by J. M. Dabney
It wasn’t much, but it was something.
“Can I see him?” I asked.
“We’re getting him cleaned up, but you can go in. We did what we could. He’s your responsibility now.” He left without another word, and I stood.
I walked slowly into the room to find two teenagers changing the sheets and then pulling a clean yet dingy blanket over Sorenson’s bare lower body. I looked away in embarrassment until the teens left.
Grabbing a chair from the corner of the room, I dragged it to the side of the bed. All I could do was sit and wait.
I was still in shock that he put himself in danger for me. No one had ever done that before. I knew it was because I was his responsibility, but I sighed as I reached out and pushed dark, silver threaded hair back from Sorenson’s weathered face.
The grim lines of his features were relaxed for the first time since I met him. His chest rose and fell evenly, I took that as a good sign or hopefully it was. I wasn't one to have faith in positive things. I hadn't had a lot of nice experiences in my life. I relaxed back in the uncomfortable chair and crossed my arms over my chest. I lifted my feet to the bed and settled in to wait.
As the hours passed, worry built as he made no movements on the bed. Arianna and the man called Doc assured me that my friend—I didn’t correct them—was doing well. My eyes felt like sandpaper, and my head began to nod, my pointed chin touched my chest as exhaustion overtook me, and I couldn't fight the exhaustion and adrenaline crash anymore. I fell asleep hoping he'd be awake when I opened my eyes.
Seven
Yuri
My head swam as I awakened in the dark. The events of what happened crashed into me. I tried to sit up, but it felt as if my body was weighed down and I couldn't move my arm at all. That didn't stop excruciating pain from radiating all the way to my fingers. I needed to find Josh.
“Easy, you don’t want to tear your stitches.”
A slightly raspy female voice came from the other side of the room. I forced my head to turn to find a petite woman standing beside the curtain-less window. The moonlight shimmered in her silver hair, and I tried to remember if I'd met her before. Did he call West to tell him what went down?
“Where?” My voice broke as I dropped my head back to the thin pillow.
“Josh called in trouble…needing help.”
“Is he okay?” I asked as she pushed away from the window and came to offer me water. Most of it dribbled from the corners of my mouth as I realized how thirsty I was.
"Take it slowly. You lost a lot of blood." She took the cup from my lips. “If you look to your left, you’ll see for yourself if he's okay.”
I canted my eyes to the left and saw him curled uncomfortably in a chair. His thin arms wrapped around him. I'd noticed he did that when he wanted to comfort himself. The kid might think I didn't know anything about him beyond his file, but in the days that he was in my care, I'd studied him.
“So, tell me why I shouldn’t kick his narrow ass for bringing a cop to me?”
Her tone put me on edge. "I'm no longer an agent. I left that life behind months ago.”
“He knows the rules and lied to me. It was by omission, but still a lie. It doesn't matter current or former law enforcement.”
“I was supposed to protect him during the trial. His ex’s father is a Senator, and there’s evidence he’s dirty. Josh may know something and not even realize it.”
“Politicians are always dirty, even the do-gooder ones. So, you’re saying the Senator sent someone to rid the world of Josh for something he may know?”
I wasn't completely sure, but that wasn't an amateur hit team, and the younger Cross didn't seem like the one to have contacts with Mercs. Yet, that also didn't mean that both men weren’t in on the attempt to take the kid out.
“My gut said it was a professional hit, but it could just be the kid’s ex wanting to do away with a witness. Or just finish the job Cross started.”
Calling him kid kept my distance. I couldn't give in to my baser urges. He wasn't up to taking me on.
“Josh isn’t a kid, hasn’t been one for a very long time. The name’s Arianna.”
“Sorenson, Yuri.”
“Yuri, I’ll keep your former law enforcement status to myself, and I suggest you do as well. We’ll let Josh think he fooled me.”
“You his mom?” I asked and listened to her snort. His file was pretty clear that he had no relatives. The information I was able to glean from his background checks, his mom lost custody after an attempt to drown him a few days after bringing him home. Then it was just a long line of foster homes afterward where the cycle of abuse continued until he’d run away to live on the streets. He’d probably thought it was his best option to survive.
“In a sense, his along with countless others. Yuri, I’m the one they all call when they’re out in the cold.”
“You run a safehouse.” It wasn't a question.
“Among other things. It’s taken me decades to earn the trust of the kids who need my help. Don’t fuck that up. They need a safe place with no questions asked or judgment. You’ll find your oversized wounded ass left on the side of the road to fend for yourself.”
“Where’s my vehicle, gun?” I asked.
“We left it at the pickup point and later sent someone to drop it off to be found in the city. By now, it's probably in an impound lot somewhere, or your fed friends are tearing it apart for evidence.”
“You’ve done this before.”
“I’ve lost count.”
“Is the kid physically okay?”
“Except for the adrenaline crash and malnutrition, he’s doing okay. I’m surprised he even held it together long enough to call me.”
“I’ve got to contact the agent in charge of his protection.”
“Once you’re able to get around on your own we’ll take you back to the city. While you’re here, you won’t have any contact with the outside. Calls can be traced. I have quite a few abused men and women hiding from their abusers. I won’t put them in further danger so you can make a call. When you’re able to leave, we’ll give you a drop-phone, and you can call whomever until your ex-cop heart is content.”
“Fair enough. Why don’t I feel more pain?”
“We’re well-stocked, and we’ll leave it at that. I hope you’re not piss tested on a regular basis. I just gave you another dose. It should kick in soon.”
I growled at her amused voice, and it must have awakened the kid.
“You’re awake.”
The relief in Josh’s tone surprised me. I flinched as soft fingers stroked my hair and Josh recoiled and quickly moved from the bedside. I felt guilty as he dropped his chin and shoved his hands into the front pockets of his sleep pants—pants stained with my blood.
“Josh, let’s go get you a shower and some fresh clothes.”
The kid didn’t look up as he nodded, and I felt like an even bigger ass.
“Go on, and I’ll bring you some clothes while you’re in the shower.”
“Okay,” he replied and then ran for it.
Once the door closed, Arianna spun on me.
“Quit being a fucking asshole. That boy’s had enough of it in his life. Yes, he dates men that like to fuck him until he can’t walk or beat him until he’s nothing but a bruise, but he doesn’t know any different. To him, pain equals love. I tried to change it and show him differently. It never worked.
“That boy sat beside you all night to make sure you were okay. There’s a shower through that door. I already have clothes in there to fit you. If you don’t want Josh’s help, then I suggest you nut up and do it yourself. No one else around here is going to offer assistance.”
With that, she was gone. Arianna didn’t slam the door, but she might as well have. I knew I was an asshole, and I normally didn’t mind being called on it. Although Arianna’s voice reminded me of my mother’s, and it made me feel guilty. No matter how many times I said I was going to try to be nicer—that it wasn'
t the kid's fault—everything in me wanted to ravage him and keep him as far from me as possible.
I hugged my right arm to my stomach as I tightened my abs and pulled to a sitting position. My head spun and nausea churned in my gut. Lying still on the bed had led me into a false sense of security, and now I was paying for that. Breathing deep through my nose and out through my mouth, I sat still until it passed. The whole process took forever as I had to repeat the breathing until I stood and weaved my way toward the open bathroom door. A nightlight dimly shined inside, and a neatly folded pile of clothes lay on the back of the toilet.
A box of plastic wrap caught my attention, and I groaned thinking about removing the bandage and wrapping the wound so it was kept dry. I refused to ask for help though, especially from him. If it wasn’t for the job, I would keep the kid as far away from me as possible.
I tried not to think about what Arianna said or what was in Josh’s file. I didn’t want to feel protective of him beyond him being an assignment. I couldn’t deny my attraction. It was there from the first day I'd met him. I closed the lid of the toilet and sat down. Weakness wasn’t an option for me, and the pull I had toward Josh was impossible.
“Sorenson?” My name was softly spoken and preceded an equally quiet knock. “Are you okay?”
“I thought you were taking a shower, kid.” Exhaustion made my voice gruffer.
“Already done.”
The door I'd partially closed slowly opened, and I looked up. Josh’s unruly wavy hair fell damply around his heart-shaped face. He was too pretty. I cursed myself for noticing again. Delicate and meant to be taken care of, spoiled, and corrected in equal measure. I was just glad I was in too much pain for my body to respond to him because I hadn't taken time to drag the blanket off the bed to cover my nudity.
“Do you think you can make it on your own?”
“I don’t know, but I’ve got to get cleaned up and change the bandage.”
I dropped my chin to my bare chest. Blood was dried in my thick chest hair and that, with sweat, my skin was beginning to itch. I nearly jumped out of my skin when soft, delicate hands rested on my shoulders.
“Let’s get the old bandage off, wrap it in plastic, and I’ll stay in here while you get cleaned up.”
“What do you think you’re going to do if I fall?”
“Call for help,” he stated.
“You do that quite well.”
“I didn’t know what else to do. Arianna was the only person I could think of I’d trust.”
“This place and her weren’t in your file.” I looked up in time to catch Josh shrugging.
“It’s off the grid, always has been. People come here for sanctuary or to get help to disappear.”
“Why didn’t you come here instead of staying with Cross?”
I observed him as he reached for scissors and started carefully cutting the gauze from my shoulder. Whatever they gave me still had my head fuzzy but definitely didn't take away from the discomfort. After meeting Arianna, I decided some things were best not asked about.
“I don’t think it would’ve mattered.”
“Why?” I asked. Maybe it was the drugs making my usual walls crumble, but I was curious.
“I asked for it…” he said then hesitated. “It’s what I deserved. Everyone thinks so.”
“Bullshit,” I growled.
His downcast gaze made me lose my cool. My hands flexed where they rested on my bare thighs as the urge to soothe him became overwhelming. I hissed through my clenched teeth as the tape snagged in my chest hair and caught on the stitches where the blood had dried to the bandage.
"Sorry, I'm trying to be careful."
I heard the tears in his voice, and I lifted my uninjured arm to pinch his delicate chin. He gasped, and his eyes flew to mine.
"It's fine. Don't apologize. You did great in getting us somewhere safe. I'm proud of you." I dropped my arm back down as it began to shake.
His cheeks turned pale pink, and he finished removing the bandage, then cleaned around the wound with antiseptic. When he seemed satisfied, he wrapped my shoulder and bicep in the plastic wrap. I wrapped my hand around the back of his knee as he started to spin away to turn the knobs.
"Thank you."
"Y-you're welcome."
I released him and leaned back against the tank, trying to gather my strength before I attempted to shower. The tiny room was filling with steam.
"You'll feel better after you clean up. I always do."
I ignored his statement until I could correct him more thoroughly and struggled my way into the tub. I tried to put his presence out of my head as I made a half-assed attempt to clean myself. Cool air blew across my skin as the curtain parted then closed, my eyes opened to find a fully clothed beautiful boy staring up at me through a fall of wet hair.
"What are you doing, boy?"
"Well, this might go better with some help."
I didn't even feel the hot water hitting my wounded shoulder as slender soapy hands scrubbed over my chest and around to my lower back. Josh pushed his beautiful, slim body fully to mine. My cock was against his flat stomach. The damage done to my body didn't matter when I had to lift my arm, and he slipped behind me. He washed every inch of me except for a very insistent part and just when I thought he'd skip it, his forehead rested between my shoulder blades and slick hands stroked along my firm cock. I barely suppressed a groan as my foreskin pulled back from the sensitive head of my dick. My head fell back as his other hand washed my balls.
"Shit, boy, ya might not want to be playing with fire right now," I warned and growled when he broke all contact with me and then he was out of the shower, leaving me to finish rinsing off.
"I gotta go change."
His squeaky yell made me grin, and I knew I was in trouble.
"I guess the boy is gonna leave us hanging."
It took longer to get dried off, bandaged and clothed than it had to make it into the shower. I brushed my teeth with a toothbrush and travel toothpaste that was left next to my clothes. Cupping my hand, I drank water to fill my empty stomach and realized I needed food, protein, and some coffee. My boots were bloody, so I made my way from the room to find my boy or my reluctant hostess. Then I needed to plan what happened next and that had nothing to do with getting the broken boy into bed.
Eight
Josh
I stood on top of the porch’s roof. It was flat and where everyone came to smoke cigarettes or whatever. Usually, it was deserted during the day. That's where I came to hide from my embarrassment.
"Is there a reason you've been hiding from your man?"
Arianna's voice took me by surprise but shouldn't have. I glanced over my shoulder in time to find her slipping out of the storage room window. Yuri wasn't the only one I'd avoided since the shower incident. In my gut, I knew she knew who he was. I didn't like lying to her. She'd always come anytime I called which hadn't been often in the last three years. At one time, I'd even had her come get me when I'd run from Vernon the first and last time.
"He's not mine."
My inappropriate thoughts about him had grown over the days that he'd protected me. I shouldn't even speculate what it would be like for him to touch me, if he'd love on me like all my forbidden fantasies of someone good who cared if I felt more than pain.
"Boy, anyone who saw how tore up you were—"
I waved it off and brought my attention back out to the overgrown forest, and the high fence beyond. "He got hurt protecting me."
"What’s really bothering you right now?"
"I helped him in the shower, and I touched him." I knew any man who got his cock stroked would react. It was just the way bodies responded. But he'd been warm and firm, and I'd liked how hairy he was, the slight softness of his belly. He was so big that my head fit right under his bearded chin.
"You know it's okay to touch people we like and who like us back."
"He doesn't like me back. My heads all fucked-up. He's been…ni
ce to me."
She stepped up beside me, but I didn't turn to look at her because this wasn't a conversation that I wanted to have face to face. I knew it was cowardly. I was a good fuck or punching bag. I wasn't known for my bravery.
"Nice and that's a bad thing?"
"Maybe in the shower I wanted to be more than nice to him." I felt stupid like I was trying to talk to my mom about sex or what I thought it would be like.
I'd lost my virginity at thirteen for a warm place to sleep. I hadn't liked it, and the man was old enough to my grandfather, with yellow teeth and foul body odor. That night, I'd rubbed my skin until it was raw with water so hot that I could remember the scalding and blisters. That began my unhealthy obsession with sex. Fucking made the violence less severe, or it was a night not spent in an overcrowded shelter or a hot meal when my belly was empty. My options had changed when I met Arianna, but I refused to run to her every time I had what equated to nothing more than a skinned knee.
"There's no shame in that."
"But what if I can't be normal?"
"Josh, look at me." The care in her voice made me glance at her. "I won't say you shouldn't feel whatever way you are, but sometimes we don't get normal. I never wanted to be a mother or wife, but in the end, I have a houseful of kids with a revolving door. I take care of them when they're ill or hurt. I make them disappear when they're ready.
"One day you're going to find a new normal. Someone that loves you so gently that the others from your past are no more than memories that'll fade with each kiss and cuddle, every smile just for you. One day, your normal might be a cranky, older, former federal agent who could use a little extra personal grooming."
I snorted and covered my mouth to hide my smile. "The night Vernon came home, I pretended everything was life as usual, but I had a bag packed. I'd hid it in the cleaning closet because he never went in there. I was going to run and find my way somewhere else."
