CHAPTER 16
Since Garrett was doing so much to help investigate Chloe’s death, the Ellis Family decided to hold Chloe’s viewing and services at the Mackenzie Funeral Home. No one from the family was here yet, but they would arrive soon.
Close family members often arrived before the visitation to prepare and have private time with the deceased. There’d be an open casket today. Everyone would see Chloe in her restful slumber. I cringed thinking about what she must look like dead. Although, the work Millie and the guys did was so good, I swore some of the bodies looked like they’d wake up and talk. Imagining Chloe’s posed corpse gave me the heebie jeebies. I moved past the viewing room door without peeking.
The “cookies and mourning” tables—what I call the break area folks went to have a snack, and sometimes, a good cry—were empty. I went to the office to offer help, even though Garrett might still be mad at me for earlier. Surely, we could put aside our differences long enough to help Chloe’s family say goodbye.
Ryder whistled through his teeth. “You clean up nice, Mattie.”
“Thanks.” I blushed.
Garrett looked up from his computer and smiled. I felt relieved. Maybe he wasn’t as mad as I’d thought. He came over and asked if I was okay.
“I’m good.” It was sort of true. “Thought I’d come down early and help.”
“The viewing room’s ready,” Garrett said. “We just need to set up the coffee and cookies.”
Since we moved in, mom and I helped set up a number of funerals. “I’ll do it.”
“Sure thing,” Ryder answered.
Garrett got a serious look on his face. “I’ll help her. Let me grab the cookies. Meet you at the tables.”
“Sounds good.” Garrett’s expression looked troubled. Maybe he was mad after all.
I pulled some coffee out of the cabinet, placed filters in the baskets and emptied the foil packets into them. Water went in the top, the regular and decaf carafes got placed below, and I flipped the switch. It reminded me of the first funeral I worked.
A young girl was struck and killed by a drunk driver. The entire community came to pay their respects. The parents had their hands full with the crowd. I noticed her younger sister crying alone in the back of the viewing room.
She had on a soft pink dress and black patent shoes. Her hair was full of brown curls, which fell forward as she hung her head and cried. It was so sad to watch this girl who could have been dressed for a celebration sit alone crying.
Thinking it would help, I gave the girl some tissues. I let her wipe her face and told her, ‘So sorry for your loss…time should help ease your pain’. I actually thought I was doing a good job comforting her.
Then this child, no more than seven, told me something that sounded so grown up, it shocked me.
“I’m sad she’s gone, but all the love and fun stuff we did stays forever. I cry because I’ll miss making new memories with her.”
She was young to sound so wise.
The nutty aroma shook me out of the past. I watched coffee stream into the first pot when Garrett found me.
“Wanna help me with these?” He shook a bag of chocolate mints at me. We expected quite a few people, but one person could have easily set up the refreshment table. He wanted to talk and wasn’t going to let me off the hook.
Not knowing what to say, or even where to begin, I just shook my head and quietly followed him.
I resisted making eye contact as Garrett opened the bag. My eyes followed a vintage floral pattern up the wall until it met the ceiling. He cleared his throat, and I traced some leafy vines back down. When he finally caught my attention, he signaled me to give him a small crystal bowl, one reserved for the special mints. I slid it his way and returned my gaze to the wall puzzle.
“You know, you can try to ignore me, but I don’t give up.”
“Easily,” I said instinctually, and pulled my eyes from the wall. He caught my glance and I had a hot flash.
“What?”
“Sorry. Don’t you mean you don’t give up easily?”
“No. I don’t give up.”
“Oh.” It was hard for me to decipher his meaning because I was starting to feel all jumbled up. Upset about how I stomped off earlier, and unsure of his response.
It didn’t help that I was well aware of our physical attraction. Keeping my eyes off him in his dark tailored suit, and crisp white shirt was difficult. We were close enough I could smell his clean, sexy scent, which tempted me as much as looking at him. I wanted to flirt and joke with him. I wanted to do even more, but I was too unsettled. Chloe was dead in the next room. We still had the viewing, and services—and little time left to say our goodbyes, because in just a few hours she’d be gone. Forever.
“I don’t give up. But I can be patient.” Garrett stopped working, and I noticed he had set everything out on the table. I had done nothing except reluctantly passed him a candy dish and deliberately ignored him. Why couldn’t I be normal?
“Sorry. It looks nice.” Our eyes met, and kept focused until the stare turned intimate. There was no denying it. I felt another heat spike through my entire body.
“Mattie,” Garrett stepped toward me and I inadvertently pulled back. My eyes darted away. First, finding the visitation room, then the floor. “You’re allowed to have feelings.”
“Pardon me?”
“It’s okay to feel confused.” Garrett took my hand. “Do you want to see her?”
I was shocked. What did he say? What did he mean? What was happening right now? How could so many feelings—anger, avoidance, confusion, lust, fear, and sadness—pass through me at once? Maybe it was grief. I wasn’t sure how to handle the flood of emotions. But, I did think seeing her might help. I nodded fast and hoped if anything strange happened, it would be during a private moment before Chloe’s family arrived.
My pulse raced, but my legs felt trapped in sludge as Garrett walked me to the casket. The room was quiet. It was just the three of us, or two and a corpse. I stood there and looked her over.
Blonde waves framed her pretty face—Millie had outdone herself, and so had the guys—she looked dead, but still a lot like Chloe. She wore a tasteful floral dress. It was probably something her mom brought in because it was a lot nicer than the dressing gowns I’d seen before.
It’s shocking how much a person can look asleep, when they’re really dead. Her hands and arms didn’t have a rubbery sheen, but I knew they’d be cold. I started to cry. After staring some more, my chest and lungs tightened. Feelings overwhelmed me and I bawled. Garrett put a hand on my arm to reassure me, but my head sank.
“Can I have a minute?”
“Sure.” He squeezed my hand then left.
The place felt emptier than when he was here. Alone with Chloe’s body, I cried until the tears burned, then started mumbling.
“I’m sorry. I should have stayed. I should have tried to help you more. I’m so sorry, Chloe!” Clutching the edge of the casket, I cried and explained.
“Jos, Nina and I tried to help, but you wouldn’t listen. You know I couldn’t stay and watch him hurt you, not after what he did to me. Mom needed me. She did, but I used it as an excuse to run far away. I abandoned you.” The irony was not lost on me. I’d run away from this place, this town, and everyone in it, only to end up right back where it all started. And in what seemed a deeper mess than I’d left. My head pounded, and I was starting to sound crazy—justifying my actions to a dead girl. It was time to say a proper goodbye, and get myself cleaned up before her mom showed up.
“I’m sorry. I know you didn’t do this. I promise I’ll find whoever did this, and make sure everyone else knows it too. Whatever it takes.” I patted her cold hand, said goodbye, and walked out of the viewing room.
Glad for tissue boxes, I snagged a couple and dried my tears.
“She feels guilty,” a female voice said.
My brain didn’t register it until I got near the office. Jos. The door was partially
open and Jos was talking with someone. My head bobbed left and saw Jos talking with Garrett. Curious about their conversation, I took a few steps forward and to the right then hid so I could listen.
“Mattie felt responsible for all of us,” Jos said. “When she left, things got worse between Tab and Chloe. Even though Mattie managed to avoid most of the bad stuff for a while, she felt guilty about it. She tried to keep in touch, but had her hands full at home.”
I wondered why Jos was telling all this to Garrett. Maybe my hysterics in the viewing room had led to more discussions of my sanity.
“When Chloe reached out recently, Mattie hesitated. She was just overwhelmed with this move and helping her mom. She didn’t have the time or the energy to get involved right away. But they did talk before Chloe died. I don’t know. I guess Mattie feels partly responsible.”
What? I wondered what she meant.
“You mean for Chloe’s death?”
“You know, for not helping her sooner. Mattie probably thinks she could have done something more. We all do.”
A knot moved from my stomach to my throat. My vision blurred as I fought the urge to cry.
“She is not responsible for Chloe’s death,” Garrett’s voice had an edge to it. Similar to the edge he had when we argued with Tess about the suicide.
“I know it,” Jos said. “And I think she knows it. But, maybe Mattie believes she could have saved Chloe. It’s what they had in common.”
“The need to save people?” Garrett understood. I’d told him about the night at the lake.
“Yeah. Mattie’s been saving people since we were kids. Chloe helped save her from Tab. But Mattie couldn’t save Chloe. Even though she wasn’t responsible, I think she wishes she could have done something more. It’s crushing her.”
The wall couldn’t hold me up. I started to sway, but made it to a chair. I laid my arms on the table, dropped my head, and let the tears flow.
Garrett and Jos found me crying. I wasn’t in a chapel, although, it was near a casket room. A lot of people cried in this place. This was the mourning area Garrett and I had set up earlier.
Jos was the first to say anything. “Cookie?” She held out an oatmeal chocolate chip. I looked up and laughed. Garrett smiled thinly. He looked worried. I lifted my head and shoulders off the table and bit into the cookie.
“Didn’t mean to mess things up,” I apologized.
“You didn’t mess anything up,” Garrett said. “You can hardly tell anyone’s been here, except for the missing cookie.”
“I could put it back if you want.”
“Customers don’t appreciate half-eaten cookies.”
“I guess I’ll just have to finish it then.” For a minute I forgot Jos was standing right there. I tried to eat and flirt, but ended up with cookie crumbs down my front. Bet they looked awesome with my mascara stained cheeks.
“Girl, you’re a mess. Let’s get you fixed up before Mrs. E sees you.” Jos and Garrett helped me up. Jos took my arm and walked me through the hall and up to the apartment. I let us in. We were in the kitchen, and I still had half a cookie, so I pointed to the cabinet where Jos could find the glasses. “Milk?” I asked.
“Sure. But only if you sit for a minute.”
I pulled out a striped chair and sat.
“I like your place,” she said as she sat at the table with me. “Want to show me the rest?”
I shrugged. Giving a tour didn’t seem important right now.
“After you eat your cookie.”
The apartment was small, and she’d see half of it walking between here and the bathroom anyway. Maybe showing her around the apartment was the distraction I needed. I drank the milk then showed Jos around.
We walked through the kitchen, the living room and into bedroom. Jos picked up a photo. It was taken before I left school, and sat in a collection of family pictures on the dresser. Nina, Jos, Chloe and I had gone out to dinner, which we couldn’t afford to do that often, so it was special. It was kind of like a last supper, only none of us knew it then. The day after, I got the call about mom’s heart attack—so, I packed and left.
I sighed and Jos put the photo back down.
“How about we freshen up?” She smiled.
I headed toward the restroom. She followed me in and leaned against the counter.
“You’re a beautiful person, even without touch-ups. I just thought you might feel better if Mrs. E saw you without black streaks.”
“Thanks.”
“No problem. You wanna talk about it?”
“Not really.” I rifled through my makeup bag.
“When you do. I’m here.”
“I know,” I wiped away the mascara smears under my eyes with a soft, wet cloth. “I’ll come around, eventually.”
“I know.”
I dried my face and patted on some foundation to cover the redness. Jos handed me blush and lipstick. I swiped some on then made a dramatic air kiss to signify I was close to normal again, and ready to go.
“You know he’s hot for you,” Jos said. We walked out of the apartment and headed down the stairs.
“He’s hot,” I agreed. “But I don’t know if it’s for me.”
“Oh, it’s for you. But, you can’t see it. You’ve got too much going on. Do what you need to grieve. But, when this is over, go after what you want. You deserve to have some fun.”
“Thanks, Jos.” We hugged each other at the bottom of the stairs, just outside the viewing room.
“Oh, that’s beautiful. You two always did get me worked up. Can I get in the middle?” His voice made me sick.
“You’re a slime,” Jos said.
“Who let you in here anyway?” My voice was low with anger close to erupting.
Jos and I stood opposite Tab.
“I came in the back door,” Tab looked amused. Must have thought is was a real accomplishment getting in here on the day his ex-girlfriend—the one he mistreated and beat—was being buried.
“The back door is for the trash,” I spat.
“I don’t mind back doors, or trash. Neither did Chloe. But you knew that already, didn’t you Mattie?”
I lunged at him. Just before I made contact, Garrett grabbed me by the waist and whirled me around until I was out of harm’s way. Garrett ended up between Tab and me. I began to protest, but Garrett raised a hand to stop me, and I shut my mouth. He turned back around to Tab.
“You need to leave now,” Garrett growled.
“Hey big guy. Came to pay my respects. Thought this was a free country,” Tab acted like he wasn’t going to leave.
“It is a free country, but this is my house. You aren’t welcome in my house, or anywhere else these ladies happen to live, work or play.” Garrett got really close to Tab. Part of me wished he’d kick Tab to the curb. Heck, we’d be better off if he chased Tab out of the state, but I worried something really bad might happen, so I stepped out from behind Garrett. My plan was to ask him to leave, but I’d had it.
“I can’t believe you had the nerve to come here. You abused Chloe—repeatedly—and now you’re trying to intimidate us. On the day we’re burying her, no less. What is wrong with you?”
Tab got within an inch of my face. I tensed and felt flush with fear, but stood my ground.
“Nothing wrong with me, just saying goodbye.”
If it were anyone but Tab, I might have felt bad. “Chloe loved you once. If you ever loved her, for any amount of time, you’ll leave. Right now. There are too many painful memories of her with you. Please, let her family…let us give her the sendoff she deserves.”
“Yeah, I got somewhere to be anyway,” Tab said. He put his hand up and tweaked my chin. “One of these days, Mattie. I’m gonna catch you. Maybe then we can have some fun.”
Garrett moved forward and grabbed Tab’s arm.
“I’ll see you soon, Mattie.” Tab’s smile widened.
Garrett yanked Tab away from us and ushered him out of the building.
At th
is point, I didn’t care if he stuffed Tab in a dumpster and left to rot. Tab had no right to be here. The guy had no self-control—he enjoyed liquor almost as much as he enjoyed toying with people. He’d been the center of Chloe’s world until she broke free of his abusive ways. I began to wonder if he might have killed her just because she left him.
“Are you okay?” Jos asked.
“Sure,” I said it too quickly.
“You’re shaking.”
“I’ll be fine. Let’s get in there. We can talk about this later.”
I pushed the Viewing Room door open. Immediately, I caught sight of Chloe’s mom. She was up at the casket, dressed in a dark grey suit. Her head lowered. She was crying over her daughter’s body. It hurt behind my eye. Then I noticed tears beginning to form and tried to blink them away.
“Mattie. Jos,” a deep voice called to us. It was Chloe’s dad. He wore an expensive looking black suit and shiny shoes. We walked over to the first row of folding chairs to see him.
“It’s good to see you girls.” He leaned over and hugged us one at a time. “Wish it were under better circumstances.”
“Good to see you too, Mr. E,” Jos said.
“Sorry for your loss.” In the short time we’d lived here, I’d heard the phrase uttered a number of times. This felt different. I was sorry for his loss, but it went beyond today. It was about the years Mr. Ellis spent away from his family, providing for them and working at his career. It seemed like the right thing to say to Chloe’s father, but I wasn’t sure it would help. He might have seen it in my eyes.
“Chloe spoke highly of both you girls,” he said. “Mattie, I know you tried to help Chloe many times. And now, you’re helping prove she didn’t do this terrible thing.”
Mrs. Ellis turned and walked toward us. It was obvious she was devastated. I’d experienced pain when we lost grandma, but I didn’t even want to imagine what it was like for them to lose a child.
“We’re truly grateful.” Mrs. Ellis put her arms around me. We hugged each other tighter and tighter while we tried to hold back tears. At that moment, we shared the devastation.
Red Ochre Falls Page 16
