by Floyd, Susan
“As much as I like it at your house?” Ollie asked on her knees beside Dana. She leaned up against Dana, wriggling her head under Dana’s arm. “Yes. I think you’re going to like it even more.”
Carson poked his head in the door. “You’re going to stay for lunch, right, Dana?”
Dana hurriedly backed out of the turret. She gave him an embarrassed smile. “Uh, sure.”
Carson smiled. “Good. I was afraid you had to get back. Brady said you might have a prior commitment.”
She shook her head. “No, no commitments.”
“Come on. Brady is going to give us the tour of all his upgrades.”
Dana reluctantly rose to her feet. She didn’t want to see what Brady had done to the house. She didn’t want to witness the painstaking care he’d taken to rebuild his brother’s life. However, she couldn’t keep from running her hand over the woodwork in the kitchen or admiring the handsome ceiling moldings. She opened the brand-new refrigerator, pushed the automatic ice dispenser. She also noticed that whenever she got close to Brady, he moved away so that Carson or the girls were always between them.
After the tour, Dana went back and forth between the girls’ rooms to help unpack their belongings.
“There’s so much space,” Karen said. “I think I’m going to have to get Dad to buy me more clothes.”
Dana had a hard time smiling, but she did and added, “Well, if you want to go shopping, you know where to find me.”
“We’ll still be friends like that, right?” Karen asked. “You’ll still be my aunt and everything.”
Dana was silent. This wasn’t the time to tell the girls about the divorce. So she just nodded.
“Good.” Karen looked relieved. “I’m glad we’re still going to be family.”
Karen’s words hit Dana like a slap. It was such a simple concept that Dana wondered how she’d missed it. As long as she was married to Brady, they were family.
During lunch, Dana sat on the porch nibbling her sandwich, staring down the long dirt road. Carson came up behind her, his paper plate in his hand. “Do you mind if I sit here?”
“What?” Dana was miles away, thinking about what Karen had said. She glanced up at him and then shook her head. “No, not at all.”
“I never really properly thanked you.” He said, stretching his legs out.
“For what?” she asked, and took a big bite of her sandwich just to do something.
“For stepping in when the girls really needed help. I know you’re responsible for bringing them to visit the first time. I don’t think Brady would have ever come to visit me on his own. He’d never visited before that.” Carson gave a small laugh. “Thank you for giving me back my children.”
She shrugged. Despite the fact he was thin, his face showed none of the bitterness she expected to see in a man wrongly imprisoned. He did look like Brady, but his eyes were gentler and more inviting, especially when he looked at his girls. His three girls.
They were never mine. Dana cleared her throat and confessed, “It was Brady who worked out the whole thing. He’s a good man.”
“You love those girls.”
“Yes,” she said. She glanced back at the house and knew the truth. “But they need to live with you.”
“If I was still in prison, you’d have them.” His eyes were probing.
She nodded. “The thought has crossed my mind.” She gave him a wan smile. “But then, they wouldn’t get to know their father until it was too late.”
“Anyway,” Carson cleared his throat. “Thank you. The girls were lucky to have someone like you love them.”
Dana didn’t want to ask, but the words slipped out before she could stop them. “Have you talked much to Brady lately?” She wanted to seem casual, unconcerned. She left out the “about me,” but Carson picked that up.
Even so, Carson took his time answering. Finally, he said, his voice measured, “He’s told me some things in confidence.”
“Any advice you can give me?” She stared out at the road, feeling tears begin to form. These were tears for Brady, not the girls.
Carson nodded. “Follow your heart even if you’re afraid of getting hurt.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
AS MUCH AS DANA hated to admit it, Brady had been right. Carson was able to give the children so much more than she was. During the rest of the day, he told them how he’d already been able to resume some of his accounting practice. He still had one or two clients willing to take a chance on him.
For Dana, even knowing that the girls would be fine couldn’t fill the emptiness that the three were leaving behind them. She couldn’t seem to forget that she was going back to her old hollow life. Whether she liked it or not, the girls and Brady had changed her. She couldn’t retreat into the oblivion she’d existed in before.
This new place of wanting was unpleasant. She sighed. Feeling sorry for herself wasn’t going to get her anywhere, but watching Brady keep his distance from her all day had hurt. Didn’t he realize that she needed to blame someone for the pain. She was being unfair, she knew, but did he have to accept it and move on so quickly?
As she and Brady got in the car to go home, Karen came running over and tapped on the window.
Dana rolled down the window. “Yes,” she asked.
“I forgot my notebook at your house. Can you bring it?” She looked anxious.
“Oh, don’t worry about it. I’ll just see you at school on Monday.”
“I can call you, right?”
“Sure. You can call me anytime you want.” Dana hugged her through the window. “You’re going to be fine.”
“I’m going to miss you.” Karen’s eyes filled with tears. “I love you.”
“I love you, too. And the missing will just last a little bit. You’ll do fine. You’ll all do fine.”
“Okay.” Karen wasn’t happy, but she took her hands off the car and backed up toward the house where her sisters were waiting to wave goodbye.
The drive home was silent and strained.
Finally, Dana said, “You did an amazing job in the house.”
“Thanks.” Brady stared straight ahead at the road. He was close enough for her to touch, but there was a barrier around him that she didn’t have the courage to cross.
“The girls’ rooms are great.”
“Carson took a lot of time choosing what he wanted.”
“The furniture fit perfectly.”
“We measured.”
“Oh.”
Dana couldn’t think of anything else to say. After he pulled up in front of her house, they both got out of the car. Brady started fishing around in his pocket for his keys.
“Do you want to come in?” she asked. Maybe this was when they could start over.
He hesitated and then shook his head. “No. I’ve got to go to work.”
“Oh, okay.”
“I get off at three.”
“I’ll be asleep.” She didn’t know why she said that. She didn’t know why she just didn’t tell him to come over whenever he got off work. That was what she really wanted.
He held out something to her.
“What’s this?”
“Your house key.”
She backed away from it, shaking her head. “No, that’s okay. You might need it for something.”
“I wouldn’t think so.”
“What if you need to get in?” Her voice sounded feeble to her as she searched for reasons for him to keep the key.
“What for?” he asked, and seemed to be waiting.
Because this is where you live. But Dana couldn’t make the words come out, so she reached out and took the key.
He shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans.
“So I guess this is it.” Dana nodded, too numb and too proud to fling herself into his arms and tell him she was wrong. That even if the girls had stayed, they wouldn’t make up for his absence. But the only thing she could seem to say was, “I guess so.”
He nodded and
with quick strides got into his truck and drove away.
Dana waited until she couldn’t see his taillights anymore before she started to cry.
At three o’clock Dana was sitting on the couch staring at one of Brady’s nature programs. She kept the volume down low so she could hear the crunch of his tires on the gravel. But he didn’t come and she fell asleep on the couch, thinking that she could smell him.
In the morning, she saw the leftovers of the last dinner they’d had together, neatly wrapped in plastic. Evidence of Brady was everywhere. The locks on her door, the vegetables in her refrigerator, the sparkle on her floors, all were Brady.
The school days weren’t so bad. Her students kept her busy and she got to see Karen, Jean and Ollie. She also saw a great deal of Carson, who confided that Brady’s continued financial support had made it possible for him to spend time getting to know his daughters, rather than having to go back to work full time. Brady’s generosity didn’t surprise her. It only made her ache for him more. The girls seemed to miss their uncle, too, though Carson was trying hard to alleviate that. To be close to them, he’d even volunteered to help around the school.
Dana accepted his offer. There were more repairs than she could handle herself. So Carson dropped the girls off, then donned a pair of coveralls and did everything from repainting the playground lines to preparing the vegetable garden for winter. He took care of their gopher problem and supervised the students at recess and lunch. More often than not, he and the girls stayed for dinner. Carson was as adept in the kitchen as Brady, with an even wider repertoire.
Dana sniffed in appreciation when she walked into the house. The aroma of baked chicken filled the room. December was proving to be bitterly cold and the sizzling of vegetables, and Ollie and Jean laughing, warmed the house more than her furnace would. Her cheeks still stinging, she closed her eyes, wishing it was Brady in the kitchen cooking.
“That smells great,” she said.
“My specialty,” Carson said with a grin. “I hope you don’t mind.”
“Oh, I always mind men coming in my house and cooking dinner.”
“Karen said she needed to use your encyclopedia for her report.”
“Don’t you have that online?” Dana asked the girl who sprawled on the floor in front of the television. Karen grinned back at her.
“I like studying here. Our house is too big.” She shot a look at her father. “Sorry, Dad, but it is. It’s cozy here. The only person missing is Uncle Brady.” She gasped and covered her mouth.
“That’s okay,” Dana dismissed. “You’re right. It’s just not the same without him.”
“He asks about you all the time,” Karen assured her.
“He does?” Dana was ashamed about how desperate she was to hear that. “How is he?”
“He’s good. He comes over a lot.” Karen returned to her homework after Carson gave her a warning by clearing his throat.
She walked over to Carson. “Is that true?”
“Is what true?” he asked, suddenly very absorbed in his veggies.
“Is it true that Brady goes over to your place a lot?”
Carson nodded.
“You live five miles from here.” She couldn’t help feeling hurt.
“If that,” Carson agreed.
“But he never stops by.”
“Maybe he thinks you don’t want to see him. He said that he tried to call a couple of times, but you weren’t home.”
“I thought he was working.”
“He is working.”
“All the time.”
“Well, no, he drops in quite a bit. We’ve got a lot of time to make up for.”
Dana understood that Carson and Brady were brothers. They would want to catch up, repair their relationship.
“Sit, let’s eat. Dinner’s ready.”
Dana sat down and realized Carson was sitting in Brady’s seat.
“If you married my dad, you’d be our mom for real,” Karen said, looking in the direction of Carson as she stuffed a piece of broccoli in her mouth.
“Karen!” Carson said. He dished out two vegetables to Jean and then two to Ollie. “It doesn’t work like that. Aunt Dana is already married to Uncle Brady.”
“But it’s not like they live together or anything. They can get a divorce and the two of you can get married.”
Ollie looked up with anticipation. “You’re getting married?”
“I’m afraid not, sweetheart,” Carson explained gently.
“Why?” Ollie looked disappointed.
“Because Aunt Dana loves your Uncle Brady. And your Uncle Brady loves Aunt Dana. They’re just a little confused now.” Carson gave her a meaningful look. “But, eventually, we’re hoping that they’re going to work it out between them.”
A knock on the door startled them all.
With a quick wipe of her mouth, Dana headed to the front door. “I wonder who that could be,” she said as she opened the door, the cold hitting her full force.
“Hi, Dana.”
Dana felt her heart plummet to her toes. God, he was beautiful. Even wrapped up in winter gear, he was beautiful.
“Brady, what are you doing here?” As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she wanted to take them back. He took her words of surprise as rejection.
He jammed his hands into his pockets and glanced over his shoulder as if he regretted that he had come. “Sorry. I didn’t think this would be a bad time.”
“Are you working?”
He looked down at his jeans and jacket. “No. Not tonight. I just wondered if you wanted to get a bite to eat.” A burst of high-pitched laughter rang out, and Brady poked his head in to identify the sound. His face grew stiff. “Ah, I see you have company.”
“No, no,” Dana denied. “I mean, yes, I have company, but come on in. I’m sure there’s plenty of dinner for you. Carson cooked.”
He nodded. “Carson cooked. I should just go. I’ll catch you some other time.” He turned to walk back to his truck, and unbidden, her hand shot out and grabbed the sleeve of his jacket.
“Come on in,” she said, not wanting to sound as desperate as she felt. She gave him the biggest smile she could.
BRADY STEPPED into the house as if he’d never been inside before. Dana led him to the kitchen, with a quick glance in Carson’s direction.
“Hey, look who’s here to join us for dinner,” she said brightly.
“Uncle Brady!” Ollie clapped.
“Hey there, Penelope,” he greeted his youngest niece as he took off his coat. He draped it on the counter.
“I’m not Penelope. I’m Ollie!” the little girl chortled.
He dropped a kiss on Jean’s head and then put Karen in a gentle headlock. “How are you?”
“Fine.”
“How’s the dinner?” He looked around the room for another chair, but there was none, so he leaned against the kitchen counter.
“Okay. Kind of dry,” Karen said. “I like yours better.”
Brady didn’t know why, but that pleased him. He glanced over at Dana who was looking everywhere but at him.
“Hey, you’re in my seat,” he told Carson in his best little-brother voice.
His brother shook his head. “It’s mine now.”
“I’ll find another chair. There’s one in the girls’—er—the guest room.” Dana hopped up and strode down the hall.
“Now look what you’ve done,” Carson chided his brother. “You’ve chased her away.”
“I didn’t do that,” Brady denied, but it certainly seemed like he had. “You’ve certainly made yourself comfortable.”
“The girls like it here.” Carson wasn’t responding to Brady’s inferences. “The house is still a little foreign to them, to all of us.”
“This is cozy,” Karen put in.
Dana came back with a chair. Everyone scooted over to make room. The little table really couldn’t accommodate a sixth person.
“Let me get you a plate,” Dana offered.
She heaped an enormous amount of food on it and set it in front of him. “Anything else?” she asked as she sat down.
“Just a fork,” he said, but stopped her when she was about to pop up again. “I know where they are.” He shot a sidelong glance at his brother, who ignored the look. He walked over and got himself a fork. Damn, he was being territorial over an eating utensil.
Karen was right. The chicken was dry. The girls kept up their end of the conversation and he spent most of his time trying not to look at Dana. The dinner finished as awkwardly as it began.
“Well, thanks,” he said. “I’d better get going.”
“So soon?” Dana asked.
“Yeah.” If he didn’t get out of there, he’d probably hit Carson. “Thanks for the dinner.”
“I’ll walk you out,” Dana volunteered.
“Suit yourself.”
WITH SOMETHING AKIN TO DESPAIR, Dana watched Brady shrug into his coat and head out of the house at a brisk pace. She had to run to keep up. She didn’t want him to leave without at least a few private words. She didn’t have time to grab her coat, but she still followed him outside. He was getting into his truck, the engine starting with a roar. He’d thrown it into reverse by the time she’d caught up to him and knocked on his window.
“Go in, Dana,” he ordered her impatiently. “You’ll freeze.”
“I don’t care.” She crossed her arms and tried not to shiver. “I want to talk.”
“I don’t think there’s anything to talk about,” Brady said.
She swallowed back the lump in her throat. “Really?” She put a hand on his arm. “You don’t think there’s anything to talk about?”
He was silent.
“Can I get in?” she asked. “You’re right. I’m freezing.”
For a moment it looked as if he was going to say no, then he leaned over and opened the passenger-side door for her. She ran around the truck and got in before he could change his mind.
He rolled up the window and turned the heat on full blast.
“Thanks,” she said. He was resting his wrist on top of the steering wheel, staring straight ahead. “So you don’t think there’s anything for us to say?” He was so close that she could easily reach out and touch his cheek. If she moved a few inches closer, she could kiss him.
