by Hazel Kelly
“I might sound crazy now, but after I explain myself for the next ten hours straight-”
She leaned back. “Oh god, please don't.”
“That was a joke. I'd never deprive you of the killer road trip playlist I made last night.”
“You made a playlist for the trip?”
“Of course.”
“It better not be full of forgiveness-themed country songs.”
“Funny you mention that, ’cause the idea did occur to me.”
She rolled her eyes.
“But there's not a country song on earth that captures how truly sorry I am for hurting you.”
A reluctant smile teased her lips. “Now that's what I call an apology.”
F O R T Y O N E
- Nina -
I could feel my cheeks burning as Carter and I stared at the double bed. “I suppose I should call down and ask if they have a twin room,” I said, avoiding eye contact.
“I'm easy.” He gestured behind him. “I can crash on the couch.”
“That's ridiculous,” I said, eyeing the blue paisley print. “That couch is only two cushions wide, and you're-” I looked him up and down. “At least four cushions tall.”
He glanced back at the bed. “What do you propose?”
“Can you keep your hands to yourself if we share?” It was an uncomfortable question to ask, but I was reluctant to jump too eagerly back into bed with a man who tore my heart out in recent memory.
“I can try.”
I cocked my head and made a face like he'd have to do better than that.
“Like totally to myself?”
“I don't even know what that means.”
He shifted his weight. “Well, take spooning, for instance. Hands aren't totally necessary for spooning.”
“We're talking hands and body,” I said, knowing I'd never be able to hold my nerve if I felt his broad chest behind me.
“What about my mouth?” he asked, dropping his gaze to my lips as he licked his own. “Do I have to keep that to myself?”
“Are you seriously asking if you can kiss me right now?”
He shrugged. “I would’ve asked sooner, but I was driving.”
I scoffed, pretending I wasn't at all flattered. “I'm not yours to kiss anymore, Carter.”
He winced and nodded.
“Don't act surprised,” I said. “And don't pout.”
“I'm not pouting,” he said, hanging his suit bag in the small closet by the door. “I'm processing.”
“Processing what?”
“The wrench you’ve just thrown into my plans.”
I squinted. “What wrench?” What plans?
He squared up to me. “Well, on one hand, I’m determined not to disappoint you this weekend.”
“Good.”
“But on the other, I can't imagine a universe where I don't try to kiss you again.”
I swallowed.
“Soon.”
“How soon?” I asked, tearing my eyes from his to hang my dress on the hook beside the closet.
“I don't know,” he said, scratching his chest. “I was trying not to overthink it.”
I raised my hands. “You know what, don't tell me. It doesn't matter.”
“What do you want to do tonight?”
I glanced at the clock. “Make an appearance at the rehearsal dinner and be in bed by eleven?”
“Wow, you really know how to go big.”
“Trust me, we'll need the energy tomorrow.”
“We have a case of Red Bull for that.”
“Oh yeah,” I said. “We should’ve stopped for some vodka.”
“Already taken care of.”
My eyes popped wide. “Really?”
He nodded and pulled a bottle of Grey Goose out of his bag.
“Wow,” I said, perching on the end of the bed. “You needn't have splurged.”
“Considering the fine taste you have in scones and men, I didn't think cheap vodka would do.”
“I suppose it is a special occasion.” I pulled a can of Red Bull from my purse and walked over to the desk in the corner, which was eggshell blue with delicate white knobs on it.
Carter cracked open the vodka and stepped up beside me, pouring two swigs’ worth in each of the frilly teacups I overturned.
I topped them up with Red Bull before grabbing one and raising it towards him. “To you, for this enlightened idea and for getting us here in one piece.”
“And to Rebecca,” he said. “Who I've no doubt will be the second-prettiest girl at the wedding.”
“And to your mom,” I added. “For getting you such a splendid hat. I can't wait to see you in your full digs tomorrow.”
“And to your mom,” he said. “For liking me the moment she meets me.”
I smiled. “I'm sure she will.” I stared at him over my cup as I took a sip. “Though I would like to apologize in advance for my family.”
“Believe it or not, but I heard you the first twelve times.”
“It's fine. Everyone's fine,” I said, unsure who I was trying to convince. “I just feel bad because you're going to get bombarded with awkward questions about your intentions and how soon you plan to marry me.”
“You think I can't handle that?”
I shook my head. “It's not that. It’s that I don't think anyone deserves to be judged and interrogated by a bunch of strangers.”
He took a sip from his cup, which looked comically small in his large hands.
“Especially when our relationship is none of their business.”
“Relax, Nina. Everything's going to be fine.”
I let out a long exhale. “I want to believe that.”
He lifted a hand and squeezed my shoulder. “So believe it.”
I loved the weight of his hand on me, the comfort I found in his voice. If only he knew. If I could tell him.
But I was too afraid.
The pain he'd caused me was still so fresh, and I didn't want to look weak, didn't want him to know how vulnerable I was. Not when I wasn’t sure whether I could trust him again.
“We're going to be okay, too, you know?” he said, as if he sensed my trepidation.
My voice escaped more quietly than I intended. “How can you be so sure?”
“Because.” He dropped his hand but kept his steady eyes on mine. “Losing you is a mistake I won't make again.”
My heart squeezed in my chest.
“And while I realize you might never forgive me for taking you for granted, if you ever do, I'll be waiting to make it up to you.”
“You think you took me for granted, huh?”
He nodded. “I know I did.”
Every kind thing he said was like a breath into my lungs.
“And not just you,” he said, rolling up the sleeves of his chunky blue sweater. “I've mistreated a lot of people over the years.” His face paled with regret. “But it wasn't until you that…” He looked away and clenched his jaw.
“That what?”
His blue eyes came back to me. “I never hurt someone I couldn't live without before.”
I tipped the rest of my drink down my throat. “Are you saying you can't live without me?”
“I'm saying I tried it, and it's not my first choice.” He emptied his glass and poured two fresh drinks for us.
“I don't understand. Why did you end things if you felt this way?”
“Because I didn't want to share you anymore.”
“What?” I shook my head. “Share me with who?”
“Greasy exchange students and Tinder matches.”
I raised a hand to my forehead. “But-”
“It's not only that.”
I turned an ear towards him.
“I'm conscious that I'm older than you,” he said, rubbing his jaw. “And I was worried it would take away from your college experience if I stood in the way of you meeting other people.”
“Take away from my college experience? You were the cherry on top of my
college experience.”
The dimple on his high cheek deepened for a second.
“Are you sure you weren't worried that I would get in the way of you meeting other people?”
“Are you kidding?” he asked. “That's all I've wanted since the first day I met you last semester.”
“The first day? I highly doubt that.”
“I remember like it was yesterday,” he said, walking over to the couch with his drink. “You were wearing a green tank top and little white shorts, and I knew as soon as I looked in your eyes that it would only be a matter of time before I made a total fool of myself in front of you.”
I pulled the desk chair out and sat down, thinking back to that day.
“What was your first impression of me?” he asked, his eyes narrowing.
“I thought you were nothing but trouble,” I said, remembering how my stomach clenched when he shook my hand.
“Guess we were both right then,” he said with a smile.
“Yeah,” I said, blushing as he held my gaze. “I guess we were.”
F O R T Y T W O
- Carter -
I stared at the closed bathroom door and wondered what was taking so long. I kept my mouth shut, though.
After all, if there was one thing I knew about women, it was that trying to hurry them when they were decorating themselves was a bad idea.
My eyes wandered over to the clock on the night stand and then down at my hands, which had rolled the room service menu into a tight tube.
I released my grip and it sprang back to shape…almost.
Shit.
I shoved it under the cushion beside me, hoping that would flatten it out, and took a deep breath.
Relax, Montgomery. You have nothing to be nervous about.
I drummed my fingers on the arm of the small sofa and tried to see how many names I could recall from last night. Big mistake. Her family was huge, and I’d been so determined to make a good impression moment to moment that all I remembered were her parents’ names, the names of the bride and groom, and the head bartender’s.
Oh well. It was a start.
The important thing was that Nina seemed comfortable with me on her arm again.
I stared at my side of the bed where I’d dutifully stayed all night, aching for her so bad it was torturous.
Not that I was surprised she’d stuck to her guns.
It was only right that she give me the cold shoulder, only right that I grovel after being such an outrageous dickhead. Still, just because it was right didn’t mean it was easy. After a month apart, space was the last thing I wanted to give her.
Even this morning as I watched her sleep, feeling like I couldn't pull her to me and hold her warm body against mine was so painful it made me second-guess whether coming to this thing was a good idea.
But what choice did I have?
She'd already spent too much time drifting away, too much time convincing herself that she could live without me. I couldn't risk slipping any further from her immediate thoughts or company.
If I stood any chance of winning her back, I had to act fast. Because not only was time against me, but it was impossible to predict how a woman's emotions would be affected by a wedding.
On one hand, the event would probably put her in a forgiving mood, since all chicks love love. On the other, she might take one look at the happy couple’s smitten gazes and decide she never wanted to look at me that way again.
’Cause at the end of the day, weddings weren’t just about celebrating love. They were about celebrating priorities. So there was no doubt in my mind that Nina was going to gain some clarity on hers.
I just hoped she’d decide I was one of them.
Whatever her decision, there was no going back to my old life.
I couldn't spend my evenings having meaningless sex with girls I had nothing in common with anymore. It would be futile now that I’d experienced what it was like to have a real connection with somebody, a connection that gave my life meaning.
Finally.
After always being taught that I'd be happy someday when I got into college, someday when I earned my degree, someday when I had a Porsche and six figures a year, I was sick as hell of living for someday.
I wanted to enjoy this day and tomorrow and the next day, one day at a time. With Nina. She grounded me in a way no one ever had and gave me something to look forward to besides binge drinking with my bros.
Knowing her had introduced me to a version of myself I actually liked, a version of myself that made me feel like I was a man of worth not because I could beat my peers at drinking games, but because I’d earned the affection of a good woman.
“I'm almost ready!” Nina called from the bathroom.
I stood and paced the floor. “That's good ’cause I'm pretty sure we're supposed to be seated before the happy couple arrives.”
“Very funny,” she said.
I lifted my dark blue top hat off the desk and smoothed the patterned satin ribbon against the base before checking it for fuzz and placing it on my head. “Ready when you are.”
The bathroom door unlatched, and I turned in time to catch Nina stepping into the room.
She looked at me from behind the sheer green veil dropping out of her hat, which was set at a slight angle on her head.
“Wow,” I said, suddenly speechless.
She stepped forward and did a little spin, causing the bottom of her green dress to flare like a bell.
I admired the way the top of her dress hugged her perfect curves before letting my attention linger on her red lips. “You look stunning.”
Her smiling eyes fell from my hat to my shiny shoes and swept up again. “You don't look so bad yourself.”
“Too bad no one's even going to notice me when you walk in looking like that,” I said, studying the way her delicate ankles balanced atop her heels.
“Shall we?” she asked, taking a quick look in her small purse to make sure she had everything.
“Like I said…” I cocked my elbow towards her in invitation. “I'm ready when you are.”
She took my arm and cast her long lashes down at the floor, making my stomach drop.
We were quiet on the way to the elevator, and she let go of my arm to hit the button, sneaking a glance at me as we waited.
“That's the tiniest hat I've ever seen.”
“Do you like it?” she asked, pretending to fluff it with the palm of her hand. “It's called a pillbox hat.”
“I like the veil part,” I said. “It looks like you have fishnet tights hanging over your eyes.”
She raised her brows.
“Makes me think of pirates and booty and how your booty would look in fishnets.”
She pointed a finger at me. “Please don't think about my booty right now.”
“That's like telling someone not to think about pink elephants,” I said. “Now I couldn't stop thinking about your booty if I tried.”
“Carter, please.”
I lowered my voice. “If it makes you feel any better, it's not just your booty I can't stop thinking about.”
“Not helping.”
I shrugged and glanced at the numbers lighting up above the elevator door.
“Have I thanked you yet for accompanying me to this thing?”
I nodded. “Many times.”
“Well, thanks again,” she said, looking up at me through her veil. “It really means a lot to me.”
“Not as much as you mean to me.”
Her lips parted as the elevator dinged, and we turned from each other towards the doors.
“Nina!” Sadie threw her hands in the air and raced forward to fling her arms around her cousin.
Meanwhile, Sadie's date- I presumed- stuck his arm out to hold the door open. He had a bright smile and was dressed head to toe in an African print that was so vibrant I considered running back to the room to grab my sunglasses.
“Carter,” I said, extending my hand.
“Am
adou,” he said, wrapping his long black fingers around mine. “Nice to meet you.”
I assumed a place beside Amadou at the back of the elevator while the girls picked at each other in front of us like grooming monkeys. “Love your suit,” I said, nodding towards him.
“Thanks,” he said, his musical accent making me warm to him instantly. “My uncle made it.”
“Very groovy,” I said, noticing the sharp contrast between Sadie's black dress and Amadou's pink and yellow ensemble for the first time. “Plus, you don't have to worry that someone else will be wearing the same thing.”
“No,” he said, laughing. “That's true.”
“You been to an American wedding before?” I asked, watching Nina's animated face as she gossiped about the wedding party with Sadie.
“No,” he said. “Should be interesting.”
“You dance?” I asked.
He smiled at me. “Only when I feel the rhythm.”
I held up my fist for him to bump. “You said it.”
“You moving in on my dance partner?” Sadie asked, shooting me a playful look.
“Wouldn't dream of it,” I said, wrapping my arms around Nina. “I'll be too busy making sure Nina doesn't break an ankle when she falls for me.”
“Gag me,” Sadie said, rolling her eyes.
But Nina let me know she didn't feel the same by threading her fingers through mine and giving them a gentle squeeze, gifting me the hope I so desperately longed for.
F O R T Y T H R E E
- Nina -
Carter had been nothing short of amazing.
It was confusing to be so happy in his company after everything he put me through, but I could tell he was doing his best to make it up to me.
He'd been an absolute gentleman to everyone I introduced him to, turning on the charm without being a showoff. And not only was he making me look good in front of my family, he was making me feel at ease, too, which was no small feat.
Not that I didn't love my relatives. I did, of course. I just didn't love the fact that they thought our shared ancestry gave them a free pass to openly comment on my personal life and burden me with their unsolicited advice.
Then again, Carter's presence seemed to be placating everyone somehow, which was sort of infuriating. As if having a boyfriend meant my life was in perfect order. Still, it was nice to fly under the radar for a change, even if it was only possible because of my pretend boyfriend.
