by Joya Ryan
“I have a lot of friends looking for them right now. We need to make sure you’re okay.”
April hesitated, then nodded.
He radioed his team. “Found the girl. Require a medic once we reach the campsite. On the way back now. Status on male and female adults?” He said it lightly so April hopefully wouldn’t worry.
His radio rang out with the crew leads.
“Nothing yet.”
“Nothing.”
Jesus. What good would it be to save the girl if he couldn’t save her parents, too? Gage picked her up and stood—his knee screamed with pain. He knelt back down and cursed.
“Don’t leave me,” April whispered. “Please, don’t leave me.”
He brushed his hand against her face. “I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart.”
Gage needed to get April to the hospital, then go back out there to help find the parents.
After a half hour walk back to the main site, darkness had fallen and East was waiting with another medic and ambulance to see to the girl.
He set the girl down, and the medic looked at her while East checked out Gage.
“Jesus, we need to get you to the hospital.” East examined his leg and the hole he’d cut in his pants to get to his knee. Which was now settling with a nasty bruise over it.
“It looks worse than it is,” Gage said.
East crouched down and lifted his pant leg. “You could have a major tear in your ACL,” he said. “Come on, you’re going to need X-rays.”
“I’m good,” Gage insisted. “My damn knee just comes off the track now and again.”
“Which is not normal,” East said bluntly. “So go get it checked out.”
“Can’t,” Gage said. “The parents are still missing.”
“And there’re teams searching. Including the one you trained yourself. You have to get this looked at. I don’t know how you’re walking right now.”
“No.”
“Soon as it’s checked out, you can come right back to the search, assuming you can walk. Getting yourself lost and hurt out there isn’t helping anyone.”
Gage sighed. Truth was, it’d help to get his knee wrapped, because it was starting to hurt like a motherfucker. “One hour, max.”
“Let’s go, smart-ass, before I cut off your leg just to spite you.”
As the adrenaline wore off a few minutes later, the pain hit hard, radiating up and down his leg. East was right—it was a good thing he hadn’t gone back out into the woods. Maybe it was worse than he’d thought.
“No, no, no, that son of a bitch, no.” Chloe hustled through Beaufort Medical Center, her dress constricting and her hair falling from the fancy updo. People would arrive at the restaurant in an hour for the twentieth anniversary event.
She should have been there. Her restaurant, the town, her mother’s memory—they were all depending on her. Instead, she was running down a hospital hallway, her heart beating in her throat with worry.
East had called to tell her Gage had been hurt on a mission and was in the hospital. Then the call dropped before he could finish, but that information alone was enough to steal the air from her lungs.
He had to be okay. Had to be. She’d kick his ass if he wasn’t.
He was all she cared about. And she prayed with every step she took that he was okay.
“Please…please…” She rounded the corner and found his room. Chloe burst through the door and found him sitting on the side of the bed as a doctor wrapped up his knee.
Gage’s eyes widened. “Chloe? What are you doing here, sweetheart?”
How dare he act so casual? She glanced at his knee, then at his whole leg. He was okay. He was alive. He was hurt, but alive.
She sighed a breath of relief. “East called me and said I had to get here right away. He said you got hurt, and the call was over before he could tell me how bad, and…I was afraid you were…”
She glanced at his knee again as the doctor finished wrapping it.
Gage frowned. “Doc, can you give us a second alone?”
The doctor looked at them both and must have seen something he didn’t want to get in the middle of. “Two minutes. I need to get you a shot of cortisone.”
Once the doctor was gone, Chloe couldn’t help herself. She grabbed Gage and held him close. “You’re okay?”
He held her tightly. “Yes.”
But she pushed against his chest and backed away, shaking her head. “I was so worried you were hurt. Or worse. Maybe even…” She couldn’t finish the thought.
“I’m fine,” he insisted. Part of her wanted him to tell her she was silly. Stupid. He was fine and he was here and he was never going to leave her again. But his eyes were distant, like he didn’t see her at all. His mind was elsewhere. “I have to go.”
“What?” she asked. “You’re hurt. Where are you going?”
“Back out.” He stood and snatched his clothes off of a nearby chair.
Chloe couldn’t believe her eyes. Was he serious? “You can’t go back out.”
“Yes I can,” he snapped. “There are still two people missing.”
She’d never heard his voice so gruff before. “Still? Meaning you found someone already?”
“The little girl. But her parents are still out there.” He shoved his bad knee into one of the dirty, ripped pant legs.
The stupid heels digging into her pinky toe and the flowy dress she’d gotten for the occasion felt silly now. She was standing in lace and silk and had never felt more scared in her life.
“Gage. I know you care about me. But you have to take care of yourself, too.”
He wasn’t listening to her. He tore off the gown and yanked his T-shirt on.
“Gage,” she tried again, moving toward him. “You’re scaring me. I thought everything was back to normal. Completely. And then I get a call and hear you’re…” The truth hit her so hard that she felt it like a smack to the face. “I love you,” she whispered.
“What?” He cupped her shoulders and pulled her back enough to look into her eyes.
“I love you,” she murmured, fighting back tears. “You have to be okay.”
He shook his head and broke eye contact. “I love you, too.” He kissed her cheeks, and then he stepped away from her. “But I have to get back out there.”
It wasn’t enough. Even admitting her feelings for him wasn’t enough to convince him to stay—and it was breaking her heart. “You’re hurt. Aren’t other people looking for the parents?”
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean anything. I need to be out there.”
Her heart sank. Nothing she said, nothing she did mattered—Gage had made up his mind. He would leave. He didn’t care about his health, he didn’t care about her feelings, he didn’t care about anything other than finding that little girl’s missing parents and making her family whole. And maybe that made him a hero, but it also made the truth undeniable.
“I can’t do this,” she said.
He froze in the middle of tugging on his jacket and finally met her eyes. “What do you mean?”
“It means I. Can’t. Do. This.” He had to go. No, he didn’t have to—he was choosing to. She cared about him. He’d already hurt himself and was still going back out… She didn’t know what else could happen.
“You don’t have to worry about losing me—”
“—if I let you go now,” she finished.
Gage stiffened. “Chloe, you’re not making sense. I know you’re worried, but this isn’t that bad. I get banged up all the time.”
“You can barely walk, and you want to go back out and scale cliffs?” She cupped her forehead, reality hitting hard. This was the one thing she’d never wanted to face—Gage getting hurt. He could die. She wouldn’t know until well after. What if she couldn’t get to him? She’d be stuck there, waiting.
Waiting on him.
Waiting for the next phone call.
Waiting to see if he’d choose to come back to her.
Waiting
to see if he survived the next mission.
Waiting.
“I can’t.” She loved him so much it hurt, and she didn’t know what to do. There was no way to make it better. No way to cling to someone who couldn’t be held. She was losing a man she never had the right to hold on to in the first place, a man she knew better than to reach for. But he’d tricked her into opening her heart to feeling something more for him, and now her soul was paying the price.
“Chloe,” he whispered, and pain sliced through his dark eyes. “We can make this work. My job is dangerous, but it’ll get easier to deal with.”
“You could have been hurt worse. Died, even.”
“This isn’t the first time this has happened,” he said. “I always come out okay.”
Her gaze snapped to his. “What do you mean this isn’t the first time?” Her skull felt on the verge of imploding. It seemed so obvious—of course he was putting his life on the line every time he went out there, but she had to ask. “How many times have you come close to dying?”
The muscle in his jaw ticked. “Once.”
Her lungs shut down. This was real. He had almost died. “When?”
“Few weeks ago. Before I came to Beaufort.”
Her mind went numb and her breath caught in her throat. So recently?
“Is that what motivated you to do—to want—all of this?”
He nodded. “But I’m fine,” he added.
“Really?” she said loudly. “Because you don’t look fine. You look like you’re injured and you’re trying to go out anyway.”
“I know my limits,” he growled.
“Clearly,” she said sarcastically. He was a hero. He had to go, had to be out there, no matter the risk. And she knew better than to fall for a man like that. He’d always put himself in danger—which made him someone she could never be with.
Flashes of what could have been, might have been, flickered through her brain, and she fought the urge to retch. He could have died, and she would have never known until he was already gone.
“I love you so much,” she said again. Anger heated every word, because reasonable or not, she was pissed he’d shown her how much she loved him. How much she’d always loved him. “And that’s your fault. You made me love you. And now you’re offering nothing in return.”
“I’m offering you everything I’m able to give.”
“Which is what? You leaving? Coming in and out of my life with no guarantee you’ll ever come back?”
“I’ll come back to you. I’ll always come back, you just have to wait for me.”
And there it was. She had to sit back and wait while he took her heart and soul with him every time he left.
She had to get away from him. She couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe.
“Chloe, I have to get back out there now. That little girl needs me to find her parents.” He yanked on his boots. “Just wait for me. Please. We’ll talk about this later.”
No. She was done waiting. She should have been done with this long ago. Maybe then she could have saved herself the heartache she’d always been afraid of.
“I can’t wait for you,” she whispered. “I’m sorry, but I can’t. It’s not your fault—this is who you are. Go find those parents.”
Gage called her name as she turned and ran out of the hospital, but she didn’t look back.
Chapter Eleven
Gage wanted to chase after her, but Chloe knew him better than he knew himself. The girl’s parents were missing, and he had to go out there to make sure the family was reunited.
His chest was sore, as if Chloe had snatched his heart from between his ribs and run off with it. But he had to focus. Had to get back out there. It was his single objective.
Footsteps and the loud ruckus of conversation drifted into the room. Gage recognized some of the voices from his rescue team just before East stepped into the room.
“Hey.”
“Not now,” Gage growled.
“Whoa, easy tiger. I was coming to tell you the good news. The parents were found. Thankfully they stuck together and seem to be in good shape.”
Gage blinked. The parents were found? The family was okay? And they’d finished the job without him? “What?” His mind and body slowed for the first time in hours. “Who found them?”
East smiled. “The new recruits you trained. They were like carbon copies of you. They moved and examined the area exactly like you taught them. I swear, it was like watching you out there.”
Gage was half stunned and happy. The guys stuck to their training and acted on his behalf the way he’d taught them. He had done this.
“It’s a good fuckin’ day, man,” East said. “Everyone survived with nothing more than a few scratches.”
The adrenaline that’d kept Gage functioning drained from his limbs like an emptying whirlpool. They were okay.
Relief settled in his bones as clarity hit him like a punch to the stomach. Chloe had left him. She’d told him she’d loved him, and then she’d walked away.
He clutched his throbbing knee but nothing compared to the fear, the relief, the instant flood of countering emotions. Was this how she’d felt when she’d come to the hospital and seen him?
He couldn’t remember really seeing her or hearing what she’d said. He’d been too busy trying to leave.
“Christ,” he muttered. “The event.”
The restaurant anniversary she’d been working hard on was tonight, and she’d left it to come to him because she was worried.
And I dismissed her.
“You okay?” East asked. “You look like you could use a beer.”
Actually, he could. Maybe taking a breather to figure out how to tackle the situation with Chloe was best. He also needed a minute to sort through what he was going to say. Because his world had been crumbling around him, but he was only realizing it now.
He could try to make this work with Chloe. Surely, he could make this work.
She loves me…
The word rolled in his mind, over and over. She loved him, which made him damn lucky. But she hated that she loved him, and he’d just fucked up royally.
East raised a brow. “So I thought I heard Chloe earlier… I take it you’re having lady problems?”
Gage finished lacing his boot. “You could say that. Thanks for telling her to freak her out.”
“Hey, there was spotty service and she hung up and rushed over here before I could tell her it was just your leg. Besides, I figured you’d want her to know.”
Yeah, he did. But he didn’t know she’d react that way. Now he was on the brink of losing her for good. Maybe he already had— No. He wasn’t giving up on his mission. It was his most important one yet.
“I’ll make it work,” Gage said.
“Uh-huh. Because you know what’s best, and surely you can waltz in and out and Chloe will fall in line.”
Gage glared at him. It’d already been a long day, and now East was pulling this shit again. “What’s your problem?”
But East came back with his own glare. “Watching you screw this up from day one is getting annoying. Chloe doesn’t do commitment. She doesn’t wait around. And you want both from her just on the promise that you can make it work.”
“Yes!” Gage slammed his hand on the bed. “I have to make it work, East.” He took a deep breath. “I love her.”
East’s eyes shot wide. “Well, hell. That puts you in a big shit storm then.”
“I have to talk to her. She’s mad I was going to go back out. Now I’m not since the parents were found, so problem solved.”
“Man, you are thick,” East said. “If you think that’s your problem, you’re in bigger trouble than I thought.”
“She’ll understand I couldn’t have sat around and done nothing while people were in trouble.”
“Oh, I agree. She’ll understand—in fact, I bet she already does understand. But it doesn’t change that you fucked up. You put the need to be there for others before tak
ing care of yourself. You know you shouldn’t have gone back out. You would’ve told any of us if we were injured to not go because we’d put everyone at risk going out with an injury. You’ve got something way worse than hero syndrome. This is bordering on suicidal. And the worst part is that you’ve got a woman screaming at you with a reason to wake up and see what you’re doing, and you don’t give a shit.”
Gage scowled. “Yes I do!”
“Then stop putting yourself before her. Fuck, stop putting yourself before both of you. If you want to be a couple, you have to stop thinking about what you need. This is about more than you. It’s about both of you now. It has nothing to do with your job. You’re showing her she can’t trust you to make a smart decision.”
East’s words hit really fucking deep and Gage almost choked on the realization. He was right. Chloe was terrified of commitment, yet she’d dropped everything that mattered to her to be here for him. And all he’d told her was to wait.
“I really fucked up,” Gage said.
East clapped his hands together. “Ding, ding, ding! Now you’re getting it.”
Only now, Gage had to do something about it.
Chapter Twelve
“Damn!” Chloe threw the wooden spoon across the room. She wasn’t one for dramatics, but she couldn’t take any more. The event was in twenty minutes and she was on her final attempt of crab cakes—and it was more burned than the last batch because she’d left it to run to the hospital only to have her heart broken.
She looked around her restaurant’s kitchen. Guests were arriving downstairs and she’d have to welcome them soon. Without crab cakes, success, or Gage. She was alone.
The place was quiet and smelled like burned crab cakes and failure. And the stupid part was that she was still waiting.
Waiting for him to come back.
Waiting for him to make it better.
It hurt just thinking of him, because a part of her had been waiting this whole time.
Was this what it had been like for her mom? She’d always assumed her dad had been a jerk who never deserved her mom’s love. But maybe there’d been something more there. Gage was the man who’d broken down her walls and made her greatest dreams and fears come true.
