by Julie Cannon
Nicole nodded, trying not to look as frighteningly uncomfortable as she felt. “And I have no clue what to do or why I’m even doing this.”
“I was told you’d been in an accident,” Katherine said, her voice clear and deep.
“A fire,” Nicole added, trying to ease some of the tension she felt. Katherine hadn’t yet glanced over her body with curiosity, trying to detect any sign of her burns. She continued to look her straight in the eye. Nicole was impressed.
“I’m sorry that happened to you, and I’m glad you were referred to us and that you called. People with physical limitations or issues are no different in their need for human contact than anyone else. They find it difficult to…shall we say…connect with someone. Especially if they’re single.”
Nicole quirked her mouth. “I wasn’t always single,” Nicole blurted out without thinking. Good God. This woman wasn’t her therapist—or then again maybe she was—her sex therapist. Katherine didn’t say anything, and her expression said Nicole could continue or drop it. “She said she could barely look at me and certainly didn’t want to touch me.” Katherine still showed no reaction. “I told her to get out, and I haven’t seen her since.”
“Good for you. How long had you been together?”
“Six years,” Nicole replied, still angry. Katherine didn’t say anything else. “So, uh, how do we do this?” Nicole felt absolutely stupid. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so direct and crass. Its just that I’ve never done this before and have absolutely no idea what the protocol is.”
“However you want to. We can talk, if that’s what you want, or something more, or something in between. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to or anything that makes you uncomfortable. I follow your lead. I know it’s hard for you to believe what I say right now, Ms. Haven, but you can trust me. If you say no, I’ll stop immediately. No questions, no explanations needed, and hopefully no embarrassment. This isn’t about what I want or need. It’s about you. You can participate any way you’re comfortable with. I don’t judge and I don’t keep score. I’m here to help you in whatever you need, whether it’s to help you regain sexual self-confidence or to get you off. I don’t mean to be tactless, but at times that’s all someone wants.”
Nicole nodded, absorbing everything Katherine had just said.
“I’ve found that it’s easier for people to say what they don’t want rather than what they do. How about I ask and you can just give me a yes or no? Would that work for you?”
“Yes.” Nicole was more comfortable now that she knew the ground rules.
“All right. Is there any place you don’t want me to see?”
“I have scars,” Nicole said, but couldn’t finish. “I wear a wig. I lost most of my hair and it never really grew back.”
“I understand,” Katherine said quietly. “But is there any place you don’t want me to see?” Katherine repeated her question because Nicole hadn’t answered her.
“If I say yes?”
“Then I won’t look,” Katherine answered simply without hesitation.
Nicole felt comfortable with the clinical, straightforward questions.
“Is there any place you don’t want me to touch?”
“I don’t know.”
Katherine’s smile was filled with understanding. “Fair enough. We’ll play it by ear on that one. Again, if anything makes you uncomfortable or you don’t want me to do something, just say stop and I will. Immediately. No questions, no pressure.”
She stood up. “How about if I step into the bathroom and freshen up a bit. You can do whatever you feel comfortable with. Is that okay?”
Nicole nodded again, understanding Katherine meant she could take her clothes off and get into bed or continue to sit there like a frightened virgin.
“Good. I’ll be a few minutes, and I’ll ask you if it’s okay for me to come out.”
“Yes, that’ll be fine,” Nicole replied, and Katherine silently left the room.
This was it. The moment Nicole had to make one of the biggest decisions of her life. She could leave right now, sit and chat with a beautiful woman for the next forty-five minutes, or retake control of her life. She stood on legs that felt shaky and started to undress.
As she carefully laid each piece of clothing on the chair, she felt increasingly vulnerable. Other than her doctors and physical therapists, no one had seen her naked. Not even Gina. Sadly, not Gina. And isn’t that why she was here, in this out-of-the-way hotel with a woman she was going to pay to have sex with her? She needed to feel desired, like a woman, experience a woman’s hands on her, and if she had to pay for it, so be it. Trying not to think, Nicole pulled the bedding down and slid onto the crisp sheets.
“Okay for me to come out?”
“Yes,” Nicole lied. She held her breath, more nervous this time than her first time. She didn’t have much experience with women. Before she met Gina she was constantly on the road on burning offshore oil rigs, in boondock-ville, or the middle of a country that stoned an unescorted female. Not much opportunity to meet women.
Katherine came into the room dressed exactly as she’d been when she left. If she was pleased or surprised to see Nicole in bed, her expression didn’t give it away. She crossed the room and stood next to the bed.
“May I join you?”
“Yes.”
“May I take my clothes off and get under the covers?”
Nicole found it interesting that Katherine was so specific in her questions. When Nicole said that Katherine could join her, she assumed she would be naked too. Katherine, however, made no assumptions.
“Yes.”
Nicole watched nervously as Katherine removed her clothes. She was tanned, the muscles in her arms and legs clearly visible. Nicole flashed to a scene in the 1980s movie American Gigolo, in which the main character was working out to keep his body in top physical shape for his clients. Nicole wondered if Katherine did the same. Hers had looked like that once, though not from hours in the gym but hours fighting fires.
“Lights on or off?”
“Off,” Nicole answered, and the room was immediately cloaked in darkness. She felt rather than saw Katherine slide into bed beside her. She couldn’t see anything, at least not yet. It would take a few minutes for her eyes to adjust. When they did, Katherine turned to her.
“May I move closer?”
“Yes.” Nicole turned on her side facing Katherine.
“May I touch your arm?”
“Yes.”
Katherine’s hand was warm and soft. Slowly she moved it up and down Nicole’s arm several times, her eyes never leaving hers. Katherine took her hand and lifted it to her lips. She didn’t say anything, but it was clear she was asking permission. Nicole barely nodded and Katherine’s warm lips touched her palm.
Her lips were soft and warm, and what felt like a shot of warm liquid traveled up Nicole’s arm, through her body, and settled low in her stomach.
“May I move closer?” Katherine asked between kisses.
Nicole nodded, and the bed shifted as Katherine closed the distance between them. As their breasts touched, a gasp of pleasure escaped before Nicole could stop it. It had been far too long since she’d felt the skin of another woman, and her body’s reaction confirmed that it was indeed what she needed.
Katherine ran her hand over Nicole’s shoulder and down her back. Nicole tensed when she touched the edge of the scar, and Katherine immediately stopped. Nicole smiled weakly and nodded for Katherine to continue. When she did she dropped her hand and cupped Nicole’s butt. Nicole involuntarily arched against her, and Katherine pulled her closer.
God, that felt good. She’d missed this so much—the connection of two people who fit perfectly together, the feel of a woman in her arms, the building heat of desire. She moved against Katherine.
“May I kiss your breasts?”
Katherine’s face was so close, Nicole felt her warm breath caress her cheek. “Yes,” Nicole said in anticipat
ion. She had a direct nerve from her nipples to her clit and would probably come the instant Katherine touched her there. She was wound so tight, and it had been so long.
Nicole rolled onto her back at the first touch of Katherine’s mouth on her erect nipple, pulling Katherine with her. Katherine slid her muscled leg between hers, and Nicole moaned. The sensation was overwhelming. She wanted to come now, yet she wanted this to go on forever.
Katherine’s mouth was magic on her breasts. Nicole came twice as Katherine teased one nipple then the other with her teeth and tongue. Nicole grabbed Katherine’s long, dark hair and held her tight against her as her orgasms ripped through her body. Her heart was still pounding when Katherine lifted her head and shifted her attention to her chin, her neck, and back to her lips. Nicole was gasping for air when Katherine asked, “May I touch you?”
“God, yes, please.” Nicole didn’t care if she was paying for this; it felt wonderful. Katherine’s fingers were as skilled as her mouth, and she came again as Katherine flicked her fingers over her hard clit.
“You okay?” Katherine asked, and Nicole blinked her eyes open. She was still breathing fast as Katherine continued to explore. Nicole didn’t have the energy to do anything other than smile.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” Katherine leaned over, nibbled on her ear, and whispered, “May I go inside you?”
Nicole groaned, not sure if she could go again, but her body made the decision for her. “Only if you stop asking and just do it,” Nicole growled in frustration. She was rewarded with another powerful orgasm when Katherine followed her instructions to the letter.
And here she was, three years later, paying the same clerk the same amount of cash for the slightly redecorated room where she waited for the same woman she called several times a month. They never kissed and didn’t talk about personal things. The afterglow conversation was always light and easy. No promises were ever made, and neither referenced the white envelope on the dresser or when they might see each other again.
Relax. Breathe. Don’t think. Just feel. Nicole chanted to herself, but it wasn’t working. Maybe she was too tired. She’d been working too many hours for the past few weeks, and that was probably the reason. Usually when she worked too much she needed this release and usually came not long after Katherine entered the room.
“Haven? What is it?”
After three years Nicole hadn’t told Katherine her real name, and she suspected it was the same for Katherine. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m a little distracted.”
“No apologies, remember.”
Nicole fidgeted on the bed, and the air-conditioning kicked on.
“Do you want me to leave?”
“Yes…no…I don’t know.” Nicole sighed. Her own hands and vibrator just weren’t doing it anymore. She needed a release but was too keyed up for it to happen.
“Turn over,” Katherine said, moving from between her legs. Katherine had seen her scarred back many times and Nicole was no longer self-conscious, but she’d never seen her with her wig off. That was personal. What she did with Katherine was professional.
“Just relax. Clear your mind. Feel my hands on you. Caressing you. Feel your muscles start to relax. That’s right, deep breaths.” Katherine continued stroking, moving lower, the same rhythmic caressing of her ass and legs. Nicole relaxed, but when each passing stroke came closer to her clit, she began to feel something else.
Thank God.
Katherine teased her with her hands moving up and down her inner thighs. Nicole opened her legs wider to give her better access to where she needed them. Katherine’s fingers grazed Nicole’s clit, and she moaned and lifted her ass to chance the contact. Katherine repeated the movement several more times, and each time Nicole whimpered when she pulled away.
Finally, Katherine entered her with agonizingly slowness. Nicole was bucking and Katherine finger-fucked her. Her thumb massaged the opening in her ass as if requesting entry. Nicole had discovered that this little treasure shot her right to the moon, and Katherine saved it for what she called special occasions.
“Yes.” Nicole could barely breathe. Carefully Katherine entered her, and jolts of pleasure shot through her. Brady’s face was suddenly in front of her—her smile, her expression when she was concentrating on something, the touch of her hand when they shook. Katherine’s fingers were everywhere. On her clit, deep inside, and filling forbidden places. Katherine’s fingers had made her come, but she came for Brady’s face behind her closed eyelids.
*
“No thanks, I’m just here for a beer,” Brady said to the third woman who’d asked her to dance. She’d come to The Knock Out to—how had she phrased it for Nicole this afternoon?—experience the sights. She’d been here over an hour, and though the bar was packed she didn’t see anyone who caught her eye. Damn. She’d been on site for weeks with nothing but her hand and imagination for company, and now here she was with a room to pick from and she felt nothing. The familiar zing of attraction, the unmistakable throb of arousal weren’t in attendance tonight. The more she looked, the more she drank, the more confused she became.
She’d never experienced this. Every time she went out with sex on the menu, she always came back satisfied. She loved women. Their exterior features only provided a hint of what they were like in bed. Rarely did Brady find a woman unattractive. She could always find something desirable. She’d been with large women, petite women, tall and short. But they were all women, and she loved everything about a woman. They smelled wonderful, their skin soft and smooth, their voices husky in the dark. Some screamed her name, others came in the silence, but all gave her what she needed.
Yet tonight she just felt different. There was more than enough of a selection to choose from, but she simply wasn’t interested. Sure, any of the women here could get her off, but she was looking for something else—something she couldn’t quite put her finger on, something she’d seen in Nicole McMillan.
She signaled for another beer and pondered that thought. Nicole was sensuous in a sophisticated way. She was calm, confident, and serene. Brady didn’t have much experience with that kind of woman. They certainly didn’t live in her trailer park, and a woman like that didn’t hang around the bars she frequented.
She was almost intimidating, but long ago Brady had refused to be intimidated by anyone ever again. She might not have more than a high-school education, but she was smart, honest, and rich.
When Brady had received her first paycheck she went to the local American Express Financial Advisor office and asked for an appointment with a woman to help her set up her retirement plan. Three hours later she had a money-market account and owned several blue-chip stocks and an IRA account. A year later she’d doubled those accounts and knew enough about diversifying her portfolio to start making her own investment choices. She saved every penny, and, since her meals and travel were paid for while she was on site, was able to put almost all her paychecks in her accounts. She was on track to retire at fifty-five and do whatever the hell she wanted whenever the hell she wanted.
“You’ve been sitting here by yourself a long time.” The deep, seductive voice came from over her left shoulder, and a faint tingle tickled her stomach.
“And you would know that by…”
“Watching you.”
“Have you now?” Brady took another swig of her beer.
“Yes, and I can honestly say I like what I see.”
“Would you lie to me and say it?”
“No. Not enough liquor in this place for me to take home a woman I didn’t want to see in the morning.”
“That’s good,” Brady said, shifting a little to see the mystery woman’s face. She liked what she saw and was tired of brooding. “Would you like to sit down?”
“Only if you don’t have a woman back home. I do have my limits.”
“How do you know I don’t live here?”
“I’ve never seen you here. And this is the only place like this in town,” the woman said,
looking around the dark, noisy bar.
“Maybe I just moved here.”
“My lucky night.”
Brady thought about what was right here in front of her and what she faced once she returned to camp. “Nope, nobody at home.” Brady moved the stool beside her and indicated for the woman to sit.
“Michelle,” the woman said as she sat.
“Brady.” She took the hand Michelle offered, and Michelle didn’t immediately release it.
“So what is it? Local or transient?”
The tingle in Brady’s gut had turned into a full-blown throb of desire. “Transient.”
“How long are you here for?”
“Long enough.”
“Do you want to sit here and make small talk?”
Brady shook her head.
“Neither do I.”
Brady left a twenty on the bar, along with any thoughts of spending the night alone.
Chapter Eight
The heat washed over her first, sucking the breath out of her lungs. Then, the deafening roar, the blinding pain.
Nicole bolted out of bed and ran through the house, her heart racing, her breathing fast. Her hands were shaking, and if she stopped walking she might fall down. Her knees were that weak. Every light in the house was already on, but she still couldn’t drive away the shadows.
“God damn it!” she shouted into the empty house. “God damn it to hell!” she said, changing directions. “One, two, three, four…” She counted until she got to twenty and then started again. The panic attacks rarely lasted more than a few minutes, but it felt like a lifetime.
The first time it happened she thought it was a heart attack. She was hot all over, her limbs shaking, her heart beating almost out of her chest. She was light-headed and had trouble breathing. Thankfully she was still in the hospital, and a battery of tests had confirmed nothing more severe than a panic attack.
Nothing more serious? What a fucking joke. Something that could paralyze her brain and terrorize her mind wasn’t serious? Get real. She was prescribed anti-anxiety medication and talked about it with her shrink.
