Not really. The same afternoon Kat disappeared, she told me to meet her right hereRiley pointed to the ground beneath his feetjust to tell me she was pregnant. But she couldn't even get the words out before I broke up with her.
Matt stopped walking. How long have you known that?
Riley stopped, too. She told me when she was here.
And you believe her?
Why wouldn't I? She believed me when I told her I went looking for her and Aidan as soon as I knew.
Matt shook his head slowly, looking down at his feet as he dragged the toe of his boot through the rusty dirt. You slept with her at Cherry Hill, didn't you? When he looked up, his eyes were pleading. Why, Bro?
Why the hell would you go and do that?
I couldn't help myself.
Matt laughed loud enough to elicit a sympathy howl from Loretta, who bounded up from the creek like she was missing out on something. Man, half the women in Randolph County are trying on a daily basis to give you a little sumthin-sumthin' and all you do is turn your nose up at the offers. But Kat comes back to town for a day and you suddenly can't help yourself? What the fuck?
It was Riley's turn to laugh, which inspired Loretta to double her efforts. You're way off-base, Matt! he shouted.
OK, three-quarters of the women, then! Matt yelled back. But I'm telling you, there's plenty of no-strings-attached pussy out there for the taking. And you don't have to deal with crazy women like Carrie and Kat to get you some.
Riley didn't bother to hide how disgusted he was at Matt's last comment, and began walking again, this time at a faster clip.
I was out of line, Matt mumbled as he caught up with Riley. I know Carrie didn't start out totally psycho. I'm sorry for saying that.
Apology accepted.
But I still don't understand your obsession with Kat Cavanaugh.
Someday you'll know what I'm talking about, little brother. Riley gave Matt a friendly slap on the back. Someday there will be a woman who gets under your skin, and I mean all the way, and you won't want to hold back a thingyou'll want to give her everything you are and everything you have.
Matt shot Riley a doubtful look.
It happened real early in my case. I knew who Kat was to me by the time I was twelve.
Oh, please.
It's true. Riley looked out into the woods, studying the rich spectacle that was the Monongahela Forest in autumnthe sunshine yellow of the Kentucky coffee tree, the dogwood's crimson, the post oak's pale brown.
His gaze landed on the fused trunks of two old hemlocks growing near the walking path, and he wondered what extreme conditions were responsible for that twist of nature. Was it a single violent summer storm? Months of windy conditions? A mud slide? Whatever the cause, the two deeply furrowed trunks had created a single foothold in the earth, to be undone only with their death.
Remember Mom's funeral?
Matt seemed surprised by Riley's question but nodded. Sure, as much as I can remember anything from when I was eight.
Remember how Kat stood up in front of everyone and read that poem?
Matt shook his head. All I remember is Big Daddy telling me to stop my blubbering.
Riley nodded. Well, Kat got up there with a voice as strong and clear as a church bell and read a poem by Shelley. It was beautifulabout how the dead live on in our memoryand the whole church went quiet when she read it. /How delicate she looked/, Riley remembered. Her small body was overpowered by the mountains of flowers behind her and she pulled the microphone down to reach her mouth. I stared at her hands. She wasn't shaking one bit. And when she was done, she looked right into my eyes and I was so proud of her, so in love with her, even in my sadness. And I knew that she was the girl who would share my life with me, the one who would always have my back. There was no question in my mind.
Right.
We've been linked from childhood on up and we're still that way, even though we've spent more time apart than we ever did together.
Matt produced a doubtful grunt.
Anyway, Kat's definitely not crazyshe just has a few issues to resolve.
Matt stifled a laugh.
But you're right on the money about Carrie, man. She's been showing up unannounced again.
Matt swiveled his head around in surprise. When?
At the office the day you told me you'd found Kat, and then later that night. She came to the house.
Why didn't you tell me?
Riley laughed. There have been more important things going on.
What did she want?
Riley shrugged. She gave me some bull about the clinic getting renewed attention in the legislature, and then gave another one of her Oscar-caliber performances, begging me to give her another chance. I'm telling you, she's totally crossed the line.
Matt nodded decisively. We can have a protective order in twenty-four hours.
Riley chuckled. Thanks, Chief, but Carrie isn't a physical threat. She's just living in a fantasy world. She really thinks that after all this time and after everything she's done, I would still consider getting back with her.
Matt shook his head. That's ridiculous.
Unbelievable.
Yet that's exactly what you want to do with Kat.
Riley jerked his head in surprise at his brother's challenge. He was starting to regret inviting Matt to join him on his hike.
The last year has been tough on you, man; that's all I'm saying. Matt placed a hand on Riley's arm. I sure hope you know what you're doing.
Riley had no idea what he was doing. He didn't know what to say, what to do, or how any of it was going to feel. But he was doing it anyway. He was about to meet his son.
It was a pleasant Friday evening, and the Inner Harbor rocked with tourists and the after-work happy-hour types. Because he didn't spend a lot of time in the city, Riley paid careful attention to how he navigated the crowds, dodging, squeezing by, and mumbling his hellos when it would seem rude not to, considering that someone's face had just come within inches of his own.
The scene felt damn-near overpowering to Riley, which made him to smile to himselfhe was such a country boy. The noise level was jarring. Two kinds of live music and at least three languages battled it out for the open airspace, and the shrill beeps of car horns were nearly drowned out by the lower, deeper complaints of sightseeing boats. His nose detected the competing scents of dozens of restaurants and taverns, but there was only one spot that would catch his fancy tonighta seafood place called City Lights, where Aidan had suggested they meet.
Riley looked down at his watch and laughed at himself. Matt had been righthe'd left from the nearby hotel with so much time to spare that he'd arrived a full half hour early, even walking at a leisurely pace.
So be it. Riley had been dreaming of this day for an entire year. He would finally get an opportunity to show his kid that he cared. This was no time to be even a minute late.
Out of the corner of his eye he saw the sign for the restaurant, then almost immediately spotted an end of a bench overlooking the water.
Riley sat down, acknowledging with a nod the elderly African-American gentleman already headquartered there.
Fine evening, the man said.
Yes, it is.
Visiting the city?
Yes, sir. I live in West Virginia.
The old man nodded with approval. Now that's a beautiful state. Some of the prettiest scenery anywhere.
Yes, sir.
What brings you here? Business?
As the words formed on Riley's tongue, he felt his face expand in a silly grin. He probably looked like a goof. Actually, he said to the man, pausing to savor what would come next, I'm in town to meet my son for a bite to eat. He's a student at Johns Hopkinsa biology major.
The old man lifted his chin. One of the world's best schools. You must be real proud of him.
Riley looked out over the water, thinking to himself that he was proud of Aidan for being smart and disciplined enough to make it into Hopkins, s
urely. But Riley was most proud that his son had the courage to be here tonight, to meet him.
I /am/ proud.
You know, I'm eighty-two years old, and I have to say that a job is just a job, but being a father is the best thing a man can do with his life.
With that, he broke out into a goofy grin himself, revealing a shockingly white set of dentures. He slowly rose to his feet. You enjoy that meal.
Riley stood to shake the man's hand and wished him well. As Riley watched his bent form make slow progress across the crowded plaza, something caught his attention. It had to be the shape of the chin, the set of the dark eyes. There could be no mistake.
It was Aidan.
He stood on the steps in front of the restaurant, leaning against the railing, one hand in his jeans pocket. Aidan was tall and lanky and looked nervous as hell as his eyes bored right into Riley's. Riley began walking, his mind blank and his pulse wild. His steps quickened, and he broke into a jog.
It took just a moment to reach Aidan, because he had raced down the steps and started running, too. They stopped in the middle of the crowd, their eyes the same level, their shoulders the same breadth. Riley wanted to shout and cry and throw his arms around his kid, but the last thing he wanted to do was scare Aidan.
So Riley extended his hand. Aidan, he said.
Aidan swung his hand around and gripped Riley's, giving it a series of emphatic pumps. You're early, Aidan said, still pumping.
Riley laughed. I think I'm about twenty years late.
Aidan smiled, but his bravado didn't last. He threw himself into Riley's arms and crushed him with a hug. God, I'm glad you finally made it, Aidan said.
Kat poked her head into the upstairs bathroom, watching as one of the workmen pulled up the faded pink tiles from the floor. She clearly recalled all the hours she'd spent staring at those tiles while on her knees, the morning sickness stretching into the afternoons and then the evenings.
Phyllis would stand on the other side of the door, asking after her, offering hot tea or a cold washcloth. As the days went by, Kat began to let her guard down, and she told herself that maybe there really were people in the world who were just decent and caring, and that maybe this Phyllis woman and her brother, Cliff, were two of them.
In those first months, Phyllis cooked for Kat, took her shopping for clothes that would cover her growing lump, and made sure she got plenty of rest. Cliff stopped by when he came through town, and he'd always bring Kat a little somethinga music box, some teen magazines, and a big box of chocolates for Valentine's Day. He called her Sunshine, because her hair and eyes were gold like the sun, he said. Kat always felt a little spoiled by Cliff, and wondered if that was the way it was supposed to have been with her real dad. She adored Cliff for that.
Phyllis got Kat into the health clinic. That initial trip to the doctor was the first time Kat had used the name Katharine Turner. Phyllis suggested it. Just for now, until we get everything settled, she said.
As the months went by and Kat's belly got bigger, Phyllis began to gently prod her, Wouldn't it be nice to let your mama know you're OK?
No, was always her answer.
By her second trimester, Kat ate like a dockworker. She remembered having one particularly difficult conversation with Phyllis over a huge plate of Chef Boyardee spaghetti with meatballs.
Are you sure you don't want to contact her?
Yes. Can I have some more milk?
Help yourself, hon.
Kat put down her fork and stared at Phyllis. Sometimes, depending on the light, there was something about her face that looked familiar and safe.
Maybe it was the shape of her lips or the daintiness of her chin. Kat could never pinpoint it. But she thought that if Phyllis laid off the Toni home perms, put some meat on her bones, and didn't smoke so much, she'd probably be a pretty woman.
I still don't get it. How come you're so nice to me? I'm nobody to youjust a girl in trouble.
Phyllis stubbed out her Newport Light and pursed her lips in thought.
It's like this, hon, she said. Human beings have tiny little brains, smaller than parakeet brains if you ask me, and we don't always see that we're in this mess together.
Kat chewed another mouthful, frowning.
See, people are connected like puzzle pieces, but because we can't tell what the overall picture's supposed to look like, we're walking around clueless about how we fit together, you know?
Kat took a big gulp of milk and wiped her face with a napkin. I have no idea what you're talkin' about.
Phyllis smiled kindly. All I'm saying is that I know what you're going through, hon. It happens more than you think. I got pregnant myself when I was seventeen. I wasn't married to the boy, same as you.
Kat's eyes went huge. No way!
Now, my story is set way back in 1964, mind you, so we ended up having to get married. Then I lost the babymiscarriage. Phyllis immediately picked up on the fear in Kat's face and reassured her. I was just a few months along and that's when most miscarriages happen. The doctor said you're doing great, remember? You're going into your sixth month and everything is fine.
Kat nodded, knowing Phyllis was right. So what happened to your husband?
You done with this? Phyllis picked up the milk carton without getting an answer and took it to the fridge. Kat watched her, knowing that she was avoiding the question. You want a peach, Kat?
I hate peaches.
Phyllis stood at the kitchen counter with her back to Kat. How about a banana?
No, thanks.
Phyllis returned to the table and placed a brown-freckled banana in front of her, and Kat didn't know if that meant she was supposed to eat it because it was good for the baby or because Phyllis hadn't paid any attention to her answer.
What happened to him? Kat asked again.
Ever heard of the Vietnam War?
Of course I have, Kat said. I got straight A's in history.
Well, about a year after I lost the baby, Frankthat was my husband's nameFrank graduated from school and enlisted in the Army. He thought it would be our ticket to a good life, you know, see the world and all.
Kat nodded, already knowing where this was going.
He finished his ordnance training up here at Aberdeen and they shipped him out. Three weeks later, he was dead as a doornail.
Kat fell back in her chair and rubbed her belly, not sure what to say.
I'm so sorry, Phyllis, was what she came up with.
Me, too. Frank was a good boy. He loved baseball and believed in always paying cashtold me to never buy anything on time except for a house, and that's exactly what I've done.
You never wanted to marry anyone else?
Phyllis shrugged. No one ever came along as good as my Frank. I figured I had me a good man once in my life and that was more than most women get, so why be greedy? It's like if I win two weeks in a row at the same bingo parlor, I don't go back to that location for three whole weeks.
You never want to push your luck.
That's when Kat began to cry. Phyllis placed her hands over Kat's, which were still cradling her swollen belly.
I hear you bawling at night sometimes, hon, Phyllis said gently. I know you loved him. Did he love you, too?
All Kat could do was nod as the tears dropped down onto their joined hands.
Is he a good boy?
Kat nodded again. Yeah. She pulled a hand away from Phyllis and wiped her eyes. He's real smart and funny and he plays every sport you can think of. He's always been respectful and kind. She looked into Phyllis' face. Is that what you mean by?a good boy'?
Phyllis smiled gently. Yes. That would make him a fine young man. She patted Kat's hand, then leaned back in her chair, studying her. He don't know where you're at or that you're having his baby, does he?
Kat snapped to attention. Why do you ask that?
Because if he loved youand knew where to find you and his babyhe'd be here. Phyllis tilted her head and smiled kindly. That's wh
at a fine young man would do.
Kat blinked, suddenly hearing Riley's last words to her, cold and empty and without one bit of respect or kindness: /Go away, Kat. It's over/.
That's what had her crying at nightthose horrible words, over and over in her head. Kat thought maybe she'd answered Phyllis too quickly. Maybe Riley had never loved her at all. Maybe she'd just been another ignorant girl whose head was crammed with wishes that would never become real.
Maybe Riley had looked her square in the eye, kissed her, and lied to her just to get sex.
He wouldn't be the first man to ever lie to a woman; that Kat knew for sure.
What's his name, hon? Phyllis asked.
A bolt of fear shot from Kat's belly to the tips of her fingers. Phyllis was trying to get information from her that no one in the world could ever have. There was no one left in Persuasion who gave a damn about her, and nobody there would ever get to lay eyes on her precious baby, including Riley. He didn't deserve the baby girl Kat was certain she was carrying. It would be her baby girl and no one else's.
Kat could never again count on anyone in Persuasion for anything.
Kat's mind raced through blankness, grasping for any name to give Phyllis, just to get her to drop the subject. Her gaze fell upon the prized autographed baseball inside the dining room hutch.
His name is Cal. As soon as Kat spoke, she felt like slapping herself in the head. How stupid could she be? Half the shit in that cabinet had Cal Ripken's name plastered all over it!
Phyllis picked up her Bic lighter and began tapping it on the tabletop, a strange grin on her face. Remember when you first got here? You told me your name was Tina and you were from Ohio.
Kat froze.
And it took you two weeks to tell me your real name was Katharine and you were from Martinsburg, West Virginia.
Kat kept her mouth shut.
OK, hon. Cal and Tina it is. Phyllis got up from her chair. Now eat that bananait's good for the baby.
Miss Turner, before we wrap up for the day, I need to tell you about a problem with the kitchen floor.
Had someone just said her name?
Miss Turner?
Kat spun around to face the remodeling contractor. She obviously had a crazed expression on her face, because the guy took a step backward.
The girl most likely to… Page 14
