“Yeah, small world,” I agreed, opting to go with the message his voice was sending since that was far easier to deal with than whatever dark, intimate territory his eyes were taking me. “So wait, you’re a chef as well as a concierge?”
“Sous chef,” he said. “But yeah.”
“Wow, that’s impressive.”
His grin was rueful. “It’s a way to pay the bills.”
I shifted fully so I was facing him. I was curious about this guy’s life, his decisions, and how on earth he’d ended up here, with me. And I was also pretty darn eager to take the spotlight off of myself for a little while.
“Yeah,” I said. “How did you end up here, doing this?”
“Being an illustrious hotel clerk-slash-kitchen-slave, you mean?”
I nodded. “Yup, that’s what I meant.”
He leaned forward and pulled his legs in so he was leaning on his elbows. “Well, you see,” he said in a funny tone, “It all started with a plan.”
I rolled my eyes.
“No, I’m serious.” He held up his hand in a scouts’ honor symbol.
“Okay,” I said, crossing my legs and getting drawn in despite myself. “So what was the plan?”
“Undergrad at Columbia, major in finance, intern at the firm where my dad works, marry my high school sweetheart, and…voila. My life was laid out in front of me.” He did a funny waving motion with his hands like he was a magician.
I pursed my lips and openly eyed the tattoos, the messy hair, the overall vibe that said grunge rock rather than boardroom suave. I almost didn’t believe him.
Almost.
Except that he’d rattled it off so quickly it sounded like the truth. I narrowed my eyes. “Are you serious?”
He nodded, amusement tugging at his lips again, but I didn’t think he was laughing at me, he was laughing at himself. “Oh yeah. My dad was not a fan of the skin art, let me tell you.”
I found myself grinning back. “But you still wanted to follow in his footsteps?”
He scratched at the back of his head. “Yeah, I guess. I mean…” He let out an exasperated sigh. “I think I just didn’t know what I wanted, so it seemed easier to follow a plan that had been laid out for me.”
I nodded slowly, hating the way he was looking at me. It was the same way my mom looked at me when she was telling me an anecdote in the hopes that I’d learn a life lesson. My mom was only slightly less subtle about it than this guy.
I shifted on my makeshift seat. “Yeah, well, my plans are…mine.” I wrinkled my nose up as he grinned. “You know what I mean.”
He looked away holding his hands up in mock innocence. “Hey no judgements here.”
I gave a snort of disbelief that made him grin.
“Fine,” he said. “I’m just saying that sometimes people change and the future changes with it.”
I gulped in air as I turned to face the ocean view. I couldn’t hold his gaze any longer because he was speaking directly to that part of me that had been tied up in knots this whole last semester as I’d watched every expectation fail spectacularly.
But it wasn’t this last semester with the breakup and other letdowns that was at the heart of this anxiety. It was something far murkier and much more difficult to explain.
The future.
I sucked in another lungful of air and ordered the panic to subside.
Every time I thought about the future it tried to strangle me, but I wouldn’t let it. I had a plan, after all. I had lots and lots of plans. And if I could just get back on track, then I would be fine. But Ted was a part of the future, which led my scattered thoughts back to the present, in a roundabout sort of way.
I was here to get my high school boyfriend back. That was the mission at hand and that was totally doable.
I glanced over at Jax. It was, wasn’t it? His earlier words came back to me…one word, in particular. Girlfriend. He had a girlfriend. No, he’d had a girlfriend.
I shoved aside the crazy surge of jealousy at the thought of him with another girl. Instead I focused on the fact that they’d ended. The next words sort of tumbled out before I could stop them. “What happened to the high school sweetheart?”
Jax shrugged, seemingly unfazed by my shift of topics. “We weren’t in love.” He said it so easily it made me flinch. Was that how Ted talked about me? Would he blithely tell some girl at his new school that he broke up with me because we weren’t in love?
Because we were in love…weren’t we? Ugh. Every time I asked myself that question, the answer seemed intangible. Like when you’re trying to remember a dream and you know it’s there in your memory but when you actually try to focus on it all the details disappear.
That’s how I felt whenever Beth or Ashley asked me if I still loved Ted, or even when I asked myself. I know I had loved him, and that doesn’t just disappear, does it?
I looked to Jax as if he might be able to answer. “Did you ever love her?”
His gaze met mine and if I’d shocked him with that question he didn’t let on. He seemed to think it over. “In a way.”
“What does that mean?” My irritation seeped into my voice, but I couldn’t help it. I was so freakin’ tired of wishy-washy boys and intangible emotions.
His response was why decisions shouldn’t be made based on emotions. This was why plans existed in the first place. Why was I the only person who understood that?
“It means…” Jax talked slowly as though digging for the words. I leaned forward with impatience. He looked up and those dark eyes held me captive. “It means that I loved her as a friend. And maybe more. But it wasn’t the real deal, you know?”
I shook my head with a frown. “No, I don’t know. You either love someone or you don’t.” Right? Wasn’t that how it worked? God, I suddenly felt beyond naïve. While I logically knew that this guy wasn’t much older and surely didn’t have all the answers, I found myself desperate to hear his explanation.
For a minute I thought he might not respond and I was absurdly grateful when he shifted and looked off into space with a pensive expression. He was giving this honest thought, not some glib response.
When he looked back at me, I had to physically keep myself from squirming under that intense, intimate gaze. “Mandy was the first real friend I made when we moved to the States.” He gave a little shrug. “Leaving behind my old friends sucked and I was pissed at having to start over…”
He looked over my shoulder at the horizon and I breathed a sigh of relief. My heart could resume a normal rate now that I wasn’t in the direct beam of those suckers.
“She was the only girl at my school who wasn’t a joiner. She didn’t give a crap about school spirit or homecoming or any of that stuff.”
When he trailed off I found a laugh bubbling up. “Just like me, then.”
He heard the sarcasm in my voice and flashed me a quick sideways look. “Oh totally. Just like you, Miss Student Council President.”
Yeah, I may have mentioned my title once or twice while explaining why, exactly, I was the one everyone was looking to for the perfect week.
I waved a hand in his direction. “So? Keep going.”
“Right,” he said. “So Mandy and I became friends and then…more than friends.” The low voice and sexy look made me think about jumping overboard again—less because of the need to escape and more to douse myself with frigid water.
“You guys got touchy-feely, got it,” I said with a roll of my eyes that made him smirk. “And then?”
“And then…nothing. We didn’t have some big fight or anything, I think we just eventually both realized that what we had was friendship and nothing more.” His gaze met mine. “We wanted it to be. Life would have been easier for both of us if we could somehow make it be, but…”
But it wasn’t more. It was just friendship.
I found myself frowning at him but not really seeing him until the sound of music from the room below our butts jolted me out of my reverie. “The show is starti
ng, I take it.”
A familiar song rose up around us, spoiling the perfectness of the water lapping and the wind whipping. The voices were live and loud but they were nearly drowned out by the sound of people clapping and shouting.
Jax gave me a quizzical look. “Do we need to do the Macarena?”
I feigned a seriousness to match his. “I don’t see that we have any other choice.”
He hopped up in one fluid motion and reached down to grab my hands and help me to stand.
“What kind of party boat crashers would we be if we didn’t?” he asked.
“You make an excellent point.” I shoved aside thoughts of all the tasks I’d had on my itinerary for the day. After all, I was stuck. What else could I do?
Just Macarena, apparently.
Jax was already heading for the ladder. “Come on, Cat, let’s go show those fools how it’s done.”
Chapter Three
Beth’s voice was tinny over the speakerphone and filled with disbelief. “So wait, then you danced with him?”
I struggled to pull up the top to my swimsuit and answer but Ashley was too quick. “But you never dance.”
I’d called Beth but Ashley was over so the two had me on speakerphone as well. Between the two-way speakers, it was hard to hear and be heard but I was kind of glad I’d told them both everything all at once.
At least this way I wouldn’t have to relive my idiocy a second time. They’d both been shocked to discover that I, the queen of the game plan, had acted on impulse and left early…without them.
After much bemoaning over how they’d wished they’d been there so I wasn’t stranded alone, we got down to what really mattered.
“Seriously, the girl does not dance,” Ashely said, presumably to Beth, since ‘the girl’ in question was standing right here, thank you very much. “It wasn’t real dancing,” I said. “It was just the Macarena.”
Silence followed. I realized that it sounded even more bizarre out loud than it did in my head.
It was also kinda, sorta a lie.
It had started as Macarena—and trust me when I say watching Jax perform that stupid dance was even funnier than I would have imagined—but then we were having so much fun that we stayed on the dancefloor, along with the elderly couples and the families.
I don’t want to brag or anything, but we were kind of a hit. We totally stole the show.
Which was easy to do considering the performers looked miserable to be there.
Willie had found us after we’d been dancing for ages and were both sweaty and winded but laughing our asses off.
“You should join the crew,” he shouted over the music. He was looking at me, enthusiastically giving my dance moves a double thumbs up.
Jax and I looked at each other and burst out laughing all over again. Jax clapped a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Thanks, man, but she’s got a plan.”
“Ahh,” Willie gave me a wink like he knew exactly what that meant, and it left me staring after him in confusion until I saw that Jax was laughing at me.
Then I started dancing like an Egyptian because the Bangles’ said I should.
“I just…I don’t get it. This is so unlike you, Catherine.” Beth sounded legitimately worried and I felt a pang of guilt. None of this was like me.
Seriously, none of it. The last minute decision to come here early, the idea of coming here on my own, leaving my stupid car lights on so my battery died, skipping my to-do list to crash a party boat…
Not to mention the dancing and the kissing.
I watched in the bathroom mirror as a blush crept up my cheeks at the memory of that kiss. That was another lie, albeit a lie of omission. I’d conveniently forgotten to mention that fact to my friends. Not because they would judge, but because I knew they’d ask questions that I couldn’t answer.
“So what are you doing now?” Ashley asked.
I looked down at my swimsuit. “Uh…” Real answer? I was getting ready for my first swim in the ocean—EEKK!—while Jax and Willie jumpstarted my car and brought the rest of my luggage.
“Did you get a room for tonight?”
“Umm. Sort of.” I winced at my reflection. I was so going to hell in a handbasket for all this lying.
But the thing was, they wouldn’t understand that I hadn’t actually tried to get a room for tonight. There probably would be one available now that the holiday crowd had fled, but then Jax had given me that furrowed brow that told me I was being crazy, and had said, “Why don’t you just save your money and crash with me and Bob for one more night?”
And the truly insane thing was—I agreed. Without so much as a second thought. I’d only known him for one full day, but I trusted him. And I was comfortable around him…except when I wasn’t. But even when I wasn’t, that discomfort wasn’t in a bad way, more like a nervous anticipation kind of way.
Honestly that excited flutter that left me so unsettled was oddly addictive, like an adrenaline rush or something.
I could totally see how one could grow dependent on that feeling. Maybe that was the whole appeal of bad boys. Because that’s what he was, right? With that messy hair and the laid-back demeanor, which hid a silly side that I was guessing few got to see.
If I had to guess, I’d say the Jax I met last night was the one most people knew—surly and bored, unreadable and almost irritatingly calm.
But now I was getting to know the real Jax.
“Catherine?” Ashley prompted. “Did we lose you?”
My gaze focused once more and I was startled by the goofy smile that had spread over my face unbeknownst to me.
“What? No. No, I’m here.” I wiped the smile away because quite frankly it was disconcerting. Like seeing a stranger in the mirror—a stranger who was on drugs and more than a little bit idiotic.
“Look, guys, I’m sorry to drop all this on you and run, but I still have some things to check out before you all arrive tomorrow.”
My friends groaned in unison. “The week is planned to a tee already, Catherine,” Beth said.
“Just let it go already,” Ashley added.
My best friends loved me unconditionally, I knew this with every bone in my body, but they were not in love with my craziness lately, and it wasn’t like I could blame them. I didn’t love it myself these days.
I was normally totally fine with myself—I wasn’t one of those girls who wanted to be something she wasn’t or who suffered from some inferiority complex. But lately that hyper drive that kept me motivated had gotten a little out of control, even for me.
I was at its mercy these days and it had me acting insane.
I looked at my reflection with wide eyes. Yeah, I’d totally gone off the deep end, all right. But now it wasn’t even just my planning spree that was worrisome, it was the fact that I had gone rogue.
I was standing in a stranger’s apartment in a black one-piece and a smile that seemed to have a life of its own.
I didn’t even recognize myself right now.
“Catherine?” Ashley called softly. “Are you okay?”
No? Yes? Better than ever? Maybe all of the above.
“Fine,” I finally said. “And you’ll be happy to know that I’m not just working while I’m here. I’m going for my first swim in the ocean.”
“With that weirdo guy who was mean to you?” Beth asked.
I scowled down at my phone.
“I think he sounds sweet. He’s fixing her car right now, isn’t he?” Ashley pointed out.
Ugh. I was confused enough as it was without the two of them adding their pros and cons.
“Yeah, well, you have nothing to worry about. He’s just a friend.”
There was a silence on the other end and I just knew they were having some sort of silent exchange. One that probably involved a lot of dramatic facial expressions and hand gestures.
“You know,” Ashley said with forced casualness. “If you wanted to have a fling with this guy, no one would judge you.”
> The silence that followed was awkward in the extreme. I stared at my phone with a sick sensation in my gut. Ashley and Beth had been Team Ted ever since we broke up. They believed, just as I did, that we were perfect together.
But lately they’d been acting weird whenever his name came up and changing their tune about the validity of my wooing plans. They’d never been this weird about it, though, and I wished more than anything that I could see their faces right now because I was almost certain they were keeping something from me. “What are you not telling me?”
Another silence before Beth finally broke it with a sigh. “Nothing, we just want you to have fun. You deserve it.”
“Yes,” Ashley said too quickly. “All the work has been done for Senior Week so just kick back and relax…all I’m saying is that if you want to kiss a random hottie while on vacation we’re all for it.”
I already did.
I kept my mouth shut. It was a mistake and it wouldn’t happen again. No need to bring it up, especially now when I had plans to get back to. Instead I said, “I didn’t say he was a hottie.”
“It was implied,” Beth informed me.
I rolled my eyes. This conversation was officially getting out of hand. I didn’t want to talk about the hottie…er, Jax. “I’d better go. I’m going to go for a swim before checking out the restaurant and a few other activities.”
This was true. Jax had promised to take me to some places that he promised would provide unforgettable memories.
“Yes, but have you found that perfect kissing spot yet?” Ashley teased. “Ouch,” she hissed under her breath. My bet? Beth had just smacked her arm or kicked her leg.
Something was going on over there but I ignored it, along with the sinking sensation in my gut. I had things to do and an ocean to meet.
“Um, maybe,” I said, my traitorous mind calling up that epic kiss from earlier today. Had that really happened?
I lifted a hand to my lips. Yes, yes it definitely had.
Senior Week Kiss Page 7
