by NS Dolkart
Bandu, in the meantime, seemed to have contracted some illness that left her feeling tired and uncomfortable. She ate little, and made constant use of her chamber pot. Criton worried that the Gods had heard her blasphemy after all, and had inflicted her with the seeds of this malady before the islanders could find refuge at Silent Hall. He wished he could help, but she would not even let him touch her. Like an animal, she became very defensive when sick.
Actually, the weather was oppressive for all of them. Narky seemed to be always sniffling or snorting, and Hunter had developed a cough. Phaedra rarely left her room. Only Criton, it seemed, still felt healthy, and his health belied his misery. Bandu worried him, and the clouds worried him, and Psander definitely worried him.
He wished they could leave, but Phaedra said that they should wait until the first sunny day, to be sure that the Gods were no longer looking for Bandu. He couldn’t argue with that.
At the end of two weeks, Bandu called for him. He found her sitting up in bed, looking a little better than usual.
“Sit,” she said. “Look. No blood now.” She presented him with her chamber pot.
Criton sat down at her feet, but tried not to look at the pot’s contents. “What do you mean, ‘no blood now?’ Was there blood before? Has your illness gotten that bad?”
“No,” she said, “no, is young.”
“What?” It was beyond his imagination to guess what she was trying to say.
“No blood, is young,” Bandu repeated uselessly, and strangely she smiled. “It is good,” she said.
“If you say so,” said Criton, “but what do you mean about the sickness being young?”
“Not sick, young!” Bandu said, looking exasperated. “No blood! Young!”
Criton put out his hands to stop her. “Bandu, you’ll have to calm down. You’re too excited to make any sense. You have to use enough words to make your meaning cl–”
“I make young!” Bandu laughed, slapping at him. “No blood! Six weeks and no blood!”
Criton’s heart stopped beating.
30
Bandu
He wasn’t happy. He wasn’t happy! What was wrong with him? He should be smiling and proud, but instead he looked sick and scared. What was wrong with him?
“How could you…” he said. “How could we… what are we going to do? We’ve been so stupid!”
“No,” she tried to tell him. “No, it is good! Not stupid.”
“What do you mean?” he cried. “You can’t… I can’t… this is terrible!”
“No,” she insisted again, “not terrible. I want it.”
She burst into tears. Why wasn’t he happy? He had wanted to mate with her! What did he think would happen?
“I can’t believe…” he sputtered again. “I have to think about this.”
Then he turned and left the room.
Bandu’s tears would not stop flowing. Had she made a mistake? He wanted it, she kept saying to herself. He wanted it.
She threw her chamber pot across the room. Wicked man! Wicked, stupid man! Would he ever come back? She wanted him to come back and hold her and say he was happy and that their young would be strong and healthy and that he would always protect them with her. That was what she wanted; that was what she had expected. Why had he run away?
She was still crying when Phaedra came in. “Bandu!” she said. “You’re pregnant?”
Bandu could not think about new words now, she had to find out why Criton hated her. “He is not happy,” she wailed. “He is a wicked, wicked man!”
Phaedra put an arm around her. “What happened, Bandu?”
“I tell him we make young, and he leaves me!”
“Bastard,” Phaedra said. “I don’t know what’s wrong with him, Bandu, but I’ll go and talk sense into him. He has no right to treat you like that.”
“No, stay with me,” Bandu begged her. “Go later. Stay now.”
Phaedra nodded vigorously. “Whatever you say, Bandu. I’m here for you.”
“I throw that,” Bandu confessed, pointing to her overturned chamber pot.
Phaedra grimaced. “We can take care of it later.”
They sat together a long time, while Bandu laid her head on Phaedra’s shoulder and cried. Phaedra wanted to go yell at Criton, but Bandu wouldn’t let her. What she needed was her company.
She did wish Phaedra would stop talking sometimes. Phaedra kept trying to make Bandu feel better by saying things like, “Don’t worry, he’ll realize what an idiot he is, and he’ll come crawling back to you. He has to. He has duties to you now.”
Bandu did not want him to crawl, and she didn’t understand why Phaedra would suggest it. Didn’t Phaedra understand? What Bandu wanted to do now was to leave this room and go find him. She needed him.
But Phaedra would not let her go. “No, Bandu,” she said. “You have to make him come to you. It was awful of him to walk out like that, and you can’t let him think he can do that to you. He has to realize that there are consequences when he hurts you, or he’ll do it again.”
Bandu understood, but that only made it hurt more. She knew that Phaedra wanted her to win, because Phaedra was a good friend. But Bandu didn’t want to win. All she wanted was for Criton to come back.
“If I go get us some food,” Phaedra asked, “will you promise to stay here?”
Bandu nodded, but Phaedra wasn’t fooled. She opened the door, walked to the next room and knocked.
“Narky,” Bandu heard her say. “Could you do me a huge favor and bring us some lunch? I can’t leave Bandu right now.”
“All right,” said Narky’s voice, and then Phaedra was back in the room.
“You’ll thank me,” she said.
Bandu nodded meekly. She felt so tired, all of a sudden. And she was hungry, terribly hungry. “I want goose eggs,” she said.
“Narky’s already gone down,” Phaedra told her, “but maybe he’ll bring you some. I wouldn’t mind a boiled egg either.”
Bandu shuddered. “No boiled,” she said. “I want old way, like with Four-foot.”
Phaedra looked confused. “What do you mean, ‘like with Four-foot?’ Oh Gods, do you mean raw?”
“Raw is not cooked?” asked Bandu. “Yes, raw.”
“Well,” said Phaedra, looking horrified, “we’ll see.”
Bandu’s stomach growled. She hoped Narky would hurry. “I need to eat,” she said, her hands on her stomach. “Now.”
“There’s not much we can do but wait,” Phaedra began to say, but then she looked at Bandu more closely, and her eyes widened. “Are you all right?” she asked. “Bandu, you look terrible!”
Bandu was about to vomit. She could feel it. She was dizzy and nauseous, and her eyes wouldn’t focus. “I am sick,” she mumbled, afraid to open her mouth too wide in case something came out.
Nothing did come out, though Bandu did not feel any better until Narky arrived, carrying a plate piled high with mutton.
“We can’t eat all that,” said Phaedra, but what did she know? Bandu did not say anything to correct her – she just ate. The mutton smelled heavenly, and by the time Bandu had started on her second piece, her nausea and light-headedness had subsided. She would have to make sure to eat whenever she felt sick, she thought, ripping the meat off a shank bone with her teeth. Eating made everything better.
When Bandu had finished, and her plate held only a pile of bones, she lay down on the bed to rest. “I sleep now,” she told Phaedra. “You can go.”
Phaedra raised an eyebrow. “You’re sure?”
Bandu just sighed and closed her eyes. She was so tired, and sleeping would be a good way to wait for Criton to come back to her. If he ever did come back.
When she awoke at sundown, Phaedra was still in her room, sitting on the windowsill and reading. The room had been cleaned, and her chamber pot was under her bed once more. But the two of them were still alone.
“He is not here,” said Bandu, heartbroken.
“No,” sai
d Phaedra, her eyes still on the curled animal skin in her hand. “I sent him away while you were sleeping.”
Bandu jumped up. “Why you send him away? That is wrong!”
Phaedra finally lifted her eyes to Bandu. “You needed your rest,” she said. “And besides, I thought it would give him more time to feel sorry.”
Bandu stood up. “I bring him.”
“No!” cried Phaedra, leaping for the door. She stood in front of it, arms spread wide. “No, no. You really shouldn’t.”
Bandu motioned her out of the way. “I do. Now.”
Phaedra bowed her head. “All right. Or I can go and find him for you, and tell him you’re ready to speak to him now.”
Bandu nodded. She needed a little time anyway. She didn’t know what she would say to him yet.
When Criton came in, Bandu was still trying to decide whether to be angry with him, or happy that he had come back to her. She sat on the bed and stared at him, wondering what he was thinking. Criton stood there in the doorway, staring right back at her.
“This is my fault,” he said at last. “We never should have slept together.”
Bandu did not cry now, but her heart sank. “You want it with me before,” she said.
“I know,” he said, “but I should have resisted. I’m not… I’m not ready.”
“I am,” she said.
“Why?” Criton asked. “You’re even younger than I am! At least, I think you are. How could you want this? It’ll tear us apart.”
“You tear us apart,” she told him angrily. “Every time I am happy, you are not happy. Why do I want you?”
He came closer and sat on the floor at her feet. “I don’t know,” he said sadly. “I don’t know why you would want me at all.”
“You are good,” she reassured him. “But you are always wrong with me. When I am sad, you are good to me. When I am happy, you are not good.”
“It’s not because you’re happy,” he said. “I want you to be happy. It’s just… you don’t understand. Everything goes wrong when you have children.”
“How you know?”
Criton just looked at her, until she thought he would never answer. Then he said, almost in a whisper, “Because my ma told me. She was happy until she had me.”
Bandu didn’t care what Phaedra would think. She slipped off the bed and held Criton to her. He hadn’t meant to hurt her. He was just broken.
“The young has your eyes?” she asked.
He nodded. She kissed his neck and sat down on the floor across from him, leaning her back against the bedframe.
“Your sharp hands too?”
“Probably.”
“And your, your…” she rubbed her forearms.
“Scales? Yes.”
She smiled at him. “Good,” she said. “That is what I think before.”
He let out a long sigh. “You really want this?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t understand you,” he said, “but I love you.”
“Then I am happy,” she told him.
They mated, and Bandu was happy to feel the tension leave his body. When they lay together afterwards, she stroked his shoulder and asked, “You are afraid of marry because your mother marry?”
He looked at her thoughtfully. “I suppose so. Yes. She told me that being married had made her happy at first. But if they hadn’t gotten married, he wouldn’t have been able to keep her locked away. She had nowhere to go after she married him.”
Bandu nodded to show him that she understood. “But you don’t want others?”
“No. But I still don’t want to marry.”
She kissed him on the shoulder. “I understand,” she said. “If later you want, then we marry.” She rolled over and closed her eyes.
She was almost asleep when Criton spoke again. “I’m really afraid,” he said. “I don’t know what I’ll be like when we have a child. What if it changes me the way it changed Ma’s husband?”
She heard, but was too sleepy to put words together.
“I’ll be a terrible father,” he whispered.
“You are a good man,” she mumbled. But even as she fell asleep, she knew that he was still awake. He would be awake for a long time.
31
Narky
Judging from the sounds next door, Criton and Bandu seemed to have already made up. He wished they would be quieter about it. If he were ever in a similar situation, he… well, never mind. He’d probably be as loud as he damn well pleased. That didn’t mean he had to excuse them for their noise, though.
He crossed the hall to Phaedra’s room. Since their return to Silent Hall, Phaedra had taken the room that had once been Criton’s, while Criton moved in with Bandu. To Narky’s surprise, he found Phaedra sitting there and eating bread and soft cheese.
“A big plateful of mutton wasn’t enough for you?” he asked.
Phaedra looked up ruefully. “Bandu ate it all.”
“Why didn’t you go eat while she was sleeping then?” He had heard the altercation between her and Criton over whether to awaken Bandu.
Phaedra sighed. “There wasn’t time. I had to clean her floor, or it would have smelled like a privy all week. And it took so long to find a bucket and rags in this place that I was afraid Criton would go in and wake her up if I dawdled.”
“Well, they’re both awake now,” Narky noted.
Phaedra nodded, looking concerned. “I hope he really apologized to her.”
“I just hope we don’t have to wait around here until she has her baby,” Narky said.
“Oh Gods,” said Phaedra. “I hadn’t thought of that. Do you think she’s fit to travel?”
Narky snorted. “You’re asking me?”
“Why not?” Phaedra said. “You’ve been pregnant just as many times as I have.”
They decided to wait until the next day to ask Bandu how she felt about traveling. She rose before them, however, and search though they might, they could not find her.
“She can’t be missing,” Criton said in disbelief. “It doesn’t make sense.”
“Did she say anything to you when she got up?” asked Phaedra.
“It was really early,” Criton mumbled, scratching his head. “I think she said something about being hungry.”
They asked several villagers if they had seen Bandu, but the townsfolk only stared sullenly at them. “Psander might know,” said Hunter. “She eats her breakfast early enough, she might have seen Bandu.”
“Maybe they’re in the library,” Phaedra suggested. “I hadn’t thought to look there, since Bandu doesn’t read, but it’s possible she’s talking to Psander.”
Criton shook his head. “She wouldn’t just go and talk to Psander. She hates Psander.”
“We should find Psander and make sure,” Narky said, his suspicions aroused. “She’s always talking about how fascinating Bandu is.”
They rushed to the library, and finding it empty, practically flew up the stairs to the locked door that had impeded them earlier. This time, Hunter slammed on the door with all his might, and when it did not budge, Criton pulled him out of the way and breathed fire at it. When that had no effect either, he tore at the wood with his claws until finally Psander opened it. The wizard stood there a moment, holding a necklace of thin wire and looking extremely irritated. She was wearing a long, thick gray robe reminiscent of armor, and Narky noticed patches of soot on both the robe and Psander’s hands.
“You had better have a very good reason for interrupting my work,” the wizard hissed.
“Where’s Bandu?” Criton demanded.
Psander held his angry gaze without flinching. “I haven’t the slightest idea,” she said.
“Did you see her at breakfast?” Phaedra asked.
Psander stood for a moment in silence, and Narky had the distinct impression that she was considering whether to lie or not. At last she said, “I did. We did not speak long, however, and I have no idea where she went afterward. I came back here to continu
e my work.”
“What did you say to her?” Criton asked, his voice shaking.
“Very little,” the wizard replied curtly. “I offered advice on her pregnancy, as someone with some experience in the matter. She refused my offer of help.”
“How did you know she was pregnant?” Narky could not believe that Bandu would tell Psander her news willingly.
“From her magic,” said Psander. “It’s becoming radical. It’s quite obvious. I’m sure you’ll understand when you find her.”
Criton looked worried. “What do you mean, ‘radical’?”
“Stronger, wilder, uncontrollable – extremely unpleasant. For those who are used to controlling their magic, pregnancy scrambles everything. The magic of early pregnancy is a purer form, heavily swayed by one’s feelings. It’s supposed to get better in the fourth month, but I wouldn’t know. I never got that far.”
“What happened?” asked Phaedra.
Psander regarded her coolly. “Two months of torture, and then a bloody mess.”
“How awful for you!” Phaedra gasped.
Psander shrugged. “Frankly, I was relieved when it happened. For two months I had had to give up all my research. My magic had become impossible to work with. Books changed their texts around me. Experiments failed in absurd and disastrous ways. I could do no work; I couldn’t even read. It was miserable. I was glad when it was over.”
“Who was the father?” Narky asked. He wondered what kind of a man would have slept with Psander.
Psander frowned severely at him. “That is an extremely personal question, besides being completely irrelevant, and I have no intention of answering it.”
“All right,” said Narky. “You’re sure you have no idea where Bandu went?”
“None,” Psander replied, with a wave of her hand. “I offered her a room underground where she could be observed and cared for while keeping her wild magic away from my books, but she did not seem too keen on the idea. She ran off somewhere. Go find her yourselves.”
With that, she slammed the door shut. The islanders retreated down the stairs. “Where to next?” Narky asked.
