by DJ Hunnam
"Happy New Year's Eve. Enjoy your night," the oversized bouncer said, gesturing Allister and me into the packed club.
"Thanks," Allister said with a bright smile. I wasn't able to emit more than a pained grunt. She pushed me through the door, ignoring my withering look.
The Pioneer Square club had been transformed for the night. A gigantic net filled with gold, silver, and red balloons was suspended over the dance floor. Fog filtered through the gyrating mass of people. Flashing lights, timed to the loud music spun by the resident DJ, lit the faces of ecstatic people in the crowd.
It may have been New Year's Eve, but I had nothing to be happy about. Even though she looked great in her leather skirt and corset top, my boss was there as my date. My best friend wasn't speaking to me, and Erica had ignored my calls all week. I knew that I had fucked up, but how was I supposed to apologize if neither of them would speak to me? The only reason I knew that Damian had reserved a VIP table was because Janice had texted me.
Coming to the club to see Erica and Damian suddenly seemed like a huge mistake. Damian and I still hadn't cleared the air. The rift in our friendship had been tearing me up all week and I had no idea how or if I could fix it. My relationship with Erica, or lack thereof, just complicated matters. I might lose the two people who meant more to me than my own family.
"Stop glowering," Allister said as she scanned the crowd. "This is the first time I've gone out for New Year's since Finn was born. I plan on enjoying it."
"They're up there," I said, pointing to the second level, where I spotted Janice in a low-cut red dress. She was dancing in front of Damian, who lounged nearby, watching with half-lidded eyes.
When Damian noticed us walking their direction, he sat up and said something that left a grimace on Janice's face. The dread that had been wallowing in my gut all week knocked on my ribcage.
"Hi, guys," Janice said, bouncing over to greet us. "I'm so glad you could make it."
Janice's best friend Cassie and her boyfriend Talon looked up and waved in greeting. I introduced Allie to everyone while Damian glared a hole through me over the rim of his martini glass. When Allie sat beside Cassie and started chatting, I took the opportunity to search the crowd.
The glow of that sequin dress and Erica's auburn hair drew my gaze from all the way across the room. Holy shit, she looked good. Stunning. She was rocking a layered cut and her distinctive shade, again. Thank God.
Instead of sandals, she wore a pair of fuck-me heels that brought her up to eye level with the impeccably dressed guy who currently had his arm wrapped around her waist.
"Who the fuck is that with Erica?"
Janice stepped closer and followed my gaze. "That's her friend, Jake. He came in from New York a few days ago."
Mine, mine, mine.
It was as if Erica heard my thoughts, because she looked up and locked eyes with me from across the hazy room. When her smile fell, it was like a punch to the stomach. Jake leaned over and whispered something in her ear that made her laugh and then pulled her to the dance floor where the two started rubbing against one another in time with the music.
"Oh, hell, no," I muttered.
"Why the fuck do you care who she dances with?" Damian said with a snort. He had somehow sidled up next to Janice without me noticing.
"What is your problem?" I yelled over the loud music. Everyone at the table exchanged nervous glances.
"I'm going to go grab a drink," Talon told Cassie before sauntering towards the second-floor bar.
"Let's dance, Cassie. You care to join us, Allister?" Janice asked.
Allie eyed me with the perceptiveness of a good friend and an even better mother. Whatever she saw must have convinced her that I could protect myself from Damian's wrath. And possibly my own stupidity. She gave Janice a nod and before long the three were weaving through the crowd to join Erica who was still dancing with that douche bag.
Damian and I glared at each other for a few minutes, the heavy beat of the music pumping in time with the pounding in my head.
"Listen, I'm sorry, man," I said.
"About what exactly? The fact you fucked my little sister even though we had an understanding? Or the fact you discarded her like a piece of trash once you got what you wanted?"
I dragged a hand through my hair and sat down on one of the couches. "Is that what Erica told you?"
"She didn't have to. She's been locked in her room for days, only coming out when Janice and I make her."
The vision he painted with his words made me sick. I knew that I had hurt Erica. That was all I seemed capable of doing. But breaking her heart was not something I ever meant to do. "I can't change the past. All I can do is move forward and try to make it better. Why don't you tell me what's really bothering you about all of this?"
His lip curled up in a snarl before he threw back the rest of his martini, slamming the glass down on the table. "I don't trust you." His words hurt more than the blow to my face. "You don't have the best track record with women. You use them and lose them faster than a new pair of socks."
He was right, and I'd never cared before. But his comment stung. "I've been upfront about my intentions from the start."
"And what are your intentions?"
The million-dollar question I still didn't have an answer to. I'd thought I had made the right decision in Maui, but the last few weeks had been sheer torture. Spending Christmas with Erica had reinforced the fact that I had serious feelings for her that went beyond the physical.
Damian's eyes narrowed the longer it took me to respond. "You don't know, do you? Goddammit, this is my sister. You can't fuck with her emotions."
"I've never been dishonest with her," I said, hating how defensive I sounded.
"Erica deserves more than your honesty. She wants more, no matter what she says to the contrary. God knows why, but Erica always has when it comes to you."
"What's that supposed to mean? You don't think I'm good enough for your sister?"
"No, I don't." I shot out of my seat, ready to pummel my best friend, but his next words stopped me. "But nobody ever will be."
I slumped back down with a sigh. I'd never had a sister, but I could empathize.
"If there were anybody in this world I would entrust with my sister, it would be you. But you have to want it as much as she does. And I'm not sure you do."
I did want Erica. More than I wanted anything else. It had taken ten years to realize it, but it was staring me in the face brighter than the neon sign that said Happy New Year's above the bar.
"I do," I said, so softly I wasn't sure he'd heard me.
"Good," he said with a nod, a smile lighting up his face.
"Where does that leave us?" I asked.
"No matter what happens with you and Erica, you'll always be my best friend. That doesn't mean I won't hesitate to kick the shit out of you again." His smile grew, but I knew he was dead serious.
"That was a cheap shot, by the way." I rubbed my lip that still bore the mark of his anger.
"Not true. You didn't even try to stop me and I know how fast you are."
"Like I said before, I deserved it. Don't think I'll take it sitting still next time."
"There better not be a next time."
"Don't let him ruin your night," Jake whispered in my ear.
I hadn't realized I was glowering until Jake spoke. Why did Dante have to look so good? Dressed all in black, he looked like a dystopian archangel, or perhaps a demon, like his football nickname. The whites of his eyes and perfect teeth stood out in sharp contrast to his attire. Why did he have to stare at me like he was ready to drag me to hell? It would only be fitting that he stole my soul, since he'd already captured my heart.
"I'm sorry. I hoped that he wouldn't come."
"Liar," Jake said with a grin. "He looks yummy enough to eat." I gulped down the rush of desire that Jake's words invoked. "Let's show him that you're not going to sit around and wait for him to make up his mind. You have plenty of men v
ying for your attention. Like me."
Jake pulled me to the dance floor and performed his best straight-man impression. With suggestive shakes of his hips, he pulled me close and grabbed my ass. If he had been any other man, I would have slapped him, but I laughed and tried my best to play along.
When Janice, Cassie, and Allister joined us, I thought I might be able to make it through the night without having to face the truth. But then I spied Dante and Damian in a heated discussion.
They had been best friends for years, and now they looked like they wanted to kill each other. I was the cause of the animosity and short of leaving town I had no idea how to fix it.
"Don't worry about them. They'll work it out," Janice said with an encouraging smile.
Was I that transparent? Apparently so, because then Allister leaned in to give me her two cents. "Dante has been a total asshole all week at work. He's really torn up about what happened."
My steps faltered. "Yeah, I'm sure he is. He and Damian have been friends for over a decade."
She stopped dancing and laughed. "That's not what I'm talking about. Dante told me how he fucked things up with you and that he's never regretted anything more."
"He said that?"
"Don't look so shocked. Dante may be a jerk, but he's not dishonest."
The next few songs left me parched and I went to the bar to grab a drink. When I returned to our spot, only Janice remained.
"You want a gin and tonic?" I asked, lifting one her direction.
Janice paused. "Oh, uh, no thanks."
Something was definitely up. Janice never turned down a drink. I took a big gulp of mine.
"It's delicious. Are you sure you don't want one?" I waved the glass in front of her. Janice touched her stomach without thinking and then pulled her hand away when she saw me staring.
"Oh, my God, you're pregnant, aren't you?"
"What? Oh, uh, no... I mean why would you say that?"
"You're totally pregnant!" I squealed. She bit her bottom lip and glanced upstairs where Dante and Damian still argued. "Does my brother know?"
"Of course, he knows," she said, slapping a hand over her mouth when she realized her slip.
"You're pregnant," I screeched, hopping up and down. "Congratulations! Wait, how did my brother take it?" Not only had my brother lost his wife years ago, but he had also lost Thomas, his five-month-old son, in a tragedy that still haunted him.
Her lips lifted into a smile that said it all. "We're both very happy."
I enveloped her in a hug, being careful not to spill the drinks. When I pulled back, Janice looked like she was on the verge of crying. "Hey, what's wrong?"
"Oh, nothing," she said wiping away tears. "I'm overwhelmed. It wasn't exactly planned. And I miss my mom."
I hugged her again because I knew there was nothing I could say to take away her grief. Her mom had died a few months back, and she was still reeling from the loss.
"How far along are you?"
"A few months. We were planning to tell you, soon. Damian wanted the drama to settle down between you and Dante."
I wasn't sure if things would ever settle down between me and Dante. Drama was all we seemed capable of creating. "Well, I'm super excited for you guys."
Jake returned from his bathroom break just as a slow song came on. Janice left in search of my brother, while I relaxed in the arms of my best friend. Even after weeks of physical therapy, Jake still moved with a slight stiffness. It broke my heart, even though he had reassured me he was fine no less than a dozen times since he'd landed.
After several more songs, Jake headed to our table to take a breather, while I went to grab another drink. It was getting close to midnight, and people who had the same idea lined the bar. I felt Dante's presence even before his voice washed over me.
"You look beautiful. I like your hair," he said from behind, so close that his words brushed my ears.
"Thanks," I muttered. I didn't want Dante's hollow compliments. I stared at the plethora of bright bottles stacked behind the bar, doing my best to ignore the magnetic pull he had over my body.
"Erica, I know you're angry. And you have every right to be, but I can't fix things if you won't talk to me."
I spun around to face him. I was about to tell him to go fuck himself when a cute bartender with a nose-ring and reddish-brown hair walked up to us. She ignored all of the other patrons yelling for her attention and smiled at Dante, who cursed under his breath.
"Hi, Dante. It's nice to see you again."
"Hi, Sydney," Dante said with a polite smile. The way she ran her eyes over his entire body made it clear she knew it intimately. It shouldn't have shocked me. I knew Dante's reputation, but it still felt like a shard of glass was being forced down my throat.
Sydney gave me a half-smile and quick once-over before returning her full attention to Dante. "What can I get you two?"
"I'll have a vodka sour. Erica?" Dante looked at me, the strained look in his eyes enough to confirm what I suspected.
I knew that he was a player, but having it thrown in my face was too much. "I'm actually not thirsty anymore. Thanks." Dante reached out to me, but I evaded him, pushing through the crowd before he could stop me.
When I stepped out of the bathroom a few minutes later, Dante stood with arms crossed over his chest, blocking my way. He pushed me back in and locked the door, ignoring the cries of protest from the few women waiting in line. I went to the sink and pulled out my lipstick, pasting a cool look on my face.
"What is it with you and bathrooms? You're going to get us thrown out."
"That would be a shame. Then you wouldn't be able to dance with your friend anymore."
"You're jealous of my friend when a girl you've fucked is serving drinks?"
"You guys don't look like you're just friends," he grumbled.
I shoved my lipstick back into my gold clutch and glared at him through the mirror. "Why do you even care?"
With gritted teeth, he stepped closer. Someone pounded on the door, startling us both.
"Go away," Dante yelled. The person on the other side shouted something back and then faded away.
"I'm not doing this yo-yo shit with you anymore. You want me. You don't want me. You want me. You don't. Make. Up. Your. Mind."
He stalked towards me, pressing the hard planes of his body against mine. Wrapping one arm around my waist, he pulled me tight against him, the warmth of his breath rushing across the sensitive flesh of my ear. The hard press of his erection against my lower back confirmed his next words. "I want you."
I struggled to free myself, but he forced me tighter against him. "You sleep with me and call it meaningless. Then you seduce me over Christmas and tell me that you'd like to pretend to be in a relationship so that we can keep fucking each other. And now you're saying that, no, in fact, you want me. Excuse me if I'm confused."
"Wait a second. I didn't seduce you over Christmas. If I remember right, you got down on your knees and sucked my dick."
"You were like, 'Model for me. Right here, right now,'" I said, deepening my voice. My impression of him was lousy and Dante shook his head with a wry grin.
The levity we were able to share, in spite of the fact we were arguing, reminded me why I loved this man.
I love him.
It hit me so hard I would have doubled over, if I weren't already.
"I want you," he said again. He sucked the tender lobe of my ear into his mouth, the heat warming me from the inside out. I clenched my thighs together, intent on ignoring my body's reaction to him.
"Until you wake up tomorrow and regret it," I spat. I tried to wiggle out of Dante's arms, but he refused to budge an inch.
"I don't regret what happened at that stupid party, even if it meant you hating me for the last five years. I don't regret what happened in Maui because it was the best weekend of my entire life. And I don't regret your brother finding out because now I don't have to pretend."
"Pretend what?"
His dark eyes blazed like a solar eclipse. He held me in place, trapped by a spell he weaved with those orbs. I held my breath and stopped struggling. "That I don't want you, because I do."
"Wanting to fuck me is not enough."
"I do want to fuck you. But I need you in my life, more." We stared at each other as my mind raced to digest the words my heart had already processed. I wanted to believe him. But, how could I? I shook my head because I was incapable of speaking. "I've been an asshole. And I don't deserve you, but if you give me another chance, I promise I'll try to give you what you need."
I wished I knew what that was. For years, I had convinced myself it was Dante. Over the last few months, I had come to realize that needing Dante was turning me into someone I didn't want to be.
I needed to be able to stand on my own two feet. I needed to feel comfortable in my own skin so that no matter what happened between us, I'd be able to survive. I needed to give up the fantasy of a happily ever after, because no man, Dante or otherwise, would ever be able to live up to my unrealistic expectations.
"What happens when things don't work out?"
"Thanks for the vote of confidence." The smile on his lips softened his sarcastic tone. "I don't know what's going to happen. But, I'm willing to give it the old college try."
"Just so we're clear, there can't be any other women."
"There hasn't been anyone else since Maui."
"Oh." I couldn't hide my shock. I knew that Dante had a healthy libido, so the fact he'd abstained for more than five weeks, was impressive.
With a chuckle, he nuzzled my neck, and I relaxed back against his chest as he ran his hands over the swell of my hips.
"Is makeup sex on your bucket list?"
"We need to leave before someone complains."
"I don't give a shit who complains." He ran his hands down my thighs and shoved my dress up around my waist. "God, your ass is spectacular," he said, running his hand over one mound and then lower, pushing aside my thong. "Fuck, you're already wet," he said with a groan.
I should have been embarrassed, but I wasn't. Having Dante this close always inspired that reaction. "Yes," I said, swiveling back against him as he teased my entrance with two fingers. My eyes dipped half shut as he played with me, stroking every inch of me until I almost screamed.
