He shook his head, and growled low in his throat. She remembered what it felt like when that growl rumbled in his chest. “Just answer the question, Hannah.”
She sighed and crossed her arms. “Not that it’s any of your business, but we’ve gone out a couple times. He’s my date for tonight.”
He growled again. “Is it serious?”
Another frustrated sigh came out of her. She didn’t want to do this. This talk was supposed to help them move forward. Devolving into a jealous argument wouldn’t do that. “Look, Matt. If this is the only thing you wanted to talk about, I’m leaving. Daniel’s waiting for me. And I don’t need to justify my dating life to you. You already made your choice.” She took a step to maneuver around him, but he moved in front of her, blocking her way out of the hall. “Let me go, Matt.” She kept her voice even, but kept her gaze trained on his chest. “Please move out of the way.”
He sighed, his chest deflating, and she raised her eyes to his face. He looked defeated. “I’m sorry, Hannah. No, that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. It’s just—I can’t—” He shook his head and blew out a breath, looking over her head, trying to gather himself. “Give me a few minutes? Please?”
She crossed her arms again. “Fine. But please just say what you have to say and get it over with.”
He nodded. “I—I wanted to apologize to you and to thank you.”
That caught her attention. “To thank me? For what?”
A ghost of a smile crossed his face. “You aren’t interested in the apology?”
She grunted. “Sure. But I can imagine what you want to apologize for. The thanks is the unexpected part.”
“Let me get the apology out first.” He reached for her hands, and she let him take them in both of his, his blue eyes imploring. “I’m so sorry for the way I acted. For expecting you to give up on something that you wanted, that you’ve worked hard for, so I didn’t have to break out of my comfort zone. I’m sorry for being a complete jackass and fucking everything up. And I want to thank you for making me see how scared I was of trying to do something I care about. For making me see how much I was settling already.”
He looked away for a minute, licking his lips, gathering himself for the next part. “I’ve dreamed of being my own boss since I was a teenager, but I’ve always been told that that’s for people with money, rich people, not people like my family who scrape to get by, living paycheck to paycheck. We had enough, but just enough, nothing extra. I was supposed to go to college so I could get a good job so I didn’t have to worry so much about money. So I could afford to take vacations and do fun things. All my parents ever wanted was for me to get a good job with a great benefits package and start saving for retirement right out of college. They were so proud of me for getting a job offer before I even graduated. And the fact that I got a scholarship to cover most of my tuition means that I don’t even have tons of student loan debt. Not like some of my friends.
“Anyway, that’s not the point. You made me see that I was too much of a coward to go after what I want. I have a business and marketing degree. I have ideas. Well, you’re the one who gave me the best idea, so I have to thank you for that, too. I’m starting my own surf travel company. I’m starting with beginner packages for people who want to learn to surf. I handle all the arrangements. All they do is pay for it and show up. I’m taking my first group in June. That, plus my savings, and a couple friends who’ve promised to invest as well as be some of my first customers, means I’m quitting Eco Utilities at the end of May. Don’t tell anyone there, though. I haven’t let them know yet.”
She stood there stunned, not expecting any of this. He was quitting his job? Starting his own company? Because of her? He looked into her eyes, his mouth open like he wanted to say more, but he closed it and swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat.
“Why—why are you telling me this?”
His eyebrows went up. “Well, like I said, I wanted to thank you. If you hadn’t said something about taking people on surfing vacations before you broke up with me, I wouldn’t have ever come up with that on my own. Or had the guts to go after it. You make me braver, stronger. And—” He cut his eyes to the side, then looked her in the eye again, his hands tightening around hers. “Well, I’d hoped maybe you would be willing to try again. If I’m not working at Eco Utilities there’s no conflict. But if you’re with someone else, then, I guess that’s off the table.” His grip on her hands loosened. “I still wanted you to know, though, regardless.”
His fingers slipped away from hers, and her hands dropped to hang limp at her sides. She stood there staring at Matt, her eyes roaming over his face, unsure what to say or how to respond.
“Hannah?” Daniel’s voice cut through her daze. “Are you back here?”
Matt flinched, turning at the sound of her name. “Hey, Carter. Sorry to interrupt your date. I just needed to talk to Hannah for a minute.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, and Hannah watched as his expression shut down, his face going to that neutral mask that she had seen him hide behind before, but rarely with her.
Annoyance at Daniel flashed through her. And annoyance with herself. What was she doing? She was here on a date with Daniel. She was supposed to be getting over Matt, not standing with him in dark hallways, memorizing his face and wishing she could press her body against his once more.
She closed her eyes, facing the fact that she wasn’t over Matt, despite her best efforts. Would she ever be able to get over him? Did she need to? He was quitting Eco Utilties. There was no more conflict. He’d said so. But did that mean he cared about her as much as she cared about him? Or was he quitting just because he was already tired of working in a job he didn’t care about?
Opening her eyes, she drew in a breath to ask Matt what he wanted by telling her this. By saying he wanted to try again. But before she could get the words out, Matt had taken a step backward, then another, and he turned and went back to the party. She stared after him, her mouth hanging open, all her words clogging her throat.
She dragged in a breath, and it came out on a sob, tears running down her cheeks.
Daniel wrapped an arm around her, pulling her into his chest, rubbing her back. “Hey, babe. It’s alright. He’s gone. I won’t let him bother you any more tonight.”
She shook her head, wanting to protest that he had it all wrong, that she wasn’t crying because Matt had said something mean to her, but that she was heartbroken and nothing Daniel could do would make it better. That she’d finally realized that she’d given Matt her heart during that summer along with her virginity, and she could never recover it. Even if she wanted to. Which she didn’t. Not anymore.
And now Matt had turned away from her. He was quitting his job. Would he be moving away too? And she’d let him believe that things with Daniel were more serious than they were. He’d hoped for a second chance. Would he quit sooner now that he thought that wasn’t an option? Move away sooner? Oh, God. What had she done?
Daniel kept whispering reassurances to her, and she felt horrible, because here he was being a great guy, and all she could think about was Matt. She needed to talk to him more, to figure things out. She couldn’t let him leave like this. But first she needed to deal with Daniel. God, this was going to be awful.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Matt pushed his way back through the crowd, leaving Hannah in the hallway with her date. The thought made him want to simultaneously hurl and punch something. Or someone. Preferably Daniel Carter. But it wasn’t Carter’s fault. He wasn’t the one who’d fucked everything up. Carter was a good guy. At least she wasn’t with some douchebag.
Matt thought his heart had already shattered when Hannah broke up with him weeks ago, but the faint hope that she’d give him another chance had done some damage control. Now he had to fight the urge to rub at his chest to see if the hole he felt there was real. Not only was his heart broken, but seeing Hannah with someone else had ripped it out and stomped on the shards.
A hand grabbing his forearm stopped his blind progress toward the exit. His eyes followed the delicate fingers wrapped above his wrist to their owner. Megan’s concerned brown eyes met his. He looked over her head to see Chris standing there, looking just as worried as Megan. He saw Megan’s mouth moving, but couldn’t make out what she said over the buzz in his ears that made all the sounds around him fade away into an indistinguishable drone.
He shook his head, deciding not to worry about whatever Megan was saying. He freed his arm, leaned in, and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Great show, Megan. You should be proud of all of this. It’s great. But I’ve got to go. I can’t stay anymore tonight. I’ll see you guys at home.” He gave Chris a nod and left before either of them could say anything else. Hell, maybe they did say something, but his hearing still wasn’t right.
Once outside, he stopped and gasped for air, one hand on the brick wall of the gallery while he bent over. His stomach still churned and acid burned the back of his throat. He swallowed it back, determined not to puke on the sidewalk like a drunk. He hadn’t even had any alcohol tonight. Just the punch the gallery had as an alternative to the beer and wine available.
After a few minutes the urge to vomit receded enough for him to walk to his car. The pain in his chest had faded from a sharp stab to a throbbing ache that he figured would stay with him forever. He’d been so sure that Hannah would give him another chance. She was it for him. He didn’t want anyone else. But apparently she didn’t feel the same.
The image of Carter wrapping her in his arms rose unbidden. He’d caught a glimpse of them like that when he glanced back over his shoulder, and the sight had seared itself into his brain. That would haunt him forever. He knew it.
Unlocking his truck with the remote, he climbed in and sat staring out the windshield, not registering anything, reliving the best times and the worst times with Hannah. He was going to allow himself this one night to wallow, and then he’d throw himself into putting together his fledgling business. Maybe it was better this way. No girlfriend to distract him, to miss when he was out of town, to worry about how to support someday. Just him, all alone.
Yeah, right. He couldn’t even convince himself of that load of bullshit.
He drove home on autopilot, climbing the three steps to the front door with leaden feet, kicking the door closed behind him, and starting to strip out of his clothes on his way to his room, not even bothering to turn on the lights. He got his button-down shirt and undershirt off, balling them up and tossing them at his hamper. They missed, but he couldn’t manage to give a shit. Tossing his keys on his dresser, he flopped onto his bed face down, still in his jeans and shoes. Fuck. He couldn’t even work up the energy to take his shoes off. Maybe he’d just lie here and sleep with his feet hanging off the bed.
He had the vague desire to get plastered, but he’d have to get back up and go to a liquor store. He’d polished off the vodka and tequila he’d bought on his bender over spring break, and he knew they only had one bottle of beer left in the fridge. Megan had refused to buy more than a six pack of beer at a time after they found him unshaven and reeking of alcohol when they got home that Thursday night. That’s probably why they were so worried when he left tonight. They had to have seen him go after Hannah. And they saw him leave abruptly without her. It didn’t take a genius to put together that he was well and truly fucked where Hannah was concerned.
Pounding on the front door stopped his self-berating for a moment. He lifted his head off the pillow and turned it toward the door. Who the hell was here now? Megan’s party would go on for a few more hours at least, so it couldn’t be her or Chris. Plus, they had keys, and it wasn’t like he’d locked the door anyway. Lance and Abby had been at the party, too. Maybe it was them checking up on him? Make sure he didn’t drink himself to death this time? They didn’t need to worry about that. After the pounding he’d given his liver over spring break, he hadn’t had more than a few beers in the intervening weeks.
The pounding sounded again, and the doorknob jiggled. With a groan he forced himself off the bed. He wanted to be left alone. He’d go reassure Lance and Abby that he was fine, or at least that he wasn’t going to give himself alcohol poisoning in a bid to forget this shitty night and all the shitty nights leading up to it, and send them on their way.
He’d gotten as far as the couch when the door flew open, and the sight that greeted him took his breath away and froze him in place. Hannah stood there silhouetted against a car’s headlights in the unlit living room, her hair wild and messy, her dress hugging her curves. Curves that he wanted to run his hands over again and again. Curves that he’d memorized a long fucking time ago, and that he was pretty sure he’d never be able to touch again.
But what the hell was she doing here?
Before he could ask that, she stepped inside and slammed the door behind her, anger projecting through every movement and line of her body. She stalked across the room and stopped in front of him. He could just make out her nostrils flaring in the glare of the street lamps shining through the parted curtains. She crossed her arms and stared at him, and he was so stunned that she was there in his house that he still couldn’t manage to say anything, just marveling at her closeness, at the smell of vanilla and citrus that wafted to him with her movements. He wanted to close his eyes and breathe her in, bury his nose in her hair, nuzzle his way down her neck, kissing and licking and biting to get her to make that sexy sound that always made his cock throb. Like it did now as he imagined all the things he’d done to her, all the things he wanted to do to her again.
He shifted, glad that he still had his jeans on to hide his growing erection. And that movement seemed to break whatever spell held Hannah in silence.
“I fucking love you, you asshole.”
Matt flinched, both at the words and the anger behind them. He opened his mouth, trying to formulate a response to that declaration.
She poked him in the sternum. “I love you, and I need to know if you feel the same as I do.”
He caught her hand before she could poke him again. Her sharp fingernail stabbing him in the chest hurt. “I love you.” His voice was a croak. He cleared his throat. “I love you, Hannah. I told you that weeks ago.”
She narrowed her eyes at him, but didn’t pull away. His thumb rubbed along her wrist, almost unconsciously. He couldn’t help it. Caressing her was an involuntary response to touching her again.
“Yes, you did. But you also tried to get me to give up my career before it’s even begun. You can see how that might send mixed messages.”
He grunted, running his free hand through his hair. “I know. And I’m sorry. I said that before, and I’ll say it as many times as you need until you believe it. I was being a selfish asshole, and I’m sorry.”
Her eyes dropped to where he still held her wrist in his hand. Should he let go? He decided to wait, to see if she’d pull away. She didn’t, so he continued to hold her arm, stroking the soft skin inside her wrist with his thumb.
“What does this mean?” The question came out as a whisper, and she raised her eyes to his once more.
He lifted an eyebrow. “You tell me. What about Carter?”
Guilt flashed across her face, and he held his breath waiting for her answer. “There wasn’t really anything between Daniel and I. We went out a few times. Nothing serious.”
“Then why were you there with him tonight? Why did you let him wrap himself around you after we talked? That looked like something more serious than a few casual dates.” Jealousy and bitterness infected his voice, but he couldn’t rein it back in.
Her gaze sharpened. “We were broken up. I was trying to get over you. Again. Once and for all.”
He sucked in a breath and pulled her closer by his hold on her arm until their hands were trapped between the press of their bodies. “And how did that work out for you?” He almost growled the words, knowing her answer, but needing to hear her say it.
With her head tilted
up to look at him, her green eyes caught the light from the street lamp, flashing with anger and lust. “I’m here, aren’t I?” She shook her head. “I haven’t been able to get over you since that summer we first got together. You stole a piece of me then, and I’ve never been able to get over its loss. You’re the only one who fills the hole you put there. No matter how hard I’ve tried over the years, I’ve never been able to move past what we had, what we have. No guy has ever measured up. It’s always been you.”
Matt couldn’t help the swell of pride, the hole in his chest filling in with her words. She’d never been able to get over him, even when she’d tried. And she was here, now, with him, telling him that she loved him and didn’t want anyone else. Ever.
He let go of her wrist and wrapped his arms around her, one hand cupping the base of her skull, his fingers threaded through her hair. Bringing his face close to hers, he stared into her wide green eyes. “You’ve always been it for me, too. I didn’t realize what I was looking for until I found you again. But it’s always been this. You and me. We fit, and it’s fucking perfect, and I’m never letting you go again.”
He sealed his mouth over hers, confirming his words with his kiss. She opened for him, and met his tongue with her own. It started off slow and luscious, but morphed into something more fierce. Matt poured all of his pent up feelings into the kiss, and Hannah met him with her own—anger, frustration, longing, jealousy, lust, and most of all, love.
Hannah went up on tiptoe, pressing herself into Matt, running her hands over his shoulders and behind his neck. He growled into their kiss, the low rumble transferring through his chest where her breasts pushed against his pecs. His hands ran down her back, cupping her ass, lifting her so she wrapped her legs around him, her whole body wrapped around his.
Always You Page 22
