Every. Single. Day.
Pushing me further toward the pit of no return where I’d become trapped in a wistful fantasy. I gave myself to him and I had been unable to comply with what I so desperately thought I could do.
Let go and forget.
It was only supposed to happen once. So I could get my fill and the want would simply go away.
Yeah, so that didn’t happen, and there is nothing simple about it. That want grew and it grew fast. It now occupied all the extra space inside my body—space that now belonged to him. He held a huge chunk of my heart, and I finally corralled all my strength and told him, only to be unheard.
I feel crushed and trampled, weak and vulnerable. What was I thinking? I thought he was different. But instead of listening to my explosion of emotions as I poured my entire heart out to him, he was too busy with all the girls waiting for him backstage.
I didn’t even know why I called him. Yes I do, I wanted to hear his hypnotic voice. I wished I hadn’t, and I wished that he didn’t affect me the way he does. It was totally unethical. I didn’t need this stress. I should be the happiest person on the planet. Addie and I had a record deal, darn it, and were in the process of recording our first album. Fussing over a rock star that I’d fallen in love with should be the last thing on my mind.
Somehow, it was the first thing I thought about when I woke up and the last thing I thought about before I fell asleep. Heck, I thought about him in between the two.
I’m cursed.
That was what all this was...a curse. I’d put up with so much of Addie’s shit that it was now rubbing off on me and affecting my life. I looked over at her while she was heavily fixated on Vin Diesel. She was smiling like an idiot as she tapped her finger on her knee.
“This shit is your entire fault,” I bluntly tell her.
Tearing her eyes from the TV, she recoiled at my accusation. “What the hell are you talking about?” She frowned with amusement in her eyes.
“You kept telling me he liked me, you kept pushing me to sleep with him, and you have tainted me with all your sexual partners and relationship stories. They have all messed me up,” I blamed her, bumping my hand against my head for a dramatic effect.
The heifer only sat there with a funny look on her face before she fell over in laughter. “Wow...Izzy, you are hilarious.” She clutched her stomach, laughing.
“This isn’t funny, you evil cow!”
“Sorry...sorry.” She reined herself in, brushing her hair away from her face. “Tell me, what’s my fault?” I could tell she was trying to hide her smile, but she was doing a terrible job at it.
“I caved in and slept with Trevelin,” I confirmed.
“Yeah, know that, and you’ve been acting like a sour bitch about it. Know that too. What else?”
“Would you shut up and let me talk?” I gave her the look that matched my voice.
“Will you get on with why I’m to blame?” she mused.
I rolled my eyes and continued. “I wanted to do it and I don’t think I would take it back if I could, but...I just tried talking to him and he ignored me. I could hear a bunch of females hollering his name in the background.” I cringed. “I laid it all out and he didn’t even listen.”
“Okay, so why is that my fault? I’m here and he is there.” Addie glanced back at the TV when the unmistakable deep voice of Vin shouted something.
“Because you told me I should. You told me the whole time I needed to let loose by sleeping with someone and you seemed happy sleeping with all these guys. I thought I would too. But I didn’t expect to—”
“Love him?” she cut me off. “Look, Iz, I didn’t pressure you to do anything. I just said you needed to live life and fuck the hottie and when you did I wanted details...that I have yet to receive, by the way,” she said with a funny grin. “But in reality you two are adults and have something going on, we can all see it. Even I can see he’s not the same Trevelin he used to be. If I had a chance to fall in love with someone like him I probably would too. Quit beating yourself up over him and stop worrying. Have fun. And if it doesn’t work out there’s always Ryker.” Her eyebrows then wiggled and the smile she had on her face was almost contagious. Almost being the big fat key word.
“Ryker is nothing like Trevelin. He’s a terrific guy, but he doesn’t possess me the way Trevelin does. I’m not surrounded by all things Ryker like I am Trevelin.”
The guy was everywhere. He and the guys were on the very walls surrounding us at that very second in their condo. Not only was he in my thoughts, in my dreams, but he was also on tons of magazines in newsstands on the sidewalk. Pictures of him and the guys were on people’s Knight Raider t-shirts that I’d passed in town, and just the other day I heard his sexy voice on the radio talking about me, telling everyone that I was the special girl in his life.
That was kind of hard to believe when you were ignored while trying to confess something important.
I needed to give up.
I was tired and exhausted. From here on out I planned to save my breath. Maybe one day he might know, but right now it was going to be my secret.
“Maybe not, but at least you have someone to fall back on. You know, to help you get over him if need be.” She shrugged with a wink, taking a handful of popcorn.
“Like Jace and Gage?”
She snapped her dark brown eyes back in my direction while munching on the food she just flung in her mouth. “Don’t talk about them.”
“Why? I want to know what’s going on. I heard Jace last night on the phone when he found out that Gage had called you. He sounded upset.”
She sighed, shifting her feet out from under her and placed the bowl of popcorn on the glass coffee table. “He was pissed. He asked me to stop seeing Gage before we went home for Christmas. I told him I might and that’s all I said. So I guess his man-brain took it as a yes. I still haven’t seen Gage, just spoken to him on the phone. And let me tell you that man is not only a sex machine in person but he can work it through the phone too.”
I gasped. My mouth literally fell open, and I felt horrible for poor Jace. “That’s still having something to do with Gage, whether it’s in person or not.”
“I never acceded to what Jace asked. If he is going to continue to slut around so am I. I’m not giving up my fun just so he feels macho.”
I want to slap her. I really do.
“You must be so stuck up both their asses that you don’t see you’re playing them both. Jace likes you and so does Gage, but Jace seems to be the one that is trying to commit to something.” The irony of my words pounded vigorously in my head.
She seemed to think about it for a minute. “Well, I don’t know how I feel about that. I like them both as well. Gage is smart, eager, and tireless. That’s why I call him a sex machine. But Jace is funny, caring, thoughtful, so easy to talk to and a freak in the sheets. He has one heck of a kinky side that I freaking love.” She talked about Jace all dreamy like, and by the look on her face I believed she just realized how she actually felt about him. I might have just cursed her. She goes to say something, but we both jumped at the sound of the doorbell.
We glared at the door. It was late and we weren’t expecting any visitors. “Go see who it is.” I poked her in the leg with my foot.
She shook her head. “No way, it’s after midnight, Iz. You go see,” she whispered as if the person on the other side of the door could hear her. I blew out a breath and got up, straightening my sleeper shorts and the hem of my top so it covered my stomach. Standing on the tip of my toes, I peeked through the peephole to see a guy about our age holding a huge arrangement of flowers. Being a little apprehensive, I cautiously opened the door.
The guy offered me a polite smile, but it seemed to be forced. “I have a delivery for a...” he looked at a device in his other hand. “Isabel Morgan.”
“That’s me,” I told him, confused, eyeing the beautiful assortment of wildflowers.
“Alrighty, sign here.” I
was handed the device he was holding with a small black pen. I signed my name across the tiny screen and handed it back to him. “We normally don’t deliver at this hour, and I like it that way, but the guy that ordered these was very insistent that they be delivered tonight.” The boy scrutinized me up and down. “And I can see why. Have a good night, Isabel Morgan.” He handed over the large arrangement.
After shutting and locking the door, I placed the flowers on the counter in the kitchen, admiring the baby’s breath, butterfly weed, foxglove and many other bright and colorful flowers. Nestled inside the burst of color was an envelope. Pulling it from the flowers, I opened it to a card inside.
Country,
I have called you like a million times already. If you’re mad at me for earlier, I’m really sorry. I was running late for a meet-and-greet. Not that it was more important than you, but I could hardly hear you with all the highly enthused chicks yelling my name in the background. I wanted to hear your beautiful, melodic voice before I went to sleep tonight, but you receiving these flowers that remind me so much of you will hold me over until I get to see you tomorrow. I miss you, Country, so fucking bad. When you get used to having something around and all of a sudden it’s not there anymore, it’s painful as fuck. I’ll see you tomorrow, babe, and until I can hold you in my arms and whisper this in your ear...Dream about me!!!
Good night,
Your Hollywood
I stared at the letter in awe, and apparently so did Addie, who was behind me sighing wooingly over my shoulder. I leaned in and smelled the beautiful flowers. They smelled divine and reminded me of an Oklahoma spring when everything was in bloom.
Suddenly I felt like a bitch for thinking he was ignoring me on purpose. It would have made things so much easier if he would’ve heard me. I held it as a sign that it wasn’t the right time to divulge my honest feelings.
“How sweet is this?” Addie swooned, reaching for one of the flowers.
I swatted her hand away. “Very. He only did it because he thinks I’m mad at him though.”
Addie snickered. “And he knows you too well.”
“I think I have a right to be upset. I said everything I have been dying to say for weeks to only have him not hear any of it,” I countered sullenly. I did have a right to be upset. It took every ounce of courage and willpower I had to state my honest feelings through that darn phone, and to my utter dismay it was all for nothing. Like I said, I held it to be a sign.
A higher power was saving me from the crushing dismemberment of my heart. Trevelin more than likely didn’t feel the same way I did, but it was a risk I was ready to take. All these feelings and emotions were starting to pile high, and I couldn’t take the weight much longer before it all came crashing down.
“You’ll get to see him face to face tomorrow, so just tell him then. And the next day is Valentine’s Day...maybe he has something planned.” She flashed me a teasing smile, snatching one of the flowers out of the arrangement.
I scooted further away from her. “Why do I always get the impression you know more than you let on? Do you know something, Addison Rene?”
“Ha...Nooo.” She drug out the word, looking guilty. “I just like tugging your piggy tails is all.”
“Whatever. So what about Jace and Gage?”
She looked at me funny, smelling the flower she’d stolen. “What about them?”
“You gonna pick one and let the other go?” I knew this conversation was as pointless as the rounded tip of a butter knife, but I couldn’t help but feel horrible for Jace. The poor guy grew up with Reed for an older brother. Bless his heart. He deserved something better than being played by Addie.
“We’ll see,” she stated simply. “Going to bed. See ya tomorrow.” She tossed the flower onto the counter and headed for the scary glass stairs that led to the bedrooms. I hated those stairs.
“Goodnight,” I yelled to her, placing the flower back in the pretty vase with the others. I turned the TV off before heading for the shower. I called Trevelin on the way up to the room so I could thank him for the lovely flowers, but he didn’t answer. I sighed, letting unsettling thoughts creep around in my mind.
He was probably busy. The worst thought pertaining to the reason why he was busy. Other women groping him, touching him in places that I wanted to travel again. Him making women scream out in pleasure—pleasure that he was bringing to their bodies.
The image caused my stomach to recoil like I’d eaten a box of rat poison. I could only hope that wasn’t the case and the flowers weren’t some sick ploy to keep me wanting him. Yeah right, he doesn’t know I want him.
Addie’s situation popped into my head, and to the public eye, I was no better than she. Everyone believed I was playing Trevelin for Ryker. My momma had called yesterday and asked if I had read the recent gossip blogs, to which I had replied, “No, I stay away from all things gossip, Mom.” She had only sighed and expressed her concern for me to be careful. That I was with two highly loved rock stars and she didn’t want me getting hurt. At that moment she sounded like my dad.
I had heard the rumors, but only because Addie loved telling me about them. Other than that, I hadn’t read one since the day Jace showed me the article about me and Trevelin at Buck’s. I didn’t need to read them. I’d been there when all the lights flashed in my face while Trevelin held my hand, escorting me from the store we’d been in.
Going somewhere was supposed to be easy, but not when you were a Knight Raider. Someone saw them and the hyenas were alerted. The paparazzi just popped out of nowhere, reminding me of a scary jack in the box.
I’d also heard all the questions that were yelled at us in our attempts to escape. I never knew how to answer the first darn one, so I always kept my head low and ignored them. All the questions were achingly confusing. Just thinking about them made me breakout in a nervous sweat, like I was back in high school about to take finals. I mean, where do they come up with this crap?
There was something undeniable between Trevelin and I, that much was visible, and it was something I’d tried to get answers to tonight.
Still, it didn’t hide the fact that we were different. He’s a mega celebrity; at the top of the hottest men ever list in one of those trashy magazines. Women everywhere wanted him. Even men fantasized about being him, and I’m positive there were some that wanted him as well.
I couldn’t compete with all that. He had his life as this sexy mega rock god, and I’d got mine as an up and coming country artist that had been seen over and over again with Trevelin Knight. Reading any of the gossip blogs was a terrible idea for me, because I knew what half of them said I would more than likely want to be true.
Since it wasn’t, I was tortured with the agony of it. After us having sex, he had proven that I wasn’t going to be tossed to the side like all the other women he had been with. For that I was grateful, but at the same time regretful. The pain of acting like none of those times ever happened was almost worse than if I were tossed to the side like an old toy. It appeared so simple for him, leaving me lying in limbo, and not knowing what in the hell was going on in his handsome skull.
Maybe he did want to forget about all our time together. While that may come easy for him, I was stuck with all the horrifically alluring details and images of our naked bodies being pressed firmly together as he rocked his hips against me, creating a massive buildup of euphoric ecstasy in which blessed my every sense with pure delight and mind-blowing glory.
Yeah, that’s impossible to forget.
I was unaware of how I got in bed, but apparently at some point I had showered, brushed my teeth, and I was under the covers in the massive bed wearing Trevelin’s Knight Raider shirt with their emblem on it, a large shield that has a backwards K pressed against a R in the middle while an evil looking dragon clung to the back of it.
The same one I had kept.
It still smelt of him, reminding me of him. Even his room reminded me of him. The walls were a light gray and all the accent
s were black and white. Gray, black and white, exactly like all of his tattoos.
That was the last thought I had before I was in the arms that those tattoos belonged to, being held and loved effortlessly by a man who I was surrounded by.
♪♫♪♫♪♫
The next morning I’d woken up, gotten ready, and Addie and I went to the studio. After spending most of the day singing until my throat felt dry and achy, Barry finally called it a day around six and I was ecstatic. I wanted to go back to the condo and relax.
Right as I was about to walk out of the sound booth, the door opened and in walked Ryker, looking as stunning as ever in worn jeans and a tight black wife-beater. He beamed at me brightly, handing me and Addie a bottle of water. “You two sounded amazing.”
I heard Addie cough, saying something under her breath, but I didn’t catch it. I shot her a death stare, and I think she got the hint. I did not need her nonsense. “I’m going to head to the condo then take advantage of the pool. You coming, Iz?”
“I’ll bring her back, Addie,” Ryker spoke to her, not taking his eyes away from me or letting me speak for myself.
She gave me a look and I shrugged. I didn’t know he was coming to the label. I didn’t know he was already in Los Angeles. “Okay then. I’ll be sunning it up if anyone needs me.” She paused, then turned to Ryker as she went to pass him. “Where’s Gage?” She didn’t hint around the question, she just threw it right out there.
Ryker moved his body so he could see her better as I shook my head at her. She was a dummy. All I got was a wink followed by a wave bye. I thought the rock stars were supposed to be the players, not the other way around.
“He should be around here somewhere.”
“Maybe I’ll hang with him,” she sang, walking out of the sound booth. I smacked myself in the face before Ryker switched his attention back to me.
Surrounded By Knight Page 30
