“It will be all right, I know it will. He attacked me. He brutalized you…” Seth flinched. “Don’t worry about any of that shit. I’m not going any-fucking-where.” He brought his mouth to mine and kissed me again. This time he was showing me his strength, his love, his will to make it all better. When our lips parted, he searched my face. “We’ll heal from this shit, no matter what. He doesn’t win… agreed?”
I smiled against his lips. “Agreed.”
“DO YOU THINK SEEING Anna during the assault was real? Do you think hearing Seth’s voice was my brain misfiring?” I asked. Julia, the therapist Elizabeth recommended, was sitting across from Seth and me.
“I think it’s possible it was a cognitive effort to escape the trauma you were experiencing. However, it could have been a spiritual thing as well. What do you think, Tiffany?” She picked up her pen, her smart, black-rimmed glasses dipped down on her nose as she scribbled quickly across the paper.
“I think she was there. I think she was showing me Seth, so I’d feel safe. I think I was supposed to die.” The truth of my words hit me like a ton of bricks. Two months ago I would have had a full-blown panic attack thinking about how close I’d come to death. But, Seth and I had been coming to therapy once a week since I’d left the hospital, and it was finally starting to help.
Seth gently squeezed my hand, his eyes wide as he looked at me. “Is that what you’ve been thinking?” He furrowed his brow when I nodded. “Why?”
I had to swallow the fear down. My lips trembled as I spoke. “Because I let her die, so it was my punishment. I thought dying like that was my penance for Anna.”
Seth brought his forehead to mine. “Tiff?” he questioned me with a sad whisper just low enough that I could hear.
“Is this how you still feel? Do you still feel guilty for Anna’s death?” Julia’s comforting tone pulled my attention away from Seth.
“Sometimes, but it’s getting better.” I smiled.
“Good.” She smiled brightly. “It’s going to take time. You both are doing really well, making good progress, don’t forget that.” The alarm on her nearby bookshelf buzzed that our session was over. “Next week, same time.” She reached over and switched off the loud alarm. Seth and I stood, hand in hand.
“Thanks, Julia. See you next week.”
The early April air was still chilly as we walked to Seth’s new Audi Q7. The sleek black paint and tinted windows made me laugh.
“What?” He smirked as he opened the door for me.
“You’re such a car snob.” My laugh warmed my cheeks.
“I like pretty things, and I’m not going to deny myself what I want.” He took my face between his palms and nipped my bottom lip. “Is that okay with you?”
I nodded sweetly before he kissed me again, this time his tongue soothed that lingering twinge along my lower lip. He quietly devoured my need, his right hand at the nape of my neck, his left, pulling my hip closer to his. He left me breathless as he let our lips linger, just barely touching. “You make me so fucking crazy.” The words vibrated down my spine.
“Good thing you’re in therapy.” I giggled at my bad joke.
“Get in the car, smart ass.” He laughed a short clipped huff as he shook his head and opened the door for me.
Seth and I were finally getting back to normal. The aggravated assault charges against him had been lowered to just a misdemeanor due to the fact it had been a “consensual altercation” and Scott’s death had been in self-defense. Seth’s lawyers made it so all he had to do was pay fines. Even though it had all seemed to work out and we had both physically healed pretty fast, Scott’s violence, his death, brought back all my old ghosts. It had permeated our lives. That night still haunted me, but each day I got better. Each day with Seth, each day I got to be normal, was another day I won back from him.
“You did good today.” Seth’s lips spread into his rare, full smile. The smile that touched his eyes and displayed his almost-dimple, beamed at me from across the center console.
“How do you mean?”
“You were one hundred percent honest with her this time. I’m glad you’re finally letting all that shit go. It’s the only way to move on.” He wrapped his hand around my thigh.
“I’m ready to move on. I’m ready to start fresh. I’m just… done,” I answered truthfully and exhaled a long breath. My heart felt light for the first time in weeks. The toxic past I harbored, I was tired of it poisoning my future.
“You really mean that?” Seth gave me a hopeful look. These past two months had been hard on him, too. We hadn’t had sex since that night. He was afraid to push me, and I was worried he could be right. Seth would never do anything I didn’t want, but I needed to heal at my own pace, and he willingly went without… for me. Not to mention he was starting to work through his own issues, too, and was slowly beginning to forgive his father and attempting to try and work toward forgiving his mother.
“I do.” I leaned across the console and placed a quick kiss on his cheek.
The SUV eased to a stop as we pulled into the driveway; the drive to his new place from Julia’s office was short. I loved this place. The old historic redbrick house was cottage style on the outside but had an amazing modern interior. The large front door had four small stained glass squares that ran horizontally across it. The ivy that grew along the walls of the house added to the homey feel of the place. Seth had finally started getting paid for the huge account he’d landed for his father’s company and was able to get a place of his own, and Todd and Seth were the proud owners of Blue Bar Music.
“Move in with me.” Seth’s eyes were filled with a vulnerable edge.
“Seriously?”
“Yes, I’m fucking serious. This house… this car… all of it… it’s ours, Tiff, whether you want to admit it or not.” He placed his thumb against my unsteady bottom lip — his mark, his token… Seth, I’d missed him. “This is what I want. I want you, in this house, in my bed, every day. I want to wake up every morning and lose myself inside you, show you how much I love you. I want breakfasts and dinners and showers… all that shit. I feel like I’m slowly dying. Every time I take you to your place, every time I drop you off, each time you deny yourself that physical need I feel pouring out of you… goddammit, Tiff, he wins.”
My heart thrummed inside my ribs like a hummingbird, making each breath difficult. “Yes.”
The rise and fall of his chest was deep. “Yes?” The corners of his mouth curved up into a triumphant grin.
“I want all of that with you, too. I’ve missed you… missed us.” My hands curled around his neck, my fingers dusting along his hairline. “I want to fall asleep with you, wake up with you… make a life with you.” I kissed the crook of his smile, and he captured my lips with his. His kiss was desperate, hungry, and his hand twisted in my hair. I pulled away and looked in his eyes. Seth’s gray-blue burned hotter than I’d ever seen it. My teeth pulled across my lip, and the nares of his nose flared and his jaw went rigid as he groaned. My fingernails dragging along his jean clad thigh. I pulled further away, my eyes now on his eager mouth. “Let’s go inside, Seth. Take me home.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Seth
HER SKIN WAS VELVET under my starved fingertips. The puckered goose bumps erupted in a leisurely path along the decadent line of her hip. Our breath intermingled, her sweet scent pulling me toward the soft curve of her mouth. My eyes closed as she pressed her full lips against mine. I would have waited for her… I would have waited as long as she needed, but this kiss… it was painful, it was a slow dance, and I craved more.
She pulled away; her hazel eyes filled with unshed tears. “I never thought, Tiff, I never thought I could be so wrapped up in you, in us… in this whole thing.” The pad of my thumb dusted across her cheekbone, my mouth catching her tear.
“I love you,” she said. Her fingers trembled as she pushed the strands of hair that fell heavy over my brow away from my eyes. She was laying on her side
, almost nose to nose with me, chest to breast, my grip on her hip tightened as she drew her fingernails lightly down my arm, my exhaled breath made her smile. “Even though we’ve been together, God, I don’t even know how many times, I feel like this is the first time all over again. I’m nervous.” Her lashes fell to her cheeks in a quick flash as she dipped her chin.
It was as if we’d never been this close. I lifted her chin and let my eyes search her face. Her cheeks filled with color under my gaze. “Don’t be. You’re every fucking best thing I could ever want. You’re my family. My goddamn heart doesn’t beat without you. It’s us, it’s always going to be us.”
Tiffany rested her cheek against my chest. “Take his hands off me, Seth. Make me yours again.” Her voice shook, and I nearly drowned in it.
The quiet sound of a piano played from my stereo. The dim light of the bedside lamp illuminated her skin as I rolled her onto her back. My chest felt heavy as I tried to swallow back the emotion. She was mine, and I was hers. She never dropped her eyes from mine as my mouth met her lips. I watched her eyes close as my nose trailed gradually down her breastbone, my lips tasting the soft flesh of her belly. She tasted every bit as perfect as I remembered. Her hands fisted in my hair as I licked a lazy line across her clit. Her hips lifted, begging me to give her something more.
She moaned as I pulled away. “Seth?” It was a murmur, a stutter… I was taking her back, bringing her home, showing her she was mine again.
She sat up and kneeled in front of me, pressing her body against mine. The heat was welcomed. “Kiss me.” It was more a statement of need than a demand. My tone was deep; I was gone to her as she leaned against me, causing me to sit back, my legs under her now. She licked the seam of my lips, and a tremor ran down my spine as she positioned herself above me.
I let her wrap her legs around my waist, our breathing harsh as I slipped inside her. My jaw was clasped tight as I eased her body down and then up again, her head tilted back, her lips barely parted with a soundless gasp. I grasped her waist as she rolled her hips, a low rumble in my throat escaped as I filled her completely. We moved with each other in perfect rhythm.
“Oh God, Seth.” She started to tremble, her thighs tightened, and she bit her lip.
“Lean back… fuck… I need to make you come, Angel. I need to see you lost for me, just for me.” My hand dipped between her legs, and my thumb pulsed against her right where she needed me. She began to shake; her head fell forward, bowing down as she lost control. Her bottom lip raked through her teeth, and I watched. I watched as I made her mine again — as I filled her with every inch of me. My other hand clasped her hip, stilling her, as my lips fell to her neck, my teeth pulling at the skin as I came.
Her nails dragged across my back, and I growled, “Don’t let go of me yet.” Tiffany’s voice sounded desperate. “You always know how to make me feel…” She swallowed and framed my face with her hands. “… alive. You bring back my spark, you give me my fire back.” She kissed me fully. Her hands never leaving my face. Our bodies still linked as I leaned her backwards. Her head hitting the pillow gently.
“I never want to be without this, holding you, feeling you shake while I’m inside you.” My hips pressed against hers and she started to groan, but I captured it with my lips. Kissing her, feeling her chest rise and fall beneath me, our bodies slowly starting to move again… she was right, this was living. I had spent the better part of my life dying and I was done, I’d found my fire, too. “I want each day to begin and end like this,” my lips brushed against hers as I spoke. “Feeling you, surrounded by you.” I rocked hard against her and she gasped. That pressure was building again, and my stomach tightened. “Tiff,” I groaned as she circled her hips. “This is where I belong.” Our mouths collided as we both fell into each other.
The build was too quick, our breaths were uneven; the sound of her body against mine drove me further beyond my control.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Tiffany
NOTHING WAS MORE BEAUTIFUL than Seth unhinged. His muscles tight, his lips full, his jaw pulsing as his blue eyes, bright, pierced mine. Seth’s body was slick with perspiration. The heavy weight of him along my frame was enough in itself to take me closer to that undeniable threshold, but the fullness only he gave me was what pushed me past the brink. He tried to reign himself in, but I wouldn’t let him. I grasped his backside and pushed myself against each hard stroke. “Tiff,” he growled again just before he kissed me deeply, nipping my upper lip and letting himself go.
Each time his body met mine, he’d graze my sensitive skin, and, just as he drew his teeth across my shoulder, I found my release again. I cried out, letting the intense relief pour through me. The hard plane of Seth’s chest fell against me; his ragged breaths heated the nook of my neck. My fingertips trailed up his spine and he shivered. “My heart is your heart,” I whispered the familiar words, touching my lips to his cheek.
He shifted his weight so that he was lying along side of me, his palm rested on my tummy. His thumb creating invisible circles along my skin. “’And though you’ve gone through hell, you’re still my angel.’”
“What?” I turned my face so that I could see his.
“R.H. Sin. It’s a quote I want to get, right here.” He lifted his hand and pointed to a small patch of bare skin along his lower rib cage, close to the scar he now had from Scott’s knife. “I don’t know how you survived this, but you did. I can pretend I had something to do with it all I want, but you did it. You, Tiff. And after all of it, after you were torn apart, you let me in again, and I fucking love you.” His lips pressed sweetly against mine, my throat tight as I took it all in.
“Seth… I’m… I’m.” I inhaled, the long pull of air giving me time to gather my thoughts. His ever-observant gaze fell across my face. “It’s not pretending if it’s true. I had nothing. My parents, they don’t even know if I’m dead or alive and I don’t care, not anymore. I would have died without you, figuratively or literally. You took his life and gave me mine. Seth, without you, I would have died on that cold concrete floor.”
“When I was face down in the snow, my hands cuffed behind my back, that damn cop with his boot on my cheek, for a split second I thought it was over. I thought the blood on my skin was worse than what it was. I thought everything had been in vain. I was angry. I was pissed because I felt like God or whoever the fuck, gave me everything and then took it all away. The fact that I’m laying here with you, now… it’s a goddamn miracle.”
My smile was broad as he brushed his fingertips along my cheek. “I’m going to marry you someday, Mr. Montgomery.” I chuckled as his eyes widened.
“Is that so?” His lips spread into his full smile, and I nodded.
“I am hers, and she is mine.”
The words were whispered. His hand tangled in my hair as he brought our mouths together again with a needful rush.
We were married souls. His light… his dark… it mirrored mine. I didn’t need a family; I had him. In the faint breath of a moment, we marked each other as one. We were a whole piece, and the ache of being apart wasn’t something I wanted to ever feel again. I had lost my other half these past two months, and, as Seth brought his mouth to my breast and his strong hands to my waist, I remembered what it was like to make love, to be worshiped — to belong.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Seth
THE ROOM WAS SO full of people I almost couldn’t fucking breathe. Normally, I’d drop in, say my dutiful hellos, and then move the hell on. But, Todd and Lily had had their baby four days ago, and there was no way in hell I was going to miss out on this. Todd was pale. The dark circles under his eyes and the proud smile on his face the badges of parenthood.
“You wear it well, bro.” I chuckled as I lightly clipped him on the shoulder.
“What are you talking about?” Todd’s left eyebrow lifted.
“Being a dad. It suits you, man.” I laughed as his smile dimmed.
“It’s ha
rder than I thought.” His gaze fell on Lily’s face from across the room. Everyone surrounded her. Elizabeth, Cam, and Karen, Todd’s mother, were fighting over who got to hold the baby next. Molly rested under Lily’s left arm, and Lyric lay in her lap. Everyone cooing and talking in high pitch voices, it was like another fucking planet. “Lily’s so good at this shit. I think it was a blessing in disguise that Molly came to me later in life,” He laughed and rubbed the back of his neck.
“Nah, you got this man,” I whispered.
His smile was small as Lily’s eyes met his. “I think I might.” He shoved me in the shoulder, “You want to hold him?”
Dread filled my veins. Tiny people were not my specialty. “Um…”
“Don’t be a dick, come hold my son.”
I wished Tiffany were here already so she could save me from this. She was still at work at the new Tattoo place she started working at last month. Rand had gotten her the new spot over at his cousin’s shop. She loved it there; going back to Magnolia was too much for her and wasn’t really a possibility. I’d had to pick up all her stuff from the tattoo shop, and it almost broke me again. I shook my head. “Come on, Seth,” Todd smirked at me as he headed over to the shit storm of women. I nodded in defeat and swallowed down the panic.
“Ladies, back off, geez.” Todd’s laugh was full. “Let the men get a chance.”
Sawyer, Colby, and Todd’s dad were sitting over in the corner watching basketball while Sailor played with her toys at her father’s feet. “Good luck with that, son. Be prepared to be ignored for at least six months,” Mr. Dixon chuckled as his wife scowled at him. Sawyer’s deep laugh echoed through the room, and Sailor giggled as he picked her up on his knee.
“Not true, I just want to hold my new grandbaby. Is that too much to ask?” Karen’s wounded tone was amusing.
“Ma, come on, you’re next, okay?” Todd was so easily manipulated these days. I needed to remind him where his balls were, but then I remembered I was about to hold a six-pound human and I began to panic again.
Still Surviving Page 24
