The words to the song Cinderella came back to me. Time was clicking forward, and before I knew it, Cheyenne would learn about the bases. She was growing up too damn fast.
I sent a little prayer to the man upstairs to let me make a boy this time.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Brooke
I stared at the white ceiling as sunlight filtered in through the horizontal blinds. Easton had left to take Cheyenne to school, and I had an hour before I was supposed to be at Halo to work.
However, I couldn’t get out of bed.
Our conversation the night before played in my head as I thought about having a baby. Why was I stressing about it? This was what you did after marriage—or at least most people. I thought I was finally ready. When I told Nicole I wasn’t and that I wanted to enjoy the married life first, I had lied.
It was easy to say that one day I’d have a kid or that I wanted one. But the actual thought of becoming a mother was terrifying me.
I thought about carrying another human in my belly for nine months. Thought about the morning sickness, the nausea and everything else I’d seen, read or heard about the process. I thought about labor, and that freaked me the fuck out. I’d heard that some women shit while pushing. Shit! Like they’d just push, and instead of a baby, poop came out. I didn’t want to shit while giving birth. I didn’t even want to shit in front of Easton.
Then I thought about the actual baby and feeling as though my life would be complete.
Being a mother wasn’t in my blood, because clearly my mother wasn’t a very good one, but I had been a mother figure since I was thirteen. I knew I could do it. Plus, I had my husband, Jimmy, Jane, Nicole, Avery, Bailee, and even Cheyenne. Cheyenne would make the perfect big sister, and I wanted that for her.
Grabbing my phone, I pulled up the app to the medical offices I went to and made an appointment to get my IUD taken out. They had an available appointment for the following Monday, and I took it.
Easton and I were going to have a baby.
Wow!
It had almost been a year since my final day of radiation. Dr. Fisch had once told me that nerves did their own thing when it came to healing. Sometimes they would stop hurting over time. Sometimes they would hurt forever. Doctors had no idea why nerves acted the way they did. Could I stop taking the nerve medication? Would the pain in my tricep area still hurt? I wanted a baby, and that was more important to me. I could handle nine months of pain.
After parking in the Halo parking lot, I sent an email to Dr. Fisch to tell him I wanted to get off the medication.
Halo was its usual busy self on a Friday, and we had enough staff to run the show without Avery or Easton ever working. Of course, it was their bar, their baby, and I knew how Easton felt about his spawn, but little by little they both were trusting their managers to do a good job, and they were both only working a few hours a day.
Avery would come in when Nicole was working her day job as a nurse, and Easton worked while Cheyenne was in school. I worked when I had shit to do like give performance reviews, hire new staff, run to the bank or book bands to play on Thursday nights. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be working in a bar and booking gigs, but here I was, and I was loving it because it was something I could do for Easton.
I was counting the cash from the previous few days to make a deposit before the bank closed, but my mind was still thinking about the baby plan. “Oh shit,” I whispered to myself. “We need to wait until my next CT.” Planning for a baby was harder than I thought it would be. Or maybe just in my case since I had my past health issues.
Turning to the computer, I opened the internet, and it defaulted to my email. Dr. Fisch had written me back.
Ms. Bradley,
I’m happy to hear you’re doing well and wanting to start a family. The medication you’re on is a Category C medication which means that animal reproduction studies have shown an adverse effect on the fetus and there are no adequate and well-controlled studies in humans, but potential benefits may warrant use of the drug in pregnant women despite potential risks.
That being the case, you can still take the medication and be pregnant. If it were a Category D medication, then I would advise differently.
Let’s start by weaning you off and see how you do. I’ve called in a prescription to lower your dosage. Please follow the instructions and let me know how it works for your pain level.
Best of luck,
Dr. Fisch
I wasn’t exactly sure what all that meant except I was going to wean myself off and, no matter what, not take the medication. I didn’t want to risk my baby even if there were no studies on humans. That first paragraph did say they would warrant the use of the drug in pregnant women. Talk about confusing! I also noticed I needed to change my name with his office. I was no longer Brooke Bradley.
Getting back to the reason I got on the computer, I logged into the website for Dr. Bloom’s office and sent him an email asking if I could move my CT up a month. I was past my one year mark and almost to the one year mark after radiation. I figured moving it up wouldn’t hurt.
Cheyenne came storming through the garage door and straight to her room. By the time Easton walked into the house, Cheyenne slammed her bedroom door causing me to jump and my eyes to widen in confusion.
“What’s that all about?” I asked him.
Usually, Cheyenne would say hello, I’d ask her how practice was, and then she’d ask about dinner. Tonight she was clearly upset.
Easton shrugged. “I don’t know. She won’t tell me.”
I tilted my head to the side. “Do you think the girls on the team are being mean to her again?” Last season a few girls were jealous of her, and they nicknamed her Cryanne. I thought that blew over when Avery prank called the girls, and also when Cheyenne proved she was a better ball player. Maybe not.
“I don’t think so,” Easton said, digging into the fridge. He pulled out a bottle of beer. “She was pissed before practice started.”
I turned and leaned against the kitchen island. “Doesn’t mean they aren’t mean to her at school.”
Easton popped the top on his beer and took a pull. “Well, she won’t tell me. Maybe she’ll tell you. She did before.”
I nodded and started to move toward her room. “Let me go see. Finish dinner, okay?”
“Wait.” Easton reached out and grabbed my wrist with his free hand, halting me. “Let’s make out before you do. Since she’s in her room pouting, I can feel you up. I didn’t even get a hello kiss yet.”
I laughed, throwing my head back in the process. “If we make out, then dinner will burn.” I nudged my head toward the skillet.
He pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around my waist, our bodies going flush against each other. “Fine, but I’m gonna grab your ass while I stick my tongue in your mouth.”
“That you can do except make it quic—”
Without another word, he brought his lips to mine at the same time his free hand skimmed my backside and then grabbed an ass full of my butt cheek. There were no longer jokes being spoken. Only our mouths working together as I tasted the beer he was drinking on his tongue.
After a few seconds we pulled apart, and he winked at me. “Go on. I want to watch you leave so I can stare at your perfect ass.”
I rolled my eyes playfully and left to check on Cheyenne.
When I got to her bedroom door, I knocked and waited for her to tell me to come in. It didn’t happen.
“Go away,” she yelled.
“Chey, it’s me. Can I come in?”
“No!”
“Please?” I begged.
“I don’t want to talk to you or Daddy!”
“Are your teammates being mean to you again?”
“No! I said I don’t want to talk about it. God!” she screeched.
I looked down the hall to see if Easton was watching. He wasn’t. I could totally handle pre-teen drama. Bailee was a nightmare, and it seemed Cheyenne wasn�
�t going to be any different. I was certain I would have been the same way if I didn’t have to take care of Bailee. There were many nights I wanted to be left alone. Instead, I had to make dinner for us, and get Bai washed and in bed before I did my homework.
“Remember how last year I helped you because I knew how mean girls could be?”
“This isn’t about girls,” she snapped.
“It’s about a boy?”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Easton peek around the corner. He might not have been watching, but he was for sure listening. I shooed him away. He rolled his eyes and didn’t move.
The door flung open causing me to startle. “It’s about Tucker,” she whined.
I heard Easton groan, and I when I looked down the hall, he was gone. He was probably chugging a beer to calm himself.
“Tucker is the one that texted you last night?” I asked, coming into her room and closing the door behind me. I shut the door because I wanted her to open up to me. She probably knew as much as I did that talking about boys in front of Easton wasn’t a good thing.
“I don’t understand. He texts me links to funny videos and sends me silly Snap Chats like every night. But at school, he’s so mean to me.” She leaned back on her bed and groaned. “I hate boys!”
That made me smile. Every girl felt that way at one point in time. Now I loved one because he was my world.
“Chey, when boys are young, they are immature. They say that boys mature slower than girls. I’m still not convinced your dad’s mature yet.”
She stared at the ceiling as she spoke. “At school, he runs his fingers up my back, and then all his friends laugh at me with him. I don’t understand.”
My gaze slipped to her flat chest. I knew why boys ran their fingers up girl’s backs; they were looking to see if they wore bras. Cheyenne didn’t need one yet, but maybe it was time for her to get one so the boys didn’t laugh at her.
I smiled and placed my hand on her knee. “I can fix this.”
She sat up, and her cornflower blue eyes looked at me. “How?”
“We go shopping.”
“Everything good?” Easton asked as Cheyenne and I walked into the kitchen.
“We’re going shopping tomorrow after my game.”
Easton’s eyes flicked to me, and I smiled. “Retail therapy?”
I laughed. “Something like that. Is dinner ready?” I asked to change the subject. Cheyenne didn’t want Easton to know her problem, but of course I’d tell him later.
“Is dinner ready?” Easton mocked me. “You two aren’t going to tell me what crawled up her ass?”
I slapped his shoulder. “You don’t need to know. It’s women issues.”
He stared at me, his jaw dropping. “She got her—”
“Oh Lord.” I laughed. “No! It’s something else, and you don’t need to know about it.” I winked at Cheyenne to show her I was on her side. I was, but I was playing both teams. I reached up on my tiptoes to kiss Easton’s cheek and whispered, “I’ll tell you later.”
“Don’t start kissing. I can’t take that right now,” Cheyenne groaned. I started to laugh, but she continued to speak, and my laughter died in my throat. “Actually, I heard kissing leads to sex. Is that true? Are you two going to have sex instead of eating dinner?”
“Are you fucking kidding me, Peanut?” Easton started to step toward her, and I grabbed his wrist to halt him. He shrugged me off. “I’m out! You,” he pointed at me, “deal with this.”
He left the kitchen, dinner forgotten. I didn’t have the sex talk with Bailee until she was a freshman in high school. Did I really need to have it with an eleven-year-old? “All right.” I sat across from Cheyenne at the table. “Do you know what sex is?”
“Yeah. I Googled it.”
“You … um … Googled it?” I broke out into a light sweat as I envisioned her seeing images of people having sex. I didn’t even think kids her age knew that word.
“Yeah, and I watched a video.”
“You … um … watched a video?” My throat felt as though it was closing up, that I would lose all train of thought and forget how to speak. This must have been how Easton felt. How was I supposed to tell my husband that his baby watched porn?
Help! S.O.S!
“Yeah, he said that it was between two people—”
“Wait,” I held up my hand to stop her, “a guy said something?”
She grumbled, clearly frustrated I wasn’t reading her mind or something. “Yes! A guy on YouTube didn’t know what sex was, so he did a video of him searching the internet. On the video, some old lady said that kissing leads to … What did she say?” Cheyenne looked off, staring at the wall as she gathered her thoughts. “The old lady said it leads to … love—love making.”
“Love making?” I asked, wanting to laugh. I didn’t. This was adulting, and apparently parenting.
“Yeah, and then she used some words I can’t remember what they’re called and the guy was confused. I was confused, but he was funny and had a funny accent. So I kept watching, and he was getting grossed out. I was laughing still. Then the old lady did this …”
I watched as she brought her hands up, made one into a loose fist and the other hand she pointed her finger and slid it into her circled fist.
What kind of video was this?
I stayed silent. There were no words, and she was clearly not done explaining this educational video she watched.
“She said the guy does this to make babies and that was having sex. Since you and daddy were kissing, that meant you were going to have sex and make babies, right?”
It was time to change the subject. “Do you want a brother or sister?”
She shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. Can we eat now?”
So that went well. Now I only had to figure out how to tell Easton about everything Cheyenne and I had talked about. I was certain he was going to want to scare this Tucker kid for hurting his baby girl.
If anything we needed to check the parental settings on her phone.
The next week flew by. I got my IUD taken out—not the best feeling in the world, and my CT was scheduled for today.
I wasn’t nervous like I’d been in the past. I felt great—pain-free, and I couldn’t wait to get it over with so I could start my next journey of becoming a mother.
All the way to the hospital Easton held my hand. I told him that I wasn’t nervous or worried, but he did it because that was what he did. The entire situation felt like déjà vu. Cat scan machines and I were starting to become old friends.
Once I was called back and given a gown to change into, the nurse stuck an IV in my arm so contrast could flow through my body while getting the scan done. She explained that once they administered the dye, my belly would warm and it would feel as though I needed to pee. I smiled and told her I knew the deal. It wasn’t my first rodeo.
Everything went fine, and I was in and out in less than ten minutes. “So tonight,” Easton grinned at me, “we gonna do this or what?”
I laughed. “You mean have sex?”
“Yeah, but without a condom.” Since getting my IUD taken out, we’d been using condoms because I wanted to have my scan done and not harm the baby.
“Let’s wait a few days until Dr. Bloom calls me with the results.”
He groaned. “Fine but as soon as you get that call, we’re fuckin, nothing between us.”
“You’ll be the first one I call,” I joked.
“Better be.”
When you try not to think of something it’s almost without fail that you will think about it. Especially when you continually get texts from your sister and best friend asking if you’d heard anything about your results. They were stressing me out. Luckily I had wine, and that helped me forget that anytime my phone rang, it could be Dr. Bloom.
I was putting coffee in a travel mug so I could head into Halo when my phone finally rang.
“Hello?”
“Brooke, it’s Dr. Bloom. How are you?”
“I’m doing well. Been waiting for your call.”
There was a slight pause before he responded. “I got the report regarding your CT.” He paused again. “They found another mass.”
The travel mug slipped from my hand, causing a loud bang against the granite countertop. I watched as the creamy liquid spilled out and onto the stone surface. “I don’t understand. Six months ago you said there was only scar tissue.”
“It still could be.”
In the pit of my gut, I knew it wasn’t. “But I feel fine. I don’t hurt.”
“Again, this could still be scar tissue. Sometimes it takes a while to form completely. Let’s not worry about it until after we have it biopsied.”
Coffee dripped onto the floor, and I didn’t move to clean it up. Instead, I watched it fall.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
It’s true what they say. Not everything goes as planned.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Easton
When my marriage started to fail with Dana, I never thought I’d have more children. Hell, I was certain I would never marry again. Now, I was married—happier than I’d ever been—and talking about having another Peanut. I nicknamed Cheyenne after I saw the first ultrasound. Cheyenne was the size of a peanut, and so that was what I called her before I even found out she was a girl. Since Brooke and I were about to start trying for a brother or sister for Cheyenne, I needed to come up with another name.
As I drove to the gym after dropping off Cheyenne at school, I thought about new names:
Bean—No.
Bud—Um, no.
Buttercup—Possibly depending on if it were a girl.
I needed a boy’s nickname. I was determined to have a boy this time so I could carry on my last name and all that. Plus, someone to roughhouse with.
Lad—No. Who called their son lad?
Monkey—I could work with that name.
Never Stop (The Halo Series Book 3) Page 21
