by Ana Huang
“Yes, you are. Keep going, and you’ll kill him.” Alex turned me around without releasing my arms and pinned me with a glare. “If that’s what you want, fine. But it’s not.”
“You don’t know that.” My ragged breaths echoed in the empty space.
The basement contained no furniture save for the chair, a table, an industrial sink, and a fridge. I didn’t want to think about what activities Alex usually conducted down here. Probably something similar to what I just did.
“I know you’re not the type of person who wants another’s death on your hands,” he said calmly. “You’re not a killer, Josh. Besides, look at him. You’ve made your point.”
I stared at the unconscious heap on the ground. Max’s face was a mangled mess of blood and pulp. Sticky dark liquid pooled around his body, and if it weren’t for the faint rise and fall of his chest, I would’ve thought he was already dead.
I did that. Me.
Alex hadn’t laid a finger on him.
My heart rate slowed the longer I stared at Max. The soft drip of the sink in the corner reminded me of the drip of blood, and I was suddenly hyperaware of the coppery liquid coating my face and clothes.
I’d beaten him half to death.
Bile rose in my throat.
I wrenched myself out of Alex’s grasp and stumbled to the sink, where I dry heaved until my throat was raw and moisture burned my eyes.
I hadn’t eaten since before my shift, so nothing came out, but that didn’t stop nausea from roiling my stomach.
What the fuck had I done?
Kidnapping. Assault and battery. Probably a dozen other crimes that would end my career if anyone found out.
I started off wanting to make Max pay for what he did to Jules and ended up using him as my human punching bag.
Fuck.
I turned on the tap and splashed water on my face, hoping to wash off the blood, but its stain remained even after the pinkish water ran clear in the steel basin.
When I finally lifted my head, my skin numb from the chill of the water, I saw Alex next to me. He leaned his hip against the counter with an unreadable expression. “Feel better?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know.” I rubbed a hand over my damp face and glanced at the still unconscious Max. My stomach lurched again. “What are we going to do about him?”
“Don’t worry. He won’t go to the police.” Alex walked over to him and nudged his prone form with disdain. “It’s more trouble than it’s worth.”
True. Max was only a few months out of jail, and he’d already committed aggravated assault and was involved in a conspiracy to commit grand larceny. If the police looked into his background, he was fucked.
“And if he comes after us later?” I asked.
“Please. He’s a common thief trying to play in a league above his own.” Alex sounded unimpressed. “Plus, if what he said was true, he has enough problems to worry about without trying to take revenge on us. Whoever wants your hideous painting will keep him busy.”
“It’s not hideous,” I growled. “It’s unusual, and it’s worth a lot of money.”
I’d shopped the painting around after Jules’s confession. It was tainted with bad memories, and like Max said, the people after it would come after me if I held onto it. I was lucky they hadn’t already. I guess they didn’t trust Max enough to finish the job Jules started.
The only way to get Max’s mysterious “friends” off my back and not screw over the next owner was to sell it to someone no one would dare steal from.
I finally found a suitable buyer yesterday, and we were scheduled to sign the contract in two days, after he returned from a business trip.
I assumed whoever was tracking the piece would know I’d sold it, but just in case they didn’t, the buyer promised to publicize the sale.
“Enough about the painting. Even if Max won’t call the police, we can’t just leave him here.” If we did, he might very well die of blood loss, and Alex was right. I wasn’t a murderer. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if anyone died at my hands.
The urge to vomit returned. “He needs medical attention.”
Alex’s sigh contained multitudes of exasperation. “You and Ava. So driven by your consciences. No wonder you’re siblings,” he muttered. “Fine. I’ll send someone to take care of him.”
“Take care of him as in…”
Another, deeper sigh. “As in medical attention, Josh. I’m not going to kill him. I barely know him.”
“Right.” With Alex, it was always best to double check.
At his suggestion, I rinsed off in the upstairs shower and changed into one of his spare outfits while he took care of the situation.
By the time I emerged, Max was already gone and Alex sat in the living room, scrolling through his phone.
“What the fuck? Do you have magical house elves or something?” I sank next to him on the couch.
I felt better after the shower. Not good, but better, though images of Max’s bloodied form would haunt me for a long while.
I swallowed the lump of guilt in my throat.
“No. I have a highly competent, highly paid team.” Alex didn’t look up from his phone. “Besides, you were in the shower for an hour. A geriatric grandmother could’ve taken care of Max in that time.”
“Bullshit. I was in there ten minutes, tops.”
“That’s not what the clock says.”
I glanced at the grandfather clock in the corner. He was right. It’d been over an hour since I jumped into the shower.
I mentally added loss of time awareness to the long list of shit I needed to worry about.
“I’m going crazy.” I closed my eyes and pressed a fist to my forehead. “What the fuck is happening to me?”
I felt like a passenger who didn’t know their train had flown off the rails until they looked out the window and saw the ground rushing toward them.
One minute, I lived a charmed life—popular and accomplished, with a great family and great friends. The next, it all burst into flames until only ashes were left.
“If it’s about Max, don’t feel too bad. He’s a piece of shit, and he had it coming. But he’ll survive.” Alex slid a glance in my direction. “You never answered my question earlier. Do you feel better?”
I hated to admit it, but… “Yeah.”
The dark cloud that had stalked me for two years was still present, but it was lighter. More manageable.
“Good. Now explain Jules to me.”
“Jesus Christ.” I cracked my eyes open and glared at Alex. Renewed tension zipped down my spine and turned my muscles into stone. “There’s nothing to explain, but if you’re curious, she’s five-six with red hair, hazel eyes—”
“You almost beat a man to death because he hurt her,” Alex said. “Don’t insult me by pretending she doesn’t mean anything to you.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose, regretting, not for the first time, my eighteen-year-old self’s decision to befriend the man sitting next to me.
Still, after keeping my relationship—my former relationship—with Jules secret for so long, it would be nice to talk about it with someone…even if said someone had the emotional range of a teaspoon.
“You promise not to tell Ava?” I wasn’t ready for that conversation yet.
“I promise not to bring it up, but if she asks me about it directly, I’ll tell her the truth.” Alex lifted his shoulder in a shrug. “Sorry.”
I’ve never heard anyone sound less sorry in my life. But the chances of Ava asking about me and Jules were low; she still thought we hated each other.
After a long moment of deliberation, I explained the whole saga to Alex, starting with my and Jules’s clinic truce and ending with her visit to the ER.
When I finished, the pressure had resettled in my chest, and Alex stared at me with an uncharacteristic glint of disbelief in his eyes.
“What?”
“Ninety-nine percent of people in this world are idiots,” he said. “I regret to i
nform you that you’re one of them.”
My brows snapped together. “I’m convinced you don’t actually want to be my friend again.”
Where was the ass kissing? The flattery? He gave up his company and flew to fucking London for Ava, but I couldn’t get so much as a sympathetic that sucks, man? Talk about getting the short end of the grovel stick.
“I’ll send you flowers later if you’re that upset about it,” Alex said dryly. “But first, listen to yourself. You’re in love with Jules, for God knows what reason, and you’re upset she lied after she told you the truth?”
My shoulders tensed. “I’m not in love with her.”
“You almost killed someone for her.”
“So? You almost kill someone every day. It’s nothing special.”
“Don’t try to change the subject. You’re bad at it.” Alex flicked a piece of lint off his pants. “You say I don’t actually want to be your friend again? Then I’ll give you something you say you want so much. The truth.”
“Which is?”
“That you’re a stubborn fuck who’s too blind to see what’s right in front of you.”
My tension hardened into a migraine. “I changed my mind. I don’t want the truth.”
Alex continued like I hadn’t spoken. “Jules may have lied to you, but she also willingly told you the truth. If she kept her mouth shut, you probably would’ve never found out what she did. The only reason someone would make an unprompted confession like that is because they want a fresh start, and the only reason they’d want a fresh start when the relationship is already going well is because they realized something.”
Get. Out.
I lo—
Don’t you dare say it. I said, get out, Jules. Get the fuck out!
My heart slammed against my chest and bruised my ribcage with each painful thud.
“I don’t have to tell you what the realization is,” Alex said. “You’re smart enough to figure it out. But according to you, she didn’t tell you earlier because she was afraid of how you’d react. She didn’t think you’d take her side. Now, tell me. How did you react when she finally told you?”
The oxygen in the room thinned.
Forget painful. Every breath was downright excruciating.
“I’m not a big fan of Jules, but you are my best friend. I want you to be happy.” Alex’s face softened a smidge, but that didn’t blunt the harshness of his words. “You can’t be happy if you have your head buried so far in the sand you think you can just walk away and forget her. Take it from someone who tried to do the same once with someone I love. You’ll be miserable until you resolve the situation.”
I’d never heard Alex utter so many words in such a short time. I would’ve been more stunned had I not been busy replaying them in my mind.
She didn’t tell you earlier because she was afraid of how you’d react. Now, tell me. How did you react?
I tilted my head back and squeezed my eyes shut again. “Oh, fuck.”
What the hell have I done?
51
JULES
My hospital visit was a blur of tests and examinations. I had a cut on my head, several nasty bruises, a shoulder sprain, and a mild concussion, but otherwise, I was pretty lucky. It could’ve been so much worse.
Despite my concussion, I opted to finish the bar exam the next day. I just wanted to get it over with. Plus, it was multiple choice; if worse came to worse, I could bubble something in and pray for the best.
I handed in my test and returned the administrator’s smile with a tired one of my own.
It was done. The results were out of my hands now.
I wouldn’t know whether or not I’d passed until October, so I might as well celebrate by sleeping for the next, oh, seventy-two hours.
Exhaustion weighed down my limbs as I exited the exam room, but now that the test was over, I couldn’t stop replaying yesterday’s hospital visit in my head.
Obviously, I knew Josh worked in the ER, but I hadn’t expected him to see him for some reason.
My heart twisted at the memory of his cold, clinical examination. I didn’t think he would rush to my side and forgive me just because I was injured, but I’d expected a little more…warmth? Empathy? Instead, he’d treated me like I was just another patient he didn’t personally know.
Polite and competent, but emotionally detached.
Don’t think about it. Not now.
Getting too caught up in my head was what screwed me over yesterday; if I hadn’t been so distracted, Max wouldn’t have been able to surprise me like that.
Cold sweat broke out on my skin. I didn’t think he’d be stupid enough to come back a second day in a row, but desperate people did desperate things. I imagined his “friends” weren’t happy he’d lost the painting, and he wanted revenge for what happened in his hotel.
I’d underestimated his capability for physical violence.
Then again, if there was one recurring theme in my life, it was that people were never who I thought they were.
I quickened my steps so I could squeeze into the elevator before the doors closed. It was packed shoulder-to-shoulder and smelled faintly of tuna and body odor, but it was still better than the stairwell. You couldn’t pay me enough money to take the stairs again.
I hitched my bag higher on my shoulder, taking solace in the pepper spray and taser sitting inside it. I’d borrowed them from Stella, who’d kept them on hand since her short-lived but terrifying episode with a stalker last year.
As a well-known influencer, she dealt with her fair share of creeps, but that guy had crossed the line. He’d sent her disgusting letters detailing what he wanted to do to her and messaged her candid photos of herself around town, which freaked her out so much she’d gone to the police. They hadn’t been any help at all, but luckily, the stalker stopped contacting her after a few weeks and she hadn’t heard from him since.
I was the only person who knew about it since we lived together. If Stella hadn’t been concerned about the guy showing up at our house, she wouldn’t have even told me. She had a bad habit of keeping all her problems to herself.
The elevator doors slid open.
Thank God.
I liked tuna; I did not like the smell of it mixed with B.O. and half a dozen different perfumes.
I walked across the lobby, eager to return home and binge another pint of ice cream. I’d inhaled so much Ben & Jerry’s over the past week I was surprised I hadn’t ballooned out of my clothes.
I’d almost reached the exit when two words stopped me in my tracks.
“Hey, Red.”
My pulse spiked at the sound of that nickname, in that voice, here…
No. It can’t be.
My mind was playing tricks on me again. There was no way Josh was here after the way he’d treated me yesterday.
A messy knot of emotion tangled in my throat.
Several people brushed past me and shot me strange looks. I was rooted to my spot on the marble floor, and I wanted to move. I really did. But my body refused to comply, and all I could do was stare at the exit, both longing to reach it and happy to stay in my bubble of delusion forever.
What if it was him? What if he was here? What if…
A shadow sliced across the sun-drenched floor before a body moved in front of me and blocked the exit from view.
I slowly raised my eyes, skimming over the T-shirt-clad chest, broad shoulders, and tense jaw before I met Josh’s eyes.
My heart whimpered like a wounded animal eager for comfort from the only person capable of providing it.
“I wasn’t sure if you heard me.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets. His brows were drawn tight over worried eyes, but a tentative smile played on his mouth. “How did the test go?”
“I—fine.” I couldn’t wrap my head around what was happening. It was too surreal.
Josh might as well be a different person from yesterday, and I wasn’t just talking about the one-eighty in his attitude. Gone was th
e clean-cut doctor; in its place was someone gruffer, more world-weary. Stubble shadowed his cheeks and jaw, his skin had taken on a pallid case, and his hair looked like he’d raked his fingers through it a thousand times. Regret filled his eyes and sent my stomach tumbling off a cliff.
There was only one thing he could be regretting, and—
Don’t go there.
I bit the inside of my cheek until a coppery taste filled my mouth. I refused to get my hopes up only for him to crush them again.
“Can we go somewhere to talk?” Josh stepped to the side to let another person pass. “I have…” He paused, his throat flexing with a hard swallow. “I have something I need to tell you.”
“You can tell me here.” I discreetly wiped my palms against the sides of my thighs. My shirt stuck to my skin despite the icy blasts of air conditioning, and my skin alternated between hot and cold each second.
“Okay.” Instead of arguing, Josh tilted his chin toward a side hallway. “At least let’s get out of the way before someone mows us down. Lawyers are an aggressive bunch, aspiring lawyers even more so.”
A shadow of his dimple appeared.
I puddled at the sight of it. Of the top three things I missed most, his dimple sat squarely at number two, after his kiss and before his playful insults.
But whereas my insides were a mess of emotions, my exterior remained frozen. I couldn’t summon a smile for the life of me.
Josh’s dimple disappeared, and he swallowed hard again.
Somehow, I got my legs to work. We walked to the hallway in silence, and Josh twisted the doorknobs until one opened. It revealed an empty office. No furniture, just a whiteboard and a blue carpet. It was so hushed I could hear every thump of my pulse.
I stepped inside and rubbed the sleeve of my silk blouse between my fingers, taking solace in the mindless, familiar motion. “What are you doing here? Don’t you have work?”
“I traded shifts so I could take today off.” Josh locked the door behind us and raked his gaze over my face. Warmth buzzed beneath my skin at his slow, thorough perusal. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
Delirium, exhaustion, or both pulled a rusty laugh from my throat. It sounded strange, like a car engine sputtering back to life after a week of non-use.
