by Julie Cannon
“No.”
“Had anyone?”
“I thought I did.”
“I’m sorry,” Brady replied, surprising Nicole. “Looking for another one?”
“No.” Judging by Brady’s reaction Nicole knew that her answer was more forceful than she meant it to be. She didn’t know why she was having this conversation. They weren’t flirting or trying to get to know each other, just having general idle conversation. So why did she feel like they were? Why did she want to continue to hear Brady talk, to hear the sound of her deep, smooth voice, wondering what it sounded like in the dark?
“So,” Brady said, “if you don’t have anyone and aren’t looking, and I don’t have anyone and am certainly not looking, would you like to, uh…”
Nicole held her breath. Certainly Brady wouldn’t be so bold to suggest what she thought she would suggest. Nicole admired her confidence to go after what she wanted.
“Dance?”
“Excuse me?”
“Dance. Would you like to dance?”
“Here?”
“No. I was thinking maybe on the dance floor.”
“Um,” Nicole replied, trying to get her bearings back.
“Look, it’s okay. If you don’t want to, that’s okay. I can take rejection. I can even take rejection by a beautiful woman.”
Nicole couldn’t help but laugh at Brady’s lightening of the mood. “Something tells me you don’t have much experience in that area.”
“No comment.” Brady’s eyes twinkled.
“All right, I’ll dance with you.” No harm in just one dance, Nicole thought.
Brady stood and extended her hand. Nicole took it, and Brady escorted her to the crowded dance floor.
The DJ was playing a good mix of fast, slow, and in-between music. Some guests were a respectable, chaste distance apart, and others clinched so tight Brady thought they needed a hose to get them to part.
She turned and pulled Nicole gently into her arms, instinctively knowing a compromise distance was in order. Nicole was a good dancer, and they moved like they’d been together for years.
She was about half a head taller than Nicole, and the distinct combination of Nicole’s shampoo and perfume was intoxicating. Nicole’s hand in hers felt right and even better to have her other hand on her shoulder. If Nicole would only wrap her hand around her neck—well, that would probably never happen.
The DJ obviously sensed the mood of the crowd and kept his selections with a slow tempo. Dance after dance Brady held Nicole in her arms, drawing her closer and closer. Actually, she wasn’t sure who was doing it, and it really didn’t matter as their bodies finally touched. Brady shivered as Nicole’s hand grazed the hair at the back of her neck.
“Are you okay?” Nicole lifted her head and looked at her.
“Yeah, fine,” Brady lied. She wanted so much for that touch to be a caress, but more than likely Nicole was probably just shifting her hand to get more comfortable.
They spoke very little while they danced. A variety of wonderful thoughts crossed Brady’s mind while holding Nicole. They were completely inappropriate thoughts because it was Nicole. She didn’t give a shit what people thought, and if by some absolute miracle she had a chance to sleep with Nicole, she would—without thinking twice. She didn’t worry about getting attached because she never did. She viewed sex as simply two women being attracted to each other and following through on it. It was no different than two people in the mood for Chinese food going out and satisfying that craving. Nothing more complicated than that.
Emotions usually didn’t sway Brady. She’d learned early on that emotions got in the way. Even when she left her worthless parents and the shit hole of a trailer they’d lived in, she didn’t bat an eye. That was one of her easier decisions, based on cold, hard facts and the will to survive.
She’d been raising herself anyway. Her parents were never there. They were either too drunk to care or not drunk enough and showed her how much they cared by beating the shit out of her. She’d sold almost everything she had piece by piece and her parents never had a clue. The day she turned eighteen she left. The only thing that remained to indicate she had ever lived there was a neatly made bed against a wall in an empty bedroom. Hell, it had probably been days before they even realized she was gone.
Chapter Thirteen
Dancing in Brady’s arms felt too good, and Nicole forced herself to put some distance between them. She hadn’t been aware of what was happening, the slow-burning desire coming to a boil before she knew what hit her. She did know, however, that she hadn’t felt like this in far too long. She didn’t want it to end, and her body knew it too. Her body needed this. She needed to touch and be touched, to connect with another human being in more than a clinical sense. More precisely a beautiful woman who desired her, and it was obvious Brady did.
Nicole was astute enough to recognize the signs in Brady. Her breathing became more shallow and quick, and by the way Brady was holding her hand against her chest, Nicole could feel her heart beating faster. Nicole felt Brady’s neck flush as they drew close.
In Nicole’s mind, dancing was one of the most sensuous things two people could do without actually having sex. Bodies fit together, and when they didn’t, unconscious subtle shifts in positioning made it work. From the moment she accepted Brady’s hand, the people and activity around her disappeared. The noise, the clinking of china, the celebratory laughter faded into the background until her entire focus was on the woman holding her.
What if she were to allow this to run its natural course? She knew where they would end up—in her hotel room. However, it didn’t take a genius to know that Brady would immediately lose interest when she realized Nicole wouldn’t be taking off her clothes. No way would she subject herself to that humiliation. Not again.
Nicole stiffened and stepped out of Brady’s arms, feeling guilty.
“Nicole?” Brady asked, obviously confused by her change of mood.
It was the first time Brady had called her by her first name, and the sound of it made her stomach quiver. “I think it’s time for me to go.”
“Nicole, wait,” Brady said, reaching for her.
Nicole didn’t want to create a scene, even though two women dancing together was probably scene enough, so she waited for Brady to catch up and then, as calmly as she could, walked off the dance floor.
However, Brady wasn’t so easily dissuaded. She grabbed Nicole’s hand, slowing her escape, and pulled her through the door and out into the empty atrium. It was dark now, the sun having dipped below the horizon during the festivities. The sky was cloudless, and the twinkling stars surrounding the half-moon added to the recessed lighting in the area.
Brady kept hold of her hand and didn’t let go even when she led them to a nearby wooden bench and sat down. Brady unclasped their fingers and laid Nicole’s palm on her hard leg and covered it with her own. Nicole didn’t pull away. Brady’s fingers lightly caressed the top of her hand, and Nicole had to force herself to concentrate and not be swept away in the wonderful feeling.
“I thought we were having a pretty good time,” Brady said, not looking at her. “At least I was.”
“We were,” Nicole replied shakily. She didn’t want to have this conversation. She owed Brady an explanation and struggled to find the words that would explain her abrupt turnaround without completely humiliating herself. “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression,” she said weakly.
“You didn’t give me the wrong impression, Nicole. Something changed your mind.”
Despite how confused and mixed up she felt, Nicole nervously chuckled. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea.” Nicole felt Brady stiffen under her hand.
“Why? Because I work for you?” Brady asked, more than a hint of irritation in her voice.
“No, that’s got nothing to do with it. I don’t care about stuff like that.”
“Surely you don’t think I’m going to try to—”
“No,”
Nicole said quickly. “I said that had nothing to do with it.” It was important to her that Brady didn’t think it had anything to do with her.
“Well, then what does?”
“I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“You said that already.”
“Brady, please. I’m having a hard-enough time with this. Please don’t make it any harder.” Nicole hated that it sounded like she was pleading, but if she had to in order to get out of this she would.
“All right,” Brady said. “Are you really leaving or did you just use that as an excuse?”
Nicole’s anger flared. “Do you think this is easy for me? Do you think I enjoy being held by a beautiful, sexy woman and then leaving to go home alone?”
“I don’t know what you think, Nicole. You won’t talk to me.”
“I talked to you all night.”
“No, we made conversation, polite small talk. But you won’t talk to me about this.”
“This,” Nicole said, waving her hand back and forth between them, “is not going to happen.” Nicole raised her voice.
“Nicole.”
“Jesus, I can’t believe this is happening.” The thin thread that was holding Nicole together snapped. She pulled her hand off Brady’s thigh and stood and faced her. “Do you think this is easy for me?” she repeated. “Well, it’s not.” She started pacing back and forth in front of Brady, barely able to meet her eyes.
“All right,” she said, spinning around and looking directly at Brady. “I’ll admit it. Fine. You want to hear it. Here it is. Yes, I want you. I want to have sex with you. All night. Maybe even all day tomorrow. I might’ve even called in sick on Monday if you were as good as I think you’d be. But it’s not going to happen.” Nicole emphasized each word. “I don’t owe you an explanation, and I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well, I do.”
“Too bad,” Nicole said forcefully. She took a deep breath to gather herself again. “Look, Brady, I’m sorry. I didn’t expect this and I won’t deny it happened. I was afraid it might when you asked me to dance, and against my better judgment it did. I’m sorry I misled you and I don’t know how many times I can say it. I’m done saying it. So think whatever you want of me. I’m sure you’re mature enough to know what to do with this conversation, this entire evening, but I need to say my good-byes to Barbara, and then I’m leaving.”
The expression on Brady’s face almost made Nicole change her mind. She saw anger, hurt, confusion, and lingering desire, but she couldn’t do this, wouldn’t do this, and she certainly wouldn’t do it with Brady.
Brady stood. “I’ll walk you to your car.”
“That’s not necessary.
“I don’t care. I’ll respect your decision about what did or didn’t happen here. I don’t understand it, I don’t agree with it, but I will respect it. And you will respect my decision about walking you to your car.”
Nicole didn’t reply, simply turned and strode back into the reception hall.
Brady stood beside her as they waited for the valet to bring her car around. The tension was thick, and she wished she could think of something to say to retrieve the easy camaraderie they’d shared before she lost herself in Brady’s arms. She could feel the heat of Brady’s body beside her; the chill in the air was like a crevasse that couldn’t be crossed.
Nicole stared straight ahead, occasionally looking to her left as if she could will her truck to arrive sooner. She heard the distinctive clackety-clack of a diesel engine and held her sigh of relief when the big blue truck pulled into view.
“Nice rig,” Brady said.
“Thanks.”
“You know, first you surprised me by being here, then you surprised me by drinking beer, and now you surprise me by stepping into a big beefy truck.”
Nicole smiled. “It’s practical and, well, I just like big trucks.”
Brady escorted Nicole around the front of her truck. She tipped the valet before Nicole had a chance and the man stepped away, clearly understanding Brady would be the one assisting Nicole into the vehicle.
Brady held open the door as Nicole stepped up into the tall truck. She waited for her to fasten her seatbelt and adjust the steering wheel before she said, “I’m glad we had the chance to spend some time together this evening.”
“I am too,” Nicole said, surprising Brady and herself.
“Drive safe,” Brady said as she closed the door and stepped back.
Nicole waited until she was out of the parking lot before she slammed her fists into the steering wheel. “God damn it, God damn it, God damn it. What the fuck am I doing?”
She drove on autopilot back to her hotel, talking out loud and trying to make sense of the last several hours. She’d almost lost control. And worse, she wanted to. She knew what was happening, she knew she should stop it, but she didn’t want to. God help her she didn’t want to. But when common sense and reasoning kicked in, stepping out of Brady’s arms was the hardest thing she’d ever done. Leaving her standing on the curb as she drove away was equally hard. She kept telling herself, don’t turn around, don’t turn around, don’t look in the mirror. Just drive. And she did.
She tried to make sense of what had happened. She hadn’t felt even remotely attracted to anyone since the accident. That part of her life had shut down, ceased to exist. Shut down just as much out of self-preservation as her body’s healing took priority. But why now? She didn’t want this. She didn’t want to have to deal with this. People lived celibate lives everywhere, and she expected she’d be one of them. After this evening she reaffirmed she would too.
Brady drove back to her apartment completely baffled. One minute Nicole had melted into her arms, and the next she was as rigid as stone. Brady thought back over every minute of their time together, trying to determine when the change occurred. She couldn’t put her finger on it. She had no idea and it bothered her. All she knew was that Nicole had done a complete about-face for reasons of her own. Sure, she’d tried to explain herself, but all she was able to say was that it just wasn’t going to work. And why the hell not? Their bodies fit together perfectly. Brady had been with enough women to know that Nicole’s body was exhibiting the same signs of desire as hers. Whereas she would have acted on it, Nicole had stepped away.
She pulled her truck into the drive and parked it next to her landlord’s 1972 Ford LTD. Sam and Helen Coughlin were in their late seventies and charged her an obscenely small amount for rent, their justification being that she was hardly there. She argued that she should pay for the value of the space, not how much she used it. Finally after two years she’d given up and sent the meager check every month.
Sam and Helen had been married for over sixty years and were still very much in love. Brady had seen older couples who had been together for years bicker about everything and absolutely nothing. Sam and Helen were nothing like that. He still held the door for her, held her chair and her hand. And she in return looked at him like he was the only man on earth.
Whenever she was in town Brady usually had dinner with the couple. The inside of their house had dated furniture but was spotless. Even though Brady didn’t have any experience living in a well-kept home, Mrs. C’s pride in her house was evident.
“How was the shindig?” Mrs. C asked as Brady locked her truck. She must have been waiting for her to come home.
“Good, a lot of fun,” Brady replied, suddenly very tired. It had been a long day, and the hour drive back to her apartment had seemed twice as long.
“Come on in and tell me all about it. You know I don’t get out much anymore, and I can live my life vicariously through yours.”
Brady didn’t have the heart to deny Mrs. C this simple pleasure, and she steeled herself for a few more hours of entertaining.
Chapter Fourteen
“Nicole McMillan.”
A rush of excitement shot through Brady’s body when she heard Nicole’s voice on the other end of the line, and she completely forgot wh
at she’d planned to say. She’d debated for hours whether to call. Half the time she thought Nicole was just being polite when she told her to call the next time she was in town. Brady wanted her to have meant it just for her.
“Hello?”
Brady cleared her throat. “Good morning, it’s Brady Stewart.” She paused, and the silence was awkward.
“Brady,” Nicole replied, excitement in her voice. “How are you?”
Brady relaxed a little. “I’m well, thanks. Um…you said if I was ever back in town to give you a call. Since you bought lunch the first time, I thought I’d return the favor. If you’re available,” Brady said, much too fast. God, she sounded like a teenager asking for her first date. When Nicole didn’t answer immediately Brady said, “I know it’s short notice and you’re probably…”
“No, I was just looking at my calendar. When were you thinking?”
“Today? Tomorrow? I know it’s short notice,” she said again.
“I’m sorry, I can’t make lunch.”
Brady interrupted Nicole to save her the embarrassment of turning her down. “That’s okay, I knew it was a long shot.” Brady wanted to get off the phone and crawl into a hole. What had she been thinking? She’d never done anything so stupid in her life.
“I can do dinner…tonight,” she heard Nicole say. “It doesn’t have to be any place special.”
Brady was caught completely off guard. “Dinner’s great.” She tried to tamp down her excitement. “How about Marshalls?” It was a nice but not too nice restaurant.
“Sounds great.”
“What time are you through for the day?”
Nicole laughed. “Well, if this were a normal day I’d say eight, but I know the boss, and I think she’ll let me knock off early.”
Brady could hear Nicole’s smile in her voice. She liked her sense of humor and teased back. “If you’re sure. I don’t want you to get in trouble, and I certainly don’t want to be responsible for you losing your job.”
