Groaning in both pleasure and regret, Olivia reluctantly pulled back and broke the kiss. She licked her lips and opened her eyes to peer at Luke. Silently they said so much to each other without having to say anything. Desire. Regret. Longing. Nothing about it felt good. Just reading his emotions made her chest ache with regret. Whether it was from her leaving him behind or because she was with Nate, she wasn’t sure. And how screwed up was that?
Scrubbing his face with his hand, Luke stepped back and mumbled, “Livy, I—”
“Shhh…”
Olivia softly pressed a finger to Luke’s swollen lips, silencing him mid-sentence. She didn’t want to hear his apology. Instead, she rose on her toes and placed her hands on his shoulders. She could feel the warmth radiating from his palms when he gripped her hips tightly to steady her balance. The heat of his hands seared Olivia’s flesh, his fingers dug into her while a flood of feelings rushed through her body.
Olivia hovered closely in front of Luke, her eyes trained on his parted lips as she leaned in closely, her heart picking up speed. Olivia met Luke’s rousing gaze for a moment before she licked her lips and closed the distance, giving him the softest kiss imaginable. A valediction kiss.
It was still there for him.
Walking off the dance floor, Olivia strode through a mixture of smoke, the husky scent of humidity, and the faint scent of aftershave.
The familiar aroma stopped Olivia dead in her tracks.
That scent…she knew of no other who wore it except for one person. Olivia glanced around the darkly lit bar but she was unable to get a glimpse of anyone through the mass of people. As quickly as her legs would take her, Olivia hightailed it toward the door and went home. Alone.
A loud, consistent banging woke Olivia from her drunken slumber.
Moving the mop of hair from her eyes, she looked over at her clock but it only blinked. The power must have gone out in the middle of the night. She grabbed her cell phone to check the time but noticed a text.
Tapping the message icon, she read the text.
Luke: Listen to the music, it tells a story…
Her heart skipped a beat. And another. And goosebumps broke out on her skin.
She knew the full meaning of those words.
Her heart. His music. How the truth was secretly woven in the lyrics all along. This whole time she thought Luke had moved on, but he hadn’t.
Now that she knew the truth, her whole world changed again. Knowing what she did now, she knew the choice she had to make.
Olivia rubbed her eyes and made her way to the front door. When she looked through the peep hole, no one was there. The banging picked up again and she turned toward the back of her house. Oh, that’s right. She scheduled to have Edison’s Construction come and redo her yard, and like an idiot, she agreed to a timetable that started at the crack of dawn on a Saturday.
Gazing out the window, she spotted the three men who were working on the deck and yard. Landon, Lorenzo and Lukas were dressed in old ripped jeans with no shirts. She wished Tessa was there to witness the hunky trio. Considering it was nearly eight-five degrees this early, she could understand the minimal amount of clothing. Not that she was complaining or anything.
Nate… Shit. What was she going to do? Obviously she needed to come clean about the night before, but was terrified about doing so. She scratched her itchy palms, nervous and unsure about the whole situation. Another loud noise was coming from outside, this time it was definitely from the front door.
Looking through the peep hole once again, Olivia froze.
Nate. Taking a deep breath, she answered the door.
“Hey,” she said sweetly.
Nate’s jaw was clenched. “Hi.”
“Come on in.”
Nate strode in with his arms crossed against his chest.
“What are you doing here? I mean, I thought you were at your mom’s house.”
“Weren’t expecting me, were you?” His voice, so cold and hard, was completely unlike Nate.
“Well, not this early, but I’m happy to see you,” Olivia said, reaching forward to wrap her arms around him, only for him to give her a stiff hug in return. She felt like she was hugging a stranger.
“Okay…well, I’m just making coffee. Would you like some?”
“Yeah. Sure.” Tension radiated from Nate, and she had no idea what was going on with him.
Walking into the kitchen, Olivia grabbed the milk, coffee mugs and sugar. Nate showing up unexpectedly was a sign that she shouldn’t wait to open up and confess.
“So, how’s your mom doing?”
“Alright, I guess.”
“You guess? What did you need to do over there?”
Taking a sip of his coffee, he replied, “A little this, a little that.”
“Could you be any vaguer?” she muttered under her breath.
“What?”
“I didn’t say anything,” she stated.
Standing up, Nate made his way past the breakfast nook to where Olivia stood in the kitchen.
He eyed her up and down before countering sternly. “What did you say? I didn’t quite hear you.”
“I… I didn’t say anything…”
“Right,” Nate slowly drawled out as he glared at her.
“Nate, what’s wrong? What’s going on with you?”
A will to breathe kind of need swirled in those brown eyes of his, but also something else she hadn’t seen before. As if he was holding back on the strand. Nate wasn’t his usual playful self today and it confused her.
“Is everything okay with your mom? You’re acting strange.”
“Strange? Strange maybe because I need you more than ever and I feel like you’re not here.”
“Not here? Where else would I be? I’m standing right in front of you.”
Shrugging, he said with curiosity, “I don’t know. Where else would you be, Olivia?”
“Nate, I can’t read minds. Please, what is it you want?”
“Want?” Nate’s eyes heated her skin as he eyed her up and down. He pressed up close, backing her against the counter. “I want you. Right here, right now. Just like this in your lacy white underwear and overstretched shirt. I want you with your makeup smeared, puffy eyes and hair a wild, tangled mess. I want you to want me like I do you. I want nothing between us. I want honesty and I want all of you. Can you give that to me? Can you give all of it to me?”
Olivia’s mouth popped open.
Nate grabbed the back of Olivia’s head and hauled her into a surprising kiss. He pressed on her lips, flattening them to him then pushing her mouth open with a tilt of his head, thrusting his tongue in. It was almost brutal, possessive. Normally she liked this side of him. Nate’s kisses usually triggered a small heat inside of her. Now they did nothing. Not even a spark.
“I… I don’t know if I can,” she whispered honestly against his lips.
Nate recoiled as if he’d been slapped in the face. “How do you not know, Liv?”
She shrugged remorsefully. Olivia knew the answer.
“Where do I stand with you?”
“Where… Where do you stand?”
“Is there anyone else?”
That caused Olivia’s eyes to widen.
“No?” he countered. “God, I hope there’s not, I really do. Otherwise, what am I fighting for?” he said and kissed her again. The little simmer she once felt with Nate was gone.
Her fire only burned strongly for one person… Always had for him.
“Please, Nate. I don’t know if…” she breathed against his mouth with regret. Olivia pulled away. It was now or never and she knew it.
Nate hauled Olivia up by the backs of her thighs and carried her out of the kitchen. He sat down with her on his lap when they reached the couch.
“It’s you, Liv.”
Confused, she asked, “What?”
“You asked me what I want. I want you. I want all of you. But most of all, I want your heart.”
Olivia
cracked inside at his honesty. He wanted a heart she didn’t have to give him.
“What makes you think you don’t have it?” she asked curiously into his amber eyes.
“I don’t know... I’m not used to feeling like this. Wanting a woman as much as I want you.” Nate laughed. “I’m just not used to letting anyone this close to me. I guess I’m just second-guessing everything I do and say. It’s pretty much all new for me.”
Sadly, Olivia wasn’t truly in love with Nate. Cared for him deeply? Yes. Lusted after him? For sure. But did she love Nate? No. She had given her heart to one man long ago.
“What do you want?” he asked patiently.
What did Olivia want? A month ago, she would’ve said Nate, but now that she knew where Luke stood, her answer to Nate’s question had changed. To know that there was a chance to reconcile her past with Luke, there was no way for Olivia not to want that. Their history was just too steep to ever forget. And truthfully she didn’t want to. Luke singing to her, the truth in his words, they were all too much to forget. They were too deep and too real to ignore.
The bridge between Olivia’s eyes started to throb. She squeezed the skin between her eyes and blew out a long breath. The sound of Olivia’s phone chimed. She looked down and saw a text from Luke.
Of course.
Nate nudged his head against Olivia’s shoulder and looked down at the screen with her.
Luke: time fades…but the music never stops
“Luke?” Nate stated, dumbfounded.
“Yes...”
“Luke texted you? You gave him your number? Since when?” he asked incredulously. “What aren’t you telling me, Olivia?”
Olivia looked into Nate’s eyes, feeling guilty about so much more now. “I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you, Nate…”
“What do you mean you can’t tell me? Why can’t you tell me?” he asked with agitation.
Olivia sighed and removed herself from Nate’s embrace. She took a few steps and turned to look down at him. Pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes, she said, “I’m Luke’s mother’s doctor.”
She instantly hated herself for telling Nate that. “I gave him and his parents my phone number in case they needed anything.”
“His mother is your patient. Not Luke,” Nate clarified. “He doesn’t need it Olivia. Since when do you give your personal cell out?”
“This is a little different, Nate. I know them personally,” she said, drawing out personally. “I grew up in a small town with Luke. Nearly lived in his house. I can’t not be there for him.”
Brooding, Nate stared at Olivia before he asked, “How long?”
“How long what? Has he been texting me? I don’t know… Since the beginning?”
Nate’s eyes were a blend of hurt and simmering rage. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he demanded in a low, deep tone.
“Why would I need to tell you? I’m treating his mother.”
“You know why,” Nate refuted as he stood. “You have a past with him, Olivia. A long one. It’s like you hid it on purpose. Did you really think I would be okay with this?”
“It’s my job, Nate. And it wouldn’t matter if you’re okay with it or not.”
Nate cocked his head to the side, took two steps and leaned into Olivia’s face. “Really?” he questioned her quietly.
“Yes, really. I’m trying to alleviate stress for him while he’s out on tour so he doesn’t have to worry or come home.”
“Worry? Come home? That’s not your job, Olivia,” he snapped. “How many times have you seen him?”
Feeling her heart kick up a notch, Olivia ground her jaw back and forth, debating what to tell him.
Nate closed his eyes. “Why would you not tell me, Olivia?”
“I didn’t think it would matter.”
“You’re kidding, right?” he deadpanned.
Olivia shook her head. “I’m just answering his questions about his mom. Why is it such a big deal to you?”
“What else, Olivia? What else are you not telling me? How about we just air it all out now so we don’t have to go through this again? Because I’m not so sure I would want to.”
As Nate waited for her to respond, Olivia tried to take deep, slow breaths as inconspicuously as she could. Nate locked eyes with her. He was a smart man and knew something else was coming.
Her phone chimed again and she groaned. Damn Luke. They both stood still.
“Something else you need to say to me, Olivia?”
Rolling her bottom lip between her teeth, she bit down so hard she tasted blood. Olivia said nothing as anxiety pulsed through her chest from Nate’s hardened gaze. The last thing she wanted to do was answer him.
“How often do you see him?”
Her shoulders tugged upward. “Whenever he’s in town.”
“Don’t play dumb with me. I know you know how often.”
Olivia wanted to lie, but wouldn’t. She needed to get it all out. If what Luke said was true about his music, then deep down she knew what she needed to do.
“He’s been to an appointment here and there… We saw him at Rum Bar.”
“Plus all the text messages. Which I’m going to say wouldn’t be just about medical updates, would they?”
She didn’t respond.
“What else?”
Olivia gulped, took a deep breath and looked into Nate’s scowling gaze. She tried to start off slowly. “He…” she said, trying to ease her way into it, but that was laughable. There was no way to ease anything when it came down to it. “He came to the bar last night. He showed up unexpectedly.”
Nate said nothing while he waited. Olivia chewed her lip as nausea took root in her stomach.
Nate scoffed. “This must be good.”
“I was feeling lonely and had a lot on my mind.”
“Get to the point.”
“I’d had a drink. Then Luke bought me a few…” she trailed off.
“So you’re drunk now. With Luke. Keep going.”
“We ended up dancing together… We danced to a few songs…” Olivia took a deep breath, placed her hand on her neck and said, “Luke and I kissed.”
Olivia’s eyes revealed her sorrow. The guilt was like a snake slithering inside of her, wrapping its way around her chest and squeezing.
Nate snickered. “And the night just gets better and better.”
“Nate—”
“Let me guess. It didn’t mean anything, right?” he mocked while he began to walk through her house.
Olivia couldn’t answer the question because it did mean something to her. “Let me explain,” her voice cracked with despair.
Just then, her phone rang.
Fuck her life.
“Answer it.” Nate walked over to her. Reluctantly, she did as Nate demanded.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Care Bear.”
Nate’s eyes flared, the gold flecks turning dark. Nate mouthed ‘Care Bear’ silently and glared at her.
Clearing her throat, she responded. “Hey, Luke, what’s going on?”
“Just... wanted to see what you’re doing.”
Olivia gripped the phone tighter. A dark and uncertain air current circulated around her and Nate. “Working on it. Listen, I need to get going. Talk to you soon.”
“Later, Livy.”
“He calls, too,” he said in utter disbelief. “Is there anything else?”
“No, that’s it.”
Determined steps took Nate to the front door. Before he could grab the doorknob, Olivia whispered, “Where are you going?”
Glancing over his shoulder, Nate looked deep into Olivia’s eyes. “I need to leave before I’m forced to regret something else.”
That stung.
“We all make mistakes, Nate. It was just a kiss.”
Nate dropped his hand from the knob and faced her. “Are you seriously going to tell me you didn’t kiss him back and that it was only once?”
Olivia began to stutter. “I... I didn�
��t.”
“Here’s something for you, baby. When we spoke, I heard how much you needed me, so I raced back and went to the bar since you weren’t at your house. Imagine my surprise seeing you in Luke’s arms with his hands all over your body. You have no idea what it took for me not to go and rip you from his arms and beat the ever loving shit out of him. It’s bad enough his brother kissed you; he’s a young kid and was drunk, but not Luke. Luke is a grown ass man and knew what the fuck he was doing. I watched him kiss you, Olivia. I watched you kiss him one last time before walking off the dance floor. So don’t even give me shit that it was one time and meant nothing. I saw it!” Nate’s voiced boomed around the room, slamming into her like a freight train. Jesus.
“You saw?” Then Olivia remembered the faint smell of aftershave that reminded her of Nate…
“Damn straight,” Nate bellowed while walking towards her. “It destroyed me to see you in his arms, Olivia. I hated you. Then I see you now, like this, with your stretched out shirt and your wild hair, and all I can think is how much I want you. That maybe I could let it go and forget it all happened, that I was taking the higher road and willing to be second best for you. But being here in front of you and seeing in your eyes that I’m not where I should be in your heart, I can’t.”
“But you almost made love to me, did you not?” she stated confusedly.
Nate shook his head sadly. “When it comes to you, Liv, I…just don’t know.”
“Please…” Olivia’s jaw quivered. She didn’t know what she was even asking for. Maybe forgiveness?
“You’re asking a lot right now, baby. You know that, right?”
Olivia squeezed her eyes shut. “I do,” she whispered.
“And I just can’t give it to you.”
Olivia placed her hand on his forearm, but he pulled it away as if she’d burned him. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
“Did you ever really want me?” he asked softly, changing his tone. His eyes were so sad it pained Olivia to look at them.
“Nate,” Olivia said, her voice cracking. “I’m so sorry. More than you’ll ever know. I never meant to hurt you.”
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