by Street, K.
“Good deal.” East craned his neck to see into the living room. Then, he stood to his full height, crossed his arms over his chest, and pinned me with a glare. “You want to tell me what the hell is going on between you and my sister?”
I mimicked his stance. “What makes you think there’s something going on between me and your sister?”
“Because I have eyes, man. I’m not blind,” he seethed.
I’d figured he wasn’t going to take this well, but at least my balls were still intact. “I guess we’re overdue for a conversation.”
“You bet your ass we are.”
“Where’s your sister?”
Saylor wasn’t ready to hear my confession.
“In the shower.”
I made sure to keep my face neutral. The last thing I needed was my best friend thinking I’d conjured an image of his baby sister, naked, in the shower.
He stopped me before I even got started. “The next words out of your mouth had better not be I don’t know.”
“Truth?”
“That would be fucking appreciated.” His words were a barely contained growl.
I looked my best friend dead in the eye. “I’m in love with her.”
No. That isn’t right. Not just her.
I rephrased my answer. “I love them. I’m in love with them.”
Holy shit. I’m in love with them.
He scoffed, “You can’t be serious.”
Easton and I had been best friends since we were in the Boy Scouts. We had gone to college together. East knew me better than just about anyone. He was the brother I never had. That was how he knew when I was bullshitting and when I wasn’t.
East was still in protective big-brother mode. “Does she know?”
“No way, man. She’s not ready for that.”
If I told her, she’d run like a pack of wild dogs were nipping at her heels.
“You’re right. So, what game are you playing?”
I stood ramrod straight. “Are you really asking me that?”
We glared at one another.
East finally backed down. “She’s my baby sister.”
“I know.”
“You really love them?”
I didn’t even need to think about it. “With all that I am.”
“So help me God, Jase, if you hurt her—”
“It won’t be her who gets hurt,” I cut him off.
He relaxed his posture. “I don’t envy you, man. You’ve got your work cut out for you.”
“I know.”
Each of us picked up our beer and drank.
Saylor came into the kitchen and stopped in the entryway.
Her long blonde hair, still damp from the shower, had been woven into a braid. My eyes roamed over her, taking in her pink-and-red-plaid flannel pajamas. The socks on her feet were ones I recognized because I had bought them for her. They were sort of plain compared to the others, red with two thin white stripes. Printed on the bottom was Sock One and Sock Two. When I had seen them, I’d thought they were pretty damn funny.
“Did I miss a pissing contest or something?”
Her question drew my attention. “Nope. Not at all.”
She fixed her gaze on East.
He gave a slight shake of his head. “We’re all good.”
“Well then, stop being weird. Jase, do you mind grabbing the spaghetti noodles out of the pantry? East, will you grab the block of cheese out of the icebox?”
And, just like that, we slipped into familiar territory. I’d eaten plenty of family dinners at the Chadwicks’ over the years. If Caroline saw you standing around near dinnertime, she’d put you to work, no qualms about it.
Apparently, Saylor had inherited the trait from her mother.
After I put the box of noodles on the counter, I said, “I’m going to check on Knox,” not really directing the statement to anyone in particular.
I went into the living room and sat on the couch beside Knox. “Hey, bud.”
“Wanna sit by me?” he asked, eyes heavy.
“Sure.” I stretched my arm over the back of the couch. He moved closer and tucked himself against me. Contentment washed over me as I peeked down at him.
“It won’t be her who gets hurt.”
It would be me.
* * *
By the end of the week, Saylor needed to unplug. I saw it in her eyes, and I heard it in her voice. Easton saw it, too, because he offered to hang with Knox, so I could take his sister out. I made a plan for our date but kept the details to myself.
Friday night, when Saylor answered the door, she damn near rendered me speechless.
Her long blonde hair hung in loose waves around her shoulders. A soft gray sweater made her usual baby-blue irises the color of cornflower. Dark denim drew my eyes downward to black knee-high boots. Subtle makeup enhanced her natural beauty, and I loved that she never tried to hide her dusting of freckles.
“Wow.” I leaned in, lightly kissing her lips.
“Hi.” Her eyes sparkled. “I’ve been looking forward to this for days.”
“You don’t even know what we’re doing.”
“Honestly, it doesn’t matter. I just want to be with you, without all the noise.”
I ran my thumb down her cheek. “You okay?”
“Yes. Just life. It always seems like I have a million and one things that need immediate attention. I hear hammering and see numbers in my sleep.”
I kissed her again. A little deeper this time. “Well, I hope tonight gives you some peace.”
A minute later, we were in my truck, and I was feeling pretty good about the effort I had put into tonight.
Saylor moved closer, fastening herself into the middle seat. She rested her head on my shoulder, and I drove with one hand on the wheel while the other was around her. Quiet filled the cab of the truck. Being with her felt natural. There was no pressure to fill the air with a constant stream of words.
Twenty minutes later, we reached our destination. I backed in, so the bed of the truck faced the ridge of the mountains, and I put the emergency brake on.
Saylor’s eyes darted around. “Where are we?”
“I thought you could use some peace. Just stay put and give me five minutes.”
“Okay.”
I worked quickly. Most of the essentials I had stowed in the truck bed, and there were extra blankets in the backseat if we needed them.
I opened her door and extended my hand, helping her down.
We walked around to the back of the truck, and I lifted her onto the tailgate. Layers of blankets and a few pillows transformed the truck bed into something a hell of a lot more comfortable.
After Saylor got situated, I stepped onto the tailgate. Then, I took a seat beside her and reached for the insulated bag.
Blue eyes full of wonder stared across the horizon. “Jase, this is incredible.”
Her smile made every minute of planning worth it.
“I thought you might like this. Sometimes, it’s good to get away from all the noise.”
We were parked at the top of one of the ridges in a designated overlook spot. It was off-season, so we had the view all to ourselves.
She inhaled the mountain air and exhaled a content sigh.
I took out a thermos and opened it.
Steam wafted from the contents as I passed it to Saylor along with a spoon and a bottle of water.
“I made chicken and wild rice soup.”
Her jaw dropped. “You made this?”
“Why do you sound so surprised?”
“I don’t know.”
I winked at her. “Socks, I didn’t take you for the double-standard type.”
“I’m impressed; that’s all.”
“Well, you might want to save your praise until after you taste it.”
She lowered her head to the mouth of the thermos and sniffed. “It smells amazing.”
I pulled my phone from my pocket and opened one of the playlists before unwrapping th
e still-warm foil pouch with freshly baked rolls. I put one on a napkin beside Saylor and then turned my attention to my own meal.
Saylor moaned as she put a cooled spoonful into her mouth.
Sounds like that made it a little hard to be a gentleman.
“This is one of the best things I’ve ever eaten.”
“Well, I’m glad you like it.”
She picked up the roll, tore off a chunk, and popped it into her mouth.
There was that moan again.
After we finished eating, Saylor curled into my side, and I leaned against the pillows. Serenity surrounded us. Time passed, and neither of us paid attention to it. Just before the sun dipped below the horizon, the strains of “Fall into Me” by Brantly Gilbert, filled the air.
“Dance with me,” I whispered into her hair.
She studied my face for a minute and then nodded.
I gripped the side of the bed and jumped out. Moving around to the tailgate, I held my arms open to her. Saylor grasped on to my shoulders as I lowered her to the ground. I draped one of the throws over her. Then, I snaked my arms around her, resting my chin on the top of her head. She held on to my waist and laid her cheek against my heart.
I closed my eyes and committed this moment to memory. The way she smelled. How right her body felt, pressed against mine.
“Jase?”
“Socks?”
“Thank you.”
Hooking a finger beneath her chin, I tilted her gaze to mine. As the last traces of daylight faded, everything I felt for her was on display. I claimed her mouth in a slow, sensual kiss, taking my time, loving her with every stroke of my tongue.
When I leaned back to see her face, I knew, in this moment, all she saw was me.
Thirty-Four
Saylor
“Knox, hurry up.”
He loitered near the bottom of the stairs.
My stress level was escalating by the second. What I would give to go back to sitting in the bed of Jase’s pickup, staring out across the mountains in the distance.
My hands were full because I was one of those people who grabbed all the things in one trip, so I didn’t have to make two. I attempted to insert the key into the lock, but one of the thin plastic grocery sacks roped around my wrist decided to give way. The apples I’d bought fell to the ground. Thankfully, they didn’t roll far; however, the oranges were another story entirely.
“Shit.” I dropped the keys, and at the same time, my cell started ringing.
“Oh. You say a bad word.”
Ignoring my son, I knelt to grab the key ring and then reached into my purse for my phone.
I didn’t even bother to look at the screen before answering, “Hello?” My annoyance was so obvious that I nearly felt sorry for the person on the other end. I dipped my head and held the phone between my ear and my shoulder, so I had my hands free to unlock the door.
“Hey, Socks. Everything okay?”
I inserted the key into the lock and managed to turn the knob. Shoving the door open, I turned and called for Knox.
He stood on the porch steps, holding a piece of tree bark, enchanted by a stinkbug crawling on it.
“Yes. Can I call you back?”
“It’s fine. We’ll talk when you get here.”
I’d completely forgotten Knox and I were supposed to go to Jase’s for dinner.
“Jase,” I sighed. “I’m really sorry. I need a rain check.” I stepped inside, dropped the bag in the entryway, and spun to face Knox. “Son, if you do not put that down and get yourself inside this minute—”
The sentence was barely out of my mouth when Knox dropped the piece of wood like it was on fire. He bounded up the steps and came inside.
“You sound stressed.”
“Really? What gave you that idea?” I regretted my tone and the words before they made it out of my mouth. “I’m sorry.” Then, I proceeded to ramble, “I’m trying to get stuff taken care of at work because tax day is around the corner. I’m supposed to move into the house next weekend. I haven’t been to the storage unit since I moved here. There are a million other things on my mind. If I look at one more flooring option, I’ll scream. The grocery bag broke, and my produce just rolled across the porch. Knox has some freaking ridiculous leprechaun trap he has to make and bring to school by tomorrow. And, because mom-ing isn’t complicated enough, they have to throw glitter into the mix. And, to top it off, I got a well-scripted email from one of those perfect moms who has four perfect children, reminding me that I need to bring in a nut-free snack for the trapping party tomorrow, but I didn’t check my email until after I left the grocery store.”
“Baby?”
The endearment coupled with me feeling completely overwhelmed nearly brought me to tears. “Yeah?”
“Breathe.”
I inhaled and then loudly exhaled.
“Did you use mom as a verb?”
“I sure did, and I’m not even ashamed.”
“Go capture your produce. I’ll be there soon with dinner.”
I almost told him he didn’t have to. However, I was smart enough to know I was drowning, and martyrdom wasn’t attractive, so I conceded. Not only that, but I also missed him. “Thank you.”
I hung up the phone, feeling much better than I had moments ago. After I chased down my fruit and loved on my son, I finally cracked open one of the bottles of wine Jase had gotten me as a late Christmas gift.
A glass of wine, an hour and a half later, Jase showed up on the doorstep, bearing gifts and saving my sanity.
He gave me a quick peck and then headed into the kitchen with the food. “I’ll be right back. I need to run out to the truck.” On his way out the door, he rumpled Knox’s hair.
After Jase returned with the rest of his haul, he set the bags in the middle of the island. Then, he took me by the hand and pulled me into a corner of the kitchen, out of Knox’s line of sight.
Jase plucked the two yellow pencils from my hair that I had used to secure my bun, causing the locks to cascade down my back. He snaked one arm around me, pressing me into him, while the other wove into the strands at my neck. He dipped his head and claimed my mouth in a slow and gentle kiss. Then, he wrapped me in a hug and held on to me. Centering me in the way I desperately needed but hadn’t known how to ask for.
I shifted to look up at him, and when our eyes met, everything I saw staring back at me nearly stole my breath. He didn’t have to say the words. His gaze fell, but it was too late; I had already glimpsed inside his heart.
He knew I wasn’t ready to hear it, but what he didn’t know was, I grew a little bit closer to being ready every day. Therapy had been a tremendous help. I’d been seeing Dr. Gold for two months, and I used my journal as a tool to help me find balance. Most of the time, it worked despite the train wreck I had been earlier.
Jase and I were … I couldn’t handle a label, so we just were.
I stood on my tiptoes and kissed his lips. “Thank you for coming to my rescue.”
“Don’t thank me just yet; we haven’t pulled anything off.” His lips brushed my temple. “Let’s go eat. The food is getting cold.”
We stepped out of our hiding place. I peeked at Knox, who was still glued to the TV. Normally, I would feel guilty for him eating later than usual and plopping him in front of cartoons, but today had been brutal. And mom guilt could go suck it.
Jase gestured to the food containers. “I made roast, mashed potatoes with gravy, and green beans. We’ll probably need to heat it up. The store took a little longer than I’d expected.”
“It looks like you bought the place out.”
“Not quite. Is your car unlocked?”
“Yeah. Why?”
He held up three big bags of snack food that was on the approved list I had from the email.
“How did you know it was safe?”
“Google. I also read the label. I thought I’d put them in your car, so you won’t forget them in the morning.”
Holy s
hit. He really knows how to make a girl swoon.
“Thank you.” The words seemed inadequate for what he’d done. I had already mentally psyched myself up to go before I dropped Knox off at school tomorrow.
Moments later, Jase came back into the kitchen, carrying Knox on his shoulders.
“Look how tall I am.” My son raised his fists in the air as Jase lapped the island.
He grasped Knox around his arms and carefully lifted him off before setting him on the counter.
When the microwave dinged, I stirred the food and restarted it.
“Check this out, bud.” Jase emptied the bags from the store. The granite top was covered with stickers, glitter glue, dowel rods, twine, and a shoebox. “After dinner, we are going to make a leprechaun trap.”
“Wow. I can’t wait.”
“Knox, what do you tell Jase?”
“Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome. How about we set the table?”
“Okay.”
Jase helped him down.
Knox came to stand in front of me. “Mommy, now, you will not be a crazy stress ball.”
Jase and I both chuckled.
By way of explanation, I said, “I might have used that phrase earlier when we had a little chat.”
Once the food was warm and the table was set, the three of us sat down to eat. Like it was a normal thing. The way my life used to be. Only, now, it wasn’t.
It wasn’t my house.
It wasn’t my table.
It wasn’t my husband.
My hands sat in my lap, clasped in a white-knuckled grip beneath the table that wasn’t mine. Without warning, I had been cast back into the middle of the ocean.
“Grief is constant but fluid.”
“Grief crashes in waves, recedes like the tide. There are ebbs and flows.”
“Daddy is in there. You can not see him ’cause he is invisible.”
“Do you feel it?”
“Feel what?”
“Daddy knocking in there.”
“I do.”
“He knock in your heart like mine.”
