maybe she was. She’d spent most of her life living in someone else’s house, under someone else’s rules, never really by herself. This was her first taste of freedom, and she didn’t quite know how to act. “No?”
“Who are you trying to convince? Me or yourself?”
“A little bit of both.”
Sawyer put his hands on her shoulders. “Listen to me. You don’t need my permission to do anything. If you want to go to school, I’ll help you register. I want for you what you want.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. If you ask my advice, I’ll try to help you, but you need to decide for yourself what’s in the future for you.”
“What about you?”
“What do you mean ‘what about me’?”
“Is there something you want?”
He pursed his lips.
“Just say it.”
He stared at the wall behind her.
Daggone it, strong and silent was nice, giving her room to sort out her own life, but this not talking about his feelings had gone far enough. “Sawyer, this is a two-way street. You can tell me what you’re thinking. No, that’s not right. I need you to tell me what you’re thinking. Especially about us. What are we doing here? I can’t keep going along making love to you every day but not knowing what comes next. Is our relationship going somewhere or are we just hanging in limbo until I decide I’ve had enough?”
He sighed but said nothing. That was the final straw. He could sleep in here alone and she’d go back to the guest room. As long as she was going to remain a guest in his heart, she would be in his house, too. She started to climb out of the bed.
He yelled out, “Wait, stop…” He sucked in a breath. “I love you.” He blurted the words out and then sank back against the headboard.
She leaned back on the bed but didn’t respond yet. His body, his touch, said the words he’d been unable to so many times, but hearing him declare his love was something else altogether. A warm glow spread through her body and settled into her heart as she mulled the words over in her mind.
His hands shook as they took hers. He stared at their linked fingers, a blush creeping up his cheeks. “I love you. I do. I have for a long time, even before I realized it myself.”
Her own words sat on the tip of her tongue, but if she spoke too soon, he wouldn’t finish taking this step that their budding relationship needed.
“I’m no good at this. It’s so much easier for me to just not say anything.” Sawyer glanced away.
She touched his shoulder. “You’re doing fine. Just tell me what you’re feeling.”
He wet his lips.
“Please look at me, Sawyer. Please.” If he couldn’t look her in the eye when he spoke to her, he might as well remain silent.
He turned his head. “I… I wake up happy because you’re smiling at me. When… when you laugh, you light up the room. It’s not just my stuffy old living room anymore. It… it becomes more. You’ve brought life to my house just by being here. It’s not a house.” His face reddened. “I know it sounds dumb… but it’s… you made this a home. I love that you love your brothers but don’t take their shit. I love how you love my dog.” He chuckled and the lines around his eyes crinkled and a twinkle flashed in his eyes. “Because that would have been a deal breaker.”
“Oh, Sawyer.” He’d finally revealed what had been locked away and it was perfect.
“Now that I’ve started, let me finish. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time and didn’t know how to tell you.” He drew in a deep breath. “I don’t want to freak you out. I know how much Shane hurt you, and you shouldn’t be falling in love with anyon
e right now, let alone me. I think you should live your life, go back to school, travel, whatever you want to do. Figure out what you want out of life. In the meantime, I’ll be here waiting. As far as I’m concerned, you are it for me. I’ve waited this long for a chance with you, and I can wait a little longer until you’re ready. When I think about my future, I see you.”
There was nothing more for her to say. She cupped his cheeks, the rough stubble of his unshaven face tickling her palms as he leaned into her hand.
She opened her mouth but the words stuck to her throat. She couldn’t mess this up. He’d poured his heart out to her and deserved a proper reaction.
“You don’t have to say anything back. I wanted you to know how I feel, but—”
“Are you going to let me talk?” She did have to say something. He may have said it was okay, but his eyes begged her to respond.
Color rose on his cheeks. “I’m sorry. Yes, go ahead.”
“I love you, too.” How could she not, this wonderful man who cared for her and helped her find her own strength but let her be her own person? Who loved her, baggage and all, in everything that he did.
Sawyer just stared at her.
“I said, I love you.”
A huge grin broke out on his face. “I heard you the first time. I just wanted to hear you say the words again. God, I love you.”
Warmth settled deep in her heart. She’d told Shane she loved him, and he’d turned that love into something ugly. What she had with Sawyer was real. “You may not have told me, but I knew. I felt love in your touch, every time you kissed me, when you made love to me. Even when you just sat beside me on the couch. Everything you did showed your love for me.”
He then proceeded to show her exactly how much he loved her until she collapsed on the bed, exhausted from their lovemaking, fighting the sleep that finally overtook her.
One Last Chance: A Small-Town Romance (Oak Grove series Book 3) Page 23
