Letting Go

by J. M. Witt

  “That would be lovely. The shower too!” She understood my meaning and placed a chaste kiss on me before we sauntered into the bathroom.

  I was savoring the heat of her body against mine as the water pelted our bodies. Her arms were entwined loosely around my waist and her head was resting on my chest. I had never felt more at ease with a woman. Her skin felt like satin under my hands as I ran my hands up and down her back. Her complete silence began to eat at me. “Cassidy, are you ok?”

  She didn’t hear me and asked, “I’m sorry. What did you ask?”

  I had pulled her from her trance, “Where were you just now?”

  “Honestly?” She looked up at me and I knew the look on my face made her believe she could tell me anything. “I was thinking about the first night I saw you at The Blue Horse.” I couldn’t help but tense a little. “Why did you wait so long to introduce yourself, to make a move?”

  With concern all over her face, I couldn’t help but wonder where she was going with this. I put her head back on my chest and smiled. “I don’t know. You scared the shit out of me.” How could I tell her that from the first moment I saw her, my instinct told me to run and my heart and body told me to grab her and then run? I felt her stiffen. Shit.

  “Scared you how?” She leaned her head back, searching my face. I was glad to know I wasn’t the only scared.

  “I knew my life would never be the same and it scared me. I’m only sorry I didn’t claim you first.” I stroked her cheek and she leaned into my palm, cradling herself back into my arms.

  Though it was barely audible she said, “Me too.”

  I needed her to look at me so I tilted her chin up. “Cassidy, if I had known what was going to happen that night I’d have done anything to stop it.” Dan didn’t deserve to breathe the same air as her.

  “James. You don’t blame yourself, do you?” I couldn’t stop the guilt that crossed my eyes and I knew that she saw it, too. “Wait, did you have anything to do with it? The charges were dropped.”

  She began swatting at my arms around her shoulders and I noticed her eyes were glassy; thought the water would disguise any tears that poured down her face.

  How could I not blame myself? I bent down to the level of her eyes. “Cassidy I blame myself because it happened in my establishment. I promise you that’s all.” She let out a gut wrenching sob as I pulled her closer. She had been through enough and I didn’t want to hurt her with all the unnecessary details. “I’m so sorry.”

  Her shaking began to subside with the security of my arms around her. “Please don’t blame yourself. It’ll break me apart all over again. I’m sorry I doubted you,” she said into my chest.

  I wished that I could erase all her hurt. I tilted her face toward mine and kissed her softly. She opened for me and her tongue was already seeking mine. I wondered if she would always have this effect on me. My cock was already aching for her as she ran her hands through my hair. I pressed my erection into her belly and realized she had turned the water off as she opened the shower door. She pulled me to the bedroom without bothering to dry off, only one thing on her mind.

  Holding my hand, she opened the top drawer of her nightstand and pulled out a condom. She placed it on top before lying down on the bed like a willing sacrifice. I took in her body, the curve of her belly, breasts and thighs. Her hair was wet and clung to her damp body. She was the perfect mixture of innocence and experience. I grabbed the condom and sheathed myself before I joined her on the bed.

  “Slow and easy this time, Cassidy.” She needed me to go slow—it was written all over her face—and for once I wanted to take her slowly. My hands moved to her temples and gently massaged them before I ran my long fingers through her wet hair. I kissed almost every inch of her face while she stroked my arms. She started running her fingers through my hair and it nearly drove me wild. My hair was my one of my weakness, like Samson. She brought my mouth down to hers and devoured my mouth. She led the kiss, licking and sucking my tongue and lips before pulling my bottom lip between her teeth gently biting down. I groaned as I pressed my cock against her. She made me want to thrust into her at full force. I maneuvered to her opening and moaned in pleasure at the heat that radiated from her pussy.

  “Take me, James.”

  She was my little piece of heaven. I slid into her with guarded control, slow and deliberate, as she arched her back to press closer to me. We repeated the movement over and over again and I could sense that she was losing control.

  “James, oh God, it’s so good.”

  The orgasm built in her as I watched her eyes glaze over. She looked look lost in ecstasy. I reared up higher to penetrate her deeper.

  “Oh Jesus.” .

  I loved making her feel out of control. I grabbed her leg and threw it up to my shoulder as she cried out, hitting her deeper.

  “Ahhhh! Please don’t stop,” She was pleading with me. Cassidy was frantic as she waited for her orgasm to take her. “Have faith baby.” I pulled up as high as I could and drove into her further. The only part of her body left touching the bed was her upper back and head. I continued to drive in slow and deliberate. I put a little more force behind my thrusts as she squeezed me into oblivion. She was ready to burst. “Come for me.” After a few more strokes I caught her holding her breath as she went stiff. I sensed the change in her and quickened my pace, knowing it was the final piece to the puzzle that she needed.

  I unleashed on her as she began screaming and panting her release and she continued convulsing while her hands gripped the sheets. Her pussy was clenched so tight around me that I couldn’t contain myself anymore. I worked my hips frantically before she begged me to stop. She was pulling every drop from me. I let her leg fall to the bed as I eased my mouth down to her lips. “You’re amazing, Blackbird.”

  She scoffed, “You do all the work.”

  “If this is work than I’d like to do this job forever. It’s like you were meant to be mine Cassidy.” My throat constricted as I realized my slip up. I had said the words before my brain could even process them. I shouldn’t have said it, though it was true. She was mine. Letting her go would surely end me. She didn’t seem to notice and I rolled us to our sides, still inside her. I ran my hands up and down her back as her body stilled and her breathing slowed.

  “You’ve always been mine, from that first night. You belong here, with me.” I wasn’t sure if she heard any of my words. I waited a moment and realized she was fast asleep.

  I was startled awake in the early morning hours. Waking up with someone was still foreign to me. I had been known to share my bed, but not my slumber. Cassidy was still fast asleep. I eased away from her and covered her up before I wrote her a note. I then gathered my things and headed out the door.

  ~ CASSIDY ~

  I awoke and knew immediately that he was gone. My heart sank. I reminded myself that we had just gotten together and maybe we weren’t really together. I stretched and laid in bed for a while, recalling the night before. I liked slow and steady James almost as much as I liked no holds barred James. He was amazing in bed; it was clear to me what I had been missing all those years. Passion. He simply had it, while the other ‘lovers’ I’d been with never did. I decided I would tackle the last few boxes floating around the house after I took a quick shower. I went to get out of bed and saw a note sitting on the nightstand.

  Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you.

  Amazing night. I’ll talk to you soon.

  XO ~J

  His note gave nothing away and I couldn’t help but wonder what ‘soon’ meant. I got out of bed, pulled my hair up and got in the shower. After I had spent plenty of time under the hot water, easing my pleasantly aching muscles, I exited the shower, pulled on some comfy clothes and headed downstairs. I then spent the next thirty minutes setting up and programming my new coffee maker and was soon enjoying a great cup of coffee. After collapsing all of the empty boxes and throwing them in the garbage, my place was starting to feel like home. I hea
ded to the living room and sat in front of some unopened boxes.

  A couple hours passed and all of the boxes were emptied except for one. I still hadn’t found my damn iPod. I dug through the last box, not recognizing the belongings. I looked on the outside of the box to find there was no writing on it designating who it belonged to. After a few moments it dawned on me whose box it was.

  Holly.

  I felt like an intruder looking through her belongings. Most of her stuff was donated a few weeks after her death. She had no family, just Sam and I. As I continued to pull items out I came across a picture frame and removed it from the box. I flipped it over to see that it was the photo of the two of us that she kept in her room.

  It was taken my last night at the diner. Neither of us were looking at the camera. She had her head thrown back in laughter, probably at something I said.

  I wasn’t even aware that I was crying until the tears hit my leg. I was also on the cusp of laughing; the night that picture was taken was a great night. I pulled out a little keepsake box and opened it up to find tickets and movie stubs. Some of the events Holly and I had attended together and others we hadn’t. I had no idea Holly was so sentimental.

  I continued my investigation of the contents of the box. GOLD! My iPod had been found, buried in the bottom. I jumped up and ran over to the stereo, docked the iPod, pushed play and cranked it up. I grabbed my laptop, pulled up iTunes and started downloading some of the summer’s biggest hits. Holly always said I was a pop music whore and I couldn’t deny it. I loved my top 40! I also setup a new playlist titled ‘James’.

  Chapter Ten – Ride…

  ~ CASSIDY ~

  I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, probably a couple hours. I was busy cleaning, organizing and re-organizing with the stereo blasting. I thought I finally had the kitchen organized the way I wanted. I was sweeping the floors when I Love It by Icona Pop came on. I couldn’t help but to start singing and bouncing around to the beat. I turned toward the front door and was briefly startled.

  Knowing how loud I had the music on, I wondered how many times he might have knocked and if he used the spare key or if I left it unlocked. “She sings!”

  James was there, just watching me, leaning against the entryway with his arms folded across his chest. He had a huge grin on his face, totally amused. Normally I would’ve stopped in my tracks being totally humiliated, but instead he inspired me to continue on my tirade. He pushed off the wall and closed the distance between us.

  I tried to play it cool and pranced my way over to him before I gyrated my ass against his thigh as I continued to sing. When the song ended I went to turn the music down, but he caught my arm just before I was out of his reach. Grazing his lips across mine he whispered, “I missed you.” “Hmmm.” I eagerly kissed him back.

  “You were up early.” It was a statement not a question. I took in his appearance. I hadn’t seen this James before. His hair was down and I admired him from head to toe as he pushed some strands out of his face. He was wearing a black V-neck shirt, a black leather jacket, dark jeans that hugged him perfectly and black boots. He had my entire being humming with his hotness. If I hadn’t known better I would’ve guessed he had shown up on a Harley.

  He threaded his hand through his hair as I checked him out. “Get dressed, Cassidy. I’m taking you for a ride.” I looked at him with a question in my eyes. “It’s a gorgeous Fall day and I want to spend it with you. Come on.” Leading me to the stairs, he patted my ass as I headed up. I stopped, turned and before I could say anything he said, “Totally casual. You’ll want to wear jeans and boots if you have them.” I nodded and headed back up the stairs and into my room.

  I liked casual James. I rummaged through my closet and pulled out my favorite jeans, a grey t-shirt, and after throwing half a dozen pairs of shoes out of the way I found my favorite pair of army boots. I threw them on and went to the bathroom to put on a little makeup and brushed my teeth. I noticed that the music wasn’t quite so loud anymore.

  ~ JAMES ~

  I took in my surroundings and could tell she had done a lot of work. The only boxes I saw were empty and evidence of her just moving in was now gone. Walking over to the stereo, I turned the music down and answered my ringing cell phone. The call confirmed that her car was ready and I gave instructions for it to be dropped off at her house in the next couple hours.

  It was then that I spotted the pictures on the mantel and glanced through them. There was a picture of a younger version of Cassidy and two guys, one older and the other her brother. The older gentleman had to be her dad. On the other end of the mantel was a picture of her and Holly. I picked it up and admired the candid moment and then immediately flashed through every moment of that horrible night at the bar again. I scolded myself for not warning her off Dan sooner. Dan swore he was clean but the toxicology reports from that night revealed otherwise. The fucker even went as far as to hide some of his stash in my office at The Blue Horse.

  ~ CASSIDY ~

  I looked in the mirror and took the pony out before running my brush through it. I decided to leave it down but threw an elastic band around my wrist. After putting on some eye shadow, mascara and gloss, I took a deep breath and headed downstairs. Grabbing my purse and a jacket off the coat rack, I turned and found James standing by the fireplace. He was holding the photo of Holly and me. “Ready when you are.”

  He must not have heard me come down the stairs as he looked to me slightly startled. He put the photo back before he walked over to me. “That was quick.” I simply smiled and glanced nervously down to my feet before motioning him to the front door. James went through the door as I dug through my purse. When I found my keys, I locked the door and placed the keys back in my purse. Finally lifting my head to find James, my jaw dropped.

  I froze instantly. “Holy hell!” He was straddling a big black bike. He looked like a fucking god on it, just smiling at me. He turned it on and revved the engine. Goosebumps flew across the back of my neck as I took a deep breath and walked down the stairs.

  James revved the engine again for optimum effect as I walked down the stairs. “Have you ridden before?” I shook my head no. “Really? Well, come here.” I walked hesitantly toward him as he handed me a helmet. He was helping me put it on while giving me some instructions. “You’re going to want to keep your feet here and not here.”

  He pointed out a few things and I nodded in agreement. Cal has a bike and had offered to take me for a ride, but I had always refused. I climbed on, rather ungracefully, slipping once, and put my hands in my lap.

  I sensed him laugh as he had to reach behind himself for my arms. “You’re going to want to hold on, Cassidy.”

  After pulling my arms around he had asked if I was ready. I responded, “I think so!” He revved the engine and I jumped a little as the tingly vibration ran under my seat and through me. Dear Lord! Before I could say anything more, he let the tires squeal as he took off down the road, causing me to grip him tighter.

  James quickly headed to the north freeway to get out of the city. It really was an awesome fall day. We’d been graced with an unusually warm fall. Soon winter would be upon us and the bike would likely go into storage until spring.

  Soon we were in the country and the colors were breathtaking. I ran my hands up to his chest and rested my head on his shoulder. Suddenly my nostrils were assaulted by the smell of cinnamon and apples. “OH, yum!” My stomach growled in response.

  “You hungry?” I replied ‘yes’ in his ear. The cider mill was right around the next curve.

  After we parked, James grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers as we headed toward the barn. I glanced over at him to find he was smiling which in turn made me smile. The cider mill was packed as was to be expected on the Sunday before Halloween.

  After waiting in line we made our way to the register to grab some donuts. The girl working behind the counter asked us if we wanted half a dozen, a whole dozen or more.

  James looked
to me and I said, “I’ll take a half dozen. I’m not sure how many he wants, though.” James looked taken aback.

  I could hardly contain my laughter when I looked to him. He looked baffled. “I’m kidding. Half a dozen will do. I’ll share.” I nudged him with an elbow in his side and he laughed. We also purchased half a gallon of apple cider, snagged two cups, some napkins and made our way outside.

  He led me back to his bike and away from the bustle of all the families enjoying that lovely day. “Did you really think I wanted all six donuts for myself?”

  James looked as though he wasn’t quite sure how to respond to me. “Umm, I don’t make it my business to question one’s eating habits.”

  James looked at me mystified. I had just put him in dangerous territory and I knew it. I couldn’t help but bust up laughing. “Don’t look so serious. I’m just harassing you. I could certainly eat them all, but you make me want to share.”

  I started cracking up and he relaxed. I knew exactly what I was doing. I reached in the bag for a donut and he snatched the bag away from me, “Hey…” I puckered my bottom lip as James put our purchases in the saddlebag.

  I watched him as he opened a compartment on the side of the bike and placed our purchase inside. He came out holding one donut and guided it to my lips before snapping it away. He dared take a bite out of it as my eyes got big.

  Like the gentleman he was James handed me the remainder of the donut which put a big smile on my face. “I know a little place right up the road. Bear with me.”

  He placed the helmet on my head before putting on his own. He then turned to me and asked if I was ready. “You got a little something…”

  I wiped his lips with my thumb and then proceeded to lick my thumb clean. James let out a groan. It was sexy as hell and I knew exactly what I was doing.