by Lisa Jackson
Now after a year, she felt she could talk to him. Denver was okay. She had been right about Marks-St. Claire. Already she was promoted to editor’s position. She wanted to let him know that her decision was a good one and that leaving, though not in the manner in which she did, was the right thing to do and maybe, just maybe he would understand and forgive her.
So, she slowly dialed his number. The phone rang several times before the answering machine picked up.
“You’ve reached Darius.” His speech was strong and mature. She smiled at the sound of hearing his voice again. “I’m sorry, I can’t take your call—”
The greeting cut off with a screech, and suddenly a male voice cut through the message. “Hello!” Alexa’s heart began to thud rapidly. “Hold on while I turn off the machine.”
She was a bundle of nerves as her frozen hands trembled while trying to grasp onto the phone.
“Hello!” he repeated. He sounded somewhat cheerful, not somber, for which she was glad.
Alexa took a deep breath and lightly whispered, “Hey, stranger.”
“Who is this?” Darius asked slowly, his voice laced with suspicion.
“It’s me, Darius, Alexa.”
Silence hung between them like an iron curtain.
“What do you want?” he finally huffed after several minutes.
“Hey, is that any way to greet an old friend?” she teased, going for the lighthearted approach. Her heart was beating so rapidly, she wondered if he could hear it as well as the quick nervous breaths she tried to contain.
“Friend?” he threw back harshly. “I’d hardly call you a friend.”
“Darius,” she sighed. “I know how you must feel—”
“You don’t know a damn thing about how I feel!” he cut in. “Why are you calling me anyway?”
“I just wanted to tell you how I’m doing.”
Her heart sank when he began to laugh sarcastically. “Do you honestly think I care?”
“I hoped that we could talk.”
“Talk about what?”
Darius’s responses were so full of bile that it made her want to hang up in his face. She expected some kind of lashing, but thought he would at least be civil given the feelings they had once shared.
“About us,” she stammered. “About what happened to us?”
Her answer caused Darius to rear back in laughter. She couldn’t make anything of it because she wasn’t used to him behaving in such a way. She sat there in silence through his amusement, hoping that it meant she was getting somewhere with him. When he finally caught his breath, his response turned ice-cold.
“Alexa, I don’t care about what happened anymore. In fact, as far as I’m concerned nothing did. And for the record there is no us, never has been and never will be. So, if you are sitting alone in your house flipping through your little black book in search of an old flame to torture, just bypass the R’s. You did it once before and that we both know you are really good at!”
The next thing she heard was ringing in her ear from the slamming of the receiver.
“He was so mean, so ugly,” Alexa stated after recalling the story to Maya. She hadn’t shared their conversation before now.
“Have you ever thought that his words could have been said out of anger?”
Alexa shrugged. “Whatever the case, it’s been said and was buried years ago. I don’t want to revisit that chapter in my life and I prefer if you didn’t either. Although I may have some misgivings about being here, I will be civil for you and Bryant’s sake.”
“Alexa,” Maya began, but Alexa cut her off with a firm shake of her head. Finally, Maya gave up and the two rode home in silence.
As they approached the house, Maya gasped, but Alexa pretended to hear nothing. She was firm on her stance of not wanting to discuss the issue any further.
Had she known anything about the owner of the black Chevy Suburban parked in the driveway she would have prepared herself, but it didn’t provide her with any clue. The secretive smirk Maya flashed should have hinted at what was to come, but it too had passed without comment.
Still silent, the two women went inside the house.
“Honey, I’m home!” Maya called from the kitchen.
“We’re in here, May!” Bryant shouted back from the family room. Maya led the way and Alexa humbly followed. As soon as she entered the room, her eyes widened. Sitting there surrounded by the girls was Darius.
Alexa felt as if her feet were glued to the hardwood floor. Darius gazed up at her looking every bit as handsome as he did back then and more. Neither of the two said anything, as if they both were tongue-tied. Little Sasha, who sat on Darius’s lap, pulled his bearded face to hers, nuzzling her face against it. The innocent gesture brought back to Alexa’s mind memories of herself in the same position.
It was Monaye who broke the awkwardness of the situation when she ran up to Alexa and hugged her waist.
“Auntie,” she exclaimed with a bright smile, pulling Alexa’s arm. “Say hi to my Uncle Darry.”
Alexa allowed the little girl in all of her innocence to make the first move for her. “Hello, Darius.”
“Alexa,” he returned. The cold tone in his voice mirrored the equally cold look in his eyes, causing Alexa to turn away with a shudder.
Bryant and Maya exchanged glances.
“So when did you get in, Mr. Darius?” Maya asked, breaking the tension. Alexa stood by and watched as Maya pranced over to the man who stood to give Maya a hug.
“Just this afternoon,” he replied over her shoulder, his eyes never leaving Alexa’s face. She averted her eyes to the floor. However, her attention was restored by Maya’s next question.
“Are you going to stay with us?” Maya asked.
Alexa’s breath caught at Maya’s invitation. It was a suggestion followed by awkward silence. She couldn’t bear to stand before him now; how could she withstand four days in the same house?
Her eyes flashed in Darius’s direction. He sarcastically laughed in reply. “No thanks. I don’t think there’s room enough for all of us.”
Alexa caught on to the double meaning that was intended and rolled her eyes.
“Nonsense,” Maya retorted. “We have plenty of room.”
“I think it’s for the best that I say at the hotel,” Darius continued.
Maya was about to challenge his response when Bryant intervened by slipping his arm around his wife’s waist. “If that is what you want, D, we understand.”
“But…” Maya started in.
“May, if he says he can’t stay, we shouldn’t press the issue,” he quickly interjected in an obviously firm tone.
A wave of warmth permeated Alexa’s collar. She knew Darius’s reasons for not wanting to stay at the house were because of her being there. As far as she was concerned, she was not about to let him take a potshot at her.
“Yeah, Maya, let the man go,” she piped up. “It’s apparent that he doesn’t feel comfortable with me around and frankly I don’t care to be in his company either.” With that comment, she did an about-face, picked up her shopping bags and marched upstairs to her room.
Once behind the confines of her door, she let out an irritated growl. Seeing Darius had taken her by surprise. A rush of complicated feelings that even she didn’t understand had surfaced.
Alexa knew that it was inevitable that their paths would cross, but she didn’t think it would be so soon nor did she feel it would be hostile. They didn’t even say more than two words, when Darius came up with that lame excuse as if she were not even in the room.
She broke her pace to halt before the mirror above the dresser. “If there is one thing he will see it is that I am no longer an insecure twenty-two-year-old,” she promised in a huff. She gripped the edge of the dresser with both hands to calm her rapid breathing. Although his comments infuriated her, she was more angered by the fact that she couldn’t deny the power of his mere presence.
The years had been good to Darius. His
handsome features were matured by a close-cut beard. He looked like he had put on some weight, in all of the right places, filling out his tall, athletic build.
Deep inside a little voice scolded her for letting go of the best thing that ever happened to her, but a louder voice told her it was for the better. After all, it was her decision to split up. The night of her big decision was as vivid as if it were yesterday.
Alexa had just received the job offer from Marks-St. Claire, a magazine publishing company located in Denver. Darius did not want to see her go, which he had expressed several times. The last time the discussion came up, the two were at home preparing dinner together.
“There are plenty of jobs in Detroit, babe,” Darius pointed out as he stirred the red sauce in the pot on the stove. “I know you’ve applied for some of them. Just give it time. Somebody will reply.”
“I can’t stay here forever, Darius. I need to know what it feels like to have a place of my own. I want to create my own bills and pay them. Marks-St. Claire is offering me a good salary with great benefits and stock options. Tell me, how can I say no to that?”
“With your talents, babe, I know you can find something just as good here. Why don’t you wait it out?” he tried coaxing, but it only made her increasingly frustrated.
“I can’t keep depending on you,” she sighed. Darius had been paying her bills after her work study job ended following graduation. “I have to make my own way.”
“I like taking care of you,” he assured her, wrapping her in his embrace and kissing the tip of her nose.
A wave of anxiety gripped her as her mother’s voice came to mind. Five years down the line, she didn’t want to be saddled with kids she wasn’t ready for. Nor did she want a man to feel like he was keeping her. As her mother said, her education was the ticket to a self-sufficient lifestyle. Marks-St. Claire was offering her that life. She wasn’t sure she wanted to chance a relationship with Darius that could be potentially wrong for them. If they were meant to be then they would come together again, she told herself countless times.
The decision to accept the position hung over her head like a dark cloud. To make matters worse, Darius had hinted around at marriage to sweeten the deal.
As a last attempt to keep her in Detroit, Darius had proposed to her after a night filled with passionate lovemaking. Lying in his protective arms, Alexa was glad that it was dark for it hid her tears. Darius felt the sobs racking throughout her body and had mistaken her tears of sorrow for tears of joy. While Darius slept with a contented smile on his face, Alexa placed his ring on the nightstand and slipped out of his embrace and essentially his life.
It seemed as though the taxi driver was an accomplice to her escape that morning as they sped down the expressway. She turned her tear-streaked face from the window to the driver with a questioning look. Was this supposed to happen? There was hardly any traffic about and he was driving like his life depended on getting to their destination.
It was when she noticed his slightly bobbing head and heard the reggae beat popping through an old transistor radio perched on the dashboard that she realized he was in his own world. She sank back in her seat and closed her eyes with Darius’s face haunting her silent reverie. How could she make him understand that it was the right thing for both of them? She loved him too much to mess up his life, but leaving was something she had to do. She knew that if she didn’t leave now, she never would. Her mother’s words rang through her mind. “Don’t tie yourself down before you’ve experienced life.”
For many years, her mother had preached that sermon to Alexa and her brother. However, the words were especially meant for her; she didn’t want her daughter to make the same mistakes as she did.
Alexa’s parents were married the summer following graduation from high school believing that it was the only thing to do because they were in love and were expecting their first child. After fifteen years of marriage, the two grew up and eventually grew apart.
Alexa made it a practice to never talk much about her family, so telling Darius how much her mother’s words impacted her decision never presented itself. Rather then reveal the dysfunction in her family, Alexa took the low road, journeying to a future she embraced and praying that fate would shine favor on her. However, when her eyes met Darius’s upon entering the room, there were no signs of fate being kind as animosity filled the air.
She sat on the edge of the bed.” I don’t know why I thought he would behave any other way,” she murmured to herself. “But nine years is a long time to hold a grudge.”
She was interrupted by a soft knock.
“Come in,” she called. She knew it was Maya coming to save the day.
She was right when her friend poked her head in. “Are you okay?”
Alexa nodded, and then laughed halfheartedly. “As okay as I can be.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t do anything, Maya,” Alexa replied. She noticed that her friend’s way of taking on other people’s problems had not diminished over the years.
“I should have left things alone.”
“Well, apparently he has some place to stay, so I wouldn’t worry about it,” Alexa replied. “Besides, you have other things to worry about.”
Alexa hoped she sounded convincing because she didn’t want Maya to worry about her or Darius.
Chapter 3
Early the next morning, Alexa was shaken awake by a very distraught Maya. She knew that something was wrong judging by the anxiety in Maya’s tone and the urgency in her actions. Alexa immediately sprang up into a seated position, her eyes wide with wonder and her heart hammering in her chest.
“Wh-what’s wrong, Maya?” she asked, clutching the front of her gown in terror.
Maya sank into a nearby chair and covered her eyes with her hands. “It’s Bry’s mother. She had a diabetic episode last night and they had to rush her to the hospital.”
“Oh, my Lord,” Alexa moaned. “Is she okay?”
Maya shrugged. “We haven’t heard anything as of yet and Bryant and I need to go to the hospital. I don’t know if I can handle this right now.”
“Is there anything I can do?” Alexa asked.
“Do you mind watching the girls?” Maya asked as she began to remove the scarf from her head, allowing the silky curls to fall in disarray around her face.
“Of course I don’t mind!” Alexa replied. “I just pray that Bryant’s mom is okay. How is he holding up?”
“To be expected. He’s upset because he knew how excited his mother was about the wedding. We believe that in the excitement of it all, she may have forgotten to take her insulin.”
Alexa paused. She understood how easy it was to forget important details when your mind is focused on other things. Just the other day, she’d left her purse at home while on her way to work. Since the wedding announcement, she frequently found herself so nervous awaiting her confrontation with Darius that she’d forget the simplest task.
“By the way,” Maya began as if reading her mind. She rose from the side of the bed. “Darius is supposed to swing by to work on Bryant’s computer in his office. Bryant tried calling him when he found out about his mother, but he couldn’t reach him. He must have already left his hotel room.”
Alexa’s first instinct was to protest, but given the delicate situation her friends were facing, she refrained from doing so. Instead she tried her best to assure her that everything would be okay.
“Don’t worry about a thing, Maya. I’ve been looking for an opportunity to spend some time with my goddaughters.”
Maya turned around before exiting the room. “Thank you, Alex, for being here. I’m so grateful you came early, you just don’t know.”
Had it been any other day, Alexa would have remained in the bed until noon, but godmother duty called. When Maya closed the door, she got out of bed and opened the dresser drawer in search of something to wear.
The first thing that she laid her eyes on was a snug black sweater a
nd a pair of fitted boot-cut jeans. Although casual, the outfit complemented her size ten figure. However, she had second thoughts when she remembered Darius. She didn’t want him to entertain the idea that she was dressing to impress him. So, she quickly laid the outfit to the side and selected a loose-fitting pair of sweats and an oversized long-sleeved T-shirt. Ordinarily Alexa wouldn’t be caught dead in her sweats; however, they came in handy today. She hoped that choosing the sweat suit over something more visually appealing sent a strong message of indifference to Darius.
Before stepping into the bathroom, she stopped to turn on the CD player. She fingered through the CDs in the holder, before selecting Cassandra Wilson’s latest.
Once the composition started to play, she gathered her things and went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. As the water warmed up, she bobbed over to the sink and began brushing her teeth.
Moments later she emerged from her quarters feeling fresh and ready for the day. To her surprise the Renault family was seated at the breakfast table before 8:00 a.m.
Bryant, who was pouring himself a second cup of coffee, glanced up as she entered. “Thanks, Al, for staying with the girls.”
“No problem. I just pray that your mom is okay.”
Bryant didn’t respond and Alexa could see the concern in his eyes. “Are you ready, Maya?”
“Mommy, where are you going?” Brielle asked.
“We told you, boo,” Maya answered patiently. “Daddy and I have to see Granny because she is sick.”
“Is Granny gonna be okay?” Monaye asked, her little face contorted as if she would cry. She was definitely the emotional one.
Bryant and Maya exchanged worried glances.
“We hope so,” Bryant finally answered.
Maya quickly added, “You can do your part by praying for her in the meantime.”
“I will,” Monaye quickly replied.
“I’ll pray, too, Mommy,” Brielle said, not wanting to be left out.
