by Durjoy Datta
‘Four,’ he replied.
‘See? How do you know she is the one for you when you don’t even consider other girls?’
‘See, that is where you are wrong, Mittal. I don’t feel the need. I just want to be with her,’ Shashank said. He always talked beyond his age and his looks, almost like a phoney god-man.
‘You are wimps. Both of you! You are scared. You are scared that you are not men enough to get more than what you already have. Where’s the ambition? Where’s the fire?’
‘I still agree with what Shashank said. I don’t feel the need,’ I said.
‘I am not asking you fuckers to start sleeping around with everything that moves on two legs and has breasts,’ Mittal defended himself.
‘Then what do you want us to do?’ I asked.
‘Just go out! Have some fun and give yourself a friggin’ chance!’ Mittal blabbered.
‘I think we really need to do the marketing assignment now. That’s where we should channel all our ambition and fire towards,’ Shashank said and I nodded.
Mittal flapped opened the laptop irritably. He was pissed that we were unmoved. He desperately wanted us to sleep around. Why? We never knew. It is a guy thing, I guess. If a friend gets laid, it’s like you getting laid; vicarious promiscuity.
We had hardly started studying when Mittal’s phone beeped and he left the room. Mittal never took those calls in front of us. Shashank and I had tried but never succeeded in finding out who the mysterious girl was … Or the mysterious girls …
‘Who do you think it is?’ I looked at Shashank. He shook his head and got back to his books.
Mittal had never formally introduced us to any of the girls he went out or slept with. Every few days, a new hot girl would leave his hostel room with her hair ruffled, lipstick smudged and with love bites on her neck, but he never let us talk to anyone. It was creepy.
‘I don’t want you guys to be friends with any of the girls I go out with,’ he had once said.
‘Why?’ I had asked.
‘I don’t want to get caught. I lie to them all the time. I don’t want them calling you and asking about me! Naah! I can’t let that happen,’ he had explained.
He had a point there. Your lies should always be unverifiable. Anyway, we often suspected that Mittal was hiding something. We expected that one fine day, he would break down in front of us and would say something like, ‘I was dumped by this girl five years ago and since then all I have been trying to do is to get back with her. I attempted suicide twice.’ Nothing of this sort ever happened. Not even close. Over the past twelve months, we had seen more than a dozen girls leave that fated hostel room, violated and smiling.
‘I don’t think I can study any more,’ I said.
‘You’re leaving the rest of it?’ Shashank asked.
‘Yep,’ I said and shut down my laptop. He did the same. Shashank was in bad company. Mittal and I knew that without our unholy influence on him, Shashank would have topped every goddamned exam in MDI, but we loved him too much to lose him to books and marks. We could lose him to blow jobs from porn stars from Poland, but definitely not to Free Market Economics.
‘Didn’t college get over too soon?’ Shashank said.
‘Seriously, it has been a year and it hardly feels like it. It should have lasted four years. At least!’
‘Yea, we wish,’ he said wistfully. ‘I just hope Farah gets placed in the same city as I.’
‘Hmm … yeah.’
‘So what have you and Avantika thought?’
‘As in?’
‘Are you getting married?’
‘Eventually. In a few years, maybe. I mean we intend to. Her parents would object but you know the equation there.’
‘Your parents?’
‘They wouldn’t be too happy about it. But I guess, if I push them, they would not say no. After all there are so many love marriages around, aren’t there?’
‘Yes.’
‘Hmm … so you and Farah?’
‘We can’t get married,’ he sighed. ‘Umm … you know.’
Though he had done his graduation from Delhi and that is where he had met Farah, Shashank belonged to a powerful industrial family based in Meerut.
‘My family wouldn’t let me marry Farah.’
‘The Muslim factor?’ I asked. They had been together for a few years now, and they had broken up a few times because they knew, one day, they would have to break up. But it’s easier said than done.
‘Yes.’
‘Hmm … so, when are you going to break up with her? You have to do it soon, man,’ I asked, not sure whether I should be asking the question.
‘I know … but then, it’s so hard not to be with each other,’ said Shashank, barely hiding his sadness.
Mittal and I had asked him more than a few times to end his relationship with Farah and make it easier for both of them. He tried but he could never do it. He was irrevocably in love with her. We realized that Mittal had overheard our conversation when he rudely interrupted it.
‘You guys are such girls! Twenty-three and you want to get married?’ Mittal said. ‘It is a long way off … who knows what will happen in six years! By the way, assignment? Where is that going?’
‘It is done with,’ I said.
‘Great. I am going to the gym. See you in an hour,’ he said, picked up his gym bag and left. Mittal was a gym freak, and never missed a day. Not even between exams, and it showed. One could mistake his biceps for tiny footballs. He used to walk shirtless in the corridors, his hard, well-defined chest in full view, and enjoy the admiring smiles of both the sexes.
‘Deb, catch you later,’ Shashank said as he stuffed his laptop inside his bag.
‘Farah?’
‘Yes. It is her birthday tomorrow. So I have to buy something for her.’
‘You have decided what to get for her?’
‘I was thinking of getting her a ring … but I don’t want to give her the wrong idea,’ he said and left.
I wanted to be sad about it, but I was smiling that I had no wrong ideas to be worried about. The whole idea of Avantika and me, together for life, was comforting. However, before it would happen, it would be a long and tiring fight to convince our parents and relatives. Was I ready? I thought so. I wanted her to be there for me.
Shashank and Farah—I had hardly imagined them without each other. To think that they would not be together was strange. It was a creepy thought to think they would be with different people. Deb and Avantika? With different people? That felt downright sick. Love makes you so dependent. To imagine my life without Avantika was a ridiculous thought.
I revised the chapter.
12
Avantika and I had our differences, but that’s what made us special. Avantika had always been an ambitious girl, and toiled hard to get what she wanted. She worked hard to secure herself from any more heartbreaks or disappointments. Her previous relationships had been total disasters that saw her spiralling down into a haze of alcohol and drugs for a couple of years. She had been to a series of rehabilitation centres but she had run away and had almost destroyed herself when, at last, she found a spiritual connection with Spirit of Living and Sri Guru. She has not touched drugs since. She had her relapses and slipped into depression now and then. My promises of forever used to make it all right. It pained me to see her in pain, and it made me sick when I could not make it better.
My life was a lot different. I had always been laid-back and my relationships had been a joke. I had never felt love before I met Avantika; my relationships had always been a bag full of sweetened lies, meaningless dates and cards with someone else’s words on them.
Our relationship was like a fairy tale, scripted, and it was scary to think how good we made each other feel. The princess kisses the frog; the frog remains a frog; the princess still decides to dump all princes and stay with the frog; she even sleeps with the frog. It was just so biased that one would believe the frog scripted it.
‘Whe
re is Kabir?’ I mocked her as I sat next to her.
‘Shut up. He is working on the case study.’
‘Case study?’
‘The Mahindra one? The one you refused saying that it was bullshit?’
‘You are still working on it? Who else is in the team?’
‘Just the two of us.’
‘Oh … just you two?’ I winked.
‘Yeah … now start the taunts!’
‘So when do you have to send it?’
‘Today.’
‘Oh … and what if you get selected?’
‘We will have to go to Mumbai and present the case. IIT Mumbai, their fest is coming up and they—’
‘Mumbai? You two?’ What the fuck?
‘Yes. Oh, don’t start it again,’ she said and rolled her eyes.
‘No, I won’t, but just a little uncomfortable. Never mind, I too will send the case study, with Malini. She is intelligent and stuff,’ I smirked.
‘Oh … you won’t work with me, but you will work with her, huh?’ She smiled.
‘Why not? If you can work with Kabir, I can work with Malini!’
‘No, I will be happy if you do. At least you will do something,’ she said, patted my back and concentrated on the class.
Mumbai? With Kabir? Alone? This cannot be!
I made up my mind to start working on the case study though I knew I would not stand a chance, not even if Malini agreed to work with me, which I was sure she wouldn’t.
‘So?’ I asked Avantika. ‘What all has to be put in the presentation?’
Avantika started to tell me about what she and Kabir had done. I had already given up before even starting. I could not possibly match what they had done or even come close.
‘You did all that?’ I asked, shocked at how much detail they had put into the presentation. ‘How long have you been working on this?’
‘A few days,’ said Avantika proudly.
‘… and when is the deadline?’
‘Tonight!’ she said.
Fuck it. It did not matter any more … there was no way I could have made that presentation. We left the class. Avantika looked as if in a hurry and I asked her where she was running to.
‘I have to go meet Kabir and add a few things,’ she said.
‘Add? More?’
‘Whatever. Aren’t you doing it? With Malini?’ She smiled at me.
‘Fuck you.’
‘Later. I am busy tonight,’ she said and winked. I saw her leave and meet Kabir in the mess. That asshole.
Maybe, I needed to make this crazy presentation. But who would help me out? Malini? I was the only guy in class she ever talked to, but we were not, like, friends. I could have made the presentation with Shashank, but that wouldn’t have served the purpose.
13
I toyed with the idea of teaming up with Malini for quite some time, but the fear of rejection kept me from talking to her. Of what I knew of her, she was a sharp and intelligent girl who could help me out if she wanted. Our past conversations had been pleasant but not friendly, so I didn’t know what to expect. There is no harm in trying, I told myself. So that afternoon, I followed Malini as she made her way to her hostel room.
‘MALINI,’ I called her name aloud.
‘Yes?’ said Malini, her accent still very pronounced.
Malini had done the last few years of her high school and her undergraduate studies in Canada, and had come back with a heavy accent, an adjustment problem that people mistook as attitude and a bold dressing sense. Our college being one of overachievers and nerds, our classmates never approved of what she wore sometimes, but she wasn’t looking for approval. Some people thought Malini was slutty—probably because they were jealous of how hot she was or that she was out of their league—but she had never been involved with anyone in college. The red streaks in her hair didn’t help either. With her corpse-white complexion, and a sculpted body hardened by hours of jogging in the college campus, she looked like a diminutive model for a luxury brand. Initially, many people had mistaken her for an exchange student. Long story short, she was hot stuff.
‘There is this case study competition in Mumbai. It is pretty interesting and I was wondering …’
‘I have read it,’ she interrupted.
‘Oh … nice … I have started working on it … and it is almost finished … I just need a team member—’
‘Almost finished it?’ She started to walk away from me, her legs making an eight on the mess floor.
‘Yes, almost.’
‘Then why do you need me?’
‘It is a team of two. And you know, having a girl in the team helps,’ I said and smiled. People had told me in the past that I did not look ugly when I smiled and that my dimple made up for my other ape-like features. I hoped it would work.
‘Having a girl helps? That’s chauvinistic and sexist.’ She frowned.
‘Umm … err …’
‘Anyway, you have finished it?’
‘To be honest, I haven’t started.’ I smiled sheepishly.
‘That is what I thought.’ She laughed, almost like a villainous smirk, not really a laugh, but a smirk and a broad smile in an odd composition. ‘So you want to work on it together?’
‘Precisely.’
‘See you at nine. Mess?’
I nodded and she left.
Moments later, I entered my hostel room and found Mittal sprawled on my bed; he was smiling. I was sure he had seen me talk to Malini, his dream girl, the girl he had always wanted to lay his hands on; but Malini was unapproachable and ruthless and even Mittal’s charms could never break her.
‘Giving yourself a chance?’ asked Mittal.
‘What?’
‘Remember I told you? Other girls? Fuck, do you even listen to what I say? You will be a lot wiser if you just listen to me.’
‘What other girls? Malini? No!’
‘No? What was that then? You and her? Middle of the mess? You guys were smiling like long-lost friends.’
‘We are just working on a case study together,’ I said.
‘Case study? YOU?’
‘Yes.’
‘Don’t make me laugh, man,’ he said and looked at me. I maintained the deadpan expression. ‘What bullshit, Deb?’ He looked betrayed.
‘Yes …’
‘What is the deal, man?’ he asked me in disbelief.
‘Nothing. Avantika is participating with Kabir. So, I thought I would participate too.’
He looked at me with widened eyes and said, ‘Deb, you know that you are psychologically imbalanced, right? You are doing a case study because she is doing the same with Kabir? That self-satisfied asshole.’
‘Not really.’
‘Fuck you. Why are you being so possessive? If she wants to be with him, let her! You cannot keep sticking to her all the time. This is so … disgusting. You disappoint me!’ he exclaimed.
‘It is not that, I just want to be around her,’ I defended myself.
‘It’s exactly that. You just don’t trust your girlfriend.’
‘I do.’
‘Why Malini then? Why not some guy? Shashank? He would do a much better job of it.’
‘It is something between Avantika and me. You don’t need to know anything.’
Mittal rolled his eyes. ‘Whatever. Anyway, what did Malini say?’ he asked.
‘She said yes,’ I said.
‘She did? I thought she had loads of attitude—’
‘Nah, she is sweet.’
‘I think she has a thing for you,’ said Mittal scornfully.
‘I don’t think so.’
My phone beeped and vibrated in my pocket. It was Malini and she wanted to meet me. It was three hours too early. As I left the room, Mittal’s words kept ringing in my head. Maybe, I did not trust Avantika. It had been three years now. I knew she would never do anything that would hurt me. But all said and done, I still did not like Kabir hanging around my girlfriend. She was mine, and I wanted to keep it that
way. I wasn’t ready to lose her to anyone, especially that smug bastard.
14
Malini’s room was spotlessly clean like Avantika’s room was, but still it looked different. The lights were dim and yellow; there were cushions and beanbags that crowded her room. It really looked like a gypsy had settled down. I liked her room. It was different from the other rooms of the hostel that were always crowded with big management books and magazines about marketing and finance, reminders of our fate as boring management graduates.
‘I read the case,’ said Malini, sitting cross-legged on her bed. She wore a nightdress that ended midway over her thighs. There is no harm in looking, I told myself.
‘Aren’t we like three hours too early?’
‘I didn’t feel sleepy enough, so I read it,’ she answered.
‘So, shall we start?’ she asked.
‘Sure,’ I said.
‘Should we study here? Or the library?’ she asked.
‘Here,’ I said. I swear to God my intentions were innocent. I know I had been staring at her ever since I entered her room, but I had no shady intentions. I was there just for revenge. I sat on her bed beside her. I felt sorry for my outburst with Avantika when I had found Kabir in her room. They were innocent, and so was I. Malini handed over the papers that I had to study from; they were marked and underlined and stuck with tiny post-it notes. We had just started to study when she broke the silence.
‘Want something?’ she asked.
‘As in?’
‘Vodka, gin, whisky?’ she asked. She got up from where she sat and pulled out a mini freezer from below her bed. It was plugged into a spike which was plugged in with about a dozen plugs—a disaster waiting to happen.
‘Anything?’ she asked and dangled a mini bottle of vodka.
‘Umm … no,’ I said. ‘I’m good.’
‘Fine,’ she said and made herself a drink—a lot of vodka with a hint of Sprite. I had never seen anyone stock alcohol in the hostel rooms, definitely not in a mini fridge. I didn’t know whether I was supposed to be impressed or intimidated.
‘Let’s start. I will just write the brief overview of the case; you start with the impact,’ she said, and sipped on her drink. We started to work on our slides. I tried to concentrate but I kept looking at her, stealing glances as she gulped her drink in three swallows. She made another one for herself. She raised the glass in the air to ask me if I needed one, and I refused.
