by Amy Stephens
I even suspected Ray, one of the guys in our assigned group, had been checking her out too, and I instantly became jealous. He was old enough to be her father, for God’s sake, and he had no business looking at her that way. If she’d noticed it, though, she hadn’t let on. I did detect that she wasn’t thrilled with the way he seemed to take charge of the group. In her defense, she’d smarted back at him a time or two, so she had a little bit of fire in her. Yes, she was young, but she wasn’t stupid. He knew better than to talk down to her just because he wanted to control everything.
Ray stepped away for a moment to take a phone call, and our conversation sort of drifted away from the assignment. I didn’t mind, though. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her about my reason for wearing the jumpsuit, to get everything out in the open. In the end, I didn’t have the balls to tell her. I was so afraid she’d never want to be near me again, that it’d scare her away, and I wasn’t ready to let her go so quickly should that be the case.
I’d kind of played around with some of the answers I’d given to a few of the personal questions she’d asked me earlier, and I immediately felt bad for not being a hundred percent truthful with her. I mean, I hadn’t lied. Well, not exactly, but I hadn’t been completely honest either. No sooner had I gotten the words out, I’d felt completely ashamed about being there. It was just like the time when I’d had to face Momma the first time she’d come to visit me. That’d been rough. Now those same feelings had returned.
Then, wouldn’t you know it, our conversation somehow ended up about our ages. I knew she was young and most likely right out of high school, but to hear her say she was just nineteen kind of set me back. Nineteen. She was still a kid!
It hadn’t helped either that while we sat on the couch, waiting for Ray to come back, I’d sort of allowed my fingers to skim over her leg. Yes, we sat that close to one another! Just the feel of her smooth skin underneath my fingertips was an adrenalin rush. When I finally told her I was thirty-two, I was the one who’d flinched and pulled back.
“You don’t have to stop,” she told me, before she realized Ray had come around the corner and stood just to the side of her.
He was the last person who needed to see us engaged in anything more than talking about schoolwork.
Ray. What an ass! He knew about the Falcon Club and about all us guys since he’d had several other classes on base. If I didn’t come clean soon, he’d be the one to break the news to her, and it wouldn’t be fair hearing it from him.
We made it through the remainder of the night, sneaking glances at one another and accidentally brushing our legs underneath the table a few times. I felt certain this was her way of flirting. Well, I hoped it was.
It almost shattered me when Erica offered to take me home after we’d decided to call it a night. I quickly brought up the bus and how it was already scheduled to pick me up, just to cover my ass. Ray had the audacity to snicker at my response. I think he wanted her to know the truth just so he could rub it in my face and embarrass me, all the while making her look like a fool. He was just that kind of guy.
On a positive note, I supposed finding out my age hadn’t been so detrimental after all, since she’d offered me a ride. She assumed I was in my late twenties, and I was glad to know that prison life hadn’t aged me too badly. When I’d told her my true age, she’d been surprised, but handled it better than I had expected. That, in itself, was a relief.
The next few days were torturous. Not only did I dream about Erica more and more at night, but she was all I could think about during the day too. I yearned to see her so badly. Having the one class together made it tough.
Stupidly, the following week, one of the guys had caused a scene back at the camp, and those of us on the east wing of the prison weren’t able to make it to class. I was pissed because I wasn’t able to send her a message, letting her know what had happened. I was sure the prison had notified the instructors of our absence, but there was no way for Erica to know. I hated missing class, now more than ever.
To make matters worse, a couple of the other guys who hadn’t been affected from the disturbance came back telling me what she’d worn. Damn! Just hearing them talk about her long, sexy legs, the low cut top, and high heels she had on… My dick hardened just thinking about it, because they’d seen a side of her I’d only dreamed about. I couldn’t help but wonder if she’d worn them to tease me. I was sorry I’d missed it.
Later that week, I did something drastic just because I felt as if I needed to, and because I was missing her like crazy. I went and had all my hair cut off.
Chapter Thirteen
I WATCHED FROM the second floor window of the library as she got out of her car and walked up to the building. She was early. I thought about what it’d be like to walk beside her out in public like two ordinary people.
Like boyfriend and girlfriend.
Like husband and wife.
I wasn’t sure how she’d like my new haircut, so I ducked down behind one of the bookshelves and waited for the right time to approach her. As she placed her things on the table we normally used, I sensed something wasn’t right. I wanted to reach out, to comfort her, to find out why she had the sad look on her face, but she turned and walked toward the bathroom before I could come out of my hiding spot.
Once she returned, I was already seated on the couch next to the table. Naturally, her gaze went straight to my hair, and for a moment, I thought maybe she didn’t like it.
“Hello,” I managed to say.
“Hhh…hi yourself. Whh… what are you doing here already?” She stuttered, obviously surprised by both my new look and for being there early.
I couldn’t help but notice the clothes she wore, and even though she still acted the same, I wondered if something had changed. She had on a long-sleeve t-shirt and shorts that came to her knees. It wasn’t anything like what she normally wore, but she looked out of sorts. I studied her face a little closer, and noticed her eyes were swollen, almost as if she’d been crying. Since we rarely discussed anything about her home life, I hoped everything was okay.
Not long after we’d met, she’d filled me in on the divorce of her parents and how it’d completely changed her plans for college, but that was it. It was the reason she’d ended up at Bishop. I wished there’d been something I could have said to comfort her, but not having a father myself, well, it left me with very few sympathetic words to offer. I just hadn’t known what to say.
I swore right then if I ever got married and had kids, I’d never, ever divorce. No matter what happened or how miserable it got, I wouldn’t put my kids through that.
Somehow, though, I sensed that wasn’t the reason. That there was more.
“Jaime, I…I need to ask…” she began, but I didn’t give her time to finish speaking before I reached for her hand and pulled her along behind me.
I wanted to take her away and find out what troubled her, why she looked so sad. I wanted to hold her in my arms, comfort her. I wanted to let her know I was there for her.
Just like a real man did for the one he cared about.
Have I seriously fallen this hard for her?
We stopped when we got to the back corner. Our gazes locked for a brief moment, and I had to refrain from kissing her. Yes, the moment was that intense. I reached up and twisted a strand of her hair that had fallen from the clip she wore around my finger.
She attempted to speak again. This time I sensed a bit of hostility in her tone, and it frightened me. “Aren’t you afraid someone will see us together? Isn’t it against the rules or something?”
What the hell?
Just like that, her words stung. I knew at that moment she’d discovered my secret. It was time for everything to be brought out in the open. I was in for a long night.
Rather than come right out and ask me directly, she mentioned Ray. I knew it! I knew the sorry fucker had told her. She talked about the jumpsuit and who it represented. Question after question was thrown at me.
At first, I played it off. I wanted to sound surprised that she hadn’t known about the Falcon Club, but that wasn’t the right thing to do. It was frustrating and embarrassing enough just knowing I was going to have to share something with her that was very personal. At some point, she needed to know the risks we were both taking by being there together, by talking, by touching, by me having these desires and feelings for her. But now? If only I’d had time to prepare.
I wanted to tell her she wasn’t the only one with questions. I had a few I wanted to ask her too. My questions, though, could wait. If I didn’t get it straight with her then, there might not be a chance to make it right with her later on.
I felt her withdrawing for a moment, so I decided to confess everything, to save her from running off. There was no sense in prolonging it and making it any more painful than it already was.
I leaned back against the wall and propped my foot up behind me to keep me stable. I looked directly into her eyes and began.
I told her about Momma, the drug deal gone bad, everything. I came clean about it all, from the very beginning. Her response, though, was nothing what I thought she’d say.
“Look at you now. You’re getting ready to graduate and then soon you’ll be released. How does it feel knowing you’ve accomplished all that?”
Was she fucking kidding me? Did I hear her correctly? She was saying things like that? It was now my turn to be hurt, angry.
I lost my self-control and blurted, “You don’t get it, do you?”
I immediately wished I could take the words back, but it was too late. No one knew what I’d dealt with all those years but me. No one, not even Momma. I thought life was bad when I was still living at home. Sure, we struggled day to day, but to know I’d literally lost ten years of my life locked up in a prison cell? There was nothing I could ever do to make up for all the time I’d lost. I’d never have it back--ever. Yeah, I might have gotten an education from all of it, but I’d do anything to get back what I’d missed out on. Time wasn’t something I could take back. I wouldn’t wish that life on anyone.
I wanted my own family one day, my own kids, but to know I’d have to explain to them that Daddy had sat in prison for ten years because of something stupid he did? There was no way to make that look or sound appropriate. What woman would want to devote her life to me after finding out all that?
“Jaime, I’m sorry,” she said.
And I think she sincerely meant it.
At that moment, something changed for us. Good? Bad? I wasn’t certain.
***
The weekend was long, and I was anxious to get back to class again to see her, to see if we were still speaking since our last conversation had ended rather abruptly. She and I were, without a doubt, complete opposites with not a single thing in common, but we’d connected. There was that attraction between us that neither one of us could deny.
Once again, the bus was late, and I slid into my seat just as class started. I was relieved that she looked at me and smiled. I tried to smile back, but something had happened back at the camp and it troubled me.
Hector, my buddy and also the fourth member of our group, had pushed his limits with the system. He’d been kicked out of the program for smuggling drugs back into the camp. What the hell had he been thinking? Sadly, he hadn’t acted alone, and I just couldn’t fathom doing anything to prolong or jeopardize my stay there.
I mustered the courage to talk to her about it during the break, since our group was going to have to make a decision as far as our taking up Hector’s slack. She was surprised and taken aback by everything I shared with her. It was bad enough she’d just learned the truth about me, so I could only imagine what ran through her mind now that she knew what other guys had attempted. We seemed to have overcome my being there and why, but it made me wonder if she was second guessing having anything to do with me. Would she compare me to Hector and assume I’d do something like that too?
Since we were a good way into the project, Professor Jordon explained that Hector’s spot would not be replaced, and we’d have to figure out amongst ourselves how to finish the assignment with just the three of us. That part I wasn’t worried about, but I didn’t appreciate the malicious words Ray had to say about Hector.
Okay, so Hector had fucked up, but that didn’t make the rest of us as irresponsible as him. It was bad enough I’d have to live with hearing similar remarks about myself when people discovered where I’d been all those years, but hearing them come from Ray right then was just a little much. I wanted to grab him by the throat and give him a piece of my mind, but that wasn’t me. Why did people have to be so cruel and insensitive?
I needed to calm down and keep my cool, especially in front of Erica.
She and I refrained from meeting at the library for the next week or so, at least until the situation that involved Hector had settled down. Unfortunately, I’d seen it happen before so I knew it would eventually blow over, but it was the first time I’d encountered it happening to someone I’d considered a friend. We’d just have to be patient and wait it out. Thank God I hadn’t been anywhere near him or the others when the bust had taken place.
Fortunately, I’d still been able to see her in class. When we felt it was safe again, we made plans to meet at the library. Sadly, we neared completion on our project, and I hoped she’d still be willing to see me afterward. Truth be known, I didn’t know what I’d do if she turned me down.
I was pleased with the work we’d all done, and Erica had impressed me with the knowledge she’d contributed. I was glad to see she’d pulled her weight despite how doubtful she’d been about the class in the beginning, as well as the struggles we’d both dealt with concerning Ray. I kept encouraging her to give the subject matter a chance, that she might find it enjoyable.
I honestly felt she looked forward to seeing me more than anything. That wasn’t a bad thing. At least not for me, except we encountered feelings that neither of us wanted to admit yet.
It was obvious in the way she looked at me, the way her eyes would light up when I was near. It was also evident in her body language and in the outfits she wore. I’d wanted so many times to tenderly kiss her lips, to push the strand of hair that’d fallen over her eyes away from her face while she took a test. It was so hard to resist the temptation, but I held back from doing anything that would put either of us in harm’s way.
One night while at the library, Ray got a phone call and walked away for a second to take it. Erica despised him, but she handled herself very well in his presence. I wasn’t fond of him either, but he was a stickler with his work, taking it very seriously and going beyond what was really expected. For that, I was appreciative.
Once he returned, I wasn’t disappointed when he announced he needed to leave early. I didn’t believe Erica was either. We grabbed up our things from the table and headed to the back corner as soon as the elevator doors had shut behind him.
She dropped her purse onto a chair and turned around to find me just inches away from her face.
“I’ve missed you,” I told her.
It wasn’t a lie. I had missed her, and I’d thought about her nonstop. I’d grown accustomed to feeling that way, and it scared the hell out of me. If we continued to test our relationship, what would the outcome be when I was ready to leave in a few weeks? I’d debated my options, but as long as we were in class together, it’d only do us more harm if we suddenly stopped acting on our feelings. I believed we’d be miserable. I didn’t think I could handle sitting next to her in class, knowing how much I yearned to be with her, but not be able to.
“Jaime, we can’t…” she said, pretending to push me away.
“Shh, yes we can,” I whispered. Our gazes locked, and I knew she was curious to see how far this might go tonight.
She took a few steps backward until she leaned against one of the bookshelves. I pressed my body into her hers, and she didn’t deny me getting into her space. In fact, our lips came togethe
r, tenderly at first, and such passion stirred within me. I wanted to scoop her up and walk her over to the couch, but neither of us could do such a thing right out in the open.
Suddenly, I was like a madman. My breathing intensified, and I couldn’t pull my hands away from her. I ran them over her shoulders, up through her hair, then back down again, stopping just at her breasts. I could almost feel the steam coming off her body. The moment was that intense, and all because of a simple kiss.
We stood there in each other’s arms for a few moments. She looked down at her watch and, suddenly, a look of disappointment filled her eyes. The library was near closing time, which meant we were going to have to go our separate ways.
“Will you promise to meet me here again?” I asked as I stared intently into her radiant eyes.
She nodded. “I promise.”
It made the night much better knowing she wanted to pick up where we’d had to leave off.
Chapter Fourteen
THE NEXT NIGHT turned out to be so much more than I expected. Not only did class end early, but we made arrangements to meet at the library.
Earlier, Erica came strutting into the room wearing this killer outfit and red high heels. I swear if we’d been out on a date, I wouldn’t have let that hot little thing out of my sight. She would have been permanently attached to my side. She looked that damn good!
We weren’t on a date, though, and there was very little I could do to call her mine right then. She knew she was driving me crazy too. As she leaned over to put her things underneath her chair, I thought her breasts were going to fall out of her top. I definitely liked this new side of her that she portrayed.
She was torturing me.
I moved around in my chair, trying to adjust my swollen dick. It was embarrassing, and I did my best to keep my hand away. I desperately needed to shift it, to make it more comfortable, but it was too much to try to do in front of her. I even considered going to the restroom, and not just to make the adjustment. If she suspected I’d done anything to get some relief, well, she’d never let me live that down. We were close, but not that close to one another just yet. This had been her plan wholeheartedly, and it had worked. I knew I liked her for a reason.
