by Ana Huang
“Or a good explanation for why you did what you did, and I will fucking curse if I fucking want to, because, again, you tried to murder my sister!”
My pulse crescendoed into a deafening roar while my heart battered against my ribs. There was the explosion I’d been waiting for. Two years of pent-up emotion gushed out at once, erasing our brief moment of bonding.
The other inmates fell silent. One of the guards moved toward me in warning but stopped short of interrupting us.
Michael’s eye twitched. “You’re my son. You can’t leave me here to rot.”
He sounded like a broken record.
Our shared genes were the only bargaining chip he had left, and we both knew it.
“You’ve survived two years. I’m sure you’ll survive another twenty more.” I stood, my chest hollow now that I’d expelled all my emotion. Numbness set in and turned my skin cold.
I’d hoped against all hopes that my father could somehow redeem the unredeemable. That he could give a good reason for why he did what he did, or at least show genuine remorse. But it was suddenly, blindingly clear that while he could mimic love, he couldn’t actually feel it.
Perhaps he loved me in his own way, but that didn’t stop him from using me. If I were of no use to him—if I didn’t have access to the pills he craved, and if I weren’t his one remaining tie to the outside world—he would cast me aside without a second thought.
“Josh.” Michael let out a forced laugh. “You can’t be serious.”
“You’re my father by blood, but you’re not my family. You never will be. I’m sure your friends will understand.” I stood, a bitter taste coating my tongue. “I won’t be visiting again, but I wish you all the best.”
“Josh.” Panic crept into his eyes, followed by stunned hurt. It might be the first real emotion I’d seen from him in a long time, but it was too late.
At some point, we had to let go of who a person used to be or who they could be and see them for who they really were. And the person Michael Chen had become wasn’t someone I wanted to call my father.
“Sit down,” he said. “We don’t have to talk about the pills. Tell me about your travels. You always liked traveling. Where are you going next?”
My eyes burned as I walked away.
“Josh.” The panic bled into his voice. “Josh!”
I didn’t answer or say goodbye.
I signed out and kept walking until I hit the blazing heat outside the prison.
I had closure, but no one told me closure was such a bitch. It clawed at my bones and ripped a bloody gash through my heart until every breath became a battle.
But instead of trying to assuage it, I embraced it. Because even though pain hurt like a motherfucker, it proved you were still alive, and it was only after it faded that you could finally heal.
40
JULES
The doorbell rang less than a minute after I finished my online bar review lesson.
The exam was in less than a month, which meant I lived and breathed prep until it was over. No going out, no coffee catchups with my friends, no big dates with Josh. When we did see each other, Josh and I kept it low key; sometimes, our hangouts consisted of me studying while he made coffee and ordered takeout.
But when I answered the door and saw him standing in the hall, his face a mask of granite, all thoughts of the bar vanished.
“I visited Michael.” His hollow voice told me all I needed to know about how the visit went.
Shit.
“How are you feeling?” I didn’t ask for details about the visit; they weren’t important. What was important was how Josh was handling the aftermath.
I opened the door wider so he could enter. Stella was at work, and I had the place to myself for the next few hours.
“Like how you’d expect.” Josh shot me a lopsided smile, but his muscles were visibly tense. His eyes fell on my open laptop and textbooks. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to barge into your study time. I know you’re busy…”
“Don’t worry about it. I was due for a study break anyway.” I’d been studying for six hours straight, and my eyes were blurry from staring at the screen so long.
I welcomed the distraction, though I wish it were a happier one.
I sank onto the couch next to Josh. “Do you want to talk about it?” I asked. “Usually, I charge for my therapeutic services, but you’re hot, so I’ll give you a complimentary fifteen-minute session.”
“I am hot.” He nodded. “I like you. We’re off to a good start.”
“Well, I have a lot of experience with delusional narcissists. I live in D.C., after all.”
Josh’s rough laugh wrapped around my heart. “That’s a valid point.”
My smile lingered for another moment before I sobered. “Seriously, how are you?”
He leaned his head against the backrest. “Sad. Pissed. Resigned to the fact my father and I will never reconcile. And…” His throat flexed with a hard swallow. “Relieved that I can finally put it all behind me. I read his letters. It was just bullshit emotional manipulation. Michael will never change, and seeing him and cutting ties was fucking painful. But I got what I needed.”
“Closure,” I said softly.
“Yeah.” He turned to face me, his eyes dark with self-deprecation. “I realize how stupid it was to put off confronting him for so long. I put my life on hold for two years when I could’ve just gotten it over with and moved on.”
“It’s not stupid.” I curled my hand around his and squeezed. “You weren’t ready. It’s not just about the confrontation. It’s about giving yourself time to prepare. Figure out what you want.”
“Yeah.” He knocked his knee against mine. “You’re not as shitty a therapist as I thought you’d be.”
I placed a hand over my chest in mock outrage. “I give you a free session, and that’s how you repay me? By insulting me?”
“You love it when I insult you.”
“Newsflash, genius. No one likes getting insulted.”
“You want to test that theory?” Josh’s voice lowered.
Just like that, the air shifted. Heavy emotion gave way to a crackling electricity that buzzed over my skin and surged through my blood. It’d been way too long since I’d had sex, and every look, every word, kindled another spark of arousal.
But it wasn’t just about sex. Sometimes, the only way to purge the emotional was through the physical. Catharsis in its rawest form.
If this was what Josh needed after his visit with Michael, I would give it to him.
“What did you have in mind?” Josh had been there for me when I needed a distraction from Max. It was time for me to return the favor…not that that was a hardship in any way.
A shadow of tension remained in his eyes, but his smile was all silk and wickedness. “Take off your clothes, Red.”
An insistent beat pulsed between my legs at his soft command.
I stood and kept my gaze on his as I slowly slid the top button of my shirt out of its hole. Banked heat incinerated the shadows in his eyes and engulfed me in its flames.
“What kind of man makes the woman do all the work?” I unbuttoned the second button. “I didn’t realize you were such a slacker, Chen.” Third button. “Or is it performance anxiety that’s holding you back?”
I cast a pointed glance at his groin, but my mouth dried at the size of his arousal.
I’d forgotten how big he was. How rough he liked it.
Fourth button.
Nervous anticipation rolled through me like a rising tide.
“It’s interesting how you keep insulting me like I won’t take every word out on you later,” Josh said calmly when I shrugged out of my shirt and let it flutter to the ground. “Or maybe you want me to take it on you later?”
Fire blazed on my cheeks.
I shimmied out of my pants, my fingers shaking.
“That’s what I thought.” His smile turned knowing. “Underwear, too. Take it off, then walk to your room.”
The air conditioning was on full blast, but the heat of his stare on my naked body warmed me from head to toe.
He walked behind me, his steps near silent, like a predator stalking willing prey.
My anticipation crescendoed when we reached my room, but it devolved into confusion when Josh opened my closet and flicked through the hangers until he pulled something off one of them.
“What…” I trailed off at the sight of the silk scarves in his hands.
My stomach tumbled over itself. Oh God.
He wrapped the scarves around his fist so they didn’t trail on the ground. “Get on the bed, Jules.”
Normally, I would put up more of a fight, but I was too wet and aching to do anything except what he said.
The mattress dipped beneath my weight. Josh joined me less than two seconds later, and I sucked in a sharp breath when he pushed me face down on the bed and tied my hands to the headboard posts.
“What are you doing?” I could barely hear myself over the roar in my ears. My nipples were so hard it was almost painful, and my juices slicked my thighs at the gallery of X-rated images playing in my head.
“Since you think I’m so lazy…” He moved down my body, and I let out a small yelp when he yanked my legs apart and tied my ankles to the remaining posts. “I might as well prove you right.”
Josh stepped off the bed to admire his handiwork. I was tied spread eagle on the bed, and a hot flush stole over my face when I realized he had an unimpeded view of how turned on I was—my clit swollen and throbbing, my thighs wet with my arousal.
But when he turned and opened my nightstand drawer, dread trickled into my veins.
He wouldn’t.
“Josh, don’t you fucking dare.”
“Dare what?” His voice was all innocence, but a dark gleam entered his eyes when he found what he was looking for.
A bead of sweat formed on my forehead at the sight of lube and one of my favorite toys—a double-ended vibrator with clitoral suction. It was expensive as hell, and for good reason. It could bring me to a mind-blowing orgasm in less than thirty seconds.
It could also keep me on edge for hours, depending on the speed and intensity.
“This isn’t funny.” I tugged at my ties, but he’d knotted them so expertly they didn’t budge.
“If you want me to untie you, just say so.” Josh leaned his hip against the dresser, infuriatingly casual. “I’ll do it and leave you in peace. Is that what you want?”
I set my jaw but remained silent.
“That’s what I thought.” He approached me again and dragged the tip of the vibrator over my clit, just light enough to send a bolt of sensation rocketing through my body but not enough to provide the friction I desperately needed.
My hands curled into fists. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of responding.
His soft laugh drifted over my body and spiked my already raw nerve endings. “You can fight it all you want, but your pussy gives you away every time. You’re fucking dripping, Red.” He slid a finger inside me, and my nails carved grooves in my palms from the effort it took to hold back a moan.
“So stubborn.” He tsked. “Let’s see what we can do about that.”
He removed his hand. A second later, the cool silkiness of the lube dripped onto me, making me jerk.
I wasn’t an anal sex virgin, but it’d been a while since I’d gone there, so I was grateful when Josh used more gel than usual to prep me.
“You look so beautiful, tied up and waiting for my cock.” His breath skated over my neck before he followed it with his tongue. He kissed and teased the sensitive spot on my nape while he pushed the vibrator inside me with agonizing slowness. “But we’re going to have some fun first. Since I’m so lazy and all.”
“Josh…” My whimper hitched into a gasp when he shoved the last inch of the toy into me, filling me to the point of discomfort on both ends. “Just fuck me, dammit.”
“I would, but I’m a slacker, remember? Better to let something else do the work.”
The vibrator switched on. and finally wrenched a strangled cry out of me. My earlier discomfort gradually faded, replaced by intense, searing pleasure.
Oh God.
I couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe. All I could focus on were the sensations zinging through my body as the vibrations ricocheted through me. I ground against the bed, desperate for relief, but Josh had tied me in a way that rendered me near immobile.
All I could do was lay there, a slave to his whims while he played me like the world’s most exquisitely torturous song.
Fast. Slow. Fast. Slow. Bringing me to the edge again and again until I was a puddle of pure, unrelenting need.
“You’re right.” Lust strained his voice, and I would’ve taken greater pleasure in the fact this was as torturous for him as it was for me had I not been near the edge of insanity. “Sometimes, it pays to just sit back and watch.”
He sat in the corner and palmed his cock, his eyes like burning flames against my naked flesh while I squirmed against my ties.
“Please,” I sobbed. “I can’t…Josh…I need you inside me. Please.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. If I didn’t come soon, I would die. I was sure of it.
The vibrator stopped, and I tensed with anticipation when he rose and walked toward me. The mattress dipped beneath his weight as he straddled me, but instead of pulling the toy out and entering me, Josh set the remote down and palmed my breasts with both hands.
“I don’t think you’ve learned your lesson yet, Red.” His velvet voice contrasted with the roughness with which he pinched my nipples.
I sucked in a sharp breath when he pushed my breasts together and slid his cock in between them. Pre-cum dripped onto my skin, allowing him to thrust more easily.
I’d never let a guy do this before, but…God.
The hardness of his arousal against the softness of my breasts stoked the flames in my body so high I thought I might combust.
My breaths came out in soft pants when Josh picked up the pace, fucking my tits faster until the head of his cock grazed my chin with each upward thrust.
“Fuck, your tits are perfect,” he groaned. He gave another few pumps before thick ropes of cum painted my face and chest.
I barely had a chance to catch my breath before he wiped some of the cum off my chin with his cock and pushed it inside my mouth. I swallowed eagerly, too mindless with lust to do anything except what he wanted me to do.
He’d just buried himself all the way down my throat when the vibrator buzzed to life again.
My body instinctively jerked. I strained against my ties, my earlier desperation returning in full force as pleasure pulsed through me.
I was going to die like this—tied up, covered in cum, and craving orgasm. My brain was already short-circuiting, and if the explosion building inside me didn’t find a release soon, it would incinerate me from the inside out.
“You said you wanted me inside you.” Josh pulled out and wiped more cum off my face before shoving his cock back in my mouth. “You should’ve been more specific, sweetheart.”
I let out a muffled protest before he cleaned me up, again and again, until I’d swallowed all his cum and he was fully hard again.
“You like this, don’t you?” he growled. He stared down at me, his face taut with desire as he pumped in and out of my throat. “Getting face fucked and filled in every hole like a good little slut.”
“Mmmphf.” My answering moan was drowned out by the buzz of the toy and the roar in my ears.
I was on fire—every nerve ending aflame, every second an eternity of exquisite torture.
It was heaven, hell, and everything in between.
Josh let out another groan before he pulled out of me again. He slowly slid the toy out of me, and I whimpered at the resulting emptiness. After being so full for so long, it seemed wrong not to have something inside me.
The silk scarves went next, one by one, until I was finally free.
“Such a good girl.” Josh rubbed a tear of frustration from my cheek. “You swallowed every drop of cum. That deserves a reward, don’t you think?” He pushed his thumb into my mouth, letting me taste the saltiness of my need.
“Please—” A gasp cut off my words when he entered me and buried himself to the hilt in one smooth thrust.
“Fuck.” He cursed, his voice turning guttural as he thrust in and out of me. “You take my cock so well, Red. Like your pussy was made for me.”
Despite his filthy words, his touch was gentle as he kissed me and settled into a slow, leisurely rhythm. Unlike the previous times we had sex, this didn’t feel like fucking; it felt like something sweeter, more intimate.
It felt like making love.
The ball of tingles at the base of my spine climbed higher at the thought.
I closed my eyes, my breaths coming out in staccato bursts. It was too much. Josh’s kiss, the way he stretched me out, the sensitivity from the edging session…
My orgasm slammed into me, both unexpected and inevitable. I bowed off the bed with a sharp cry, and I didn’t get a chance to recover before Josh picked up the pace and pounded into me hard enough for a second orgasm to roll right into the first one.
“That’s it. Scream for me, Red. Let it all out.” Josh reached between us and pressed his thumb against my needy, swollen clit. “You come so beautifully around my cock.”
I did, again and again until I was limp with exhaustion and couldn’t scream anymore.
It was only when I collapsed against the bed, my body sore from multiple blinding, toe-curling orgasms, that he slowed his pace again and came with a heavy groan.
“Good girl.” He smoothed my hair back from my forehead and gave me a lingering kiss. “You did so well.”
It was embarrassing how much pride glowed in my chest at his words.
He rolled to the side of me and curled an arm around my shoulders, drawing me close. Goosebumps of pleasure dotted my skin when he brushed the back of his hand down my arm in a lazy pattern.
“You know, you’re the first guy I’ve been with in my room.” Drowsy content pulled the admission out of me as I snuggled deeper into his side.
