by Jamie Wang
Sasha held her ground. “Nobody is born evil.”
“And who are you to say that?” Vlad engulfed her in his shadow. “I would rather believe that we are all born evil and it is only through great effort that we overcome it. Doesn’t that make us sound so heroic?”
“What evil have you overcome?” Sasha glanced at the knife twitching in his hand.
“I have never once, and never will, harm anyone that doesn’t deserve to be harmed.” Vlad rested his gaze on her quivering lips. “And it isn’t because I can’t.”
“Maybe you just shouldn’t harm anyone in general.”
“And let the world do as it pleases? I refuse. No matter what it costs me, I will not let God alone dictate the fate of the helpless. I promise you, there are many more that are grateful for the deeds I have done, than those grateful for the deeds you have not.”
“Like anyone will ever be grateful toward you.” Sasha growled. “You use the helpless as your excuse. If I was to guess, I’d say you’re rather happy that this place is so fucked up. Helping those in need? Reaching God? What a joke. You’d find any excuse to do this.
“And I would!” Vlad announced with his hands open to the sky. “I love it. But just because there are those that deserve me does not make my crusade any less deserving. I will kill them all, slowly, swiftly, painfully, silently, loudly, all of them, and everyone! So, Mouse, will you be the one to stop me?”
Vlad reached out his knife and flipped it so that he was holding the blade. “Will you dirty yourself to save the trash of this city?”
Sasha’s eyes never once wandered away from his own. “Don’t lump me in with you. I’m a Mouse.”
“Then what if I was to attack you? Would it be excuse enough to abandon your morality?” Vlad flipped the knife in his hand so that its tipped pointed straight toward her heart.
“You won’t hurt me,” Sasha said, pursing her lips together.
“Is it because deep down I’m such a good guy? I promise you I’m not.”
“Then do it.”
Vlad froze, he had seen this look before. Few people could pull it off, but Sasha had it down to a science. It was a look of absolute certainty, a blind overconfidence that put even the most egotistical men to shame. Vlad brought up his blade, angling it toward the scar across her eye.
“Why don’t you run?” He muttered.
“Why don’t you?” Sasha snarled back.
This is love.
Vlad hovered the blade over Sasha’s eye, his fingers trembling with excitement. His lips curled into a grin. “Beautiful.”
Sasha stood completely still. “Are you done? I can’t afford to waste more time with you.”
Vlad brought the knife down. He left, talking as he did. “You truly are beautiful, Sasha.”
“Wait! How do you know my name?” She called after him.
But he had already cut into an alley and disappeared.
FLOWER
Flower gnawed on the joint of her thumb. Her eyes bounced back and forth from the entrance of their home to the medical supplies laid out behind her. Next to the supplies was a worn book, opened to a diagram of a bullet wound. She paced back and forth.
“Ouch.” Flower released her thumb from her teeth. She inspected it to see two puncture wounds.
“To perform surgery, make sure your hands are steady.”
Flower frowned, watching her hand trembling in front of her. With surgery, any slight mistake could kill a person. And then, she would be the one to end their lives. Her eyes glossed over the knife lying in a pool of liquor, hoping that moonshine disinfected as well as rubbing alcohol.
A soft patter of footsteps sounded down the alley. Though it was barely audible, Flower jumped. Her mind jumped to a picture of Bolt, a hole through his chest, his face twisted in agony. He would cry out to her, begging her to save him, and she would just stand frozen, watching his life slowly drain.
She grabbed her shaking hand. Stop.
She squeezed so hard her knuckles turned white. But that only made the shaking worse. It was all the proof she needed. She would fail.
She clasped her hands together and fell onto her knees. “God, I know I don’t really talk to you much, and most of the time, I don’t even think you exist. But right now, I need you. Please protect my family. Please be out there. Please hear me.”
“He won’t.”
Flower gasped and twisted toward the voice to see Maverick under the dim lighting of the moon. “Holy shit Mav. I thought that—” Before she could finish her sentence, her crying overwhelmed her. She broke down, hugging herself as her body quaked.
“I’m so sorry Flower, I didn’t mean it like that.” Maverick placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.
“Why are you here? Do you know anything about the others?”
Maverick shook his head.
“I can’t do this.” Flower leaned over into Maverick’s embrace. “What am I supposed to do?”
“You don’t have to do anything, you should get some rest.”
“But if something happens, how am I—”
“Flower, nothing bad will happen. I’ll stay up for you.” Maverick took her hand and helped her up. “Let’s just get you to bed.”
Flower let herself be pulled up. She took small steps toward her tent, feeling lighter with every step. Her breathing became easier and her hands stopped shaking.
What am I doing?
Flower yanked her hand out of Maverick’s grip. “No,” she told the surprised Maverick.
“Flower?”
She turned back, the weight returning to her feet. It once again felt like she was breathing syrup, but she stayed the course. “Turn on the lamp, I’ll need the fire. Also, start tearing some more bandages from my clothes.”
“What are you talking about? Flower, get a grip.”
Flower turned. “Mav, this is me getting a grip. If you’re right, and God doesn’t hear me, then I’m all you guys got. Now tear the damn bandages.”
She scanned the book, memorizing every word and picture. The most important factor in treating a gunshot wound was time, and she certainly couldn’t be wasting it reading.
“Caring for shock… disinfecting the wound… stopping the bleeding… sealing the wound…”
Every section came with its own list of materials, materials that she didn’t have. Nothing she could do about it now. Antiseptic powder became a combination of moonshine and antibiotics. The scalpel became her knife, its tip already charred black.
“Alright, I finished.” Maverick said.
“Good, I want you to get my blankets and lay it on the ground.”
“Flower,” Maverick came up to her, giving her a hard look. “Do you know what you’re doing?”
“I won’t do anything stupid. I know I’m not a doctor.”
Maverick nodded. “Alright, I’ll get your blankets then.” He made no move. “You know I have to ask, are you sure about this?”
“In the words of Sasha, who the hell do you think I am?”
MAVERICK
Bolt was the first to come back. He plopped down in front of Flower as if his body weighed too much for his legs.
“Bolt, tell me where it hurts. Maverick, get me the bandages and bring me the knife! Also get the lantern, I need light.” Flower’s voice held an edge of panic, but her hands were steady. Her grassy eyes never wavered off Bolt.
Maverick did as he was told. He watched Flower in amazement. Her hands glazed over Bolt’s bleeding cheek. Bolt winced away from her touch, but she grabbed his neck, holding him steady. It was hard to believe that she was in tears only a moment earlier.
“Hold him steady Maverick, I’m going to disinfect the cut.”
Maverick couldn’t help but be impressed. Sometimes it was hard to tell but she was still just a child, the youngest of them all.
Bolt slapped Flower’s hand away from him.
“Bolt, what’s wrong?”
He shot his hands into his pockets. When they came back
out, so did a plastic bag of crushed pills. It fell onto the ground, the gelatin pills simply yellow liquid collecting on the edges of the bag.
Maverick’s stomach dropped. Of course, he had known this would happen since the first gunshot. Still, seeing the crushed pills made their failure a reality.
“Bolt,” Flower’s voice softened. “Look, there was nothing anyone could do.”
Bolt shook his head in small twitches. “Nothing I could do.”
“There were men with guns, Bolt.” Flower offered him a slight smile. “Nobody expected us to succeed. Even Mav came back.”
But Bolt refused her. “Do you think that matters?” he screamed. “I lost us the drop! I failed our last one!” His breaths came in an erratic rhythm. Every breath deeper than the last, every movement a little more out of control. He was practically hyperventilating.
“Bolt,” Maverick said. “You need to calm down.”
Bolt shook his head again, this time, he swung his head from side to side. “Don’t you get it? We’re done. We lost. Nothing we’ve done matters after tonight. And it’s because of me!” Bolt’s voice bounced off the walls of their home, each time like an accusation thrown back at him.
“Bolt, you’re bleeding pretty badly. Please, just let me take a look at you.” Flower pleaded.
But she might as well have been speaking a foreign language. Bolt grabbed his head like he was trying to crush it. He broke into convulsions, his body doing a weird dance of sporadic twitches. His eyes closed and he hit the ground.
“Bolt!” Maverick turned toward Flower, but she was already half way to Bolt.
“Maverick,” Flower snapped. “Game face, get me a pillow.”
Maverick barely heard her. He just stared at Bolt shaking on the ground.
What’s happening to him?
“Maverick!”
Two fingers snapped inches from his face. Behind those fingers were Flower, her emerald eyes calm and unwavering. “It’s a seizure, probably from panic,” she said. “He’ll live. Now get me a damn pillow.”
SASHA
The morning came fast, it seemed that as soon as Sasha closed her eyes, bright rays of sunlight glared into them. She scanned the other tents. Flower and Maverick were sound asleep, but Bolt and Prince were missing. Not good. Flower had told her about what happened with Bolt and she had witnessed Prince’s condition firsthand.
She had found him dumped on top of a pile of garbage. Bloody bits of skin hung off his cheek. After being unable to wake him, she had carried him home on her back. He had barely awoken when Flower had cleaned and bandaged his wound. Flower had assured her that he would be fine, but Sasha had never seen him so limp. If not for Flower, she would’ve fallen asleep outside of Prince’s tent.
Sasha sighed and stood up to stretch. She walked over to inspect Prince’s tent, sneaking a foot in to feel the sheets on the ground. Cold.
It’s Sunday so Bolt’s probably in church, but Prince…
“I know where you are,” she muttered to nobody in particular. There was only one place Prince went when he wanted to be alone. She walked to the river.
“I thought I would find you here,” Sasha said, approaching the silent Prince. His eyes were downcast, unresponsive to her greeting. “Having fun watching dirt?”
Prince pulled his head up from between his knees, the bandage on his cheek a stale maroon color. He returned his attention to the ground.
“Is dirt really that interesting?” Sasha asked. She took a seat next to him.
“I’m just thinking.” Though Prince responded to her, it didn’t seem that the words were directed at her. It was as if he was talking to the ground and she just happened to have heard him.
“About the drop?” Sasha waited for a response, but none came.
“No.”
“Then what are you thinking about?”
Silence. Sasha turned her gaze to the murky river. She half-expected crickets to start chirping.
“Flower said that your face is probably going to scar.” Sasha finally said. “But it won’t be that bad and who knows, maybe it’ll give your face some character.”
She received no response.
Sasha made a weak attempt at a smile. “Sorry, I guess I’m not that funny.”
“Why’d you do it?” Prince asked, his voice serious.
“I’m just trying to brighten the mood.”
“I’m not talking about your joke, I mean why’d you cut your eye at Hawk’s Lair?”
“Uh…” Sasha wasn’t sure whether she wanted to answer the question, but it didn’t seem like she had much of a choice. She took a deep breath. “Well, I guess it’s because I had to.”
“You almost dug your eye out.”
Prince finally turned to look at her, but it was a hollow victory. His icy stare held more anger in it than anything else. Sasha shrugged and looked away. It felt like she was being interrogated. “It was all I could do at the time.”
“But how did you know it would work?” Prince grabbed Sasha’s arm and turned her toward him. He grew louder with every word. “What if you went through all of that and only accomplished blinding yourself?”
“I guess I just didn’t think about that at the time.”
Prince kept quiet, mulling over Sasha’s words. When at last he was ready to speak, his speech came out in cold deliberation. “You made the wrong choice. No matter how you look at it, you were wrong. If it was anyone else, they would’ve probably just gotten themselves killed. Why’d you even go?”
“So I could hold this over your head for the rest of your life.”
Prince didn’t share her humor. “Sasha, I’m serious.”
Sasha let out an exasperated breath. “When Mav told me about what happened, how could you expect me to just leave you at Hawk’s Lair? You’ve known me for a long time now, none of this should’ve come as a surprise.”
Prince released Sasha’s arm. The silence crept back between them, like a stone wall separating them. This time, Prince was the one to break it down. “Would you have done that for a stranger? What if it was a girl you’ve never met in your life?”
“I don’t know.”
Prince’s head fell back between his knees. “You don’t know,” he muttered as if hearing some sick joke.
“Prince, what happened?” Sasha placed a timid hand on Prince’s shoulder.
Prince shrugged it off. “I couldn’t do a fucking thing, that’s what happened! I tried getting stronger, but I’m still so god damn weak. I couldn’t save her.”
“Who, Prince?”
“The girl, the Mouse. She was being…” Prince’s voice trailed off into silence.
“Prince,” Sasha lifted her arm to give him a hug, but decided against it. She settled for placing her hand on his shoulder instead. “Most people would’ve just let her be, but you tried to help. You at least made the effort.”
“Do you think my goodwill stopped the Hawk? You think the girl cared that I at least made the fucking effort?” Prince tossed Sasha’s hand of his shoulder. “Don’t fucking patronize me!” Prince slammed his fist into the ground, beating the shrubbery in front of him. “It’s not fucking fair!”
“Look, Prince –”
“Don’t you dare say anything.” He turned, his gaze hot enough to melt ice. “You save everyone, Sasha. So why can’t I save a single god damn person? What’s wrong with me?”
Sasha shook her head. “What do you want me to say, Prince?”
Prince bit his lip and looked away. Finally, he responded with a meek, “Nothing.”
“Do you remember when we first met? You were angry back then too. You even looked at me the same way you’re looking at me now. You attacked me whenever I tried getting near you. Do you know why I kept coming back?” Sasha straightened her hand and showed its back to Prince. “It was your fingernails. There was clots of mud in them, and most were broken and bleeding. You dug your mom’s grave with your hands.”
“What’s your point?”
/> “I remember thinking: I wish I had resolve like that. I was jealous of how strong you were. You’re still the same person. You’re strong, Prince.”
“Not strong enough.”
“Prince, I’m an idiot, so I can afford to do stupid shit. But not you. You’re way too smart to act like I do.”
“Stop.” Prince whispered.
“What was that?”
“I said stop.” His voice came resolute. “Stop with this outlandish bullshit. You always act like there’s something about me that nobody can see but you. If I’m so special, how come I lose so god damn always?” He pounded against his chest. “Guess what, this is all I am!”
“Are you mad at me?”
Prince stood and faced her, his face twisted with anger. “You make it look so damn easy, it probably is that easy to you. And when people ask how you do it, you just say it’s who you are. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
Sasha couldn’t even get a word in.
“And then you come in here spewing your bullshit, pretending that we can all be great, that we can do whatever we put our minds to it. Even you have to know that that’s a complete load of shit.” By the time he had finished, he was looming over Sasha, his breaths heavy and deep.
“Are you done yet?” Sasha asked looking up at him. “Look Prince, you want the truth, so here it is. No matter how hard you work, or how strong you become, you’ll never catch up to me. You can try to be like me if you want, but an imitation will never be better than the real thing. So don’t get mad at me because I’m a better me than you are.”
Prince stared in cold fury.
Sasha returned a gentle gaze. “I’m not sure if anything would’ve changed if I had been the one to try and save that girl, but it doesn’t matter. Stop running after me, Prince.” She whispered. “You shine in your own way.”
PRINCE
Prince watched Sasha’s brown hair sway back and forth in the distance. As soon as it disappeared, he shouted, “Fuck!”
