by Jenny Wood
Joker
“Hey,” I said, more nervous than I had any right to be.
“Hey.” He replied.
“Come to get ink?” I ask.
“No.” He answers back. He’s not making this easy.
“So, I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I know I kind of got you in trouble with your…dad?” I ask, not knowing exactly what the relationship is there. He rolls his eyes and relaxes.
“He’s not my dad, but I guess he kind of is, in a weird way. He and Cameron are kind of like, my honorary, stand-ins. All those assholes out there are like my brothers, and you didn’t get me in trouble. I don’t get in trouble; I’m too old to get into trouble. He’s just protective and believe it or not, he really meant well; it just came off a little shittier than it should’ve.” He explains what I’d already known.
“No, yeah. I know.” I say. “I get it.”
“Okay, well. I’m sorry it was awkward.” He offers.
“I think I helped with that. I’m new in town and not very social; I’m still learning how to function in society.” I roll my eyes and try to play it off as a joke about being sheltered. He doesn’t know how true that statement is or the reason behind it.
“Well, I’m newly back in town; maybe I can show you around.” He smiles, and it’s this genuine, sincere, hopeful smile. “I was about to get lunch across the street, wanna join me?” He asks. I think for a minute, all the reasons why this is a terrible idea but in the end; I agree. He seems like a nice guy, a genuinely nice guy and he’s adorable and non-threatening. I’d be a fool not to want to spend time with him.
“Alright,” I say, and he beams. We walk out into the gallery and tell the guys we’re going across the street. Kingsley smirks but doesn’t say anything but Kayson of course teases as we’re walking out.
“Oh, just look how cute our little Jasey is, holding the door open like a gentleman.” Kayson’s voice takes on a much higher octave, and he sounds ridiculous. I tried not to smile when I see Jase shoot him a death glare. Much like any facial reaction Jase makes, it’s a cute one. He wears every expression so openly on his face; the guy wouldn’t know a secret, I suspect.
“They have the best broccoli-cheddar soup here,” he tells me as we cross the street. I open the door for him this time, and he actually blushes. This is what I mean about non-threatening; he’s adorable, like Conner is with Kayson and Morgan is with Kingsley. Like I just want to pick him up and put him in my pocket, he’s so fucking cute.
“Do you and the guys still come here about every day of the week?” He smirks knowingly.
“Several times a week, yeah.” I laugh at his scoff when I answer.
“Take a seat, fellas. I’ll be with ya in just a second.” The new lady, Cheryl says to us.
“Who is that?” Jase asks.
“That’s Cheryl; she’s only been here a few weeks,” I tell him. I didn’t know much about her, but I knew she was a single mom and had a two-year-old son. She was also very nice and takes her job very seriously; she was quick and efficient and on top of everything.
“What can I get you, boys?” Cheryl rushes to our table and asks us for our drinks. We’re both ready to order as well, having both been here plenty of times to know without looking. Jase orders the soup, and I get a turkey club sandwich with light mayo, no pickles. We’re quiet while Cheryl brings us our soda’s. We both thank her before she leaves.
“Not a busy day at the shop?” Jase asks when we’re alone.
“We were this morning; and we’re booked this evening, but we have a couple of hours in between that were supposed to be for inventory day. Kayson is on high alert, doing it all himself, trying to figure out what all we need and what will need to be re-ordered,” I explain.
“That has to be a headache. I could never own my own business.” He laughs, shaking his head at just the thought.
“I dunno, I like the idea of working for myself,” I say honestly. Having something that I made, myself after the life I’ve lived. It would be quite the accomplishment. I don’t tell him that, of course.
“Yeah, but you get to make your own hours at the shop, and the guys are fun to hang out with all day.” He smiles. “Maybe not Kingsley.” He says after a minute of rethinking that answer.
“Kingsley’s not so bad unless he’s being riled up.” I scoff, thinking about Kayson and Kingsley together. That makes for an interesting, sometimes annoying, sometimes really fun work day; depending on the day.
“Try living with them.” He deadpans.
“I’ve lived with worse,” I say, thinking of all the guys in jail I’ve bunked with.
“Yeah? Where did you live before coming here?” He asks me. I know he’s just trying to get to know me, but I’m unsure of how much I should say.
“Colorado,” I tell him honestly.
“Sounds cold.” He says.
“In the winter, it’s beautiful in the summer though.” I let him know. The view of the mountains in real life is better than any postcard or picture you could find.
“I bet.” He agrees. “How old are you?” He asks.
“25, you?”
“I’ll be 20 in nine days.” He tells me.
“Going to have a big party?” I wink, trying to remember the day I turned 20. All my days ran together inside; I don’t remember if I even acknowledged the day.
“Nah, I was thinking about going down to Kingsley and Morgan’s, and having a bonfire on the beach.” He says.
“Y’all have beaches around here?” I ask, sarcastically. The accents of these southern gentleman, are insanely attractive; especially someone like Jase that’s grown up here in Georgia.
“If there’s a large body of water and some sand, it’s a beach.” He explains. I always thought beaches were at the ocean, but what do I know. “You wanna come?” He invites me.
“Alright,” I say after deliberating for only a minute. I wouldn’t have been able to say “no” that smile if Jody was standing right here, demanding that I do. The kid was going to be a weakness; I could already tell.
“You’ll come?” He confirms, and I nod. “Gimme your phone.” He reaches across the table with his hand out. I look at him like he’s crazy, but I dig my phone out of my pocket and hand it over. I watch him bend his head as he unlocks my screen and begins to type what I presume is his number, into my phone. After only a minute, I hear his chime from his pocket. He locks my screen back, and hands mine back to me while digging his out and opens it. He goes on to type, smiling all the while and in a second, I get a chime back on mine. I smile as I see his name already flashing across the screen.
Me: Hi, Jase. You look really nice today, and I know that because I’m currently sitting across from you, watching you type this message.
I laugh at the message he wrote himself from my phone.
Jase: Oh, this ol’ thing? I hardly had time to do my hair this morning, but thank you for your kind words. This here is my number, you already have it, but feel free to use it sometime.
“I think I’ve read somewhere that having full fledged conversations with yourself is an early sign of schizoid personality disorder,” I tell him with a straight face. He throws his head back and laughs, clearly surprised at my reaction.
“Yeah, it probably is. Don’t tell anybody, okay?” He laughs in answer as Cheryl brings us out our food. We thank her again, and I watch Jase smile at me as he slurps his soup. Oh yes, this kid is going to be a weakness.
We sat at the diner for a good half hour after we both finished eating. I learned that not only was Jase funny and sarcastic and a lot of fun to be around. He was compassionate and friendly, and he got to know Cheryl in between runs to our table and others. He had her laughing and teasing like he’d known her his whole life. He was easy to talk to charming, and his laugh was the most addictive sound I’d ever heard.
“I better head back,” I told him after Cheryl had left us for the tenth time to check on another table. Jase agreed, and we both stood. We bot
h pulled out our wallets, but I insisted. He didn’t argue but made me promise that it was his treat next time. I liked that, and I agreed without hesitation. We said our goodbye’s to Cheryl as we walked out and Jase had left her a sizeable tip. He told me that his jeep was parked behind Conner’s bookstore, so we said our goodbyes on the sidewalk. He winks as he walked away and I had the urge to follow him back there for just a couple extra minutes of his good mood. I didn’t feel myself smiling until I walked back into the shop and was greeted with Jody’s more than pissed off expression pointed at me and it fell.
“Got a minute?” He seethed, not waiting for my answer before turning and walking to the back room.
“Ut-oh, someone’s in troooouble.” Kingsley sang, watching me follow behind Jody with purpose. I flipped him off but otherwise didn’t answer. The shop wasn’t busy, and Kayson was no longer in the back, but sitting at the computer up front, I assume, redoing a delivery order.
“Look, I realize that you don’t know me that well,” I started the second I cleared the red curtain that separated the front from the back rooms. I didn’t give him time to insult me again, so I decided to say my piece while I could. “I’m not a bad guy. Have I made mistakes? Yes. Haven’t you?” I asked but didn’t give him time to answer. “I understand that Jase is part of your family, and I respect you for looking out for him. But I’ve never given you any reason to not trust me around him and to be completely honest, he’s an adult; he’s capable of making his own decisions, and he asked me to lunch, and I wasn’t going to be rude. I don’t have friends here; I like it here, and he’s not looked at me with that silent or not so fucking silent judgment that’s written all over your face. You don’t have to know me, you don’t have to like me but for fuck sake, gimme’ a break.” I finished, getting a little ahead of myself. Fuck.
“I was going to apologize for the way I reacted yesterday, but I like this approach better.” He replied. I really did get ahead of myself; I’ve been so good about keeping my mouth shut, and I should’ve just kept that shit up right now. “I don’t have a real family; I have a chosen family. They chose me, and I chose them; Jase is a part of that,” he paused until I nodded that I understood. “He’s a good kid. No, he’s a great fucking kid. He doesn’t get in trouble, and I know you’ve been in trouble, it’s written all over your quiet and watchful demeanor. I’ll even bet you’ve been inside.” He says, nailing that particular nail on the head. It doesn’t feel good; it leaves a sour taste in my mouth that he’s guessed that just by looking at me. It makes me wonder what else he sees and if that’s the way he hasn’t taken a second to get to know me at all. I’m afraid all of the sudden to hear what else he has to say; I’m afraid of what else he might see.
“He gets good grades, and he has goals. He’s never had a serious boyfriend or even someone he’s mentioned to us- his family. I see the way that he looks at you and fuck if I don’t see the way you look at him back; but you remember, you’ve got a room full of his family that you have to see almost every day, so you better not fuck that up.” He finishes. I don’t have words of objection because his points are all valid. I wouldn’t bet on me with a dollar at stake. I’m a shitty bet.
I settle on saying nothing. I nod my acknowledgment and maybe a little bit in acceptance. This is why I tried to settle in and keep my mouth shut; to avoid shit like this.
The next few days, I went back to the guy I was before I got here. I kept myself to myself, and when I wasn’t at the shop, I stayed at home and tried not to think about the good time I’d had at lunch with Jase, feeling like a normal 25-year-old guy, having lunch with a guy he’d found attractive. One hour; that’s all it took for me to forget with him. One hour. It took less than five minutes for the reminder.
It was hard to put him out of my mind because he was determined to wanna stay there. He had my number now, so during the day he’d send me silly pictures from the internet with funny captions or ridiculous quotes or song lyrics. He’d send me pictures of whatever he was doing, out and about. I tried not to answer him, more than once but I found myself smiling whenever my phone beeped, and for a fraction of a second, I enjoyed that he was thinking about me.
Jase: I know I hijacked your phone and added myself into it so if I’m bugging you, just tell me to buzz off and I will.
That was the message I got yesterday from him. I’d not answered him back, and I was feeling shitty as fuck that I’d let him think that he was bothering me. It was easier this way though, wasn’t it? To let him think that I just didn’t want his friendship or want him around or that I was too busy to reply or something. It was killing though because I did want him around and I did want his friendship; I just wasn’t good enough for I t.
I wasn’t used to this woe is me, bullshit, because I’d never given a shit if someone liked me or not. Matter of fact, in prison, I tried like to hell to make sure nobody did like me. For so long, I’d swore by the decision I made, and I didn’t regret a single second of it. I’d do it over and over again because my sister deserved the justice that she never got; but right now, now that I’d seen Jase and gotten to know him just a little bit. I found myself regretting the man I was and the past that I had, and that pissed me off.
“Alright, I’m gonna give you a pamphlet on how to take care of this, I want you to leave this wrap on for a few hours, and when you take a shower or whatever later, I want you to pat it dry, do not rub. Okay?” I asked the young guy sitting in my chair that just got his girlfriend’s name tattooed on his arm. I wanted to turn him away because he was only eighteen, and I could almost guarantee this kid would be back for us to cover it up or have someone else do it. But, I was also feeling rebellious because I knew that he was just a little younger than Jase, and I wanted to think that he knew his own mind. So, I warned the guy and asked more than once during prep if he was positive he wanted it, and he was adamant, so… now it’s done.
“Thanks, man, I know she’s gonna love it.” He was all smiles, and although I didn’t want to smile back, I didn’t want to shit on his parade. I smiled and taped off the wrapping and told him that he could meet Conner in the front for his paperwork and receipt. I got to work cleaning up my area and diligently ignoring everyone around me like I’d been doing for the last few days.
“Kayson, where’d you get that cake that could make the whole thing a big picture?” Jody yelled at Kayson over the music.
“MaConroe’s” Kayson answered. I knew Jody was looking it up on his phone because Jase’s birthday party at the beach was next week. I’d tried to ignore them the best I could, but it seemed like the more I tried, the louder they got.
“Do you still have that picture of Jase passed out with Kady, in makeup and that princess dress?” Kingsley asked. I chuckled at his idea of a birthday picture.
“I have it, baby!” Morgan chimed in from his seat across from Cameron by the door. They were looking at churches for Kayson and Conner’s wedding, and Conner was calling places they’d all agreed on to ask if they would object to marrying same-sex couples. So far, only one had.
“Send it to me, would ya?” Jody laughed, surprising me that he’d agree to that. He seemed like a stick-up-his-ass kind of guy with little sense of humor. I liked that he was going to do something fun for Jase’s birthday.
“You coming to the beach next weekend for the party? Jase said he personally invited you.” Kingsley asked me, wiggling his brows on that last bit.
“Nah, I’ll send him a gift with you guys though, if you wouldn’t mind taking it.” I offer, trying not to be a dick and outright refusing.
“Oh, come on. What else do you have to do?” Kingsley goaded. The truth was, I didn’t have shit to do. I was going to go home, go for a run, work out and eat dinner in front of the TV like I did, every night. I checked in with my parole officer in Colorado once a week, and I went to a clinic in the town over for a monthly drug test that was just a part of my parole. I wasn’t an alcoholic or drug offender, so my PO didn’t hassle me until it w
as paperwork time and the state required it. Because I got an early release, I had to request permission to leave the state, but because the judge at my sentencing knew the judge for my parole, I didn’t have strict stipulations. Thankfully. Other than that, and work, I had no other obligations, no other form of a life.
I didn’t answer Kingsley, and that led to more questions. Was I seeing someone? Where was I going to be? Was it a man or a woman? The more they asked, the shittier I felt and the shittier I felt, the quieter I became. Closing yourself off was hard, and I hated it, but protecting myself and the people around me from finding out my past. I just had to deal.
Jase
My online classes started on Monday. Technically, I only had to log in to my discussions and participate three times a week at any time, the first one being before Wednesday. Each week had one quiz or test and one homework assignment. Sounded easy, but taking four classes with each assignment being reading and/or writing papers that were anywhere from 3-10 pages long. It was going to be more time consuming than I thought. Luckily, my two nights a week at the shelter were the days that I’d carved out for class. So, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I dedicated an eight-hour day to school, just like I would regular school. Tuesday and Thursday, I worked at the shelter and then my weekends were for whatever.
This weekend was my last weekend before it got hectic and the guys had agreed to my beach bonfire. I tried to be excited about it because I’d heard it through the grapevine (Kingsley) that there was going to be alcohol, but I knew from the total radio silence from Joker that he wasn’t likely to come and that bummed me out. Shame on me for getting a little too friendly I guess; my charm must’ve worn off before we’d gotten to see each other again. Or maybe he was just being nice when we went to lunch, and in reality, he didn’t like the idea of us at least being friends. I’ll admit, that part sucked. It wasn’t like I couldn’t control my attraction to him, I thought I’d done a pretty good job with just being normal. Sure, he was the only “friend-type” person in my phone that wasn’t family, Ms. Jay or my new employer, but still… I didn’t think that I was overly obnoxious or anything, but maybe I was. Maybe he didn’t like memes or silly songs, and I was driving him crazy. I’d likely never know. Still, after not hearing from him after several texts, I gave up. Regretfully.
