Letting Go

by J. M. Witt

  Letting Go

  Anchored Hearts

  Vol. 1

  By: J.M. Witt

  Copyright 2013, © J.M. Witt

  Cover Artist: CoverD

  Image copyright © Can Stock Photo Inc. / Coka

  Editor: Tiffany Tillman

  Betas: Melanie Chandler, Tammy Faris & Liz Stephenson

  Publisher: J.M. Witt Books

  All Rights Reserved 2013.

  This book may not be reproduced in any form; in whole or in part, without written permission by the author.

  All characters and events in this book are fictional. Any similarities to real life people and events are purely coincidental.

  Acknowledgments

  Words will never be enough to express my gratitude to those who have supported me along the way.

  To my husband: Your support is what gives me strength.

  To my children: You remind me that it’s ok to dream.

  To Melanie, my friend and CP: Thank you for being there every step of the way; critiquing, laughing, and plotting with me. I look forward to doing it again.

  To my friends: Your encouragement is more uplifting than you know.

  To Gayle: Thank you for being a pleasure to work with, finding the image that made me clap like a giddy school girl and tweaking it to make it that much more perfect.

  To Tiffany: Thank you for taking this on! I’ve truly enjoyed our phone conversations. I look forward to sharing this journey with you.

  To the bloggers, fellow authors and my fans: Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! Without you I never would’ve made it this far.

  Table of Contents

  Chapter 1 Blackbird

  Chapter 2 Salvage

  Chapter 3 Redemption

  Chapter 4 Masquerade

  Chapter 5 Exposed

  Chapter 6 Phoenix

  Chapter 7 Devious

  Chapter 8 Don’t

  Chapter 9 Unloaded

  Chapter 10 Ride

  Chapter 11 Anchors

  Chapter 12 Bubbles

  Chapter 13 Revealed

  Chapter 14 Rainbow

  Chapter 15 Closer

  Chapter 16 Bachelor

  Chapter 17 Dreams

  Chapter 18 Secrets

  Chapter 19 Excessive

  Chapter 20 Pressure

  Chapter 21 Introductions

  Chapter 22 Twisted

  Chapter 23 Tranquil

  Chapter 24 Enigmas

  Chapter 25 Wounds

  Chapter 26 Firestorm

  Chapter 27 Thankful

  Chapter 28 Done

  Playlist

  Chapter One – Blackbird…

  ~ CASSIDY ~

  May 2013

  It was a cool, Spring Saturday night. I had just been promoted to Junior Event Planner at Bea and Cecily, more commonly known as B & C, so I was out to celebrate. My ‘boyfriend’ was performing at The Blue Horse for the first time. My best friend, Holly, was dating the band’s front man, Sam, and she’s the happiest I’ve seen her in all the years we’ve been friends. Time will tell.

  We got to the bar, which was an unfamiliar one to us, and took our seats. Holly was crooning about Sam and I was trying to listen. After our drinks arrived, she mentioned that the bar was just purchased by a friend of Dan’s. I simply shrugged my shoulders and smiled, vaguely remembering her saying that Dan and the new owner went to high school together. If she mentioned a name, I didn’t catch it.

  Holly was celebrating getting a job at the art gallery. She’s a free spirit, which tends to get her in trouble from time to time. It’s probably what drew me to her like a moth to the flame. She’s out-going and artistic and has mountains of confidence—knows how to love and live fast and hard. The fact that she’s also an orphan has made her super independent; she’s been supporting herself since she was seventeen.

  My upbringing was the opposite of Holly’s. I grew up in a middle-class family, with an older brother, a mom and a dad. I went to school with the same kids from elementary school all the way through high school. That isn’t necessarily a good thing.

  

  I was with Dan, the bassist. Meeting Dan was a setup, and I normally hate setups, but here we were. I remember Holly asking me a few weeks ago before I met Dan, “What’s the worst that could happen?”

  What a loaded question. I over analyze anything and everything. Holly is one of those people who can just let go; I truly envied that quality. She’s always told me, “Just let go, Cass! Have some fun.”

  I was preoccupied, staring at the tall drink of water that just walked out of the back room. God, he was hot! He was on his cell, clearly in a heated conversation. He had me completely captivated and I couldn’t take my eyes off him. Close to six and a half feet tall, his face was clearly chiseled by the hand of God. Great nose, cheekbones and a jaw line covered in a dusting of hair. It was obvious that he works out; he’s built like a linebacker with broad shoulders and that perfect V shape that many athletes are able to maintain.

  “Hey, I’m talking to you! What are you looking at?” Holly pulled me from my trance just as the object of my desire turned his back. The view was almost as nice as his front—if that damn shirt wasn’t hiding his ass from my hungry eyes.

  Holly followed the nod of my head. “Damn! He’s got to be close to seven feet tall. I wonder who that is.” She seemed just as intrigued as I was.

  I rolled my eyes at her exaggeration of his height. “Just because you’re a dwarf doesn’t make him a giant. He’s perfect!” I could hear Foo Fighters playing overhead, though I don’t recall what song. Holly continued to admire him until Sam walked over with Dan following close behind. The night proceeded like any other. The band performed three sets while I drank too much and danced too little. I couldn’t stop my eyes from searching for him all night.

  

  A week later we were at The Blue Horse again. Dan walked over to Holly and me in between sets with Sam and the object of my lust behind him. Oh shit!

  “Guys, this is James, he’s the owner. We go way back.” Dan smacked James on the shoulder, which was a feat considering the height difference. James didn’t look amused and only took his eyes off mine long enough to introduce himself to Holly. He then held his hand out to me.

  “And you are?” Is there such a thing as eye-fucking? ‘Cause if there is he was doing it. I felt myself blush when I took his hand. Electricity ran up my arm and down to my core.

  “This is my girl, Cassidy.” I wanted to shout at Dan I’m not your girl just because we’re sleeping together.

  James held onto my hand a little longer than necessary, running his thumb back and forth across the back of it. He looked down at our joined hands and I followed his gaze. He was trailing a finger over the blackbird tattoo on my wrist, studying it intently.

  “Blackbird, it suits you.”

  I was speechless, mesmerized by the green of his eyes and envious of his long dark lashes. His touch sent goose bumps up my arm and no one seemed to notice except the two of us.

  Similar encounters happened several more times over the following weeks. James and I had various run-ins at the bar, in the back lot, and at the front door. Each time he would shake my hand and call me ‘Blackbird’ and I would remind him of my name to which he would simply smile. I welcomed the contact each and every time, sometimes seeking him out purposely, and he always left me wanting more.

  

  June

  My whole ‘relationship’ with Dan was a blur of late nights and early mornings—mostly spent with him, Holly and Sam. The three of them were a great and horrible influence on me all at once. Soft Rockets (yes, that’s the name of the band) had gigs every Friday and Saturday. Every morning that damn alarm clock went off I regretted my late night shenanigans,
but at least I was in my own bed. One thing I insisted on with Dan was that I stayed at home on work nights. I looked forward to Saturday every week; the day I could finally sleep in.

  On that muggy Friday night I walked up the steps after a long day at work. When I walked inside the apartment Holly and I shared I could hear my iPod blaring White Houses by Vanessa Carlton, again. Holly played it constantly and I was getting sick of listening to it. I could hear Vanessa shrieking all the way down the hall.

  Our apartment was a dump and not in the best part of town, but it was ours. I met Holly at The Diner almost five years ago. I was looking for a job while taking classes when I met her. We hit it off immediately and we’ve been inseparable ever since.

  I dropped my purse on the table and headed to Holly’s room after turning down the music. I threw myself on her bed. She poked her head out of her closet, “How long do you need? They go on at 9!”

  I let out an exaggerated sigh. “You sure Sara can’t go? I’m wiped out.”

  Sara introduced Holly and Sam. She’s a friend of Holly’s from the art gallery. I slept poorly the night before—another case of insomnia—as images of James raced through my head. I wasn’t up to seeing Dan. Our arrangement was completely casual and I’d already seen him three times that week. I wasn’t even sure how much longer it could last. However, I didn’t mind the thought of seeing James. We eye-fucked each other every chance we got. I was always in a better mood after laying eyes on him. I’m a horrible person.

  “Cassidy Charles! You are not backing out on me now! Get your ass in your room and put on something nice and sexy!”

  Nice I could do. Sexy? Has she met me? I obeyed on a chuckle. I really shouldn’t have been so opposed to the whole thing. One of my favorite things to do was go to a bar and listen to local bands. I dragged myself off her bed and headed to my room.

  I strolled to my closet and proceeded to try on half a dozen different shirts. I went ‘bold’ and settled on my khaki dress shorts, a nude cami and a low cut sheer lavender tank with sequin hem. I pulled my hair up in a loose bun with a few strays circling my face and put on my dangly silver earrings. I touched up my makeup and darkened my eyes. Now what shoes to wear? That was always the worst part. I’m a clumsy fool and decided to play it safe with some silver ballet flats.

  “You are not wearing those shoes!” Holly snuck into my room and caught me off guard. The girl was a pro in heels. She could walk down the beach in stilettos and not wobble at all. Me? I wobble in my tennis shoes.

  “Holly, you can’t be serious. I hate heels and heels hate me. You know this!” And I certainly didn’t feel the need to add any inches to my height that night. Dan wasn’t much taller than me and I was uncomfortable towering over him. What I wouldn’t give for a tall guy, like James.

  I heard Holly, ‘eh-hem’ so I looked up and my jaw dropped, no longer oblivious to what she was wearing, as she did a spin for me. It must be love. I’ve never seen her go to so much trouble for a guy. She had pulled out all the stops. She was wearing a short green backless dress and six inch heels, her blonde hair with highlights the color of the rainbow sitting just below her shoulders with a section pulled up on top. She looked great.

  “Is that new? How serious are you about Sam? Or are you just serious about his doggy style?!”

  “Ha-ha, you’re killing me! Yes, it’s new. Don’t you have a dress you can wear? Maybe it is serious, and not just about his doggy style,” she winked.

  I blushed and responded, “You know I hate wearing dresses, especially to the bar! And I don’t want to hear any more about Sam’s doggy style!” I wasn’t naïve, but not that experienced either. Dan had proven to be just another ‘okay’ lover on a short list. I was beginning to think ‘great’ lovers didn’t exist.

  “Hasn’t Dan shown you his doggy style yet? At least put on some heels.”

  “Holly Martin, I’m not some cheap and easy girl like you! Easy, yes; cheap, NO! You know I don’t kiss and tell.”

  We both laughed, knowing my statement was false. I rifled through my shoes and found my most comfortable heels; closed-toe nude wedges. They would have to do. I double checked myself in the mirror and smiled at myself in approval. I threw the ballet slippers into my purse, just in case.

  That night the city was buzzing and the breeze coming in off the lake was a welcome one. Summer seemed to arrive early with record highs. We took a cab to get to The Blue Horse early. On the ride there I couldn’t help but wonder if James would be there. I remembered the first night I saw him and all the subsequent nights after.

  “Cassidy, come on. We’re here.” I had spent the entire cab ride daydreaming. We headed into the bar and snagged our usual high-top table beside the stage. Holly set off looking for Sam while I ordered our usual—Corona for Holly and a fuzzy navel for me.

  I rubbed my tired eyes and put my glasses back on. They’re sexy, sleek and easier to deal with than contacts in a smoky bar. I can’t handle these smoky bars for long without wanting to rip my eyes out. Who was I kidding? I’m a complete hypocrite. I always ended up stealing cigs from Holly when out at the bar. My dad would kill me if he knew.

  I gazed around, listening to the drone of the sound system playing Shelf in the Room by Days of the New. This had to be close to a dozen times, if not more, in the past six weeks the band had played there. The place could certainly use a face lift. Peanut shells scattered the tattered floor and several of the tables and chairs needed replacing or at least refinishing. The restrooms were on the other side of the bar directly across from us at the front of a long hallway. Further down the hall there was a side door leading to an office and then a door leading to the back lot.

  I heard some cursing and loud bangs and looked to the back door. The guys were lugging in the final pieces of music equipment. Holly came strolling in on Sam’s heels. He was carrying a guitar case and Holly was carrying his bag. Sam’s about my height, a little too thin, with dark hair that could use a wash and a cut.

  I couldn’t help but look around for James. I immediately felt guilty because of Dan, but then reminded myself that Dan and I were keeping it casual, he said so himself last night. Sam and Holly were back at the table making out like horny teenagers. It was embarrassing and at the same time I was feeling a little envious.

  I peered over Sam’s shoulder when James suddenly appeared. He was on his cell, like usual. As if he knew I was there, he looked up and right at me. His eyes bore into mine before he winked. I clenched my legs together trying to subdue my body’s response to him. He pulled his free hand through his hair and tucked a loose strand behind his ear. His hair was long, the color of dark chocolate, wavy and falling down around his face. It’s usually pulled back and my hands were immediately itching to run through it. I liked ‘hair down’ James.

  He was wearing dark denim jeans that hugged him just right. His green and blue plaid shirt was unbuttoned just enough to expose a smattering of chest hair. It was un-tucked and the sleeves were rolled halfway up his arms, exposing a tattoo on his left forearm. What I wouldn’t give for a real fuck instead of those outrageous eye-fucks.

  My heart stopped as he smiled that smile that makes my heart dance between stopping and starting. I remembered thinking if he wasn’t careful, I might lose all sense and tackle him in front of everyone; Dan be damned. That smile completely transformed him from a large brooding scary male into a teddy bear. His smile immediately creased into a frown and his attention went back to his cell conversation. He walked toward the back room, clearly frustrated.

  “Earth to Cassidy!”

  I was startled out of my trance and knocked my water all over the table. I barely missed soaking Sam and Holly with it.

  “Dammit! I’m sorry.” Typical. I cursed my innate ability to terrorize people with my nerves.

  Sam and Holly said in unison, “No harm, no foul.” They were both used to my klutziness by this point in our friendship.

  The waitress came over with a stack of napkins and helped
me clean up my mess. “I’m so sorry!”

  “Don’t fret, girl. It happens all the time.” She dropped her voice. “Besides, he is quite something to look at!” Holly and Sam were oblivious to her comments as they were nose to nose again. I was mortified that my gawking was recognized by the waitress. Get it together, Cassidy!

  Blushing, I acknowledged her with a soft laugh and smiled. “Holy hell he’s so hot!” The waitress nodded in agreement. The object of our affection came out of the back room, no cell phone in his hand and stormed out the back door. He was gone. The waitress and I sighed in unity. I wanted to pick her brain about him—maybe she knew more about him—but the band was welcomed to the stage and hearing anything below a scream was impossible.

  Soft Rockets was pretty good and I thoroughly enjoyed watching them play. Most of their stuff was covers with some originals added in here and there. When the first set was over, there was still no James in sight. It’s never going to happen! He was way out of my league. I should’ve just ended things with Dan, knowing he wasn’t the one for me.

  The remainder of the night proceeded like any other. In his usual fashion, Sam dedicated the last song of the second set to Holly. A joke between the two of them that I don’t quite get, but I laughed as Holly pulled me on the dance floor as the first guitar riff started. They were playing Bad Girlfriend by Theory of a Deadman.

  Holly and I headed to the bathroom after the song ended. She stole the first available stall as I shouted at her, “Hey, I was first!” We both laughed as I waited my turn.

  “I’ll meet you out back, Cass!” She smiled as I took over her stall once she exited.

  “Sure thing, Hoe!” She laughed as she left the bathroom.

  I finished up, washed my hands and retouched my lip gloss. I recognized the song playing over the loud speakers; Our Lady Peace was blaring Somewhere Out There.

  I was fixing my shirt while walking out of the bathroom and rammed face first into somebody’s shoulder and upper chest. I would’ve crashed back into the bathroom if it wasn’t for his hands on my upper arm and around my back; they were the only things that kept me steady.