She stood.
“Where are you going?”
“I thought I’d leave you alone. I know you blame me for—”
“I do not blame you. I blame Shane. This is his fault and no one else’s. As soon as I get back to the station…”
“But—”
“No buts.” Sawyer also stood and cupped her cheeks. “Listen to me. This isn’t your fault. Shane kicked her. You didn’t make him hurt her. You didn’t say or do anything wrong. I wish I’d been there to protect you. At least Chloe tried, poor girl. She watched out for you.”
“She did. She snarled at him, but he stormed across the street anyway. I wanted to call you, but I dropped my phone and he stepped on it. I heard your call. I begged Shane to stop, but he kicked Chloe. Hard. He kicked her over and over. When he heard your car, he ran away.” Because he was a coward who only bullied weaker people. No way would he stand up to Sawyer.
Sawyer laced his arms tight and firm around her body. Thank God he didn’t blame her. She blamed herself enough for the both of them.
“I’m just glad you’re okay.”
“I told him he wasn’t supposed to talk to me, but he said he could stand on a public street. He grabbed my wrist for a minute and tried to drag me away. I’m not hurt, but I didn’t know what to do.” She snuggled into his embrace. He felt so good and for the first time, she let herself feel the fear.
“You did the right thing. You stayed calm, and more importantly, you didn’t let him take you. Were you scared?”
“A little, but I kept telling myself I was stronger than the old Rachel. I didn’t use any of the self-defense things you taught me. The minute he stepped in front of me, I froze and couldn’t think.”
“That’s probably for the best. He would have gotten even madder if you hit him. The best self-defense is to run away.”
She wouldn’t tell him that her feet froze in place. He’d never let her out of his sight if he knew that. “I couldn’t leave Chloe there. And she wasn’t budging.”
He hugged her again. “And I love you for that. But I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you, so please, next time you see him, run as far and as fast as you can and call me.”
“I will.”
They held each other until the vet appeared from the back.
“Deputy Truman. We weren’t properly introduced. I’m Dr. Mason.” She extended her hand.
Sawyer shook the woman’s hand briefly and returned his arm to Rachel’s waist. “How’s Chloe?”
“She’s resting now. I didn’t see any internal injuries on the X-ray, but I’d like to keep her overnight for observation. We’ve given her a pain killer and sedated her so she can rest. As long as she’s okay in the morning, you can take her home.”
Sawyer heaved a huge sigh. “That’s good. Can I see her one more time before I leave?”
“Absolutely. Come on back. We’ll just need to fill out some papers before you go.”
With his arm firmly around Rachel’s waist, they started for the room where Chloe lay on a wooly dog bed. She was sleeping, her chest rising and falling. Sawyer leaned down and stroked her head. “Thanks for taking care of Rachel, honey. You’re going to be fine. You stay here and rest tonight, okay? The doctor will take good care of you, and I’ll be back for you tomorrow, baby girl.”
Oh, God. This big, strong man whispering and baby-talking to his dog. Rachel’s heart swelled as she listened to the soothing words.
Sawyer cast another look at Chloe and shuffled from the exam room.
Sawyer filled out the papers for the doctor, Rachel’s hand resting gently on his arm. She didn’t want to leave his side, knowing how much Chloe meant to him.
The doctor took the papers and extended her hand. “She’ll be fine, Deputy. We’ll take good care of her. I’ll speak with you in the morning.”
“Thanks again, Dr. Mason.”
“You’re welcome.”
They left the vet clinic and headed back to his cruiser.
“Would you mind coming to the station with me? I need to wrap up a few things then I can take you home.”
“I’m fi—”
“You’re not. Shane is out there. We need to report this. It won’t take long, but I’m not letting you out of my sight.”
Yeah, he was right. But she’d stood up to Shane like she never had before. Sure, she didn’t fight back like she wanted, and she didn’t run, like she should have. But she’d faced him and she could do it again. Sawyer didn’t need to protect her anymore.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
SAWYER BOUNCED HIS knee. The grey walls circling the room were as drab as the ache in his chest. Dr. James should do something to liven up this dreary waiting room. This was the first thing a patient saw when they came in. Hell, he wasn’t even her patient anymore and these walls depressed him. Rachel sat beside him, flipping through a magazine, like she didn’t have a care in the world.
At least one of them could relax. Now that Shane had violated his PFA, Sawyer couldn’t think about anything else.
He’d cussed under his breath for slacking off after not seeing Shane since the day of his arrest all those weeks ago. Sawyer had suspected Shane was nearby, but he hadn’t technically violated his PFA, that Sawyer knew about. Until yesterday.
Of course Shane would make an eventual appearance. After handling numerous domestic disputes, there was one thing Sawyer knew—abusive bastards like Shane never gave up. The relationship was over when those cowards said it was over and not one second sooner. They wouldn’t let a “mere” woman show them up by daring to leave.
Rachel laid her hand on his bouncing knee. “Relax. It’s just Dr. James. You know her.”
“Yeah, I know.” But his reason for coming was completely different than any of his previous visits.
They’d filed the report at the station after leaving the vet, and an APB had been issued for Shane. Deputies drove by his trailer, the local bars, even the garage where he worked on and off, but no one had seen him since he approached Rachel on the street yesterday.
They’d barely filed the paperwork when Leon took another jab at Sawyer and Rachel’s relationship. Watkins had the audacity to imply that Shane’s presence in Rachel’s life made Sawyer unsuitable to be sheriff. That if Sawyer couldn’t protect Rachel, how could he protect the town? Was Watkins right?
Sawyer didn’t question his qualifications, but Leon’s digs hit home. Sawyer wanted to be sheriff. But what if he couldn’t protect Rachel in the meantime? No job was worth losing her. He already spent too many hours at the station or campaigning, leaving Rachel alone and vulnerable to Shane’s stalking. Sawyer couldn’t keep an eye on Shane if they couldn’t find him, so the only thing Sawyer could do was keep Rachel close.
After they’d returned home from the station, Rachel headed to the shower and Sawyer called Joey and Lucas. Between the three of them, they formulated a plan to protect Rachel until Shane was caught and put back in jail. Since he’d violated the PFA, his bail should be revoked, but Sawyer wouldn’t count on that. A sympathetic judge could respond to the same bullshit Shane had doled out since the day he met Rachel. Before then, even.
Sawyer wouldn’t let that happen. Not on his watch.
“Rachel?” Dr. James stood in the open doorway. “I see you brought Sawyer today. Great. Come on in.”
Dr. James’s office had the same chairs, the same couch, the same annoying clock ticking far too loudly as it had when he first met her. Being in this room took him back to the early days after he got home from Afghanistan, when his nightmares had constantly plagued him and a healthy dose of survivor’s guilt dogged him. He thought he’d gotten past those days… except for the nightmares returning.
Today was not a good day to come with Rachel. He’d spent thirty minutes in the department gym last night, fists pounding a bag, while Rachel chatted up Maureen. That still hadn’t cleared the image of Rachel hovered over Chloe. His nerves were rattled, and if Dr. James said even one wrong word, he was li
able to go off on her like he had when he first came home from Afghanistan. He’d immediately apologized, but the fact that he couldn’t even be civil to his counselor rattled him. Much like he felt now.
Rachel had argued that yesterday’s incident made today the perfect day for him to join her session. Maybe she was right, but he was supposed to do the protecting. Be the voice of reason. This giving and taking didn’t make sense to him.
“Rachel, how have you been?”
“I’ve been good.” Strength filled her voice, but how could she say that after what happened yesterday? Her shoulders were relaxed, her ankles crossed, and her hands folded in her lap. Meanwhile, he gritted his jaw so tight that he’d given himself a headache. And then she smiled at him.
“Sawyer, do you have something to add?”
Rachel stared at him. She’d been bugging him about sharing his feelings more, and he was trying, but having two people expecting a confessional, their eyes boring through him, wasn’t conducive to opening up about his real fear. He just couldn’t get the image of Rachel’s lifeless eyes out of his mind from the nightmare that had reared its ugly head again last night.
Rachel said what he couldn’t. “There was… an incident yesterday.” How could Rachel be so composed when his stomach churned and his heart raced?
With her ever-calm façade, Dr. James peeked over her glasses at them. “Why don’t you tell me what happened?”
“Shane approached me on the street while I walked Chloe.” Rachel’s voice quivered. At least she was talking about it. Now he could really gauge how seeing Shane had affected her. She’d refused to discuss it yesterday or this morning.
Sawyer covered her trembling hand.
“What were you thinking when you saw him?”
“I thought I was stronger, but when I tried to confront him, I couldn’t talk. I was back in the trailer, waiting to see what he’d do next.”
What Sawyer wouldn’t give for a few minutes with the asshole. He’d show Shane who was in charge.
Rachel stroked his knuckle. Eventually his fist relaxed and she smiled at him. Sawyer’s job was to comfort Rachel. Now he was the one being reassured.
“Then what happened?”
“I yelled at him. That made him angry, so I tried to calm him down. He… he… kicked Chloe. Kicked her.” Rachel straightened her shoulders. “He kicked a dog. Can you believe that? Why would he do that? That’s when Sawyer showed up. If he hadn’t, I don’t know what would have happened.”
Sawyer had spoken to Dr. Mason this morning. Chloe was fine and bugging the techs to go out and play. Once he and Rachel were finished here, they were going to get Chloe. Tonight, his baby girl would eat steak, a well-earned treat for her bravery.
“Sawyer, what about you? What ran through your mind when you pulled up?”
He couldn’t say “murder” in front of Rachel, but that was the honest answer. Instead he said, “Scared. I knew something bad had happened. When she didn’t answer the phone, I panicked. I don’t remember ever being that scared before.”
Rachel leaned close to him, her voice just a whisper. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”
He rotated on the couch, addressing her instead of Dr. James. “Stop apologizing. This was not your fault.”
“Sawyer’s right, Rachel. You are not responsible for Shane’s behavior. You have a right to live your life without fear, and you should not take responsibility for other people’s actions. The only person you can control is you.”
“I know that here…” Rachel pointed to her head. “But I have trouble here sometimes.” She pointed to her heart. “When I stood in front of Shane, I became the old Rachel again. It’s like I lost all of the progress I’ve made.”
“What about afterwards? What did you think and how did you feel once you were safe?”
She’d recovered far too quickly, at least in Sawyer’s opinion. He couldn’t say the same for himself after being on edge for hours. They’d made love passionately, no foreplay, just him taking her hard and fast against the wall. And again in the shower, to wash off the sweat. A primitive need to claim her, to be inside her, had driven him crazy. Afterwards, he’d used his body to love her slowly and deliberately. Only after that had he scrubbed the images of Shane attacking Rachel from his mind.
Rachel’s cheeks flushed. Oh, yeah, she was thinking about their animalistic behavior from last night, too. “I felt okay after Shane ran away. I was worried about Chloe. For the first time, I wasn’t worried about myself. If Sawyer hadn’t shown up when he did, I think I could have fought Shane. At least I felt like I had the strength to fight back. That never happened before.”
“That’s good. Looking back, how could you have reacted differently?”
“I could have run away. I froze. That gave Shane enough time to approach me. If it hadn’t been the first time I’d seen him since that night, I might have reacted differently. Now I know I’m strong enough to confront him if he comes up to me again.”
“Which he won’t.” Sawyer had checked in at the station this morning, but no one had seen or heard from Shane. Bastard had gone into hiding again, and he’d probably strike out at Rachel soon.
“How are you today, Sawyer?”
“Rattled. I didn’t like feeling, I don’t know, helpless. Like in Afghanistan.” When Kyle had died. “I’d kept the nightmares at bay, but they’ve been coming back recently. Then, when I saw Rachel huddled over Chloe on the side of the road, tears streaming down her face, I was back there again.”
Sawyer probably needed to book time with Dr. James alone. He would not allow himself to sink back to the dark place he was in when he returned from Afghanistan. But Shane reemerging threatened to derail all of Sawyer’s progress.
“How did we deal with your helplessness before? Do you remember?”
“We talked about controlling the things we can control.” He wrapped his arm around Rachel’s waist. “But she won’t let me lock her in the house and never let her out again.” He chuckled, and so did the ladies.
He wasn’t joking.
Shane had already isolated Rachel from her family, friends, and work for a more than a year. If Sawyer did the same, he’d be no better, but if he couldn’t protect his girlfriend, how could he protect the entire town? Maybe Watkins was right.
Dr. James tapped her pencil on her cheek. “I agree. That’s not reasonable. However, the two of you can discuss ways to ensure Rachel’s safety that works for you both. A solution that gives you peace of mind. What do you think?”
“Probably.” Rachel nodded.
He huffed out a breath and clenched his jaw. She agreed too quickly. Did she really understand how he felt? She hadn’t been the one to witness the person she loved hunched on the ground, crying into Chloe’s fur.
Rachel covered his hand. Her thumb whispered over his knuckle again. “I don’t want him to be scared to let me out of his sight, and I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I want to live my life and be happy.”
“I believe you’re well on your way, Rachel. Sawyer, let’s schedule a session in a week or so for you. We haven’t chatted in a while.” A buzzer rang and Dr. James stood. “I have another patient to see. Rachel, keep up the good work. I’m so glad you brought Sawyer along. At our next session, we can work on coping strategies.”
“Thanks, Dr. James.” Sawyer extended his hand and they shook.
Sawyer hugged Rachel’s shoulder. “Are you sure I can’t convince you to stay home? I can decorate a nice room for you. You’ll never have to leave again, I promise.”
She laughed. “I know you mean well and I love you for it, but the best thing for me is to learn how to handle Shane if he approaches me again. I’m not happy I froze, but I’d never talked back to Shane like I did yesterday. I kept my cool, even when he grabbed my wrist. That made me happy. And proud.”
“You should be. I’m really proud of you, but it also scared me.”
“I hate that. I just don’t want to derail all my p
rogress because Shane is a jerk. I’ll try to be more sensitive and understanding.”
She shouldn’t have to worry about him or his feelings. His job was to care for her, not vice-versa.
SAWYER SQUINTED AGAINST the bright sun as they stepped onto the sidewalk. “Let’s go for a cup of coffee? I have something I need to talk to you about.”
“How about we sit on a bench in the green? I don’t want to spend the entire day indoors. It’s too pretty out today.”
After they grabbed two coffees and a couple of dark chocolate brownies, they headed across the street to the town green.
Sawyer motioned for Rachel to sit on a bench and he snuggled up beside her.
“You wanna talk about what’s bothering you? This can’t only be about Shane.” Rachel peeled back the sipping lid on her coffee.
“It is and it isn’t. Until he’s back behind bars, I won’t feel safe. I can’t help that I’ve seen things that scare me for you. I’m sorry if that’s too much, but I can’t help how I feel. I love you and I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
“I understand and I don’t want anything to happen to me either, but you are smothering me. Not the same kind of oppressing as Shane, but if you can’t figure out how to relax a little, we’re going to have a problem between us.” She waved her hand back and forth between the two of them. “I didn’t work hard to build my strength and become more independent just so you could take it all away—”
“But—”
She raised her hand. “Let me finish. You can say you’re protecting me all you want, but that’s not the truth. You’re smothering me so you won’t worry, and that’s about you, not me. I won’t be in a relationship where the other person’s feelings are more important than what I want and need. Not again. Even if the reasoning is valid. We need to be equals in this relationship or it’s not going to work. I’m also worried about what Shane has up his sleeve, but I’d rather practice how to defend myself if he approaches me again rather than living in fear. Because that’s what you’re doing—you’re living in fear.”
One Last Chance: A Small-Town Romance (Oak Grove series Book 3) Page 25
