by Street, K.
He held her tight as he stood. Mom buried her face in his chest. Daddy wouldn’t let her hide though. He hooked his finger under her chin, tilting her face upward.
Their eyes locked.
“I love you, baby,” he professed.
“I love you back.” She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on the mouth.
Emotion swelled inside me at the sight of our parents. The love surrounding them was tangible. They’d had so many years together. An old, familiar ache flared in my chest.
My daddy always looked at my mama like she’d hung the moon and sprinkled the stars in the night sky. When I was little, my mother had often told me to marry a man who looked at me the way my father looked at her.
And so, I had. Then, I’d lost him.
I looked up to find Jase looking at me. And I saw it. The same look of utter adoration my father wore every time my mother walked into the room.
Grandma’s words settled in my soul.
“One day, you’ll be ready to open your heart again, and you’ll see that maybe where forever ends is just a different beginning.”
I smiled at Jase with the pieces of my heart, and he smiled at me with the whole of his.
I turned back to my parents. Dad’s head was bent as he whispered something into my mom’s ear.
“Stop that. There are children present,” I said.
Mom swiveled her head. “Knox isn’t paying us any mind.”
“I wasn’t talking about Knox, Mama.”
She giggled, and my father kissed her again. Thankfully, it was PG.
“All right, you two, you’re giving me a toothache,” I teased. “Let’s go inside.”
Everyone headed toward the porch.
Mom slipped her arm around my back as we walked together. “I love you, Saylor Rayne.”
“I love you, too, Mom.” I squished against her side.
We all filed inside. My eyes scanned the living area. The softest shade of muted gray covered the walls with white crown molding, and the baseboards added a cohesiveness to the space. I walked through the kitchen and was once again awestruck at how it’d turned out. Hands down, my favorite features were the farmhouse sink and the backsplash made up of black, white, and variegated hues of gray.
“If I could have everyone’s attention,” Easton said. Then, he reached for Knox and plopped him on the countertop.
For the first time, I noticed a basket sitting in the center of the small island along with a houseplant.
Everyone fell quiet.
Mom reached into the basket and withdrew a loaf of bread. “May your house never go hungry.” Next, she lifted out a jar of honey. “May your home be filled with sweetness.” After she replaced the items, she reached for the houseplant. “May these walls be filled with life.”
Jase went to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of wine along with a juice box. It played out like the scene from It’s a Wonderful Life.
Jase popped the straw into place and then passed Knox his drink before uncorking the wine and pouring a bit for each of us.
My dad offered up a toast, we all tapped the rims of our plastic party cups in cheer.
Without warning, Knox looked at my dad, a thoughtful expression on his face. “Papa, what is a man-whore?”
My mother choked.
Jase started laughing.
And my father pinned my brother with a glare so hard that a seasoned criminal would piss himself. “Why do I have a feeling this has something to do with you?”
Easton shook his head. His hands shot forward, palms out. Possibly in surrender or maybe denial—whatever. If you thought about it—and I had—it was absolutely his fault.
“Dad, the little dude did not hear it from me.” East pointed in my direction.
He looked at my brother in disbelief. “You expect me to believe your sister said that?”
My face remained neutral, the embodiment of innocence.
“Papa, Mommy did say that.”
“Really, Knox?” I screwed up my face at my traitorous son.
“Mommy, you say man-whore to Uncle East.”
My dad nearly busted at the seams from the effort it took to hold in his laughter. Mom and Jase snickered like fools. I shot them both a look, which only spurred them on. Of course, East stood ten inches taller, a permanent smirk etched on his face.
“Know what else, Papa?”
“Oh my Lord, son, stop being a tattletale,” I said.
“Tell me, Knox.” My father made a keep-it-coming gesture.
“There was a grape on a floor in the kitchen.”
“Really?”
“Yep. I ate it. Because a five-second rule.”
My dad gave my son a quizzical look. “Why was the grape on the floor?”
Knox’s accusatory stare landed on me. “Mommy throwed it at Uncle East.”
“What?” I screeched. “You weren’t even in the room. And I threw it at Uncle East. Not throwed,” I huffed.
Knox shrugged. “Uncle East tattled to me. He say boys have to stick together.” He made a fist and held it up. “Give me some, Uncle East.”
My brother and my son pounded knuckles and then proceeded to make the most obnoxious explosion noises.
The glorious sound of laughter filled every nook and cranny of my new home, and my soul sighed in happiness.
* * *
My parents and brother had gone home, and Knox had passed out early due to all the excitement.
I basked in the quiet moment with Jase.
Jase sat opposite me on my charcoal-gray sectional. I shut my eyes and rested my head on the arm of the couch while my feet lay in his lap.
For weeks, we had danced around a smoldering ring of fire. Every brush of his lips and stroke of his tongue stoked the flame between us.
He pressed his thumb into the arc of my foot, massaging the ache. I groaned at the contact, consumed by the way his callused hands moved over my skin.
His movements halted.
My eyes fluttered open, and I lifted my head. “Why did you stop?”
“You can’t make those kinds of sounds.” He looked like he was in pain.
“Why not?”
“You know why not.”
“All right. I’ll try to control myself.”
“Good.” He started his ministrations once more.
He hit that sweet spot, and my back arched off the couch.
“God, you’re so good with your hands.”
“Baby, you have no idea.”
I didn’t need to see the smirk to know it was there.
Jase gripped my foot and worked both of his thumbs in a circular motion.
I bit my lip and tried like hell not to moan.
“You can’t do that either.”
“What now?”
“Bite your lip like that.”
I snatched one of the throw pillows I had set on the floor earlier and tossed it at his head. I missed.
Jase reached for my hands, tugged me onto his lap, and took my mouth in a sensual kiss. My fingers pulled the hair at his nape. He nipped my bottom lip and then sucked it to soothe the ache. Done holding back, I slipped my tongue into his mouth. He tasted like healing and my new favorite wine. I scraped my fingernails against his scalp and shifted my hips. Heat rolled through my body, and wetness pooled in my core.
“Socks,” he groaned my nickname like a declaration and plea for mercy. His hands went to the back of my head, fingers twining in my hair. He took control of the kiss, claiming my mouth.
The depth of my desire burned hotter and hotter.
“Jase.” Need coursed through me, and I slowly rocked against his steel length.
Rough hands skated over my skin, shifting my hair out of the way. He lowered his head and trailed kisses along my neck. The scratch of his soft beard set fire to my skin. He gripped my waist.
I wanted more.
Of him.
Of this.
Of us.
“Mom-mee! M-mom-mee!”
<
br /> I froze.
Jase gently lifted me off his lap and hurried down the hall with me hot on his heels. He moved, allowing me to enter first, and turned on the hall light.
“I’m here, little man. You’re okay.” I dropped to my knees on the side of the bed.
“I have a bad dream,” he whimpered.
Jase knelt on the other side. “Everybody has bad dreams sometimes.” His tone was one of comfort and reassurance.
“Even you?”
Pain flashed on Jase’s face. He blinked, and then it was gone. “Even me.”
I didn’t have to ask about the things that haunted him. He had witnessed his almost-fiancée die, and I hated that he had endured that kind of hell.
“You are scared?” Knox asked him.
His eyes flitted to me. In the dim light, I saw the answer.
I scared him. Because he was all in, and I was dangling on the edge of the cliff, holding on tight with both hands, so fucking afraid of the fall.
“Sometimes. Then, I say the magic words, and I’m not scared anymore.”
Knox looked at him, wide-eyed. “What magic words?”
“When you wake up from a bad dream, you have to shut your eyes tight, then you repeat the magic words three times, and open your eyes, like this.” Jase squeezed his eyelids closed and then said, “It isn’t real. It isn’t real. It isn’t real.” His eyes popped open, and he looked at Knox. “Now, you try.”
I watched their interaction with my heart in my throat. Torn by the knowledge that moments like these belonged to Colin. Moments he would never experience. The pain that knowledge brought was indescribable.
Although Jase was under no obligation to be here, he showed up time and again. He fulfilled a role in my son’s life that I would never be able to. Colin had loved Knox because he was his father. Jase loved Knox because he’d decided to. It was heartbreakingly beautiful.
“Do it, Mommy. You not be scared. Close eyes.” Knox squeezed his eyelids shut and Jase and I followed suit.
The three of us chanted the words three times and then opened our eyes.
Knox yawned and closed his eyes. “I wanna story.”
Jase shifted, but Knox reached out for his hand, holding him in place. Jase’s eyes lifted to mine, seeking permission.
I gave him a tremulous smile and mouthed, “Stay.” Then, I smoothed Knox’s hair back, tucked Rex in beside him, and took a breath. “Once upon a time, in a tiny house lived a little mouse family. A mommy mouse and a daddy mouse and a brother mouse and a sister mouse. The sister’s name was Lily, and the brother’s name was Lyle. One day, they went on an adventure to the circus.”
Knox fell asleep before the little mouse family made it into their little mouse car.
I placed the softest whisper of a kiss against his temple, and then Jase and I quietly crept from the room.
We tiptoed down the hallway and back into the living room.
Jase took my hand in his and looked at me with the purest adoration. “Saylor, you’re an incredible mother.”
The compliment brought tears to my eyes. “Thank you.”
He gently kissed me and continued to hold my hand as we moved to the door.
I gazed up at him, the question on the tip of my tongue.
He answered before I even asked, “Tonight belongs to you and Knox.”
“Okay.”
“See you tomorrow.”
I stood on the balls of my feet and softly kissed him. “Tomorrow.”
I turned on the porch light as he opened the door, and I couldn’t help but giggle.
“What’s so funny?”
“I can’t believe this.”
“What can’t you believe?”
“I got tattled on and cock-blocked by my own kid in the same day.”
Jase chuckled. “You weren’t cock-blocked, Socks. Since you’re a woman, I believe it’s referred to as being clam-jammed.” He grinned and shook his head. “I gotta tell you, hearing Knox rat you out was some funny shit. Almost as comical as the time you got attacked by the frog.”
I poked him in the ribs, making him flinch. “Dude, not funny.”
He lifted his hands to my face, his fingers cradling my head. Our gazes locked, and when Jase opened his mouth to speak, had he not been holding on to me, I would have dissolved into a puddle at his feet.
“You take my breath away, Socks. I’m not the type of man to take what I want simply because I can. I have too much damn respect for you, and just because you aren’t ready to hear the words doesn’t mean I don’t feel them.” He dropped his forehead to mine. “Tonight, when Knox grabbed my hand …” His voice cracked. Jase brought my head to his chest and spoke the next words against the top of my head, “I’m all in, Saylor. And, if it takes you the rest of your life for us to be on the same page, I’ll wait.”
This man.
That cliff I dangled from only had one hand remaining on the ledge.
I stepped out of his embrace, cupped his cheeks, and drew his lips to mine. I poured all of me into the unhurried, sensual kiss. Showing him all the things I couldn’t say.
When I pulled back and saw the look in his eyes, I knew he understood. I kissed his palm and laid it over my heart because he was there, too.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
He kissed me a final time and then waited for me to go inside and click the lock into place before he turned and walked away.
Beams shone through the sidelights as Jase backed out of the driveway. I turned on my heel, drew in a breath, and then stood with my back against the door while my gaze darted around the space. For the first time since I’d moved to town, Maplewood Falls felt like home.
After I checked on Knox once more, I went into my bedroom, stripped out of my clothes, and stepped into my stunning master bath. Of course, the en suite had come in way over budget, but I hadn’t really touched any money from the sale of the house, in Charlotte. Knox had a trust and a college fund. So, I hadn’t batted an eye on spending a bit of money to create the peaceful master suite I wanted. Dr. Gold talked about the importance of self-care; it was something I needed to work on.
I bypassed the soaker tub and headed for the separate shower. It had a built-in bench, and the gray stone mosaic tile was stunning. I switched on the water, and once it reached the perfect temperature, I stepped beneath the spray.
After I washed my hair, I squirted a bit of body wash into a loofah and began working the suds over my body. As the water cascaded over me, my mind drifted to Jase.
Thirty-Seven
Jase
Two weeks ago, when I’d stood on Saylor’s porch and told her I was all in, I’d meant it. Saylor wasn’t there yet, but she got closer each day. It wasn’t about her loving me. She did even if she couldn’t say the words. I saw it in the smile that lit her face and the way she looked at me. Still, something held her back. And, from where I stood, it had nothing to do with Knox or Colin. Guilt or grief. It was fear.
Love and hate were the same extreme. Each was a choice. But nobody ever chose to be afraid. Fear wasn’t a learned behavior; it was self-preservation. Saylor was scared, and the only thing I could do was wait until she felt secure enough to let go. Contrary to popular opinion, you didn’t teach a person to swim by throwing them into the deep end. The only lesson they’d learn was that they nearly fucking drowned before you reached out your hand. So, if I had to spend the next thirty years in shallow water with Saylor, until she was ready to swim, I’d do it. Even if it meant I was too damn old by then to put a baby in her belly. Because she was enough. And Knox was enough.
* * *
I glanced at my watch as I stirred the risotto. Saylor had texted a little bit ago, letting me know she was on her way. Caroline and Brent were keeping Knox for the weekend.
Over the last two weeks, we had shared a few stolen kisses and had officially rounded second base, but that was as far as it had gone. Between both our work schedules, her settling into her new place, and Knox, there just
wasn’t time. For weeks, all I had thought about was being buried inside her. Watching her face as she let go and hearing her scream my name. At this point, I had a chronic case of blue balls so severe that I’d started to get concerned the swelling might be permanent. Even so, I didn’t have any preconceived notions about tonight. I’d follow Saylor’s lead.
I popped the shrimp in the oven, turned on the timer, grabbed two wine glasses, and set the dining room table. After I checked the risotto again, I lit a few candles and used the app on my phone to turn on a little music. All that I had left to do was wait for Saylor.
I glimpsed her vehicle through the sidelights surrounding the door and crossed the living room to open the door.
“Hello, beautiful.”
She dropped her hand that had been ready to knock. “Hi.”
“Come on in.”
I moved, and she stepped inside.
I reached for her purse and overnight bag, set them aside, and took her in my arms, kissing her slow and deep before helping her out of her coat.
My eyes moved over her frame in rapt appreciation. She had dressed up for our dinner date, risking the spring chill. Her sexy long-sleeved black dress fit like it had been made for her. This side of Saylor was new. Most days, she wore pencil skirts and blouses to work, and at home, she was typically in jeans or yoga pants. She had this natural beauty most women envied.
“You look stunning.”
Saylor’s stare lazily moved down my body. Her unhurried gaze halted on the rolled sleeves of my navy dress shirt. She swept the tip of her tongue over her bottom lip as she studied my forearms.
Fuck.
“I’m trying real hard”—pun intended—“to be a gentleman, Socks. But, if you keep looking at me like that, all bets are off.”
“Sorry.”
“I’m not complaining.” I hung her coat on the ancient wooden rack just inside the door.
Her stomach growled.
Unable to resist teasing her, I said, “So, I’m guessing, you’re hungry.”
She crossed her arms, trying to protect herself from embarrassment. “Cleary. It smells amazing.”
