Letting Go

by J. M. Witt

  “Excuse me? You’re the one throwing people away.”

  “We both experienced a trauma. My family circled the wagons. I’m sorry I pushed you away. It was a mistake.” He tried to put my hands in his and I pulled them away before he was successful.

  “Don’t touch me. Dan, what we had, well, it was a mistake. I don’t know what you think you know about James, but you don’t. Please leave.”

  “I know that he and Melissa Westin have a long and torrid relationship. They have since high school.” My stomach started convulsing. “I’m guessing by that look on your face you know who she is.” I must have nodded because he continued on. “Cassidy, they’re meant to be. You’re just going to get hurt. Everyone who gets in between them ends up hurt or dead. Just like Jason.”

  Gasping at his harsh words I narrowed my eyes at him and he answered the question in my eyes.

  He started responding before I even asked the questions, “You don’t know about Jason?” He ran his fingers through his short spiky hair before continuing, “Jason was my best friend and James’s cousin. Jason and Melissa were a couple before James broke them up. Melissa cheated on Jason with James and Jason was so torn up about the whole thing he committed suicide.” He reached for me again and I evaded him.

  I couldn’t listen to any more of this, “Dan I need you to leave. Please. Thank you for the flowers.”

  “Cassidy, wait…”

  Rushing back inside before Dan could stop me, I made sure to turn the deadbolt. What the hell just happened? Dan’s words ran over and over again in my head. James and Melissa had been on and off since high school? Jesus Christ, I was an idiot. No wonder she was so upset at the auction. And Jason, who’s Jason? Dan said Jason and James were cousins.

  This is preposterous. I decided to find my laptop, power it up and sat on the couch pulling up my favorite search engine. I typed in Jason and James Benedict. After scrolling through a few pages I found a link for Jason Benedict Whitford. Oh, God, this just gets worse and worse. Finding an obituary from fifteen years ago for Jason, I noticed his death was listed as December 31st, James’s birthday. My whole body started trembling as I scanned further through the article and stopped at ‘brother to Jane’. Fucking hell. I was going to be sick. I ran to the kitchen and emptied the minimal contents of my stomach into the sink.

  When my stomach had calmed and the shaking subsided, I returned to my laptop. There was no mention of a drug overdose or suicide, but there wouldn’t be. I found a link to a memorial page and clicked on it and there I came across several pictures of Mrs. Whitford, her husband, a much younger Jane and Jason. I scanned through and found one of Jason and James. In fact, most of the pictures were of James and Jason as I scrolled further down. There were none of Dan that I could find, which I thought was odd if Jason and Dan were such good friends like Dan claimed.

  Before I knew it, it was after 5p.m. I had to stop obsessing and start getting ready. I put the laptop down and pulled myself off the couch. Of course I was in no mood to go out now, and after spotting the flowers on the floor by the front door, I gathered them up, took them to the kitchen and tossed them in the garbage. I headed up the stairs and proceeded to take the longest shower in history.

  

  ~ JAMES ~

  I used the spare and let myself in after failed attempts at knocking. When I entered, I could hear the shower running and I spotted a small envelope on the floor. It was sealed so I opened it up and was immediately fuming mad. The card was from Dan and was a feeble attempt at an apology and a plea to get back together. I put the card in my wallet and pulled out my cell.

  “Smith, he’s back. God dammit, I don’t want to hear excuses. Find out where he’s staying. He’s made contact with Cassidy. I don’t care. Just get it done.”

  I put the phone back in my pocket and headed to the kitchen for some water, noticing a flower smashed in the lid of the garbage. Opening the lid I found a fresh bouquet of flowers in it. Well, that was a good sign. Shit. Who knows what he said to her. This was probably going to go one of two ways. Bad and worse.

  Deciding to try my luck I headed up the stairs and the shower was still running. I sat on the end of the bed and waited for a while. What was she doing in there? Just as I was about to interrupt her, I heard the water shut off before hearing her move around the bathroom for a few moments.

  She walked out the bathroom door and was startled when she spotted me. “James, you scared me. How did you get in?”

  She pulled her towel tighter around her body exhibiting that she was nervous and self-conscious. I got up to walk toward her as she started fidgeting.

  “Cassidy, what’s wrong?” I knew exactly what was wrong, but needed to hear it from her.

  She was chewing her nails and I could tell she was trying to figure out what to say. “I thought I said no more secrets.”

  “Jesus Christ, Cassidy. What does that mean, what secrets?” My adrenaline was pumping as I started pacing the floor.

  “I know about Jason and Melissa.” She just watched me, gauging my reaction.

  I took a deep defeated breath before sagging back down to the bed and put my head in my hands. “Cassidy…I…FUCK. I’m sorry. I should’ve told you.”

  “So it’s true? You and Melissa, since high school? How could you do that to Jason, your cousin?”

  “Whoa, hang on. How could I do what? You’re talking about things you know nothing about.” I was trying to keep my temper in check, “I was waiting for the right time.”

  “The right time? You had the perfect opportunity last night. You didn’t tell me that this thing with Melissa started fifteen years ago. I can’t compete with that!” She was fucking mad out of her mind screaming at me. “And your cousin Jason, Jane’s brother. I mean, I don’t even know how to process this.” Her voice began cracking and I went to get up and headed toward her. “DON’T TOUCH ME!”

  I flinched at her harsh tone. “Cassidy, please let me explain. I don’t know what Dan told you.”

  “This doesn’t have anything to do with Dan.”

  “The hell it doesn’t. He’s a snake Cassidy. I know he was here.” My temper got the better of me as I turned from her and punched a hole in the drywall.

  “What! So now you’re spying on me? You don’t own me, this is MY house!”

  She was screeching in my face, and if I wasn’t so pissed off, I’d congratulate her on her balls for challenging me. “You can’t believe anything he says.”

  “I could say the same about YOU!” She covered her mouth like she regretted saying it or like she was going to be sick. She ran back into the bathroom and started splashing water on her face and I realized she was white as a sheet.

  “Cassidy, please let me explain.” Softening my tone, I began rubbing the ache that was forming in my hand.

  “James, I think you should leave. I don’t know what or who to believe. I’m on complete information overload.”

  “With the WRONG information. Dan can’t be trusted!”

  She whipped her head up to me, “What are you talking about?”

  “Dammit, Cassidy, he’s a drug addict and a thief. You can’t trust him.”

  “GET OUT!” She picked up the closest thing, a brush, and chucked it at my head. I ducked just in time as it snapped in half after hitting the wall behind me.

  “Have you lost your mind?”

  “Apparently! But I’m not the one punching holes in the wall. Get out!”

  “Hey, what’s going on?” Whipping my head around, I saw Cal standing in the doorway to the bedroom.

  “Your sister is off her rocker.” I was shoved back and realized Cassidy had slammed the bathroom door in my face before locking it.

  “I’m not the only one. Cal, I want him out of here NOW!”

  Cal had a hint of concern on his face while smiling, too. “Dude, she’s a redhead and a Scorpio. What the hell did you do to piss her off?” He spotted the hole in the wall by the bathroom, “Come outside, she needs time to co
ol down, alone, and you could use some fresh air, too.”

  Knowing he was right, I followed him down the stairs. Cassidy and I both needed to cool off. I reached the bottom of the stairs and Jane was just glaring at me.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Why are you looking at me that way?”

  “Please, James. I know you. What did you do? Or should I say what didn’t you do?”

  I sighed, “Let’s go outside. I’ll fill you both in.” We all stepped out the door and to the small front yard, the street lights and front porch our only light.

  I filled Jane and Cal in on the surprise visit Cassidy had from Dan that I was confident had taken place this afternoon. Telling them she had asked about Jason, Melissa and high school, Cal acknowledged the info I had already divulged to him. Jane, being fully aware of Dan and his slithering ways, put it all together in no time.

  “So Dan and Cassidy were an item?” Cal and I nodded. “Damn. And she doesn’t know about his drug use?”

  “Apparently not.”

  “And you knew this, too?” She was looking at Cal now.

  “As of a few days ago.”

  “Hey!” She smacked us both up the side of the head like a mother scolding her kids.

  “You stupid asses. What the hell is wrong with you two? No wonder she’s pissed off. I’m pissed off for her.”

  We were all standing there quietly as I looked up to see Cassidy glaring down at us from her bedroom window. Cal and Jane caught sight of her too and Jane let out a big breath.

  “How much does she know?” We both shrugged our shoulders. “You’re useless. I’ll try to fix this.” She marched back up the stairs and went inside. Turning, she said, “Does she at least know you own the townhouse, not my mom and dad?”

  “Dammit, Jane.” Cal looked at me all confused.

  “I’ll take that as a NO.” She disappeared inside before slamming the door shut.

  

  ~ CASSIDY ~

  I glanced out the window just in time to see Jane slap them both and couldn’t help but laugh. James spotted me and I removed the smile from my face. A moment later Jane disappeared from my view and I went back to the bathroom. Picking up my discarded brush that was now broken, I started pulling the tangles out, which proved difficult with the handle no longer attached.

  Then there was a knock at my door. “Cassidy. It’s Jane. Can I come in? I’m alone.”

  “It’s open.” Coming out of the bathroom, broken brush in hand, I sat on the bed. I had already pulled on some jeans and a light sweater. She made her way in and closed the door behind her. “I assume you’re here to plead your cousin’s case?”

  She laughed, “Cassidy. He has no excuses, but I am here to make sure you have the story straight.”

  That caught my attention, “I’m listening.”

  “They told me that you were dating Dan Young and that he was here today.” She signed as I confirmed. “Cassidy, I don’t know what Dan told you, but he can’t be trusted.” I began to speak and she stopped me, “Please hear me out.” I accepted defeat and let her speak.

  “Jason was my older brother by a year. Jason, James, Melissa, Dan and I all went to high school together and we ran in the same circle for the most part. Jason and James were inseparable, like brothers. Dan and Melissa were the wild kids; drugs, parties, you understand. Jason started dating Melissa, therefore Jason and Dan started hanging out. Jason didn’t listen to any of us that they were bad news. Still with me?”

  “Yes.”

  “James’s freshman year of college was Jason’s senior year in high school. James was home over Christmas break. Melissa and Dan were seniors, too, and I was a junior. Anyway. Jason was on the verge of flunking out. He was partying almost every night with Dan. Melissa was even getting fed up with Jason since it meant she wasn’t the center of Jason’s universe anymore. James stayed at my parents’ house the night before New Year’s Eve, eager to talk to Jason. They had made plans and Jason never showed. I confided to James my fears.

  In the early morning hours we all woke to Jason and James yelling at each other. Jason threw a punch and they started fighting. We let them fight it out, but Jason grabbed a bottle and smashed it against James’s head. That’s how James got the scar.”

  “Oh no.” It was barely a whisper, but she heard me, nodded and continued.

  “My parents had to pry them apart. It finally became evident to them that Jason was out of control and needed help, but it was too late. James stormed out, covered in his own blood, and shortly after, so did Jason. That’s the last time we saw Jason alive. We searched for him all day and night. James still blames himself for it.”

  “But he tried to help.” We were both crying as I couldn’t begin to imagine losing Cal like she lost Jason.

  “We all know that, but he’s a stubborn, overprotective ass and thinks it’s his job to keep everyone safe.”

  “I’m so sorry, Jane.”

  “Thank you.”

  “But, what does this have to do with Melissa and Dan today?”

  She exhaled, “I don’t know what Dan told you, if anything…”

  I filled her in on my visit with Dan.

  She was turning red, “He’s a liar Cassidy. When I went to Melissa’s that night looking for Jason, Dan was with her, IN BED. She told me I had just missed Jason, but that he was fine. I suspect that Jason caught Dan, not James, in bed with Melissa.”

  “Oh. My. God.” I put my head in my hands.

  “Melissa and Dan were too strung out that night to even realize how far gone Jason was. He was head over heels for that tramp. We were all kids, but if anyone is to blame for what happened, well, it’s not James. Anyway. Cassidy, James’s biggest problem is that he has a huge heart, and people take advantage of that. The worst mistake he ever made was thinking Melissa had changed. And maybe she has, but Dan? Dan will always be a snake. He made some ridiculous speech at Jason’s funeral about them being best friends. Needless to say, he was escorted out. Melissa didn’t even show up.”

  I was utterly mortified, “I didn’t know. God, I feel like an ass. I had no idea.”

  “Cassidy, we all have ghosts in our closets. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. There’s more you should know.”

  I didn’t know how much more I could handle, but asked her to continue anyway.

  “Dan was dealing the night of the shooting.” She paused and waited for me to get her meaning. “The drugs found in James’s office were Dan’s. He swore to James he was clean and that’s the only reason James let his band play at the bar. Dan is dangerous. You need to stay away from him.”

  “Jesus, I’m an idiot.” How could I have been dating a dealer? What the hell was wrong with me?

  “James has been looking out for you ever since that night. He’s completely smitten with you, Cassidy. I’ve never seen him like this.” Just then there was a knock at the door.

  “Who is it?” Jane went to the door, opened it and I saw James peek his head inside. He looked wretched. They exchanged a few whispers, “Cassidy?”

  “He can come in.” Jane made her exit. “Thank you, Jane.”

  “No problem. Oh, and by the way. Cal knew about Dan on Monday and James is your landlord, not my mom and dad.”

  My head snapped up as I saw her smile at James and he in turn slammed the door in her face. “What?”

  “Cassidy?”

  “You’re my landlord, but I thought.” I let out an exaggerated screech, “Is there ANYTHING else?”

  He was on his knees in front of me, clasping my legs, “Cassidy, I’m so sorry. I was just trying to protect you.”

  “I’m sorry, too.” Placing my hand on his cheek, I ran my thumb over his scarred eyebrow and he closed his eyes. “This is all so stupid.” His head shot up. “We’re fighting over ridiculous shit.”

  He relaxed and laughed, “You forgive me?”

  Leaning my head to the side I smiled at him. There really wasn’t anything to forgive because we were
fighting over things from his past that we had no control over. Dan, well, Dan could go to hell.

  “You’re my landlord? This could get complicated.” I pursed my lips and raised my eyebrows.

  “How so?”

  “Um, need I go into the various complications that arise in relationships? For instance, the last hour we just went through?”

  “No.”

  I put my arms around his neck as he grabbed me tightly and stood with me clinging to him. “I won’t break, James. I’m stronger than you think. I forgive you. You can trust me, too.”

  He pulled back and looked at me, “I’m starting to see that. I’ll try harder.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You should finish getting ready. Anthony and Lena pulled in just before I came up.”

  “Ugh. Ok. I’ll be down shortly.”

  “You might want to wear your boots. I’m taking you for a ride, probably the last one for the season.” It was then I noticed he was in his worn leather jacket, jeans and boots.

  “James?” He turned to look at me, “Kiss me.”

  He rushed toward me and attacked my mouth as I clung to his jacket while his hands cupped my face. He pulled away too soon as I stood there with my eyes closed catching my breath.

  “You ok?”

  “Mmm.” With a smile on his face he left the room.

  I let out a deep sigh and made quick work of finishing getting ready.

  Chapter Nineteen – Excessive…

  ~ CASSIDY ~

  It wasn’t very long before I was heading downstairs and following the chatter coming from the kitchen. Lena and Anthony were drooling over James who was chitchatting with them and Cal and Jane were nose to nose. Everything was perfect, almost. Glancing at the picture of Holly on the mantle, she was the only missing piece, and I wondered how long I would feel her void.

  “There she is.” Cal rushed over and swept me into a big hug. “Everything good?” He set me down, looking concerned, and I slugged him in the chest. “Ow. What was that for?” He was rubbing his chest as I noticed Jane laughing.